Ambiguity in Writing a Job Recommendation

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Nine Editing Bugaboos
Presented by Martha Petry and Sue Stindt
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Instructions for this Workshop

• Complete the 9 activities throughout the workshop
  and the evaluation at the end
• Have your essays or papers in hand and use the
  suggestions in this workshop to revise and edit
  each of your pieces
• Submit all notes, evidence of work, and the final
  reflection to your instructor to receive full
  credit
• The following outline will help you stay
  organized (next slide)
• This workshop is worth 3 guided practice or lab
  hours.

3
Workshop OutlinePrint this slide as a guide.
Print slide 3 only!
Ten Bugaboos How to Watch Out for Errors and
Revise/Edit

• Finding Erros
• Why its hard to proofread for errors
• Making meaning clear
• Ambiguity
• Unnecessary words
• Spelling
• Tips
• Memory
• Spellchecker
• Common errors
• Pronouns I
• Antecedents
• Singular and plural agreement
• Avoid it
• Me, myself and I
• Pronouns II Using the Objective Voice

• Punctuation
• Commas
• Interjections
• Quotation marks
• Direct Dialogue
• Verbs
• Action verbs
• Tense and meaning
• Watch out!
• 9. Artistic Quality, Flow and Sound
• Weak leads
• Cliché conclusions
• Qualifiers

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What are editing bugaboos?

• We designed this workshop for you with our own
  students in mind. These slides address the most
  common errors that we see in students papers.
• Some of these problems will not occur in your
  writing, because youve mastered a bugaboo.
• You may or may not already be aware of problems
  in your writing. Either way, we hope this
  workshop assists you in recognizing and/or
  correcting them.
• Sue Martha

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Bugaboo 1 Finding Errors

• Spell check
• Grammar check
• Read essay carefully
• Read it again
• Read a print copy
• Read it to another person
• Read aloud

www.lcch.co.uk/study/ images/image8.gif
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1. Introduction to Finding Errors

• Sometimes the most difficult problem we
  encounter in editing and proofreading our papers
  is finding the errors. This is not as easy as it
  sounds. Spellcheckers and grammar tools often do
  not catch all the mistakes. So, it is important
  that you begin reading your papers as though you
  had a magnifying glass in hand. Another
  important way to catch errors is to s-l-o-w-l-y
  read your papers aloud. Yes, aloud!

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(No Transcript)
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Why its hard to proof read for errors

• Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
  it deosnt mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a
  word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the
  frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae.
  The rset can be a toatl mses and you can still
  raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae we do
  not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the word as
  a wlohe and the biran fguiers it out aynawy.

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I said what I meant and I meant what I
saidhttp//www.tranzoa.com/onlyme/pictures/e
lephant.gifMaking Meaning Clear
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What do these students mean?
I work hard working a Target.
My ideal boss is not to boss me around.
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Ambiguity in Writing a Job Recommendation

• If you can get Sally to work for you, you will
  be lucky.

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Ambiguity in
Joes Filling Station Eat here and get gas
EAT 300 FEET
Signs and Ads
Dog for Sale Eats anything and is fond of
children
Wanted 3-year old teacher needed for
pre-school. Experience preferred.
From Anguished English by Richard Lederer
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BLOOPERS and BLUNDERS

• When there are no fresh vegetables, you can
  always get canned.
• It is bad manners to break your bread or roll in
  your soup.
• When Lincoln was president, he wore only a tall
  silk hat.
• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a
  telephone pole.
• I had been driving for about eight years
• when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an
  accident.

From Anguished English by Richard Lederer
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Poorly Worded HeadlinesIdentify which word(s) in
each sentence has multiple meanings.

• Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
• Korean Head Seeks Arms
• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
• Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
• Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

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Activity 1a

Choose one of the previous two slides -- bloopers
and blunders or headlines. Rewrite the lines,
creating clear unambiguous sentences. Search
your own essays for ambiguous or unclear
statements. Revise where needed.
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Delete Unnecessary Words

• There is no doubt as to the
• question that Tim was just sixteen years of age
  and that Tim can remember the incident involving
  his arrest as if it were yesterday is due to the
  fact that he was smashed.

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Activity 1b

• Revise the sentence on the previous slide. Write
  a sentence that makes the meaning clear by
  rearranging phrases and deleting unnecessary
  words.
• Sometimes, you know what you mean, but others do
  not understand. A good idea is to have another
  student read your paper(s), looking for ambiguity.

