3.1 Produce an Extended Piece of Writing in a selected style

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3.1 Produce an Extended Piece of Writing in a
selected style

• Travel Writing

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The Task what do we have to do?

• Student Instructions Sheet
• In this activity, you will write at least 600
  words on a travel theme. You will present a
  unique place, event or activity that is
  significant to you, and that would appeal to
  travellers, and write about it as though for the
  travel section of a newspaper or magazine. To
  begin with, you will look at samples of travel
  journalism and examine the features and style
  appropriate to such a piece of writing.
• You will be assessed on your ability to
• Develop and sustain ideas in an extended piece of
  writing
• Craft controlled writing which creates effects
  appropriate to your audience, purpose and the
  travel writing genre
• Structure material in ways appropriate to
  audience, purpose and text type
• Use writing conventions accurately.

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Know your enemy

• Before we begin thinking about what to write,
  lets get to know a little about the conventions
  of the genre.
• Start by going to The Listener Magazine.
• Click on to some past issues, and find the travel
  section (Its not in all issues so you might have
  to fish about a bit)
• Read an article and complete the worksheet.
• The do the say for any other piece of travel
  writing you can find.

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What to do with your article

• Task 1 Close Reading
• Choose two to three travel articles and read
  them. Keep notes on the following
• Visual details
• Travel is a very visual experience. Write down a
  selection of phrases which show the writers use
  of small detail to bring the experience to life
  for the reader. What poetic language techniques
  does the writer use? (consider simile, metaphor,
  alliteration etc). How does the writer use the
  different senses?
• Being there
• How does the writer place him or herself in the
  context of the writing (ie personalise the
  experience)? Does the writer include arrival and
  departure? Conversations? Impressions of other
  people?
• Response versus the facts.
• Draw up two columns. In one column jot down
  phrases that include words of personal response.
  In the other column write down the facts. What
  conclusions can you draw about the balance of
  fact and opinion in travel writing? Summarise
  the overall impression the writer gives of this
  place or experience.

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Backwater blessingsby Bob Marriott
Metaphor captures the insane shape of the terrain

• The lush state of Kerala in southwestern India
  offers a nature-rich experience on water.
• Corkscrewing out of the mountains, the road is
  little more than a collection of potholes held
  together by a twisting, ragged ribbon of asphalt.
  Numerous hairpin bends overlook suicidal drops.
  Filling the road, a crazy accumulation of cars,
  trucks and overloaded buses compete with bright
  yellow tuk-tuks, ox-carts and small motorbikes,
  many with three and even four on board.
• We pass through roadside villages packed with
  pedestrians picking their way along unfinished
  sidewalks with naked children playing in dust or
  mud alongside emaciated dogs. Goats forage among
  piles of litter and rubbish. The clouds of
  exhaust smoke and the sound of grating gears,
  over-revving engines and continually blaring
  horns are ignored by all, including the docile
  huge-horned cattle wandering unmolested among the
  teeming throng.

Lots of adjectives clear sense of place
Places himself, with travelling companions, on
the road
Sensual imagery captures atmosphere
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A recipe for success

• Based on your reading of the articles, come up
  with a recipe for a successful piece of travel
  writing. What are the key ingredients??
• Take a generous dallop of a unique angle.
• Stir in some sensual imagery to build atmosphere

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Lesson Two Getting Planning

• Goal To explore more features of Travel Writing,
  and begin planning your own piece.
• Starter what is style??? If someone asked you
  what was your style of writing, how would you
  respond?

