Forgiveness, Remorse,

1
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationLessons
Learned from the Amish
2
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationLessons
Learned from the Amish

• Workshop Objectives
• Have detailed knowledge concerning what it means
  to forgive and to pardon, and how these two
  separate constructs are related
• Understand the relationship between the
  compassion found in forgiveness and pardoning and
  subjective well being and
• Have learned exercises intended to facilitate the
  motivation to seek and to extend to others
  forgiveness and pardon.

3
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationLessons
Learned from the Amish

• Thursday Morning
• Review of the Events of 10/02/2006
• Amish Theology of Forgiveness
• Overview of other Religious points of view, as
  well
• Psychology of Forgiveness (1)
• Thursday Afternoon
• Psychology of Forgiveness (2)

4
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationLessons
Learned from the Amish

• Friday Morning
• Forgiveness Exercise Why Forgive?
• Empirical Support for Forgiveness Therapy
• Health Benefits
• Emotional Healing
• Friday Afternoon
• The Work of Reconciliation
• Personal and National Healing

5
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationLessons
Learned from the Amish

• Events of October 2, 2006
• The Invasion 1025 a.m.
• Police Notified 1036 a.m.
• Police Emergency Personnel Arrive 1042 a.m.
• The Shooting Begins 1107 a.m.
• The Rescue 1110 a.m.
• Aftermath October 2nd through 4th
• The Victims

6
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationLessons
Learned from the Amish

• News Media Coverage
• First Day Coverage
• http//www.boston.com/partners/worldnow/necn.html?
  catID83458clipid988492autoStarttruemutefals
  econtinuoustrue
• Second Day Coverage http//wcbstv.com/video/?id9
  2146_at_wcbs.dayport.com
• Third Day Coverage http//wcco.com/video/?id2026
  5_at_wcco.dayport.com
• On the day of the Burials http//www.youtube.com/
  watch?vp_D_Z9bskqM

7
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationLessons
Learned from the Amish

• One Week Later http//video.google.com/videoplay?
  docid9016523483392225435
• Bill Moyers on Amish Grace, one year later
  http//www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/blog/2007/10/bil
  l_moyers_essay_amish_grace.html

8
Amish Grace The Theology of Forgiveness

• Over 100 years of persecution led to emigration
  to Pennsylvania and religious freedom
• No Amish remain in Europe
• Estimated to be over 165,000 Old Order Amish in
  the United States and Canada
• Reference Amish Grace How Forgiveness
  Transcended Tragedy by Kraybill, Nolt, and
  Weaver-Zercher

9
Amish Grace The Theology of Forgiveness

• Thy Will Be Done
• Foundation of Amish Theology is Gelassenheit
  (yieldedness or submission)
• Characterizes ones relationship with God
• Living within Gods Divine Order as revealed by
  Christ

10
The Nature of Galassenheit

• God works in the world with the power of
  powerlessness
• Yield to one another, renounce self defense, give
  up the desire for justification or efforts at
  revenge
• Always seeking to discern Gods Plans behind
  events

11
The Nature of Galassenheit

• Not Fatalistic that is, Humans possess choices
  of ultimate significance
• Whether to make a commitment to Christ (Baptism
  is an adult choice, made after adolescents are
  allowed a year of living as an English)
• Galassenheit requires discernment that may lead
  to
• Resistance to government rules (i.e. military
  service)
• Refusal to attend public schools

12
The Nature of Galassenheit

• One does not argue with God
• One yields to church authority willing to accept
  the Ordnung (rules of the church)
• Ones humility and modesty testify to Gelassenheit

13
The Nature of Galassenheit

• Collectivist vs. Individualist Culture
• Dress in prescribed clothing
• Refuse to pose for photographs
• Drive in horse drawn carriages
• Resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite thee
  on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also
  (Matthew 539)

14
Amish Grace The Theology of Forgiveness

• Dirk Willems Rescues His Pursuer
• Executed on May 16, 1569
• Amish martyrs
• submitted their lives
• to God extended
• forgiveness to those
• about to kill them.

15
Amish Grace The Theology of Forgiveness

• Gospel Reading for Sunday, October 1, 2006
  Matthew 18 21 35

16
Amish Grace The Theology of Forgiveness

• Origins in Christian Theology Matthew 69 13,
  The Lords Prayer
• Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed by thy
  name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in
  earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our
  daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we
  forgive our debtors. And lead us not into
  temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine
  is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for
  ever. Amen.