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The Department of Redundancy Department (and
extra words)
9 a.m. in the morning ABM missile added
bonus youthful teenager very unique
free gift former graduate
From All Redundancy Rules Not Absolutely
Necessary
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Bugaboo 2 Spelling

•  

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2. Introduction to Spelling

• Martha and Sue know professional, educated
  faculty who report (often with a low and rather
  embarrassed aside) that they cannot spell.
• Sometimes spelling problems are due to how we
  first learned or didnt learn phonics. Sometimes
  they are because reading was never an active part
  of our lives.
• No matter the cause, spelling can be improved
  bit by bit, but improvement takes effort and
  practice.

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Why spelling is hard?If you ever feel stupid,
then just read on The bandage was wound around
the wound. The farm was used to produce
produce. The dump was so full that it had to
refuse more refuse. I had to subject the
subject to a series of tests. He could lead if
he would get the lead out. The soldier decided
to desert his dessert in the desert. Since there
is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present. A bass was
painted on the head of the bass drum. When shot
at, the dove dove into the bushes. I did not
object to the object. There was a row among the
oarsmen about how to row. They were too close
to the door to close it. The buck does funny
things when the does are present. To help with
planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
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To spell you must

• Recognize letters and sounds
• Remember the correct sequence of letters and
  spell the word in your mind
• Recall the sequence

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Memory

• We remember what we want to remember.
• We tend to remember the most recently learned
  material.
• Practice is essential for memory.
• The easiest material to remember is that which
  we have discovered ourselves.

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How to improve your spelling

• Make the spelling words relevant. Learn spelling
  within a context. e.g. Write letters where
  spelling is important.
• Try to write a whole passage first, then edit.
  Dont struggle over each word as it comes up.
• Break words into syllables. Long words tend to
  be threatening.
• Use mnemonics tricks to remember hard spelling
  words. e.g. In February, we say brrr.
• Dont rely on electronic spellcheckers! They can
  miss errors especially when you have used the
  wrong word but spelled it correctly.

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• The Spell Chequer
• Eye have a spelling chequerIt came with my pea
  seaIt plainly marques four my revueMiss steaks
  eye kin knot sea.Eye strike a key and type a
  wordAnd weight four it two sayWeather eye am
  wrong oar write.It shows me strait a weigh.As
  soon as a mist ache is maidIt nose bee fore two
  longand eye can put the error rite.Its rare lea
  ever wrong.Eye have run this poem threw itI am
  shore your pleased two noIts letter perfect awl
  the weighMy chequer tolled me sew.
• -Sauce unknown

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Activity 2

Check your spelling skills. Correct the spelling
of the poem on the previous slide. Compile a
list of your most frequently misspelled words.
Continued practice in reviewing these words is
essential to improve your spelling! Remember, you
have to be smarter than the spell checker on your
computer. You have to decide whether or not the
suggestions it makes are applicable to the word
in the context of your story or research.
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Common errors in spelling
lose and loose compliment and complement principal
and principle except and accept affect and
effect assure, insure and ensure
adjective?
adverb?
noun?
verb?
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Bugaboo 3 Pronouns
I you me he she it we they someone
everyone nobody who whom

•  

I you me he she it we they someone
everyone nobody who whom
that
Eliminate pronoun confusion
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3. Introduction to Pronouns I

• Using Pronouns Clearly
•  
• Because a pronoun REFERS BACK to a noun or TAKES
  THE PLACE OF that noun, you have to use the
  correct pronoun so that your reader clearly
  understands which noun your pronoun refers to.
•  
• Therefore, pronouns should REFER CLEARLY to a
  specific noun.
•  
• Don't be vague or ambiguous.
•  
• NOT Although the motorcycle hit the tree, it was
  not damaged. (Is "it" the motorcycle or the
  tree?)
• NOT I don't think they should show violence on
  TV. (Who are "they"?)
• NOT Vacation is coming soon, which is nice.
  (What is nice, the vacation or the fact that it
  is coming soon?)
• NOT If you put this sheet in your notebook, you
  can refer to it. (What does "it" refer to, the
  sheet or your notebook?)
•  

