X WELCOME ! To the S M A M C O C C Y C M C P

1
Wisdom in Marriage and Parenting
2
Wisdom of Solomon 721-30

• 21 I learned both what is secret and what is
  manifest,
• 22 for wisdom, the fashioner of all things,
  taught me. For in her there is a spirit that is
  intelligent, holy, unique, manifold, subtle,
  mobile, clear, unpolluted, distinct,
  invulnerable, loving the good, keen,
  irresistible,
• 23 beneficent, humane, steadfast, sure, free
  from anxiety, all-powerful, overseeing all, and
  penetrating through all spirits that are
  intelligent and pure and most subtle.
• 24 For wisdom is more mobile than any motion
  because of her pureness she pervades and
  penetrates all things.
• 25 For she is a breath of the power of God, and
  a pure emanation of the glory of the Almighty
  therefore nothing defiled gains entrance into
  her.
• 26 For she is a reflection of eternal light, a
  spotless mirror of the working of God, and an
  image of his goodness.
• 27 Though she is but one, she can do all things,
  and while remaining in herself, she renews all
  things in every generation she passes into holy
  souls and makes them friends of God, and
  prophets
• 28 for God loves nothing so much as the man who
  lives with wisdom.
• 29 For she is more beautiful than the sun, and
  excels every constellation of the stars. Compared
  with the light she is found to be superior,
• 30 for it is succeeded by the night, but against
  wisdom evil does not prevail.

3
Proverbs 23-6

• 3 Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift
  up your voice for understanding, 4 If you seek
  her as silver, and search for her as for hidden
  treasures 5 Then you will understand the fear of
  the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. 6 For
  the LORD gives wisdom from His mouth come
  knowledge and understanding
• Like mining for gold (Job 28)
• A truly wise person is always
• seeking it and never stops

4
Marriage
5
The character of the husband and the wife (I)

• 1122 As a ring of gold in a swines snout, so is
  a lovely woman who lacks discretion.
• 141 The wise woman builds her house, but the
  foolish pulls it down with her hands.
• 1013-b the contentions of a wife are a continual
  dripping.
• 219 and 2524 Better to dwell in a corner of a
  housetop, than in a house shared with a
  contentious woman.
• 2715 A continual dripping on a very rainy day
  and a contentious woman are alike
• 3023 Earth is perturbed troubled by a hateful
  woman when she is married

6
The character of the husband and the wife (II)

• Why do these verses only talk about the wife as
  opposed to the husband or at least about both?
• It is assumed that the husband is already not
  lacking discretion wise and not foolish and is
  not contentious. So yes this is a message for
  the wives, but it is a louder message for the
  husbands!
• As the spiritual leader of the family, how bad
  would it be if the head of the family lacks
  discretion! He can bring his family to
  destruction and for generations to follow.
• As the spiritual leader of the family, how bad
  would it be if the head of the family is foolish
  or is a tyrant? How can he expect his children to
  grow up wise (fearing God)?
• The Crowning Ceremony.
• So the verses apply to both!

7
My son hear the instructions of your father and
do not forsake the law of your mother (Proverbs
18) (I)

• The readings in the crowning ceremony
• 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the
  Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as
  also Christ is head of the church and He is the
  Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the
  church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be
  to their own husbands in everything. (Ephesians
  522-24)
• The 1 need for a man is
• to feel respected and trusted that he has got
  what it takes. That his wife thinks he is
  capable.
• If a wife does not respect her husband and does
  not show him that she trusts him and that she
  believes that he is capable, this household is in
  trouble.

8
My son hear the instructions of your father and
do not forsake the law of your mother (Proverbs
18) (II)

• Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
  loved the church and gave Himself for her.
  (Ephesians 525)
• Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with
  understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to
  the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of
  the grace of life, that your prayers may not be
  hindered. (1st Peter 37)
• The 1 need of a woman is
• to feel that she is loved and that she is a
  source of delight. That her husband thinks she
  is lovely.
• If a husband does not love his wife and show her
  that she is lovely and a source of delight for
  him and treats her delicately with honor, this
  household is in trouble.
• This need does not go away, so we need to always
  be aware of this 1 need ins our spouse and to
  feed it.

9
The Main purpose of marriage is?

• 17 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of
  knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and
  instruction.
• 413 Take firm hold of instruction, do not let
  go keep her, for she is your life.
• 833 Hear instruction and be wise, and do not
  disdain it.
• 1017 He who keeps instruction is in the way of
  life, but he who refuses correction goes astray.
• 131 A wise son heeds his fathers instruction,
  but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
• 121 Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge,
  but he who hates correction is stupid.

10
The Main purpose of marriage is?

• Naturally when I marry someone and we start
  living together in the same home day and night,
  we eat together, we sleep together, we talk
  together
• this person ends up seeing all of me, the true
  me.
• Who in this room claims to be perfect?
• So why is it ok for me to tell myself "I am not
  perfect" but it is not ok for my spouse to show
  me my imperfection?
• Pride Lack of humility lack of wisdom!
• Yes, it is not fun to hear that I am lacking
  something here or there, but a wise husband or
  wise wife listens to the rebuke / correction and
  considers it Is it true? If so, then apologize,
  pray, and roll up my sleeves and start working on
  it.
• If we do this consistently, over time, our
  marriage will accomplish one of it's main goals
  which is to make us Godly people.