17
Amish Grace The Theology of Forgiveness

• The Lords Prayer
• First prayer learned as a child
• Recited at EVERY gathering
• First act in the morning
• Last act in the evening
• Communal nature of Amish society REQUIRES
  constant forgiveness
• Individualism is the great divide between us and
  outsiders. (40 year old Amish father)

18
Amish Grace The Theology of Forgiveness

• Matthew 614 15
• For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your
  heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye
  forgive not men their trespasses, neither will
  your Father forgive your trespasses.
• The purpose of life is to go to Heaven spend
  eternity with God
• ALL people are sinners
• ALL people are forgiven their sins IF they
  unconditionally forgive everyone

19
Forgiveness in Judaism

• Individual Forgiveness cannot be separated from
  the context of community
• Forgiveness and Repentance are inextricably
  linked
• Cannot allow anothers transgression to distract
  us from the need for self-reflection and
  cleansing (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur)
• The individual is commanded by G-d to accept the
  offenders apology
• The act of forgiveness is part of the obligation
  to practice Tikkun Olan, the repairing of the
  world

20
Forgiveness in Islam

• In the Quran Allah has described the Believers
  as those who avoid major sins and acts of
  indecencies and when they are angry they
  forgive. (al-Shura 4237)
• Later in the same Surah Allah says, The reward
  of the evil is the evil thereof, but whosoever
  forgives and makes amends, his reward is upon
  Allah. (al-Shura 4240)
• The Prophet in Taif

21
Forgiveness in Buddhism

• Dialectic between Happiness Suffering
• Mindfulness and Acceptance of the Universality of
  Suffering leads to Wisdom Compassion
• To not forgive is to perpetuate endless cycles of
  resentment, anger, fear, despair (suffering)
• To not forgive is to remain trapped in dualistic
  thinking (Ignorance)

22
Forgiveness in Alcoholics Anonymous

• Focuses on being forgiven
• If we are sorry for what we have done, and have
  the honest desire to let God take us to better
  things, we believe we will be forgiven and will
  have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry,
  and our conduct continues to harm others, we are
  quite sure to drink.
• 9th Step focuses on making amends, NOT on asking
  for forgiveness

23
Psychology of ForgivenessPrimary References

• Helping Clients Forgive An Empirical Guide for
  Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope by Enright and
  Fitzgibbons
• Forgiveness is a Choice A Step-by-Step Process
  for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope by Enright
• The Power of Forgiveness Website
  http//www.thepowerofforgiveness.com/
• Fetzer Institute Forgiveness Website
• http//www.fetzer.org/LoveAndForgive/CommunityCon
  versations.html

24
Psychology of Forgiveness

• Starting with Anger
• Internal state (feelings thoughts)
• External state (verbal behavioral)
• Physiological Arousal Emotional Pain
• Response to Unjust Treatment by Another

25
Psychology of Forgiveness

• Psychosocial Consequences of Anger
• Damaged Interpersonal Relationships
• Workplace Problems
• Poor Decision Making Risk Taking
• Substance Abuse
• Diminished Motor Capacity
• Medical Consequences of Anger
• Coronary Heart Disease
• High Cholesterol
• Strokes
• Cancer
• Stress Related Illnesses (IBS, Chronic Fatigue
  Syndrome, Fibromyalgia etc.)

26
Psychology of Forgiveness

• Features of Anger in Forgiveness Therapy
• Focused on another person or other people
• Intense, at least in the short term
• A learned pattern of annoyance, irritation, and
  acrimony w/ others who may not be the source of
  the anger
• Can be extreme in passivity or hostility
• Regressive that is, appropriate for someone much
  younger
• The anger abides
• Based on a REAL injustice and hurt

27
Forgiveness Morality

• Morality Quest for the Good in relation to
  others
• Focused on interpersonal relationships, with
  emphasis on having good intentions for other
  people
• When one is wronged one seeks Justice
• Eye for an eye
• When one is wronged one extends Mercy
• Genuine extension of beneficence to the offender
• Forgiving emphasizes Mercy over Justice

28
Forgiveness Transformation

• Forgiving leads to several alterations
• The forgiver changes previous responses toward
  the offender
• The forgivers emotional state changes for the
  better
• Relationships may improve

29
Definition of Forgiving

• People, upon rationally determining that they
  have been unfairly treated, forgive when the
  willfully abandon resentment and related
  responses (to which they have a right), and
  endeavor to respond to the wrongdoer based on the
  moral principle of beneficence, which may include
  compassion, unconditional worth, generosity, and
  moral love (to which the wrongdoer, by nature of
  the hurtful act or acts, has no right).