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Pronouns I continued
Pro nouns should also AGREE in NUMBER If the
pronoun takes the place of a singular noun, you
have to use a singular pronoun. If a student
registers for class, he or she has to figure out
what classes are required for his or her program
of study. NOT If a student registers, they have
to figure out what classes are required for
their program of study. REMEMBER the words
EVERYBODY, ANYBODY, ANYONE, EACH, NEITHER,
NOBODY, SOMEONE, A PERSON, etc. are singular and
take singular pronouns. Everybody ought to do
his or her best. (NOT their best) Neither of
the girls brought her essay. (NOT their
essays) NOTE Many writers find the construction
"his or her" wordy, so if it is possible to use a
plural noun as your antecedent so that you can
use "they" as your pronoun, it may be wise to do
so. If you do use a singular noun and the context
makes the gender clear, then it is permissible to
use just "his" or "her" rather than "his or her."
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Bugaboo 3 Pronouns Part I

• AntecedentsBasic Principle A pronoun usually
  refers to something earlier in the text (its
  antecedent) and must agree in number
  singular/plural with the thing to which it
  refers
• Singular and plural agreement
• Students must see their counselor before the end
  of the semester.Or, one could say
• A student must see his or her counselor. . . .
• http//webster.commnet.edu/grammar/pr
  onouns.htm

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The following message came via commercial email
You now have 1 friend that have invited you to
their mobile network!
YIKES!!
Can you correct the grammatical errors?
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Special Bonus Error!Me, Myself and I
Bob and ____ want to go. Would you please call
Bob or ______ before you leave? She is taller
than ____ . I bought ______ a present.
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Sometimes a writer will use a pronoun in a way
that gives the reader no idea of the meaning
Mary and Jane opened up a stale bag of gummy
bears. They were of different colors. It seems
you are the one who murdered Colonel Marshall in
the library. It is raining. Ill ship it
tomorrow.
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Replace IT with specific nouns
It always seems that it gets worse the more and
more you talk about it. It is like a big hairy
monster that jumps out of the closet and bites.
Why? Because it can never be tied down it is
boring it is a nuisance and should be avoided at
all costs. It requires a wallet but it has no
worth. If you dont get it, remember this
DONT USE IT. Just forget IT exists!
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Clever uses of it
Pilots do it in the air. Teachers do it
with class.
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Helpful Hint When your writing needs to be
formal, Standard English, avoid using "it"
altogether.
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Activity 3

This activity will require you to pull out your
most recent essay. Please take a highlighter, a
colored pencil, or if using an electronic text,
use the line color brush to note every single
it in your paper. Replace every single it
with a specific nounand be creative about this
choice of a noun. It tasted good. might read
The candy tasted good, but could be even
stronger by adding descriptive power. The lemon
drop tasted sweet and sour.
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Bugaboo 4 Pronouns II

• Take the universal you out of informative
  essays
• Write from an objective point of view
• Combine objective and personal
• First person I registered for fall semester.
• Second person You registered for fall semester.
• Third person He/she registered for fall
  semester.
• Objective voice The student registered for fall
  semester.

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4. Introduction to Pronouns II

• Pronouns must also AGREE in PERSON
• If you are writing in the "first person" (I),
  don't confuse your reader by switching to the
  "second person" (you) or "third person" (he, she,
  they, it, etc.). Similarly, if you are using the
  "second person," don't switch to "first" or
  "third.
• When a person comes to class, he or she should
  have his or her homework ready.
• NOT When a person comes to class, you should
  have your homework ready.
• In addition to first, second and third person
  voices, a writer has the option to write in a
  more objective voice. Objective writing is most
  often used in informative essays and business and
  technical writing explanations, how to, etc.
  This voice is created simply by reducing pronoun
  use and replacing pronouns with the nouns to
  which they specifically refer.
• A carpenter is a skilled tradesperson who can
  build a house.
• Not A carpenter is someone who can build a
  house.

