Helping fathers engage in conversations with their children

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Helping fathers engage in conversations with
their children

• Annual Conference - National Association for the
  Education of Young Children
• Friday, November 7, 2008 Dallas, Texas
• Josh Thompson
• Stephen Garretson
• Texas AM University-Commerce

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• Words work. We use them all the time to do
  things. Children know this. They are listening,
  copying, experimenting, approximating, trying
  every which way to communicate. What do we, as
  caregivers and classroom teachers, know about the
  way men talk to their children, and how does
  their communication affect the child, especially
  the development of her language and literacy?
  This interactive session will examine audio and
  video samples of men talking to children, with
  expert guidance into the content and meaning of
  this interaction. Participants will learn how to
  encourage fathers to expand their communication
  styles, thus increase the childs language and
  literacy development. Specific skills and
  strategies to improve father-child communication
  will be demonstrated.

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How do men dominate women with their language?

• That they dominate is well-documented
• How they dominate varies
• What do teachers and caregivers do when men tend
  to dominate them with language?
• How do children respond / react to their fathers
  language?
• How can teachers and caregivers help fathers
  engage in conversations with their children?

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Usual Suspects?

• Presumed examples of language of domination
• Interruption
• Volubility
• Silence
• Topic raising
• Presumed examples of language of powerlessness
• Indirectness
• Taciturnity
• Silence
• Tag questions
• (Tannen, 1994, p. 21)

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Some of the Real Culprits

• Relativity of five linguistic strategies
• Indirectness
• Interruption
• Silence versus volubility
• Topic raising
• Adversative-ness

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Trouble talk

• Solidarity way of feeling closer
• Power offer solutions

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Stress Response

• Fight or flight Cannon (1932)
• Tend befriend Taylor (2002)

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Unidimensional model (Tanner 1994, p. 27)
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Multidimensional model(adapted from Tannen 1994,
p.28)
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How do men talk to children?

• Routines
• Rituals
• Traditions

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How can EC teachers/caregivers help fathers?

• Story time book reading
• Mealtimes
• Games
• Driving
• Homework Helps
• Meeting people
• Prayer, meditation, centering on interior life
• Making peace, reconciling
• Being a warrior becoming a lover

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Mealtimes

• Be there
• Without distractions (TV, radio, phone, etc)
• Help prepare, w/ children
• Set boundaries for conversations
• (tone, topic, respect)
• Today conversation, family stories
• Family cleanup
• Listen w/ eye contact

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Cleanup

• Taking time step by step
• Divide into small steps
• Team work (modeling) / Partnership
• Sing songs
• Make it fun. Start simple
• Set tone -gt closeness
• Ask questions (open-ended)
• Patient -gt accept what child does, DAP

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Drive time

• Ask about childs interests
• Ask about their day
• Open-ended questions
• Reword fish for more complex response
• Prepare / communicate whats next

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Drive time, continued

• ltPower going to the childgt
• versus Fathers interest of primary concern
• Ask specific questions (child holds the answer)
• Work off of their responses
• Follow up to specific concerns brought up by the
  child
• Child participation / input

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Sports / Games

• Kids imitate both good bad
• Sportsmanship how to lose, how to win
• Appropriate language / mannersisms
• Understand purpose of the game
• Tolerance of ability / passion
• Understand rules / play by play
• Developmental abilities

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Story time

• Importance of it
• Show him how reading it aloud
• Relate it from his childhood
• Difference between mom dad reading
• Meaningful book to promote conversation
• Relate it to fathers job / hobbies to come to
  the classroom

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Bedtime

• Rituals
• Bath time
• Take time to create and foster contact w/ child
• Story
• Use voices, tone, velocity
• Share time
• Ask how their day was
• What was important
• Security help kids feel safe
• Take the time to comment on the kids work

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Conclusion

• Dads are talking
• Kids are listening
• Teachers have clues
• Do NOT make the dad into a teacher
• Let him be real
• Power is useful in his relationship w/ child
• Closeness does not deny that power

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Helping fathers engage in conversations with
their children

• Annual Conference - National Association for the
  Education of Young Children
• Friday, November 7, 2008 Dallas, Texas
• Josh Thompson
• Stephen Garretson
• Texas AM University-Commerce

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• Josh_Thompson_at_tamu-commerce.edu
• 214-663-6102
• http//faculty.tamu-commerce.edu/jthompson/
• Stephen_Garretson_at_tamu-commerce.edu
• 972-775-7231
• http//faculty.tamu-commerce.edu/sgarretson/

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