BECU Career Success Skills Think WinWin

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BECUCareer Success SkillsThink Win-Win

• With Dr. Paul L. Gerhardt, Ph.D.Pierce College
  Business Management Dept.

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BECU Career Success SkillsWelcome Back!

• Review Habit 3
• What are your long-term goals?
• What benchmarks did you set for your goals?
• Review Monthly, Weekly, Daily
• How did you apply First Things First?

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Habit 3 Review

• Things that matter least must never be at the
  mercy of things that matter most.
• Things that matter most are closely tied to your
  value, roles and goals.
• The Main Thing is to Keep the Main Thing THE Main
  Thing
• Focusing on Quadrant 2 is the Key

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Quadrant II-- Import Not Urgent

• Preparation
• Prevention
• Values clarification
• Planning
• Relationship Building
• True re-creation
• Empowerment

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Eliminate Unimportant Activities

• What is my deeper yes?
• Do I really have to do this all?
• What would happen if I didnt do it?
• What effect will it have on my Emotional Bank
  Account with this person or organization if I
  drop or postpone it?

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The Six Step Process

• Connect to Mission
• Review Roles
• Identify Goals
• Organize Weekly (Schedule Big Rocks)
• Exercise Integrity in the moment of choice. (At
  every moment we choose whether or not we will
  actively work toward what we want to be, do, and
  have).
• Evaluate

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Step 6--Evaluate

• Was accomplishing these goals the best use of
  your time?
• What unmet goals should you carry into the coming
  week?
• What patterns of success and failure do you see
  in setting and achieving goals?
• Are you creating unrealistic expectations?
• Are your doing things that are inline with your
  mission statement, what you want to be, do , and
  have?

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Review What You Did

• How did you apply Habit 3 over the past week?
• What did you learn?
• What goals did you proactively set?
• What questions do you have?

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15 Minute Break

• Please return promptly on time

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Habit 4 Think Win-Win

• The Habit of Interpersonal Leadership
• A belief in the Third Alternative.
• Its not your way or my way its a better way.
• Balance courage and consideration in seeing
  mutual benefit.
• Persist in looking for win-win outcomes despite
  past win-lose conditioning

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WIN-WIN Lets find a solution that works for
both of us.

• People who choose to win and make sure others
  also win practice win-win. They search for
  solutions that will make them happy and
  simultaneously satisfy others.
• Seeks mutual benefit.
• Is cooperative, not competitive
• Listens more, stay in communication longer, and
  communicates with more courage.

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WIN-LOSE Im going to beat you no matter what.

• People with a lose-win paradigm are concerned
  with themselves first and last. They want to win
  and they want others to lose. They achieve
  success at the expense of exclusion of anothers
  success. They are driven by comparison,
  competition, position, and power.
• Is very common scripting for most people.
• Is the authoritarian approach.
• Uses position, power, credentials, possessions,
  or personality to get the win.

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LOSE-WIN I always get stepped on.

• People who choose to lose and let others win show
  high consideration, but lack the courage to
  express and act on their feelings and beliefs.
  They are easily intimidated and borrow strength
  from acceptance and popularity.
• Voices no standards, no demands, no expectations
  of anyone else.
• Is quick to please or appease.
• Buries a lot of feelings.

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LOSE-LOSE If Im going down, your going down
with me.

• People who have a lose-lose paradigm are low on
  courage and consideration. They envy and
  criticize others. They put themselves and others
  down.
• Is the mindset of a highly dependent person.
• Is a no win because nobody benefits.
• Is a long-term result of win-lose or win.

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WIN As long as I win, I dont care if you win
or lose.

• People who hold a win paradigm think only of
  getting what they want. Although they dont
  necessarily want others to lose, they are
  personally set on winning. They think
  independently in interdependent situations,
  without sensitivity or awareness of others.
• Is self-centered.
• Thinks me first.
• Doesnt really care if the other person wins or
  loses.

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WIN-WIN or NO DEAL Lets find a solution that
works for both of us, or lets not play.