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The Restaurant How to Satisfy Customers and
Make Good Tips   Af
ter a table has been seated in your section, walk
up to the table and give them menus and greet
them with a friendly smile. Ask if they want
anything to drink. If someone says yes, ask what
they want. Tell them we have coke, diet coke and
7up. The reason you get them drinks first is you
want to keep them happy while they are deciding
whats for dinner, because if your table is happy
they are likely to leave you a good tip.
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Activity 4a

Revise the previous slide. Write a clear and
interesting paragraph about waiting tables by
using objective language, correcting pronoun use
and, when desirable, replacing pronouns with
specific nouns. Warning Your instructor
expects your own original revision of this
paragraph.
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The Restaurant How to Satisfy Customers and
Make Good Tips  After a table (?) has been seated
in your (whos your?) section, walk up to the
table and give them (the table?) menus and greet
them with a friendly smile. Ask if they (who?)
want anything to drink. If someone (singular)
says yes, ask what they (plural) want. Tell them
(who?) we (who?) have coke, diet coke and 7up.
The reason you (me? Im not a wait person!) get
them drinks first is you want to keep them happy
while they are deciding whats for dinner,
because if your table is happy they are likely to
leave you a good tip.
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The Restaurant Revised and Edited in Objective
Voice and Correct Pronoun Use   After the host or
hostess has seated customers at a table in the
section a waitperson is responsible for, a good
waitperson greets the customers with a friendly
smile and offers them menus. After a brief
conversation, the waitperson should ask the
customers if they would like something to drink.
Having a drink, such as coffee, tea or a soda,
keeps customers satisfied while they decide on
their dinner choices. If a customer says he or
she would like a drink, list the choices. For
example, a waitperson might say, Would you like
coffee, tea, coke, diet coke or 7up? Careful
attention to customers assures that waitpersons
earn good tips. RED Pronouns BLUE
Antecedents (nouns)
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Intro to Essay on Smoking

• Everyone knows you shouldnt smoke. They put
  warnings on cigarette packages years ago stating
  what can happen to you. Its a bad habit that can
  damage your health. Why do people smoke even
  when they know the problems? Why not quit? It
  can be hard, but it can save there life. Those
  questions made me wonder whats up. What do they
  think? For this essay I had interviews with 10
  JCC students that smoke and asked them why.

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Activity 4b

Revise the previous slide. Write a clear and
interesting introduction to a potential essay
about smoking, by using objective language,
correcting pronoun use and, in many places,
replacing pronouns with specific nouns. When
youre finished, compare your original paragraph
to the one on the next slide.
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 REVISED INTRO ESSAY ON SMOKING Most adults,
even most kids in America, know that smoking is
harmful to a persons health. The U.S. Surgeon
Generals warning has appeared on cigarette
packages for over 30 years. In addition,
insurance companies and health care professionals
have led a long- term educational campaign to
make smokers aware of the dangers of smoke and
second hand smoke. Smoking can cause cancer,
heart disease, emphysema and other serious
physical problems. I realize that quitting can
be hard, for some smokers the habit turns in to
an addiction, but quitting could save a smokers
life. Why do smokers ignore the health
warnings? Why dont more smokers try to quit?
These questions inspired an informal research
project. I interviewed ten students at Jackson
Community College to gain some insight into the
smoking habit and smokers thinking.
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A final word on pronoun use
In both of the the sections about pronoun usage,
there are exercises for you to do that will hone
your skills at executing pronouns correctly. Of
course, we want you to complete these. More
importantly, examine your drafts or papers
thoroughly to check that the pronouns you used
are clear. Make the necessary edits.
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Bugaboo 5

• Plurals, Possessives and Contractions

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5. Introduction to Plurals, Possessives and
Contractions

• The next slides give examples of the many
  possibilities for using apostrophes. However,
  wed like to begin this section by reminding you
  of these simple rules concerning the use of
  apostrophes.
• Dont skip reading and thinking about these
  three rules because these will provide you with
  easy ways to recall what is most essential to
  remember.
•  Apostrophes are used to denote a missing letter
  or letters, for example
  I can't instead of I cannot
• I don't instead of I do not
• It's instead of it is
•  
• Note Special care must be taken with the use of
  your and you're as they sound the same but are
  used quite differently
• your is possessive as in this is your pen
• you're is short for you are as in you're coming
  over to my house
•  
• Often, these kinds of contractions are
  considered to be informal, and should be used
  rarely in formal writing such as research papers.
•  

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Intro to plurals, possessives and contractions
continued
2. Apostrophes are used to denote possession, for
example the dog's bone the students
writing Jones bakery (but Joneses' bakery if
owned by more than one Jones) Note the
possessive form of it does not take an
apostrophe any more than ours, yours or hers
do the bone is in its mouth 3. Apostrophes are
NEVER ever used to denote plurals! Common
examples of such abuse (all seen in real life!)
are Banana's for sale, which of course should
read Bananas for sale Menu's printed to order
should read Menus printed to order The 1960s
radically changed music should read The 1960s
radically changed music. New CD's just in!
should read New CDs just in!
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The Powerful Apostrophe