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Style Patterns L.S.F.V. PInvent a mnemonic

• Is the language noticeably formal / informal?
  How does this add to the voice?
• What is the narrative viewpoint or voice? First
  or Third Person? How does this effect the
  readers response?
• Can you find PATTERNS of language features? Does
  the writer use a lot of
• figurative imagery, such as metaphor, simile,
  onomatopoeia
• Sound Devices alliteration, rhyme, onomatopoeia
  etc?
• Persuasive Features such as rhetorical questions,
  commands, direct address etc?
• Sensual Imagery appeals to sight, sound, smell,
  sensation etc?
• Contrast juxtaposition
• Colloquialism, cliché, slang features of
  informal language
• Emotive language particularly choice of
  adjective
• Can you find PATTERNS in sentence construction?
• Types of sentences commands, questions,
  rhetorical questions, exclamations?
• Length of sentence minor short simple long,
  complex
• Sentence construction - parallel construction
  repetition

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A glowing mini-break to blow away city cobwebs.
Exploring Style. What do you notice about the
TONE of this piece. How is it created? Favourite
sentence???

• The bus from Auckland to Tauranga has a rest stop
  in Thames, and the ham-and-egg sandwiches at the
  attendant tearooms are pretty good. You take your
  breakfast where you can, and here its munched as
  the bus picks up more folk near the big bottle in
  Paeroa and continues through the Karangahake
  Gorge, where cellphone reception blessedly drops
  out.
• Since airports have come over all totalitarian on
  us, its bus and train stations that are the
  really romantic spots for arrivals and
  departures. Romantic is, admittedly, an unlikely
  designation for the SkyCity bus terminal, however
  much they flash it up with clean toilets and
  what-not, but this mornings departure was marked
  by a young man running alongside as we pulled
  out. You dont see that at Auckland domestic. He
  wasnt mine, but I waved, anyway.
• My own welcoming party, waiting in the sunshine
  (the weather forecast was atrocious seasoned
  Taurangans, they knew better), includes my
  four-month-old niece, possibly the best and most
  gifted child ever. Not everyone, of course, has
  someone perfectly adorable to visit in the Bay of
  Plenty, so the areas residents had to come up
  with other attractions

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Task 2 Choosing a destination

• To choose what you want to write about yourself,
  create a mind map using some or all of the
  following possibilities
• An experience linked to where you live you know
  well and believe visitors would enjoy, eg If you
  lived in Dunedin, those experiences might include
  a harbour cruise, walk over the swampy summit,
  The Botanical Gardens on a summers weekend, a
  morning at St Clair Beach A tour of the
  Peninsula and so on.
• A New Zealand experience you have had eg the AJ
  Hackett Bungy, white water rafting, walking one
  of the tracks, hot air ballooning, tandem
  skydiving, surfing, snowboarding, a marae visit
  and hangi what else can you think of?
• An overseas experience you have had eg visiting
  the family overseas, etc landmarks, people,
  food, occasions what else can you think of?

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Detailed Planning Place
Point of View was it a positive or negative experience somewhere in between? Most experiences have a bit of the yin or the yang in them..
What frame can you give it consider the entry point and exit (or arrival and departure, beginning and ending) Is too wide a scope a problem? Is it better to write a lot about a little focussing on one experience in a destination for example, than a little about a lot a brief overview of all that Queenstown has to offer
What are some of the factual details you can hang your response on? You will need to research facts to make your travel writing credible place names, locations, details etc must be accurate. Try to frame 5 questions to answer in the course of your research.
How can you personalise the writing to take it beyond the factual? How can you put yourself into the writing? Consider your own experiences. How can you balance this by ensuring your writing has appeal to a wide audience?. The trick is to balance your experience with the need of the reader not to make it MY BIG TRIP TO SYDNEY, or A FACTUAL GUIDE TO ATTRACTIONS IN SYDNEY.
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Detailed Planning Place
Point of View was it a positive or negative experience somewhere in between?
What frame can you give it consider the entry point and exit (or arrival and departure, beginning and ending)
What are some of the factual details you can hang your response on? You will need to research facts to make your travel writing credible place names, locations, details etc must be accurate.
How can you personalise the writing to take it beyond the factual? How can you put yourself into the writing? Consider your own experiences. How can you balance this by ensuring your writing has appeal to a wide audience?.
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Travel Writing Lesson Three

• To organise your writing in a logical and
  effective structure
• To begin crafting effective writing.
• Starter Structure and Organisation of an
  Exemplar
• Your planning possible models
• Comparing what has it and what doesnt.
• First sentences how to hook your reader
• Your first sentence

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Excellence Exemplar Structure Analysis

• Make a note about the main point of each
  paragraph
• How does the writer introduce the destination?
  What effective techniques are used?
• How is the contrast between the two settings
  given emphasis?
• How well does the writer link each paragraph to
  the next?
• How does the ending draw the contrast together?

