The Healing Power of Forgiveness

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The Healing Power of Forgiveness

• April 16, 2007Joan L. Stroh, M.Ed. LPCC, LSW

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What I hope you learn today.

• Definition of forgiveness
• What forgiveness is not
• Physical, mental health and relationship benefits
  of forgiveness

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What I hope you learn today.

• Magical thoughts about forgiveness-
• Resistance to forgiveness
• Activities related to the process of forgiveness

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Webster's New World Dictionary defines it as

• (1) to give up resentment against or the desire
  to punish stop being angry with and
• (2) to give up all claim to punish or exact
  penalty for (an offence).

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• In biblical terms, the Greek word of forgiveness
  aphiemi means "letting go", "to release from an
  obligation or punishment" or "voluntary
  cancellation of a debt".
• Another Greek word agape also has the connotation
  of forgiving love.

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• Enright and Zell (1989) believe that forgiveness
  should include both love and letting go of anger
  in spite of unjust injury.

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Fred Luskin (2003)

• Forgiveness is the feeling of peace that emerges
  as you take your hurt less personally, take
  responsibility for how you feel and become a hero
  instead of a victim in the story you tell.
• Forgiveness is the experience of peacefulness in
  the present moment. Forgiveness does not change
  the past, but it changes the present.

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Fred Luskin (2003)

• Forgiveness means that even though you are
  wounded your choose to hurt and suffer less.
• Forgiveness means you become part of a solution.
• Forgiveness is understanding that hurt is a
  normal part of life.

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Fred Luskin (2003)

• Forgiveness is for you and no one else.
• You can forgive and rejoin a relation ship or
  forgive and never speak to the person again

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Forgiveness is not the same as

• 1. Forgetting 2. Pardon
• 3. Reconciliation
• 4. Condoning 5. Justice

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• Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior.
• Forgiveness does not have to be an otherworldly
  or religious experience.
• Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your
  hurt.

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• Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the
  offender.
• Forgiving does not mean you give up having
  feelings.

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Emotional, relationship health benefits of
forgiveness

• Gallop poll reveals that 94 of Americans have
  prayed for forgiveness at some time in their
  lives.
• Tennen, H. And Affeck, G (2000) found people with
  higher levels of blame had more varieties of
  illness.

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Emotional, relationship health benefits of
forgiveness

• Helb and Enright (1993) found benefits to elderly
  people from forgiveness counseling who felt a
  lack of care from others.

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Lack of forgiveness can create an avalanche of
stress hormones.

• It increases production of cortisol and
  epinephrine, which leads to changes in heart
  rate and blood pressure.
• It raises levels of catecholamine and CD8, which
  suppressesthe immune system thus increasing the
  risk of viral infection.

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Lack of forgiveness can create an avalanche of
stress hormones.

• Leads to the release of histamines, which can
  trigger severe broncho constriction in people
  with asthma.

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Chronic stress also...

• Alters insulin levels.
• Alters the acid concentration in the stomach.
• Causes plaque buildup in the arteries.
• Causes or intensifies aches and pains.

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Chronic stress also...

• Raises anxiety levels.
• Causes depression.
• Interferes with intimate and social
  relationships.
• Affects sleep and appetite.
• Affects job performance.

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• Researchers have also looked at the actual
  physiological effects associated with granting
  forgiveness or harboring grudges.
• A study of 13,000 men and women showed that
  anger-prone people were three times as likely to
  have heart attacks or bypass surgery as
  less-angry people.

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• The New Zealand Medical Journal published a
  letter from a clinician who did an analysis of
  200 case histories that showed that 60 of
  chronic pain patients showed a strong element of
  a failure to forgive.

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Magical Thoughts about Forgiveness

• If you hurt me once, you are responsible for all
  my problems, now and in the future.
• If other people agree with me, I am right.
• Punishment alone leads to a just and orderly
  world.
• If I stop punishing the offender or forgive, I am
  vulnerable.

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Magical Thoughts about Forgiveness

• Forgive and forget.
• If I am nice, nothing bad will ever happen to me.
• If I forgive, my transgressor will be satisfied.

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Resistance to Forgiveness

• Narcissistic Personality Disorder
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• Antisocial Personality Disorder

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• So if it is so wonderful to forgive and gives you
  such good health, why dont you patients do it?

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Therapeutic approaches to forgiveness

• Timing
• Forgiving is hard and we are not taught well.
• Forgiveness is a choice
• Time marches on.
• Expression on anger and hurt

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Therapeutic approaches to forgiveness

• Who is being hurt by you holding on to your hurt
  and anger?
• Relaxation exercise
• The story changes

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• Frederic Luskin, Ph.D.
• Forgive for Good a Proven Prescription for Health
  and Happiness
• www.learningtoforgive.com
• Robert D. Enright, Ph.D.
• Forgiveness is a Choice A Step-by-Step Process
  for Resolving Agner and Restoring Hope