• Indicates the possessive
• (The Honda is Sues car.)
• Indicates time or quantity
• (238 minutes and seconds or 6 tall)
• Indicates the omission of figures in dates
• (I graduated in 99.)
• Indicates the omission of letters
• (Cant, wont, dont)
• Indicates strange non-standard English
• (Hey, yall, lets don do that.)
• Indicates the plurals of letters and words
• (Mind your ps and qs)

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The Powerful Apostrophe SpeaksWhat are the
apostrophes telling us in each example below?

• The boys hat the childrens playground
• In two weeks time
• The spring of 75
• Id had enough and couldnt take it anymore
• Its not worth messin with
• How many ps are in apostrophe
• Too many buts and ands

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No Wonder We Get Confused

• is/are possessive
• its and its
• whos and whose
• theres and theirs
• youre and your

http//www.seykota.com/tribe/FAQ/2003_July/July_27
-31/confusion.gif
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Examples
Its never a good idea to get between a dog and
its favorite chew toy. (proper) ------------------
-------------------------------------------------
This sentence contains several problems a spell
checker wont catch Dont delay! Place you order
now! We offer free shipping if your in the United
States.
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Activity 5

Select the paper that you have just completed or
one that you have begun to polish and edit for
your portfolio, highlight all plurals,
possessives, and contractions. Next, double check
to make sure these are correct!
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Bugaboo 6 Punctuation
! ?.,
! ?.,
! ?.,
! ?.,
! ?.,

• Punctuation and meaning
• Comma crises
• Exclamatory statements
• Colons and semi-colons

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6. Introduction to Punctuation

• Punctuation is important to all writers. Without
  proper punctuation writing can become completely
  indecipherable or misinterpreted, as you will see
  in some of the slides below.
• Think of punctuation as breathing. Long breaths
  indicate a period, shorter breaths require a
  comma.
• Practice reading aloud and slowly through your
  papers. Remember, youve already learned that
  the eye will correct and glide over mistakes of
  spelling. Now, its time to let your ear be
  attuned to your voice on the page.
• Reading your papers out loud and slowly will
  help you hear glitches in punctuation.

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Punctuation and Meaning

• Am I looking at my
• dinner or the dogs?
• Am I looking at my
• dinner or the dogs?

From Eats Shoots Leaves by Lynn Truss
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Punctuation and Meaning

• Dear Jack,
• I want a man who knows what love is all about.
  You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who
  are not like you admit to being useless and
  inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I
  yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever
  when were apart. I can be forever happy will
  you let me be yours?
• Jill
• Dear Jack,
• I want a man who knows what love is. All about
  you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who
  are not like you. Admit to being useless and
  inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I
  yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever.
  When were apart I can be forever happy. Will
  you let me be?
• Yours,
• Jill

From Eats Shoots Leaves by Lynn Truss
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Punctuation Changes and Clarifies Meaning

• A woman, without her man, is nothing.
• A woman without her, man is nothing.

From Eats Shoots Leaves by Lynn Truss
62
Comma Sense

• Use commas to
• list
• join
• fill gaps
• indicate direct speech
• set off interjections
• bracket interruptions or additional information

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Comma Sense Examples

• I have chemistry, calculus, and calligraphy this
  semester.
• I thought calligraphy would be a cakewalk, but I
  cant create lovely letters.
• Martha is short Sue, tall.
• Hey, quit picking on me, said Martha.
• Its a simple statement of fact, Sue retorted.
• Marthas dog, China, a large and friendly German
  Shorthaired Pointer, greets her at the door when
  she comes home from school.

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The bolded words are interjections
Ouch, that hurt! Oh no, I forgot that the exam
was today. Hey! Put that down! I heard one guy
say to another guy, "He has a new car, eh?" I
don't know about you but, good lord, I think
taxes are too high!
Note You usually follow an interjection with an
exclamation point. Otherwise, use exclamation
points sparingly.
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Quotation Marks

• Use quotation marks to
• Enclose direct quotations
• Note Commas and periods go inside the closing
  quotation mark in conventional American usage
  colons and semicolons go outside and placement
  of question and exclamation marks depends on the
  situation (see our quotation marks document).
• He asked, "Will you be there?"
• "Yes," I answered, "I'll look for you at the
  club."
• Indicate words used ironically, with
  reservations, or in some unusual way
• Note Don't overuse quotation marks in this
  sense, or they will lose their impact.
• History is stained with blood spilled in the
  name of "civilization."