30
Definition of Forgiving

• Rationally Determining
• Does not hastily judge the offender
• Forgiver is free of mental defect (does not
  distort reality)
• Forgiver sees that the other has committed a
  moral wrong
• Willfully abandon
• Active engagement in changing the response to the
  moral wrong
• Accomplished by a conscious decision-making
  process

31
Definition of Forgiving

• Abandoning Resentment
• Decreases negative emotions
• Decreases negative thoughts
• Decreases negative behaviors
• Beneficence (A sense of goodness in which a
  person aids others without thought of what they
  have done or could do for him/her)
• Increases positive emotions
• Increases positive thoughts
• Increases positive behaviors

32
Definition of Forgiving

• Compassion
• A moral emotion in which one suffers along with
  the other
• Implies that the injured feels sympathetic toward
  the offender because that person is also a human
  being
• Unconditional Worth
• The offender is a person
• ALL persons have worth IN SPITE OF the wrongs
  they may do

33
Definition of Forgiving

• Generosity
• One gives the offender more than he/she deserves,
  because of Unconditional Worth
• A conferral of mercy upon the offender
• Moral Love
• An investment in the well being of another person
• Agape Bringing an open and softened heart to all
  people, including offenders

34
The Paradox of Forgiving

• One gives up what one has a right to
• Resentment
• Revenge
• Retribution
• One gives to another that which is not
  necessarily deserved
• Beneficence as defined by
• Compassion, Unconditional Worth, Generosity, and
  Moral Love

35
What Forgiveness Is Not

• Pardoning A public act of jurisprudence
  (forgiveness is private)
• Condoning Recognition of a moral infraction but
  tolerated do to circumstances (forgiving does not
  tolerate the injustice)
• Reconciliation Involves TWO people (forgiveness
  belongs to the forgiver alone) conditional on
  the offenders willingness and ability to change
  offensive ways

36
What Forgiveness Is Not

• Conciliation To appease, gain someones favor
  through pleasing acts, to placate
• Justification If the offenders action was
  actually justified, then forgiveness is not
  appropriate
• Forgetting Forgiving IS NOT forgive and forget
  or put the past behind you
• Forgiving is REMEMBERING in new ways

37
What Forgiveness Is Not

• Becoming Less Disappointed Forgiver remains
  disappointed in the others behaviors, but
  lessens his/her own suffering
• Balancing Scales An aspect of Justice, not Mercy
• May be needed, but subsequent to Forgiving
• Self-Centering Forgiving IS NOT focused on the
  forgivers well being
• Paradoxically focuses on the humanity of the
  offender and compassionate understanding

38
Forgiveness is Developmental

• Varies based on the level of Cognitive Complexity
  of the individual
• Forgiveness therapy must take this into account
• Therapist can help the client grow
  developmentally through the therapy
• If the client feels stuck in anger, it may be a
  clue to a lower level of complexity

39
Forgiveness is DevelopmentalStyles of Forgiveness

1. Revengeful Forgiveness needs to punish
2. Restitutional Forgiveness needs restitution
3. Expectational Forgiveness Only forgives when
   pressured to

40
Forgiveness is DevelopmentalStyles of Forgiveness

1. Lawful Expectational Forgiveness When my
   religion demands it of me
2. Forgiveness as Social Harmony When it decreases
   friction and conflict in society
3. Forgiveness as Love Agape Unconditional worth
   of all humans

41
The Process Model of Forgiveness Therapy

• Assumption
• Forgiveness is a process, an unfolding, that
• Does not run smoothly
• Is filled with starts and stops
• Eventually culminates in reducing anger and
  enhancing compassion
• Forgiveness is not a decision only
• Deciding to forgive is a part of the process
• Necessary, but not sufficient

42
The Process Model of Forgiveness Therapy

• Forgiveness happens in Phases
• Each phase contains several units
• The phases and units are not invariant for every
  process of forgiving
• Phases/Units provide a road map to help the
  therapist and client discern what route will
  bring relief
• A blueprint for an anger/forgiveness Case
  Conceptualization

43
The Process Model of Forgiveness Therapy

• Uncovering Phase Client gains insight into
  whether and how the injustice and subsequent
  injury have compromised his/her life.
• Decision Phase Client gains an understanding of
  the nature of forgiveness and makes a decision to
  commit to forgiving on the basis of this
  understanding.