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• My Russian mother came running into the
  apartment, a large sheep, dyed green, draped over
  her arm. Whats that? I asked. Its a coat for
  you, she said, its cold today, real winter.
  Very strong wind, very strong wind. I looked out
  the window it looked the same as yesterday. I
  was sceptical about the sheep. Being a vegetarian
  in Siberia was enough of a struggle at mealtimes.

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Drafting Time

• Goal TO craft writing carefully and deliberately
  to create a strong impression of the experiences
  a place has to offer
• Getting started on googledocs
• Looking at other starters
• Go!
• Post a paragraph to the forum!

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• The village kindergarten is surrounded by barbed
  wire. About 10 pupils are enrolled this year.
  Their fresh, wet paintings hang like laundry on
  the fence beneath the barbs. The village is
  Namaqumaqua pronounced Na-mangoo-mangooa on
  Fijis Coral Coast. You might expect the barbed
  wire would have something to do with the
  military of course, there has been a coup
  lately. But it doesnt. Its just that the
  children live by an idyllic lagoon. Their teacher
  explains The new entrants are very naughty.
  They always want to run away and swim in the sea,
  so we have the fence to keep them here.

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• I am squelching through an ocean of bat poo in a
  Malaysian cave. Wearing jandals. Whose stupid
  idea was this? Well, mine actually. I could have
  worn trousers and proper shoes, but, oh, its so
  hot here and the animals dont seem to be that
  dangerous.

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• Rows of little eyes peered back at us, around
  each corner, hundreds of gaunt little figures
  with shattered china for skin, their stern
  cookie-cutter faces staring into space.
• The Boy smiled at the concrete crowd. Cool as!
  and shot ahead again, disappearing through an
  arch covered in broken dinner plates, exploring
  at speed.

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Welcome Back

• Goal To self-assess reflectively, analysing
  strengths and areas for development.
• Starter what are we doing the dizzying
  heights of Achieved

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What makes this impressively adequate?

• Exemplar C Achievement
• The town of Havelock North is an asset to Hawke's
  Bay. It is not overrun by fruit stalls. It is not
  completely surrounded by orchards. There's not a
  no-go zone where you should always keep your
  car within reach. It's a friendly place. It's a
  family place. The hub of the town is the local
  New World, where the resident teenagers hang out
  and the town's adults mingle. Even a local with
  his electric mower doesn't disrupt the
  tranquillity of Havelock North. The perfect
  holiday destination.
• When it comes to accommodation there is no better
  place where the spirit of Havelock is upheld than
  Arataki Holiday Park. Its competitive prices and
  smiling staff have greeted my family and me on
  numerous occasions, on frequent trips to the
  Hawke's Bay for a guaranteed sunburn. Whilst
  their Holiday Park may not offer five star cabins
  or high-class facilities - the shower curtains
  are evidence of that - the feeling of community
  that comes from just staying there makes any
  visit worthwhile.

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What makes this impressively adequate?

• It is not overrun by fruit stalls. It is not
  completely surrounded by orchards. There's not a
  no-go zone where you should always keep your
  car within reach. It's a friendly place. A family
  place. A place where the humble hub of the town
  is the local New World, where the resident
  teenagers hang out and the town's adults mingle.
  Even the mandatory local with his electric mower
  doesn't disrupt the tranquillity of Havelock
  North the perfect place for a true, relaxing
  kiwi holiday.

