Recognizing and Addressing Stress in ChildrenYouth

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Recognizing and AddressingStress in
Children/Youth

• Marilyn F. Rasmussen, Ph.D.
• Youth Devlopment/4-H Specialist
• Cooperative Extension Service
• South Dakota State University
• 2002-2003

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What is Stress?

• Types of Stress
• Eustress is the positive stress which motivates
  our everyday actions
• Distress can be defined as a real or imagined
  imbalance between the demands on the individual
  or family and the individuals or familys
  ability to meet those demands.
• (National Ag Safety Database and Clemson
  Extension 2002)

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How do you know if yourchild is stressed?

• Preschoolers
• -regress to baby talk, bedwetting, thumb
  sucking, fearful
• of sleeping alone, and easily agitated
• Elementary School
• -irritable, aggressive, clingy, experience poor
• concentration
• Early Adolescents
• -complain of headaches, stomach aches, have
  trouble
• sleeping and perform poorly in school
• Older Adolescents
• -less interested in friends, show an increase in
  
• irresponsible behavior

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How can I help my young child deal with stress?

• Safety and security result from structure and
  normal patterns of family life, routine
• Help them talk about whats bothering them, let
  them acknowledge that they may be fearful
• Communication children may need to hear things
  more than once to understand them and for
  continuity of the message
• Monitor television watching avoid constant
  reminders of the stressful event

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How can I help my young child deal with stress?

• Encourage your children to write about their
  fears or have them draw pictures
• Include play and humor to decrease tension
• Reassure children that the family can cope with
  problems
• Let them know what efforts are being made to
  address a family situation that may be causing
  stress
• Be honest, acknowledge your own fears

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How can I help myteen deal with stress?

• Monitor your teens health and emotional
  stability
• Watch for overloading too many activities
• Model and teach stress management skills and
  relaxation techniques, including regular exercise
  and proper nutrition
• Support your adolescents involvement in
  sports/other social activities

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How can I help my teen deal with stress?

• Share the familys plan to reduce stress,
  including economic stress
• Involve adolescents in family decision-making and
  planning family meetings
• Teens need to be responsible and feel needed, but
  not overwhelmed
• Help your teen develop his/her communication
  skills and assertiveness in positive ways

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Communication A Great De-Stressor

• Positive Communication Skills
• Help Prevent Stress
• Communication takes time. Make it a priority.
• Communication includes talking AND listening.
• Communication is verbal, non-verbal and
  para-verbal.
• Communication is strategic.

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Communication Takes Time

• Plan an appropriate time to communicate
• Involve all the appropriate people
• Understand influences on communication
• Personality type
• Energy level
• Past discussions
• Knowledge of the topic

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Communication Includes Talking and Listening

• Establish rules for talking time
• Learn to reflect, summarize and clarify
  statements
• Practice active listening, repeating what your
  child says so that you have interpreted it
  correctly
• Use I messages in expressing your feelings
  about things

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What are I messages?

• YOU Messages
• Belittles or blames
• Makes the other person responsible for your
  feelings
• YOU disappoint me or YOU make me angry

• I Messages
• Avoids blaming
• Lets you express your feelings directly and
  specifically
• Desired outcome listener assumes responsibility
  for his/her own behavior.

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I Messages

• Example of statements that increase tension
• You make me so mad!
• Why would you want to get a tattoo? What a stupid
  idea!

• Examples of I messages
• I get angry when you dont come to my games
  because its embarrassing.
• I feel uncomfortable when you talk about getting
  tattoos because I know that many people will
  judge you because you have a tattoo.

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I Messages Have 3 Parts

• Feelings what effect does their behavior have
  on your feelings?
• Behavior what it is, exactly, that the other
  person has done or is doing?
• Effect what is happening because of their
  behavior?

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Communication is Verbal,Non-verbal and
Para-verbal

• Non-verbal includes gestures, postures,
  interpersonal space, facial expressions and eye
  contact
• Para-verbal includes rate of speech, amount of
  speech, tone of voice

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Communication is Strategic

• Timing and energy levels
• Location or place
• Gender
• Realistic expectations
• Family meeting

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The Family Meeting

• Goals of a Family Meeting
• Positive family time
• Preventing problems or solving one before
  it gets too big
• Exchanging ideas about feelings expectations
• Organization
• Assigning responsibilities
• Planning for work and play

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Family Meeting Rules

• Include all family members
• No yelling or name calling allowed
• Decide on the topics to be discussed ahead of
  time
• Try to achieve consensus rather than majority
  rules
• No distractions, such as TV or phone
• Take turns
• Strive for equal roles
• Focus on the familys strengths and positive
  aspects of the familys day to day functioning

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Family Meeting Techniques

• Listen actively and try not to interrupt
• Make sure that you understand what is said
• Clarify feelings so they are not misinterpreted
• Use I messages
• Dont shame or ridicule, threaten or preach
• Stick to established rules when there is conflict

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When is outside help needed for your stressed-out
child?

• Frequent physical complaints headaches, etc.
• Persistent irritability
• crying, angry outbursts, yelling
• Lack of interest in peer or social relationships
• Reckless behavior
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• School truancy or poor school performance
• Changes in sleep cycle, chronic fatigue
• Change in appetite
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt

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Where do I go for Help?

• Sowing the Seeds of Hope Responding to the
  Mental Health Needs of Farm Families. (A Rural
  Service Directory)
• Family doctor
• Pastor
• Hospitals or clinics
• School counselor or university counseling centers

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A Program on Communicating with Children and
Youth, Especially During Stressful TimesYouth
Development/4-H Cooperative Extension
ServiceSouth Dakota State UniversityContributors
Marilyn Rasmussen, Kathyrn Reeves Ann
Michelle Daniels