44
The Process Model of Forgiveness Therapy

• Work Phase Client gains a cognitive
  understanding of the offender and begins to view
  the offender in a new light, resulting in
  positive change in affect about the offender,
  about the self, and about the relationship.
• Deepening Phase Client finds meaning in the
  suffering, feels more connected with others, and
  experiences decreased negative affect and, at
  times, renewed purpose in life.

45
Uncovering Phase Unit One Examining
Psychological Defenses and Issues Involved

• The client may not know he/she is angry, due to
  the effectiveness of the defense
• Assess whether certain defenses are preventing
  the client from rationally examining what
  happened
• Help the client understand what happened and who
  was unfair
• Typical Defenses include Denial, Repression, and
  Displacement

46
Uncovering Phase Unit TwoConfronting Anger

• Once defenses break down, client may become very
  angry, which can linger for months or years
• Therapist must
• Acknowledge the anger
• Allow for its expression
• Set as a goal its diminution toward the offender

47
Uncovering Phase Unit ThreeAdmitting Shame

• Some Unfairnesses precipitate shame in the
  offended person
• Childhood sexual abuse, particularly incest
• Other forms of childhood and adult abuse
• Divorce
• Spousal abandonment
• Termination of employment
• Anger Shame A Lot of Suffering
• Therapist helps the client work through the
  shame perhaps uncover secondary anger (at those
  who instigate shame (i.e. gossipers)

48
Uncovering Phase Unit FourAwareness of
Depletion of Emotional Energy

• Anger Shame Suffering is exhausting!
• Therapist must recognize how fatiguing this is
• Reduction in Anger/Shame etc. can be part of
  clients motivation to consider Forgiveness

49
Uncovering Phase Unit FiveAwareness of
Cognitive Rehearsal

• Angry people become preoccupied with the offense
• Can include dream life, as well
• Often people are unaware of their preoccupation
  has become normal
• Insight concerning preoccupation can be
  motivational, as well

50
Uncovering Phase Unit SixComparing Self and
Offender

• Comparison of clients unfortunate state with
  offenders fortunate state
• Deepens client anger can lead to envy
• Insight concerning comparisons can be
  motivational to client

51
Uncovering Phase Unit SevenFacing Permanent
Change

• The moral breach may leave the client permanently
  changed
• Not unusual for this to be an object of client
  denial, which leaves the client stuck
• Acceptance comes slowly in this area

52
Uncovering Phase Unit EightAn Altered Just
World View

• Trauma frequently results in an alteration of how
  a client believes the world works
• World Cruel, unsafe, people are self-interested
• Critical that therapist help the client compare
  this change in world view, and how it permeates
  the clients life

53
Uncovering PhaseSeven Layers of Pain

• Anger
• Shame
• Depleted energy
• Cognitive rehearsal
• Comparisons with offender
• Possibility of permanent injury
• More pessimistic philosophy of life

54
Treatment in the Uncovering Phase

• Focuses on
• telling the story
• Validating the anger
• Identifying clearly the perpetrator
• Understanding the cost of the offense to the
  client (defenses, anger, shame, fatigue,
  preoccupation, resentments (comparisons), change
  in world view)
• Joining forces with the client

55
Decision Phase Unit One Previous Coping
Strategies Are Ineffective

• Seven Layers of Pain ? Insight that I am not
  coping well
• The definition of insanity is
• Maybe I should try something different?
• When the client begins to question his/her
  resentment and whether its worth it, the
  therapist has a window to begin an existential
  journey.

56
Decision Phase Unit Two Willingness to Consider
Forgiveness

• Client is free to select or reject forgiveness
• MUST be clearly informed concerning
• Abandonment of resentment and adoption of
  beneficence
• Paradox inherent in the definition
• What forgiveness is not (e.g. condoning,
  reconciling etc.)
• To forgive ? Becoming a Doormat
• Interplay between forgiving and finding justice

57
Decision Phase Unit Three Committing to Forgive
the Offender

• Making a commitment to forgive
• It is a cognitive act, not an affective act
• It can occur even if the client is still angry
  and resentful
• A conscious commitment to NOT ACT on the anger
  and/or resentment
• A conscious commitment to uncover all acts of
  anger or resentment, whether active or passive

58
Treatment in the Decision Phase

• Make an inventory of previous solutions to
  dealing with the unfair situation
• Rate the effectiveness (1 10) of each
• Psychoeducation concerning the definition of
  forgiveness
• Motivational enhancement (i.e. advantages
  disadvantages of forgiving of not forgiving

59
Treatment in the Decision Phase

• Consider these statements for discussion
• Do no harm to the one who hurt you. How can you
  act on that statement?
• How have you done harm, even in a subtle way, to
  him or her?
• How can you reverse this trend?