• Win-Win or No Deal is the highest form of
  win-win. People who adopt this paradigm seek
  first for win-win. IF they cannot find an
  acceptable solution, they agree to disagree
  agreeably.
• Allows each party to say no.
• Is the most realistic at the beginning of a
  relationship or business deal.
• Is the highest form of win-win.

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Group Projects

• Paul will read some interactions. Choose win-win
  win-lose lose-win win, or win-win or no deal.
  (page 108 instructors guide)
• Discuss Page 15 (When to think win-win)
• Record your answers and be ready to report back
  to whole class

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Individual Project page 16

• Pick one personal AND one professional
  relationship.
• Think about how you typically interact with them.
  
• Rate yourself on courage and consideration by
  putting their names where they fit on the grid.
• Share with class if possible what you discovered

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Group Project (page 22)

• With your group, discuss a real or pretend work
  situation for each.
• Be prepared to share with the whole class your
  examples.

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• Conflict is a natural part of life. It is a
  normal outcome of human interaction.
• Yet most of us have negative associations with
  conflict.
• We tend to think of conflict in terms of anger,
  hostility, violence, stress, and fear

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• Individuals react to conflict in a variety of
  ways based on their prior experiences.
• Research indicates that conflict can result in a
  win-win situation which benefits all parties
  involved.

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• These materials are designed to provide the
  knowledge and skills necessary to cope in a
  variety of settings.
• The activities and content materials are designed
  to enable participants to improve and strengthen
  their skills in communication, anger management
  and interpersonal relationships.

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NEGATIVE vs. POSITIVE

• Negative (-) Conflict
• Interrupts normal relations
• Provokes hurtful, personally harmful effects on
  the self-concept of the persons involved
• Causes resentment and hostility
• Makes rational discussion difficult or impossible
• Robs the time and energy of everyone
• Causes stress and resulting hardships
• Causes possible break-up of relationships

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NEGATIVE vs. POSITIVE

• Positive () Conflict
• Helps people understand what others feel is
  important
• Helps define and clarify issues and values
• Can lead to a confrontation, which can bring out
  ideas, issues, and values in a way which clears
  the air
• Can bring a sense of respect to all
• Can be the start of defining adjusted or new
  goals, which are more satisfactory to everyone

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Common Responses to Conflict

• Avoidance acknowledge a dispute, but move to
  remain uninvolved.
• Acceptance recognize a conflict, but accept
  whatever solution emerges or is imposed.
• Denial actively refuse to acknowledge or play a
  part in resolving a conflict.
• Enjoyment some people benefit from a conflict
  and agitate or maintain conflict for the fun of
  it.
• Flight actively remove oneself from a dispute.

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Common Responses

• Ignoring act as if a dispute did not exist.
• Management acknowledge a dispute, and act to
  control its impact. May or may not address any of
  the stated or underlying issues.
• Promotion parties with a serious grievance and
  little power may feel they need to agitate to get
  their problems heard.
• Suppression powerful parties may use their
  influence to deny a problem and prevent a
  grievance from surfacing.

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Conflict Styles
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Styles of Conflict Resolution
Forcing, Competing (SHARK)

Use of power
Crisis that needs immediate decision on way
right beyond doubt and stakes are very high goal
is very important but relationships are not.
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Styles of Conflict Resolution
Collaborating (OWL)
Groups problem-solve together bring up all
relevant info all parties recognize the
abilities and expertise of the others issue
explored from all angles.
When commitment is necessary from both sides
when time is not critical when expertise is
needed from both sides when goal and
relationships are highly important.
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Styles of Conflict Resolution
Compromising, Negotiation (FOX)
Bargaining meeting each other half way
No hope of achieving mutually satisfactory
result necessary to forestall a win-lose
situation resources are limited goal and
relationship are of moderate importance.
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Styles of Conflict Resolution
Withdrawal, Avoiding (TURTLE)
Attempting to get rid of conflict by denying it
exists
Issue not worth fighting over issue too hot to
handle both sides prefer to avoid issue
relationships not that important.
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Styles of Conflict Resolution
Smoothing, Accommodating (TEDDY BEAR)
Giving in and giving all
Issue is not important to either side when
future favor in return is desired no-win
situation that doesnt warrant a lot of energy
relationships are very important goal not of
importance.
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Communication Blockers

• Interrupting Good communication is not possible
  when people are cut off before they have finished
  speaking. It is important that everyone tells
  their side.
• Ignoring Forms of ignoring can be not paying
  attention, monopolizing the conversation,
  focusing on ones agenda brushing off what
  someone is saying.
• Sarcasm Sarcasm is a real communication killer.
  It poisons the atmosphere.

