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Awkward Sentences

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Title: Awkward Sentences


1
Awkward Sentences
  • The Writing Centre
  • StFX University
  • 10th Anniversary Celebrations

2
The Meaning of AWK!
  • When professors write AWK beside a sentence in
    your paper, they mean that the sentence, whether
    grammatically correct or not, is awkward to read.
  • Professors frequently deduct points for awkward
    sentences, but rarely offer any concrete reasons
    why they are awkward.
  • This tutorial will clear up some confusion, and
    offer some guidance about how to eliminate this
    problem from your writing.

3
Why Writers Write Awkwardly
  • Because while composing the essay, the writer is
    normally focusing on the content of the sentence,
    not its structure, he or she may not notice a
    lack of sentence unity.
  • During the proofreading stage, the writer may
    still not catch the problem, because instead of
    reading the sentence the way it is actually
    written, the writer may instead hear the
    thought as separate components, each of which is
    clear.

4
What Makes Sentences Awkward?
  • Awkward sentences are ungrammatical, unclear,
    choppy, or just too difficult to follow.
  • The awkward sentence is where grammar and style
    collide.
  • If your sentence does not sound right when you
    read it aloud, chances are that it has run
    away from you. You are trying to say
    too much in one sentence. Simplify
    the thought and rewrite it. If necessary, use
    two sentences.

5
Problems found in awkward sentences
  • Unwarranted tense shifts
  • Shifts in person. For the most part, keep your
    sentences in the third person (he, she, it,
    they) avoid using first person (I, me, we) and
    second person (you, your).
  • Faulty prediction (is how, is why, is what,
    is where, is when)
  • Example Anorexia is where people,
    believing they are too fat, diet to the point of
    starvation.
  • Mixed Constructions

6
Problems Mixed Constructions
  • Many awkward sentences are mixed
    constructions. Mixed constructions are pieces
    of good sentences that are badly mixed in one
    sentence. To fix them, draw a line
    where the sentence seems to go wrong, keep the
    best part, delete the other, and finish the idea.
  • Example For most people who have cataracts/
    increase their danger from being blinded by
    glare from headlights while driving
    at night.
  • Solution For most people who have cataracts,
    driving at night is dangerous because of the
    glare from headlights.

7
The Causes of Awkward Sentences
  • Not using your own words instead you rely on the
    phrases and constructions of the author you are
    discussing. The mixture of your authors style
    and your own is almost always awkward.
  • Not revising most writers produce awkward
    sentences on the first draft.
  • Sentences become awkward through a
    combination of structural flaws, wordiness and
    incorrect usage.

8
Structural Flaws
  • A sentence that combines two or more segments in
    a confusing or inaccurate manner normally
    contains structural flaws.
  • Example He had great runs that year, which
    was (115) along with strike outs (99).
  • Problems nonsensical phrasing, improper use
    of parentheses
  • Suggested Correction That year,
    he scored an impressive 115 runs although he
    struck out 99 times.

9
Wordiness
  • Sentences contain too many unnecessary words.
  • Example He was the Mets manager during
    their first world series, Hodges guided them to
    the Mets first World Series.
  • Grammatical problem a comma splice separates
    two clauses which mean essentially the same
    thing
  • Suggested Solution As a manager, Hodges guided
    the Mets to their first World Series.

10
Incorrect Usage
  • Any sentence that does not have sentence unity.
  • Example He was black so because blacks were
    not liked very much and as much as
    Atticus tried to get him accused of being
    not guilty, he still ended up being accused of
    the crime.
  • Grammatical Problems lacks parallel structure
    and misplaces modifying phrases
  • Suggested Correction Since he
    was black, and since blacks were usually
    mistreated, he was still accused of the crime
    despite Atticus efforts to exonerate him.

11
Avoiding Awkward Sentences
  • Because there are thousands of ways to combine
    phrases and clauses, there can be no single rule
    to help writers avoid awkward sentences.
  • You can probably avoid most examples of them
    if you proofread the paper and re-write any
    sentence that seems to get away from you or that
    you have trouble composing.
  • Learn to spot problem phrasing in the first
    place, and think about how you can better express
    yourself. This takes practice.

12
Detecting Awkward Sentences
  • Read your essay aloud slowly with pen in hand.
    Mark areas where you slowed, stumbled, or paused,
    because those areas may need fixing. Your ear
    may know what your eye has missed.
  • To really be sure you have not missed an awkward
    sentence, proofread your essay back to front
    last sentence to first sentence.

13
Awkward sentences do not reflect the writers
intended meaning.
  • Ex. In this quote, it interprets an example of
    when Tom Robinson was killed.
  • Correction The quotation calls
    to mind the killing of Tom Robinson as an
    example of its meaning.
  • Ex. Tom Robinson is a poor black man who is
    discriminated against.
  • Correction Tom Robinson is a poor black man who
    faces discrimination.

14
Correcting Awkward Sentences Stylistically
  • Look for the words it, this, by, and
    there in each sentence. Are these words truly
    necessary? Could you rewrite the sentence to
    replace them with more specific words or
    eliminate them entirely?
  • Consider each comma in the sentence. Does it
    belong there?