60
Work Phase Unit OneReframing

• To rethink a situation or see it with fresh
  perspective
• Cognitive, rather than affective exercise, that
  generally leads to positive affective responses
  toward the offender
• Help the client see the offender as a human
  being, rather than as evil

61
Work Phase Unit OneReframing

• Typical Questions
• What was it like for the offender growing up?
• What was it like for the offender at the time of
  the offense?
• Can you see the offender as part of a human
  community?
• Is it possible that I may have contributed to the
  offenders actions? (VERY carefully)
• Does the history of our relationship help explain
  the offense?

62
Work Phase Unit TwoShowing Empathy and
Compassion

• Empathy (step inside the others shoes) can
  emerge at this time cannot be forced
• Successful reframing ( fewer distortions)
  associated with emergence of empathy
• Cognitive response
• Decreases in
• Over deprecation of the offender
• Over adulation of the offender (it was OK to do
  what he/she did)
• Seeing the offender and the offenses clearly,
  with moral neutrality

63
Work Phase Unit TwoShowing Empathy and
Compassion

• Compassion (come alongside the other person be
  willing to suffer along with him/her)
• Not moral neutral goal is the good of the other
• Affective response
• Motivates to reach out (within reason) to the
  offender
• Beginning of the release from hatred and
  bitterness
• A Mystery

64
Work Phase Unit ThreeBearing the Pain

• Acceptance of what happened and its consequences
• Transitional when one accepts pain, it
  diminishes
• Does not close the door to Justice
• Requires great Courage
• When this unit occurs, the client passes from
  being a victim to being a survivor

65
Work Phase Unit FourGiving a Moral Gift

• Beneficence is not internal, it must be expressed
• Cannot be forced (supererogatory in nature)
• An act of kindness toward the offender
• Sometimes its enough to no longer resent and
  think ill of the offender

66
Treatment in the Work Phase

• Telling the story of the offender
• Cultivating a Global (or, perhaps, a spiritual)
  Perspective
• Sharp affective reflections and affirmations by
  the therapist as empathy and compassion emerge
• Motivational enhancement (ready, willing, able
  paradigm) toward bearing the pain
• Rehearsal of the Moral Gift for the offender

67
Deepening Phase Unit OneFinding Meaning

• Frankl believed that the heart of healing was in
  finding rational meaning, a narrative that makes
  sense to the one suffering
• New client worldview
• Suffering is part of the world
• Suffering can confer benefits
• Suffering can be relieved
• Suffering depends on ones perspective, at times
• Suffering can be lived with
• The new narrative makes sense and lessens my
  suffering

68
Deepening Phase Unit TwoHaving Needed Others
Forgiveness

• Have you ever wronged others?
• Was forgiveness extended?
• How did that feel?
• What were the consequences of receiving
  forgiveness?
• Not unusual to generalize forgiveness beyond the
  original hurt

69
Deepening Phase Unit ThreeKnowing that One is
Not Alone

• Opening of the heart leads to awareness of
• The universality of suffering
• Presence of others willing to help
• For religious or spiritual people, deepening of
  ones connection with God/Higher Power
• Collaborative Religious Coping, rather than
  Self-Directed or Deferring

70
Deepening Phase Unit FourRealizing a New Purpose

• Upon feeling forgiveness client may want to
  extend beneficence to others suffering similarly
• With decrease or loss of trait anger one may find
  ones world view substantially changed

71
Deepening Phase Unit FiveAwareness of Affective
Transformation

• Realization of freedom from psychological
  distress
• Reductions in depression, anxiety, addiction,
  stress-related disorders
• Change in self image concerning virtues and value
• See self as an agent of wisdom and compassion in
  the world

72
Treatment in the Deepening Phase

• Key Questions
• What have you learned as a result of the
  suffering you have endured?
• Can you recall a specific event in which you were
  extended forgiveness? Hope to be forgiven?
• How has this helped you?
• How does this help you to forgive others?
• Tell me about who you are becoming.