66
Activity 6

Read your essay aloud. Read slowly, pausing for
commas, coming to a more prolonged pause for a
period, etc. Make sure that apostrophes
correctly indicate the possessive case. Check
for proper punctuation when using quotation
marks. Make sure questions end with a question
mark, and exclamation points are used sparingly.
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Bugaboo 7

• Using Direct Dialogue

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7. Introduction to Using Direct Dialogue
Dialogue is a key element in many personal
narratives and essays about remembered people.
Writers use dialogue to give characters voice, to
describe characters through the characters own
words.   Writers follow conventions (punctuation
and spacing) for presenting dialogue for
example, beginning a new paragraph for each
speaker and using quotation marks to distinguish
the spoken word from the writers own
description of the speakers.   When reading,
pay attention to how conversations develop.
Notice how writers comment on what characters say
and how they say it. Often they show or describe
a characters actions or facial expressions as
they talk, which reveals tone of the
conversations and, sometimes, attributes of the
character.
69
Dialogue An Excellent Student Writing Sample
  As soon as I saw Mrs. Jones nurses call-light
go on, my heart sank. I slowly rose from my
chair and headed to her room. What can I do for
you Mrs. Jones? I asked calmly. Am I dead or
alive? she asked me. Well, your eyes are open
and youre talking to me, so Im going to assume
youre alive, I said as kindly as
possible. I feel like Im in a fog, she
blurted. Are you sure Im alive? As sure as
I am standing here, I reassured her. Let me
touch your hand, she said apprehensively, I
want to make sure youre real. I grasped her
hand and with a smile on my face said, I am real
Mrs. Jones and you are alive and well. So
you are, she mumbled sounding almost
disappointed. I left her room as I had so many
times before knowing that we would be having the
same conversation at least one more time that
evening. I hope I never get that way, I
muttered to myself. - by Melissa Hayes (with
permission)
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Activity 7
Take a look at your current essay or draft.
Highlight the dialogue that you have included.
Next, critically ask yourself whether this
dialogue serves to Heighten the suspense of a
story or captures the essence of a topic Develop
character or character conflict Reveal a
characters voice or tone If the dialogue you
incorporated does not contribute to any of these
areas, then a better strategy is to summarize the
gist of what was said, summarize the
conversation. If you havent incorporated
dialogue or a direct quotation, consider places
in your paper where dialogue might capture
suspense, character, voice or tone. In your
informative writing, discern which quotations
from an interview or a source will be most
effective, persuasive, or necessary to convey
meaningful information. To complete this
activity, write the decisions you made about
including dialogue, deleting dialogue and why.

71
Bugaboo 8 Verbs

• Action words
• Tense and meaning
• Weak and strong

For additional help with verbs, go to
http//webster.commnet.edu/grammar/verbs.htmverb
72
8. Introduction to Verbs
Verbs make everything happen. Without them,
nothing happens. Read these sentences without
verbs. Ted to first base. Sally home.
Meaning is clouded without verbs. With
effective use of verbs, your writing can shout,
sing, moan.
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Intro to verbs continued
Compare these two sentences Ted got to first
base. -or- Ted skidded past first base (and was
tagged out!) Sally came home. or - Sally
meandered home.  Verbs can convey so muchtime,
quality of action, and nuance. Attention to
verbs is essential.
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ACTION WORDS Verbs indicating movement Notice
how the meaning changes He walked into the
room.He sauntered into the room.He shuffled
into the room.He skippedHe hurriedHe
lumberedHe sloggedHe strolledHe
tip-toedHe slitheredHe stompedHe
stormedHe burst
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Describe the movement in these photos using
strong verbs.
http//www.zooatlanta.org/images/education/winter
20camp20photos2004/day3/walking20in20the20zoo
.JPG http//www.citi.umich.edu/u/rwash/pics/12-10-
0320-20cat/10.html http//www.comfort.navy.mil/B
altic/images/images/marching20through20streets_j
pg.jpg
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TENSE AND MEANING
A general rule of thumb use simple past, present
or future tense, unless the meaning calls for
another form. Choose a tense and use it
consistently. Present tense She swims across the
lake. Past tense She swam across the
lake. Future tense She will swim across the lake.
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OMIT WEAK VERBS
The verb to be being, am, was, were The verb
to get especially the past tense got Avoid
using the helping verb would unless it is
necessary to make your meaning clear. If she were
here, she would agree. (subjunctive mood)I
would have volunteered, but he raised his hand
first.(both examples use would correctly)My
grandma would cook dinner. (not necessary)My
grandma cooked dinner. (correct verb is the
simple past tense)
For more on be verbs, go to http//webster.comm
net.edu/grammar/to_be.htm
78
Avoid using verbs to introduce verbs
I can remember I rememberI started to walk
toward the door I walked towardI began
thinking about I thought about
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Activity 8