11
Parenting
12
A good man leaves an inheritance to his
childrens children (1321)

• The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit
  that we are children of God, and if children,
  then heirsheirs of God and joint heirs with
  Christ (Romans 816-17a)
• Our actions show us what our hearts truly
  believe!
• If we look at our parenting actions, what is our
  highest priority as far as leaving an inheritance
  for our children? (money? possessions? the best
  education so that they can get a good career
  and be able to get lots of money and
  possessions?)
• If it's fasting time and we as parents don't let
  them fast, what is this telling us about our
  priorities for their inheritance?
• If we let them miss liturgies, bible studies, and
  significant church services / events because of
  sports events or parties etc. what is this
  telling us about our priorities for their
  inheritance?
• Our highest priority as parents should be to give
  them a true inheritance that would last them for
  eternity!

13
He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who
loves him disciplines him promptly. (1324) (I)

• For some reason, people often misinterpret this
  verse thinking that it means "if you love your
  son, beat him up with a rod"!
• If I asked the average parent today Do you
  expect your son or daughter to know everything
  and learn everything simply by observing what's
  around them without giving them instructions or
  training?" there answer will typically be
• a resounding "No, of course not" yet this is what
  many parents do!
• Dont do this or dont do that is not
  disciplining
• Discipline ? punish. Discipline disciple.
  Think of them as an apprentice. Demonstrate!

14
He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who
loves him disciplines him promptly. (1324) (II)

• Physical punishment (spanking) should be a no or
  a last resort.
• Physical punishment all other possible
  solutions have been exhausted.
• Physical punishment parents failed to imagine
  any more solutions that can produce a good
  result.
• If a child obeys you because of fear ?
• they will stop obeying as soon as they are old
  enough to stop fearing you.
• If a child obeys you because of love ?
• they will continue to do so because the love
  continues on.
• (CAUTION!) Removing physical punishment ?
  removing consequences. The words in the verse "he
  who spares the rod hates his son" can be read as
  "he who spares the consequence hates his son".
  Giving consequences is a part of training and
  disciplining a child.

15
He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who
loves him disciplines him promptly. (1324) (III)

• Consequences should
• Be related to the offense in type
• watching TV without permission ? no TV for a
  while
• stealing candy ? no dessert / sweets for a while,
  etc.
• Be related to the offense in magnitude (and to
  the child's age)
• If they steal candy at age 4 ? no dessert /
  sweets for a couple of days if at age 10 ? no
  dessert / sweets for a week.
• If a small offense ? take something dear to them
  for a day if a big offense ? take something dear
  to them for a week or longer.
• If a teenager takes the car without permission ?
• No driving the car for a week or two is more
  reasonable than no driving for a semester or a
  year!
• Not be spared (even the natural consequences
  Tough/true love)
• If a week of no dessert / sweets happens to
  include a friends b-day party this weekend too
  bad! They can go and have fun, but they can not
  have sweets at the party.
• If they neglect their project which is now due
  tomorrow, I should not save them by staying up
  all night working on it for them. What bout
  college? What bout after college when theyre
  working?

16
Train up a child in the way he should go, and
when he is old he will not depart from it. (226)
(I)

• First Again, notice the word train
  Demonstrate, show, teach, explain apprentice.
• Second Note the words "the way he should go".
• A child is his own or her own individual person,
  he or she is not you!
• Each child is unique and has his or her own
  personality, temperament, intelligence,
  mannerisms etc. so we ought to keep that in
  mind.
• We often hear parents say "we treated them all
  the same, I don't know why this one turned out so
  bad" We should not treat all our children the
  same because they are all different individuals
  we should tailor how we train them or, in other
  words, raise them in the way "they" should be
  trained or raised.

17
Train up a child in the way he should go, and
when he is old he will not depart from it. (226)
(II)

• Third Note that the verse says "train up a
  child" and "when he is old, will not depart from
  it".
• A common mistake we make as parents is to focus
  on our young career more than our young children
  and then 10-15 years later, when the career is
  more stable and established, we attempt to
  train or raise our children, but alas, by then
  it is too late!
• The huge majority of a child's personality is
  formed during the first 5 to 7 years of life.
  This is the time when we should devote more of
  our energy and efforts and education to training
  and raising our children because the older they
  get, the less effective we become as parents.
• Additionally, as they get older less and less
  instructions and more and more freedom and
  responsibilities. So that they may become
  healthy independent productive adults instead of
  dependent children in adults' bodies.

18

• Wisdom in Marriage
• Verses apply to both, both need to be wise,
  practice discretion and be peaceable and
  non-contentious.
• His 1 need (to be respected and trusted), her 1
  need (to be loved and a source of delight)
• The main purpose of marriage is to make us holy
  The foolish (prideful) hates correction.
• Wisdom in Parenting
• We need to focus more on our childrens true
  (eternal) inheritance, not temporal possessions.
• Do not spare non-physical natural consequences,
  but make them relevant in type and in magnitude.
• Remember each childs individuality and raise
  train them while theyre young before its too
  late. A stable career is an oxymoron these days
  anyways. ?
• As they get older give them less instructions and
  more freedom and responsibilities.

19

• Glory be to God Forever, Amen.