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Forgiveness in marriage


Forgiveness in marriage Ten Steps to Forgiveness If the experience was traumatic, such as childhood abuse or adultery in marriage, we may find forgiveness extremely ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Forgiveness in marriage

  • Forgiveness in marriage

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What is forgiveness?
  • It is an active decision to give up your
    perceived or actual right to get even with some
    one who has wronged you
  • It is canceling a debt.
  • How was the debt paid?
  • It is finished tetelistai PAID IN FULL

What does the Bible teach us about forgiveness
  • Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how
    often shall my brother sin against me, and I
    forgive him? Up to seven times?
  • Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, up to
    seven times, but up to seventy times seven
    Matthew 1821, 22

  • If indeed I have forgiven anything, I have
    forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence
    of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of
    us for we are not ignorant of his devices 2
    Cor. 210, 11

  • Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
    For if you forgive men their trespasses, your
    heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you
    do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will
    your father forgive your trespasses Matt 612,
    14, 15

Gods promises of forgiveness to us (4)
  • 1) East-West promise, Psalm 10312
  • 2) Amnesia promise , Jeremiah 3134
  • 3) Stain Remover promise , Isaiah 118
  • 4) Deep Sea promise , Micah 719

Our society and marital conflicts
  • Our society teaches us many ways to cope with
    marital conflicts, but forgiving is not one of
  • -running away from problems ? does not change
    anyone or anything
  • -endless fighting ? useless
  • -blaming each other ? leads nowhere
  • -giving up ? depression
  • -getting even ? lethal

The consequences of refusing to forgive (3)
  • 1. Refusing to forgive means that God will not
    forgive us

  • 2. Refusing to forgive means we will be tormented
  • Matt. 1823-35

  •     Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a
    king who wanted to settle accounts with his
    servants. As he began the settlement, a man who
    owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
    Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered
    that he and his wife and his children and all
    that he had be sold to repay the debt.

  •   At this the servant fell on his knees before
    him. Be patient with me, he begged, and I will
    pay back everything. The servants master took
    pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

  •     But when that servant went out, he found one
    of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred
    denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him.
    Pay back what you owe me! he demanded.
  •    29 His fellow servant fell to his knees and
    begged him, Be patient with me, and I will pay
    it back.

  •   But he refused. Instead, he went off and had
    the man thrown into prison until he could pay the
    debt. When the other servants saw what had
    happened, they were outraged and went and told
    their master everything that had happened.

  •     Then the master called the servant in. You
    wicked servant, he said, I canceled all that
    debt of yours because you begged me to.
    Shouldnt you have had mercy on your fellow
    servant just as I had on you? In anger his
    master handed him over to the jailers to be
    tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

  •   This is how my heavenly Father will treat each
    of you unless you forgive your brother or sister
    from your heart.

  • What is the the torment ?
    - psychological problems, depression,
    restlessness, anger, high blood pressure, chest
    pain tension headache, upset stomach, insomnia,
    inner turmoil.
  • - The ratio of my brothers debt to me vs. my
    debt to the Lord is 1 600,000

  • To forgive is to set a prisoner free and
    discover that the prisoner was you !
  • Lewis B. Smedes
  • When you do not forgive someone, in some way
    that person is in jail, and you are the warden.
    You are incarcerated too, because you have to
    make sure the prisoner stays there
  • Kerney Franston

  • Un-forgiveness is a cancer that eats away the
    very soul of a person
  • Nancy Leigh from her book
    Choosing forgiveness
  • To err is human , to forgive is divine.
  • The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the
    attribute of the strong.
  • Mahatma Gandhi

Jesus did not forgive me
Satan loves to put thoughts in my head to prevent
me from forgiving others
  • - Im not going to just let them off the
  • - Why should I forgive? They are the ones who
    need to ask for my forgiveness
  • - You dont understand what they did to me
  • I am not ready to forgive yet

  • I am going to make you pay for what you did.
  • I am going to get even with you.
  • I will hold this against you for the rest of
    your life.
  • I will give you a dose of your own medicine.
    is not that big of a deal, I will just forget it

  • 3. Refusing to forgive causes us trouble and
    defiles our own spirit
  • -When we dont forgive
  • -we nurse a grudge
  • -we are resentful, tortured by hate
  • -we are imprisoned by bitterness

  • Bitterness pollutes the atmosphere of our lives
  • We refuse to excuse sin or justify the sinner.
    Both judgment and salvation are Gods business.
  • Our part is simply to take our offenses, hurt and
    painful memories to the Cross, and leave them

  • Forgive as the Lord forgave you Col. 313
  • Forgiving others is not a suggestion, it is a
    command, ..and a good one!
  • The amazing miracle of forgiving others is that
    it stops our own pain!