Highlight all the verbs in your essay or paper.
Check them for clarity and vividness of the
action you want to describe. Brainstorm for the
best action verbs that describe exactly the mood
you want to convey. Make sure that the tense of
each verb is correct. Fix any of those unwieldy
constructions, e.g., He proceeded to open the car
door. Get rid of the unnecessary. He opened the
car door.
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Bugaboo 9

• Artistic Quality, Flow and Sound

81
9. Introduction to Artistic Quality, Flow and
Sound
Artistic quality includes   Ideas and Content
The message the writer conveys, what the writer
has to say. This should be fresh and original,
unique to the writers personal experience. The
content should contain details to support the
main message.   Organization The overall
logical and efficient structure of the content.
The introduction of the plot or theme, the
build-up, the climax, and the resolution should
all be introduced and addressed with timing and
balance. These two areas are not part of this
Bugaboo Workshop, but are also essential.
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9. Intro to artistic quality continued
  Word Choice Choose words that are precise and
accurate. The writer should use strong action
verbs and descriptive adjectives.   ConventionsP
unctuation, grammar, spelling, capitalization,
paragraph organization are all essential for
precise meaning. These elements should be used to
make the writing content easy to read, accessible
to the reader, and provide a smooth
ride.   Sentence FluencyFluency is the ability
to create smooth flow and rhythm of the sentence
structure. The fluency of short vs. long
sentences should carry the reader along
seamlessly. VoiceThe unique personality of the
writer is expressed through voice. The reader
should get a sense that a real, truthful person
composed the content and is behind the words and
meanings on the page. Readers want to hear the
authors personality and spirit on the page.
83
Revise weak leads It all started when I am
writing about Let me tell you about the time
I would like to introduce you to
Replace these with direct, to the point,
attention grabbing leads.
84
Revise cliché conclusions (and statements) I
learned not to take life for granted. Life is
short and I have to live it to the fullest. He
was always there for me. I guess everything
happens for a reason.
85
Use Qualifiers Sparingly

• little pretty so really very a
  lot
• Dicks mother tried a little harder to explain to
  the pretty disappointed (but not really that
  disappointed) Dick that his sister Jane, perhaps
  for her own good, had been sent kind of far away.

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Common misuses or unnecessary qualifiers
I was so tired.I was so tired that I nearly fell
asleep at the wheel. The artists painting style
is very unique. The student posed a really
challenging question.
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Activity 9
Read your essay aloud. Revise awkward phrases.
Listen and edit for rhythm (e.g. repetition),
sound (e.g. alliteration), and flow (e.g. smooth
transitions). Add metaphors, create vivid images
and offer rich examples.
88
Professor William Strunk and coauthor E.B. White
are famous for their book The Elements of Style.
They advise writers to  Omit needless words!
Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should
contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no
unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a
drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a
machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not
that the writer make all his sentences short, or
that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects
only in outline, but that every word tell.
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  Editing Bugaboos A WORKSHOP OF THE JCC
LANGUAGE, LITERATURE ARTS DEPARTMENT   Now that
you have spent some time in this workshop, answer
the following questions   What new ideas were
presented?? What information did you find most
helpful and why? What do you want to learn more
about? How do you plan to use specific
information presented here to revise and edit
your papers?   This evaluation, along with your
activities from this workshop serve to verify
that you attended the Language, Literature and
Arts online workshop on Editing Bugaboos. Please
give your evaluation along with the work from the
activities in this workshop to your writing
instructor as proof of attendance. ______________
________ Martha Petry and Sue Stindt
90
Thank you for your participation, writers!
Martha and Sue
Revised August 17, 2006