The town of Havelock North is an asset to Hawke's
Bay. It is not overrun by fruit stalls. It is not
completely surrounded by orchards. There's not a
no-go zone where you should always keep your
car within reach. It's a friendly place. It's a
family place. The hub of the town is the local
New World, where the resident teenagers hang out
and the town's adults mingle. Even a local with
his electric mower doesn't disrupt the
tranquillity of Havelock North. The perfect
holiday destination
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Touching on Excellence

• Goal To measure the effectiveness of an exemplar
  and deliberately adapt effective techniques to
  your own writing.
• Starter - Control and accuracy
• Discussion the assessment criteria
• Reading excellence at level 3
• Annotation what you liked and why
• Innovation applying it to your own writing
• Sharing and caring and forum homework.

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Starter Exploring control and accuracy

• Re-write each of these sentences to demonstrate
  control and accuracy. Only change what is
  absolutely necessary.
• As the sun sparkled upon the cool, calm and
  clear waters of little cove beach, reflecting
  back like a sea of diamonds. 
• Its cold, the sky is a greenish grey.
• After a while we got to their source, the mineral
  rich, cloudy, deep blue Lake Pukaki.
• I could only be in Dunedin, experiencing first
  hand a typical summers day.
• Harsh darkness and confusion surrounds me as my
  plane halts to a stop.

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Feed Forward ...

• Goal To attain constructive criticism of your
  writing, and thus produce work of a higher
  quality ...
• Starter Homework stock take ...
• Drafting time conferences for homework
  contributors (and its not too late)
• Self assessment time - Give yourself a grade
  (N.A.M.E) for each of the criteria
• Give yourself some written feedback at least 4
  WWWs, at least 3 EBIs

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Self Assessment

• Give yourself a grade (N.A.M.E) for each of the
  criteria
• Give yourself some written feedback at least 4
  WWWs, at least 3 EBIs
• .

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Travel Writing

• Goal To write with balance of entertainment and
  information, in a controlled, accurate style
• First Draft Feedback
• WWW good use of imagery. Good topic choice.
  Good voice used. Good paragraphing.
• Next steps
• Remember your audience write to INFORM as well
  as engage tell them specific details names
  and locations prices etc, so they can make more
  use of the information here.
• Sentence construction especially run-on
  sentences or comma splices grrrrrrr. You CANT
  join two complete sentences with a comma. Either
  use a full stop to join them with a connecting
  word see the next slide.

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Editing to ensure accuracy and control

• Goal To critically evaluate your own, and others
  writing, to ensure you write in a controlled,
  accurate manner.
• Getting started the strategy reading aloud,
  pausing ONLY for the punctuation.
• Worksheet LINK

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From Not Achieved Exemplar

• Jumping in to the rental van was easy, realising
  the guys hand I just shook was going to be
  driving, wasn't at all comforting. He was wearing
  scraggy clothes with mosquito lenses glasses. In
  10 minutes of driving I could tell his licence
  was from a weetbix box, we drove for about 45
  minutes to a little township which was close to
  the river they told us. I read a book with a few
  comments from people who had done this before,
  two said they nearly died. We got all the gear
  on helmet, wetsuit, boat shoes and a lifejacket
  with its own little whistle. Soon enough we were
  back in the van racing through the forest along a
  gravel road with a trailer behind us. We had to
  take a left down an old track to go around a tree
  that had fallen down. We should have been in a
  4WD with all those bumps and branches we
  cameacross.
• WHOLE CLASS - Read this aloud. PAUSE ONLY WHERE
  THE WRITER HAS USED PUNCTUATION.
• Make the necessary connections
• GROUP WORK YOU WILL BE ALLOCATED ONE OTHER
  SAMPLE FROM THE SHEET Do the same for IT.
• And now your OWN work
• Testing times give your proofed work to your
  neighbour to read back to you.

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Comma-splices or Run-On sentences

• These happen when a comma is used instead of a
  full stop or connecting word
• To splice is to join you cant join sentences
  with commas.
• If the part either side of a comma is a complete
  sentence it sounds whole (technically has a
  subject and a complete verb), then you CANT use
  a comma.
• You can notice them when you read a passage aloud
  to yourself

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Copy and correct

1. Comma Splice Dogs have large canine teeth, mice
   have large molars.
2. Comma Splice My grandmother lives in the
   country, her house is very big.
3. Comma Splice It takes five apples to make an
   apple pie, it takes ten to make applesauce.