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Jesus did not forgive me that way
  • -- I can not play the martyr role when I forgive,
  • . because Jesus did not forgive me that way.
  • -- I can not settle the score first before I
  • because Jesus did not forgive me that way

  • -- I can not keep a running tally of grievances,
  • because Jesus did not forgive me that
  • -- I can not forgive with my lips and then bring
    it up again when I need the advantage of some
  • because Jesus did not forgive me that

  • -- I can not forgive and then tell all the people
    about it,
  • because Jesus did not forgive me that way.
  • -- I can not go through all the motions of
    forgiveness and then harbor resentment for weeks,
    months and years,
  • because Jesus did not forgive me that way.

Ten Steps to Forgiveness
  • If the experience was traumatic, such as
    childhood abuse or adultery in marriage, we may
    find forgiveness extremely difficult.
  • In such cases, it helps to pray through the
    following 10 steps, one at a time.
  • Personalizing each step by inserting the persons
    name, or recalling the incident or visualizing
    what is happening.

  • 1.Feel the pain, hurt, resentment, bitterness and
  • Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be
    comforted Matt 54

  • 2. Submit yourself to God, recalling how Christ
    forgave you

  • 3. Ask for Christs grace and power to forgive
  • Sometimes our emotions scream I cant forgive!
    You do not understand what they did to me!
  • True, but Jesus understands, and He will give us
    the grace to obey His commands.
  • Ask and you will be given Luke 119

  • Two marks of a Christian
  • giving and forgiving

  • In our prayers, we should ask the Lord to bring
    to our minds the names or the faces of every
    person we need to forgive, sometimes names of
    people we have forgotten for years. Some of them
    might be dead.
  • The most common names to surface are mother and
    father. Then, one by one, pray this simple
    forgiveness prayer
  • Lord, I forgive () for ()

  • 4. Agree to live with the unavoidable
    consequences of the other persons sins against
  • Your only choice is between
  • the bondage of bitterness vs.
  • the freedom of forgiveness.

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  • 5. Release the offense
  • Tear up the debt (personal, moral and relational)
    that you feel the other person owes you.
  • How to apply it concretely?

  • - Forgiveness is a gift you give to your self.
  • - A former inmate of a Nazi prison camp
    was visiting a friend who shared the ordeal with
  • The first person asked his friend Have you
    forgiven the Nazis ?
  • Yes, the second answered.

  • The first said Well, I have not. I am still
    consumed with hatred for them.
  • The second man replied
  • In that case, they still have you in
    prison !

  • 6. Never bring it up as a weapon during a marital
  • What does it mean if I bring up again forgiven

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  • 7. Keep forgiving when
  • -your emotions recycle the pain
  • -when the person keeps offending you
  • -- Explain the diabolical war in forgiveness.
  • -- What to do then
  • -James 47 Submit to God. Resist the devil
    and he will flee from you.
  • -Pray the forgiveness prayer

  • - Compare between these 2 verses how are they
    different, what do they have in common?
  • - Matt.523 If you bring your gift to
    the altar, and there remember that your brother
    has something against you, leave your gift there
    before the altar, and go your way. First be
    reconciled to your brother, and then come and
    offer your gift.

  • - Matt.1815
  • If your brother sins against you, go and
    tell him his fault between you and him alone.

  • 8. Reject the sinful act and tolerate it no
  • -God does not want you to put up with abuse, He
    does not want you to be a doormat
  • -Take your stand against the sin

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  • 9. Turn the vengeance over to God
  • And over to Gods human authorities
  • Let every soul be subject to the governing
    authorities Rom. 131

  • 10. Replace the old resentful feelings with the
    forgiving love of Christ
  • -A spiritual vacuum is dangerous
  • -The result of forgiveness should never be
    emptiness or defeat, but rather actions of
    overflowing love.

Not every forgiveness is followed by
  • Reconciliation is the process of restoring a
    broken relationship
  • Example King David and his son Absalom (2 Sam

What you do not have to do (3)
  • 1.You do not have to feel good about the person
    who hurt you
  • -either before or after you forgive

  • Forgiveness is not forgetting
  • Forgiveness is an issue between you and God
  • It does not put a stamp of approval on anothers
  • It does not automatically build trust
  • It does not make you like someone who has hurt you

  • It simply releases the offense, and lets your
    focus on the problem, not the problem-producer

  • 2. You do no have to tell the other person about
    your resentful feelings unless the Scripture
    tells you to
  • Matt 523-26 first be reconciled to your
  • How do we apply that in the Liturgy, and why?

  • 3. You do not have to wait until you are ready to
  • -You can obey Gods Word right now
  • -Learn how to forgive yourself
  • -We also need to renounce false expectations and
    thoughts about God and agree to release any anger
    we have towards Him.

Recommended resources
  • 1)DeMoss, Nancy Leigh. Choosing forgiveness
    your journey to freedom
  • 2) Kendal,Stanely R.T. Total forgiveness.
  • 3) Stanely,Charles. The gift of forgiveness.
  • 4) Wright,H.Norman, and Larry Renetzky. Healing
    grace for hurting people Practical steps for
    Restoring Broken Relationships.
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