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Communication Blockers

• Accusing Accusations are counter productive.
  The accused party usually becomes angry and
  defensive.
• Insulting/Name-Calling/Threatening Aggressive
  attacks raise hostility and increase the chances
  for violence.
• Globalizing Globalizing attaches negative
  labels to people. Global statements are hardly
  ever accurate, and they make people angry and
  defensive.

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Communication Blockers

• Judging Judging occurs when someone assumes the
  right to decide if others are right or wrong,
  good or bad.
• Blaming Blamers assume that if there is a
  problem, somebody must be to blame.
• Stating Opinion as Fact It can be infuriating
  to hear someone state an
• opinion as if it were the absolute truth.
• Expecting Mind-Reading People assume that their
  thought and feelings are visible to others.

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Keys to Understanding Anger

• Anger is an emotion.
• Anger is good, its healthy, its normal.
• Anger can protect and motivate us.
• Bottled up anger can become explosive, depressive
  and bad for your health.
• Violence or abuse is behavior. It can be learned
  and unlearned.
• Violence has many forms - verbal, sexual,
  emotional or to property.
• We need to know what we want and how to ask for
  it.
• Other peoples anger is their problem.

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• Good self esteem means we have less need for
  anger.
• TIME OUT is for everyones safety. It stops
  abuse but does not solve the initial problem.
• Safe expression of anger is healthy.
• Stating what makes us angry is healthy.
• We need to learn to use words that express our
  anger constructively.
• Learning what triggers our anger makes it easier
  to control.
• Owning our feelings is healthy and reduces
  conflict.

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• Behind anger there are feelings of hurt or fear
  of powerlessness.
• We need to remember that we do not always get
  what we want.
• Good listening helps reduce anger and increases
  self-esteem.
• Children learn how to behave from adult models.
  They learn more from what adults DO than what
  they SAY.
• Other peoples abuse does not have to be accepted.

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• Treat anger as a normal part of life.
• Use anger as a signal that there are problems to
  be addressed.
• Take actions when necessary, but only after you
  have carefully thought through the situation.
• Express your anger in moderation, without losing
  control.
• Use anger to solve problems, not just to express
  their feelings.
• State your anger clearly, so that others can
  respond appropriately to your wants and needs.
• Solve the problem and let go of your anger.

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TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANGER

• TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
• If you cannot find the right words to describe
  what you are going through, find a trusted friend
  to help you one-on-one.
• EXPRESS YOURSELF CALMLY
• Express disappointment, displeasure or hurt
  feelings without losing your temper or fighting.

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• LISTEN TO OTHERS
• Listen carefully and respond without getting
  upset when someone gives you negative feedback.
  Try to see the other persons point of view.
• NEGOTIATE
• Work out your problems with someone else by
  looking at alternative solutions and compromises.

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• SUMMARY
• After you decide on a solution, try it out. If it
  does not work to everybodys satisfaction, try
  again.
• Keep going until you find an anger management or
  conflict resolution plan that works.
• Keep working until you reach a Win-Win solution.

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Personal Writing and Thinking

• Review and complete page 17
• Read Pages 18 19
• Complete pages 20 21

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Group Think and Individual Project

• Read pages 23 - 25 by yourself
• Follow the instructions for your benefit
• Fill out the appropriate answers for yourself
• Discuss what you feel comfortable with your group
  and get feedback
• Report back to the class your answers

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Final Group project

• Read page 27 with your group
• Answer the four questions
• What conclusions have you drawn?
• Share with the whole class.
• Make it a perfect 10!

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Homework

• Read Stephen Coveys Seven Habits for Highly
  Effective People (2004) pages 204 243
• Document/Journal how you are using Think Win-Win
  to enhance your personal and professional life.
  Be prepared to discuss them next session.