15
Correcting Awkward Sentences Grammatically
  • Use correct parallel structure
  • Correct misplaced modifiers
  • Write clear, concise sentences

16
Correct Parallel Structure means
  • Sentences have the same structures on either
    side of a conjunction (and, but not, so, yet, for
    etc.)
  • Awkward Sentence These advertisements persuade
    us that the corporation supports environmentalism
    but not to buy its products.
  • Suggested Correction These advertisements
    persuade us that the corporation supports
    environmentalism but not that we should buy its
    products.

17
Correct Parallel Structure means
  • Items in a list must be parallel in structure.
  • Awkward Sentence Gordons career
    goals include a promotion to Vice President,
    an annual bonus of 10, and to have many exciting
    and stimulating projects to choose from.
  • Suggested Correction Gordons career goals
    include a promotion to Vice President, an
    annual bonus of 10, and a choice of
    many exciting and stimulating projects.

18
Correct Parallel Structure means
  • Sentences have equality between items that are
    being compared
  • Awkward Sentence I think dining
    out is a lot more fun than to go through the
    hassle of cooking at home.
  • Suggested Correction I think dining out is a
    lot more fun than going through the hassle of
    cooking at home.

19
Correct Misplaced Modifiers
  • When using a phrase or clause to modify or
    describe something in a sentence, the modifier
    must refer clearly to what it is
    describing. Most often, this means it must be
    placed next to the item to which it is referring.
    Failing to do so often results in an awkward,
    though humorous, sentence.

20
Correcting Misplaced Modifiers
  • Awkward Sentence The despondent little girl
    found her missing doll playing in the backyard
    under the swing.
  • Suggested Correction When she was playing in
    the backyard under the swing, the little girl
    found her missing doll.

21
Writing Clear, Concise Sentences means
  • Using strong, precise verbs whenever possible
    avoid passive constructions like it is believed
    by it was demonstrated that..
  • Avoiding unnecessarily inflated words and phrases
    like under circumstances in which instead of
    when
  • Eliminating unnecessary prepositional
    phrases like the opinion of the working group
    instead of the working groups opinion

22
Writing Clear, Concise Sentences means
  • Avoiding the use of vague, all-purpose nouns
  • Avoiding strings of nouns like program
    implementation process evaluation
  • Avoiding expletive constructions like it is,
    there is, there are whenever possible

23
Examples of Awkward Sentences
  • Every attempt will be made to delineate the
    problems of education among underdeveloped
    nations and how coordinated efforts can address
    them in economical ways.
  • The proposal appears to have been written
    intelligently, carefully, and with the full
    cooperation of all the involved
    agencies.
  • A familiar marketing strategy was reintroduced by
    a former client that had served the company
    dependably in the past.
  • The committee recommends revising the curriculum
    to reflect trends in local employment and that
    the division be reorganized to reflect the
    new curriculum.
  • To run for a seat in the United States Senate, a
    candidate must be an adult at least thirty years
    of age, a citizen of the United States, and is to
    reside in the state to be represented.

24
Examples of Awkward Sentence
  • An historical study of any profound social change
    must recognize the economic basis of the change
    and its political climate and its demographic
    foundations.
  • Nineteenth-century nihilists were concerned with
    neither the origins of philosophical thought nor
    how societal laws developed.
  • After practicing for months, auditions went much
    more smoothly for the young actor.
  • The great wastes of the southeast quadrant of
    Saudi Arabia are at once forbiddingly empty,
    climactically harsh, and the beauty of them is
    haunting.
  • Like many politicians, the senators promises
    sounded good but ultimately led to nothing.
  • Hodges was a strong player, he had good
    sportsmanship, he also contributed to the game.

25
Examples of Awkward Sentences
  • This shows that even by Boo being used to staying
    by himself and not being bothered he went out to
    save the kids even though they tried to bother
    and disturb him.
  • For King Lear, because of the one fault he
    makes, he pays for it dearly.
  • Besides that of her parents, it is not until Jane
    arrives at Lowood that she experiences
    love.
  • Cocteau seems to almost ridicule, in the process,
    the Greek belief in nobility.
  • She has no reason to grieve in sorrow when she
    has no one to blame but herself.
  • Based on the fact that he is pessimistic and
    feels life is not worth it, he is forgetting
    about his loved ones whom he said he did not want
    to hurt.

26
Examples of Awkward Sentences
  • Though he is trying to argue that they do not
    have the right to say he cannot choose if he
    wants euthanasia, he does not have the right to
    tell his family they have suffered enough.
  • For example, people sometimes get so angry
    that they would like to take someone
    elses life and murder them.
  • After reading this statement, I interpreted that
    civil rights and the hiring policy should not be
    taken in the consideration for the hiring of
    homosexuals.
  • Well, all the civil rights cases concerning
    African Americans were based on
    allowing blacks to become part of the modern
    lifestyle.
  • Many men were taught that this was not masculine
    of them.

27
Examples of Awkward Sentences
  • For example, a person who has many problems, such
    as financial issues, cant exactly practice
    euthanasia.
  • People make choices every day that put their
    lives in jeopardy where death can occur.
  • Everyone portrays a unique situation and
    no religion or law can say what is
    appropriate for every woman.
  • To take the side that they did the writers of
    this article should have given better solutions
    to these very serious problems.
  • This statement is not very influential
    because the author fails to provide
    any supporting evidence.
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