73
Forgiveness in Addictions Counseling

• Anger Substance Abuse
• Conduct D/O precedes Substance Abuse
• AOD abusers have higher levels of trait and state
  anger than general population
• Subjective anger is strongly related to SUD
  stronger relationship than ASPD.

74
Forgiveness in Addictions Counseling

• Anger Substance Abuse (continued)
• Some substances (ETOH, PCP, Amphetamines,
  Cocaine) associated with provoking aggressive
  behaviors
• Adoption studies show strong relationship between
  Impulsiveness and addiction
• Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the
  other guy dies

75
Forgiveness in Addictions Counseling

• 12 Step Work focuses on making amends
• Promotes the work of expressing remorse, a
  precursor to reconciliation
• 4th 5th Step can facilitate the Uncovering
  Phase, but do not address Decision, Work, and
  Deepening
• Spirituality of the 12 Steps opens hearts
• General facilitation of forgiveness in the
  humility promoted by 12 Step programs
• Scant research into the relationship between
  State/Trait Anger and Recovery

76
Benefits of Forgiveness

• Holding onto Grudges is Harmful
• Forgiveness is good for health
• The work of
• Everett Worthington
• Kathleen Lawler Row

77
Empirical Validation

• Comparison of
• Decision-Based Forgiveness Therapy
• Process-Based Group Forgiveness Therapy
• Process-Based Individual Therapy
• Reference
• Baskin, T.W. Enright, R.D. (2004).
  Intervention Studies on Forgiveness A
  Meta-Analysis. Journal of Counseling and
  Development, 82, p. 79 90.

78
Decision Based Forgiveness Therapy

• Forgiveness is a Decision
• I forgive you is stated publicly.
• Forgiver is consciously aware of this
  proclamation.
• Cognitive Process.
• Outcomes Research Results
• No difference in level of forgiveness from
  Control Groups.
• No difference in emotional health from Control
  Groups.

79
Process-Based Group Forgiveness Therapy

• Forgiveness is a Process Group Therapy
• Process Model of Forgiveness followed in Group
  Therapy Settings
• Cognitive, Affective, and Behavioral Processes.
• Outcomes Research Results
• Level of Forgiveness better than 75 of the
  Control Group.
• Emotional Health better than 65 of the Control
  Group.

80
Process-Based Individual Forgiveness Therapy

• Forgiveness is a Process Individual Therapy
• Process Model of Forgiveness followed in
  Individual Therapy Settings
• Cognitive, Affective, and Behavioral Processes.
• Outcomes Research Results
• Level of Forgiveness better than 95 of the
  Control Group.
• Emotional Health better than 92 of the Control
  Group.

81
Reconciliation

• A Process for the Offended Person
• Offended forgives
• Offended comes to Trust again
• Offended offers Open Communication
• Offended Accepts Justice
• A Process for the Offender
• Offender expresses remorse
• Offender provides evidence of remorse
• Offender makes amends
• Offender provides evidence of personal change

82
Reconciliation Case StudyEbenezer Scrooge,
Nephew Fred, Bob Cratchit

• Ebenezer Scrooge Nephew Fred Bob Cratchit

83
Reconciliation Case StudyEbenezer Scrooge,
Nephew Fred, Bob Cratchit

• Fred offers unconditional forgiveness to Uncle
  Scrooge from the outset Bob Cratchit refuses to
  speak ill of the founder of the feast, but
• Trust has not been restored
• There is no Open Communication
• There is no evidence of remorse
• There is no evidence of any personal change

84
Reconciliation Case StudyEbenezer Scrooge,
Nephew Fred, Bob Cratchit

• After being haunted by the three spirits
  (analogue for the therapeutic process), Scrooge
• Expresses Remorse for the way hes lived (Fred
  opens his door to his uncle in Trust Bob
  Cratchit listens)
• Makes Amends for his past actions (Offers to sit
  with Bob Cratchit to discuss his family promises
  to keep Christmas in his heart throughout the
  year Communication is now Open)
• Provides Evidence of Personal Change (Makes good
  on promises to help Tiny Tim makes contribution
  to help the poor Restorative Justice is made)

85
Forgiveness, Remorse, ReconciliationThe
Healing of Nations

• South African Truth and Reconciliation
  Commission Archbishop Desmond Tutu
• http//www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/11092007/watch4.
  html
• September 11, 2001
• Forgiveness Garden Proposal