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Dealing With People You Cant Stand

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When the intent to get appreciation is thwarted, behavior becomes more attention ... Words. From Volentum (Volentum.com) Prefrontal Lobes. Characteristics: Fuse ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Dealing With People You Cant Stand


1
Dealing With People You Cant Stand
  • How to Bring Out the Best
  • in People at Their Worst

2
PACRAO 2009 Session A2PresentersJulia
Pomerenk, University RegistrarWashington State
UniversityHeather A Chermak, Associate
RegistrarUniversity of Idaho
3
What Well Cover Today
  • Lens of Understanding
  • What Part of Our Brains Are We Using?
  • Communication Strategies and Tools
  • Developing a Plan

4
Lens of Understanding
5
Normal Zone
  • Get it Right
  • Get it Done
  • Get Along
  • Get Appreciated

6
Threatened Intent
  • Perfection
  • Control
  • Approval
  • Attention

7
Intentions to Consider
  • When the intent to get it done is thwarted,
    behavior becomes more controlling, leading people
    to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls.
  • When the intent to get it right is thwarted,
    behavior becomes more perfectionistic, leading
    people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing
    People.

8
Intentions to Consider
  • When the intent to get along is thwarted,
    behavior becomes more approval-seeking, leading
    people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and
    Nothing People.
  • When the intent to get appreciation is thwarted,
    behavior becomes more attention-getting, leading
    people to become Grenades, Think-They-Know-It-Alls
    , and Snipers.

9
Behaviors
  • Tank
  • Sniper
  • Grenade
  • Know it all
  • Think they know it all
  • Yes Person
  • No Person
  • Maybe Person
  • Nothing Person
  • Whiner

10
Lens of Understanding
11
What Part of Our Brains Are We Using?
  • Reptilian Brain
  • Limbic Systems
  • Neocortex
  • Prefrontal Lobes

From Volentum (Volentum.com)
12
Reptilian Brain
  • Characteristics
  • Territorial
  • Retreat to familiar
  • Does not interact
  • Has limited vision
  • Is silent
  • Responds to
  • Predictability
  • Repetition
  • Ritual
  • Rote or Routine Behavior
  • Results/Success
  • Relaxation

From Volentum (Volentum.com)
13
Limbic System
  • Characteristics
  • Reaches out
  • Sense of team/family
  • Takes responsibility
  • Interacts and bonds
  • Flexible
  • Creative
  • Responds to
  • Courage
  • Fun/Smiles
  • Nourishment/Caring
  • Belonging
  • Celebration
  • Passion/Emotion

From Volentum (Volentum.com)
14
Neocortex
  • Characteristics
  • Logical/Mathematical
  • Analytical or Linear
  • Organized
  • Musical/Humorous
  • Emotional
  • Relationship Oriented
  • Responds to
  • External World
  • Experience
  • Information
  • Novelty
  • Change
  • Words

From Volentum (Volentum.com)
15
Prefrontal Lobes
  • Characteristics
  • Fuse emotions
  • Values and goals
  • Sense of purpose
  • Respond to
  • Purpose and Great Vision
  • Futuristic Planning
  • Empathy and Compassion

From Volentum (Volentum.com)
16
Communication
  • The word communicate appears in Websters
    dictionary between commotion and community.
  • We all have experienced the commotion generated
    by poor communication, and know equally well that
    effective communication can build a community
    that withstands many of the problems in the
    workplace.
  • Carol Hacker

17
Blending and Redirecting
  • Blending Any behavior by which you reduce
    differences and find common ground.
  • Verbal
  • Non-verbal
  • Redirecting Using common ground and rapport to
    redirect communication to a positive outcome.

18
Listen to Understand
  • Understanding occurs on two levels
  • Emotionally
  • Intellectually
  • How to listen to understand
  • Blend (verbally and non-verbally)
  • Backtrack
  • Clarify meaning and identify positive intent
  • Summarize
  • Confirm you understand

19
Listen Well
  • The most basic and powerful way to connect to
    another person is to listen. Just listen.
    Perhaps the most important thing we ever give
    each other is our attention.
  • Rachel Naomi Remen
  • We have two ears and one mouth so that we can
    listen twice as much as we speak.
  • Epictetus

20
Speak to Be Understood
  • Monitor your tone
  • State your positive intent
  • Tactfully interrupt interruptions
  • Tell your truth
  • Be ready to listen

21
Speak from the Heart
  • Hear and understand me.
  • Even if you disagree, dont make me wrong.
  • Acknowledge the greatness within me.
  • Remember to look for my loving intention.
  • Tell me the truth with compassion.
  • Hyler Bracey

22
Develop a PlanChange your Attitude
  • Change your reactions
  • Pretend to be someone famous
  • Change your perspective
  • Dis-associate
  • Change the way you talk to yourself
  • Be positive

23
Consider Other Possibilities
  • How Fascinating!
  • Tell me more about that . . .
  • Remember Rule 6.
  • Set yourself and the situation in a larger
    setting.
  • Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander

24
Questions?
25
Thank you
  • Enjoy the rest of the conference!
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