Chapter 11 Asserting Yourself

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Chapter 11Asserting Yourself
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Assertion

• Making your desires and feelings known in
  instances that matter to you is assertive.
• Failing to speak up in instances that are
  UNimportant to you is NOT necessarily
  Unassertive.

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Passivity, Aggression, Assertion

• Passive behavior is failing to make your desires
  known.
• Passive aggressive behavior is failing to be
  direct.
• Hostile aggressive behavior is being directly
  offensive.
• Assertion is making your feelings and desires
  known.

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• The impetus for passive behavior, passive
  aggressive behavior, and aggressive behavior is
  fear.
• Aggressive behavior makes the other want to
  strike back.

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Fear Begets Anger

• Fear is at the root of all anger.
• Fear creates vulnerability.
• Fear triggers the fight or flight response.
• In negotiation, fight or flight is avoid or
  compete.

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Anger and Your Negotiation Effectiveness

• Anger creates physiological changes.
• Blood pressure may rise.
• Cognitive functioning diminishes.
• You are not in control of yourself when angry.
• Distress sets in.
• Incompetence sets in.

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Control Techniques

• Hold your breath. Count to ten.
• Check your perceptions.
• Recognize your anger.
• Do not panic.
• Think of something that makes you smile.
• Assess your options and act appropriately.

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Anger Management Tools

• Identify things that repeatedly make you angry.
• Identify your fears.
• Assess whether the fears are real or imagined.
• Get rid of imagined fears!
• Identify your options for real fears.
• Develop a strategy to conquer.

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Strategies for Anger Management

• If you are angry about something you cannot
  change, change yourselfyour perception and
  understanding.
• Accept the past. Forgive. Let go.
• Challenge your thinking.
• Find other reasons for behaviors reasons that
  do not make you angry.
• Build your internal locus of control.
• Increase your self-esteem.
• Increase your assertion skills.

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Increasing Self-Esteem

• Load your mind with positive thoughts about
  yourself.
• Cancel negative aspirations from yourself and
  from others.
• Associate with people who make you feel good.

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Assertive Behavior Defined

• Specify the matter at issue.
• Specify your feelings about the matter.
• Specify how the matter affects you.
• Recognize the others view.
• Seek resolution.

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Building Assertion Skills

• Speak up.
• Make statements that contain the five elements
  specific matter specific feelings specific
  effects recognition of others seeks resolution.
  
• Compliment others.
• Ask others to explain their reasoning.
• Make eye contact.
• Use I often.