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Answers

• 1. Dogs have large canine teeth. Mice have
  large molars.
• OR Dogs have large canine teeth and mice have
  large molars.
• OR Whereas dogs have large canine teeth, mice
  have large molars.
• 2. My grandmother lives in the country. Her
  house is very big.
• OR My grandmother lives in the country and her
  house is very big.
• OR As my grandmother lives in the country, her
  house is very big.
• 3. It takes five apples to make an apple pie.
  It takes ten to make applesauce.
• Or It takes five apples to make an apple pie but
  it takes ten to make applesauce.
• OR Whilst it takes five apples to make an apple
  pie, it takes ten to make applesauce.

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Comma Splices

• Find each Comma Splice in sentence in this
  students work. Write down the corrected
  version. Correct the underlined spelling
  mistakes too.
• So my thoughts took over and made me walk over
  and pick up this bag of joyfilled baloons and
  neatly compact it into my hand, as I thought
  about this I realised I was to cunning for his
  minor ways, so I placed it in my pocket, in case
  I needed to use that hand for some reason, I
  dont know what it was, maybe it was the rush of
  stealing, or maybe the thought I could get
  another for free, made me take another and slide
  it into my pocket of desire.

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Comma Splice Sentences

• One way of correcting this passage.
• So my thoughts took over and made me walk over to
  pick up this bag of joy filled balloons. I neatly
  compacted it into my hand. As I thought about
  this, I realised I was too cunning for his minor
  ways, so I placed it in my pocket, in case I
  needed to use that hand for some reason. I dont
  know what it was. Maybe it was the rush of
  stealing, or maybe the thought I could get
  another for free but something made me take
  another and slide it into my pocket of desire.

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Comma Splice Sentences

• Find each run in sentence in this students work.
  Write down the corrected version. Correct the
  other punctuation mistakes too
• The conversation wasnt that great, she said to
  me please forgive me darling I need you, I
  cant live without you Im so sorry I hung up
  the phone, it rang back I let the answering
  machine get it she left a message saying if you
  change your mind darling call me on 053875567.

Best cursive handwriting required!
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Comma Splice Sentences

• Find each run in sentence in this students work.
  Write down the corrected version. Correct the
  other punctuation mistakes too
• The conversation wasnt that great. She said to
  me, Please forgive me darling. I need you. I
  cant live without you. Im so sorry.
• I hung up the phone but it rang back so I let
  the answering machine get it. She left a
  message saying, If you change your mind darling
  call me on 053875567.

Best cursive handwriting required!
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Editing Content are my ideas up to it?

• Read the following merit exemplar. Ask yourself
  the following questions
• How does your content compare?
• Have you got the right voice for your audience?
• Have you got the right balance of informativeness
  and entertainment?
• How does the development of your ideas compare?
• How does the angle you have chosen compare?
• Does this seem an authentic piece of travel
  writing? Does yours?

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Editing checking for errors

• Goal To edit carefully for errors, ensuring
  accuracy and control of final product.
• Getting warmed up look at the following
  sentences. Find the common errors there may be
  more than one.
• Print a draft of your story. Read each sentence
  aloud. Tick it if it is 100 error free.
  Highlight anything to check.
• YOU WILL HAND THIS IN ATTACHED TO YOUR FINAL
  DRAFT.

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Use a colon

• 1) Before a list. I could only find three of the
  ingredients sugar, flour and coconut.
• 2) Before a summary. To summarise we found the
  camp, set up our tent and then the bears
  attacked.
• 3) Before a quote. As Jane Austen wrote it is a
  truth universally acknowledged, that a single man
  in possession of a good fortune, must be in want
  of a wife.
• 4) Before a more specific explanation (Instead
  of for example or such as)
• There are only three kinds of people the good,
  the bad and the ugly.