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SAFE PLACE Creating a Safe Environment Anger Anger is a normal human emotion. It is only a grooming tactic when used to manipulate others. Control The ultimate goal ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Creating a Safe Environment
Statement of Purpose
  • To foster, for all people, healthy, loving
    relationships in the image of God
  • To prevent unhealthy, negative, or harmful
    relationships and boundary violations, especially
    child abuse.

A safe environment
  • Offers children and adults the opportunity to
    grow in Catholic faith and experience
    relationships that promote healthy development
  • Spirituality
  • Sexuality
  • Emotional growth
  • Intellectual growth
  • Physical growth

We establish safe environments for all by
  • Cultivating role- and age-appropriate
  • Maintaining healthy personal
  • boundaries.
  • Creating structure to assure adult and youth

BOUNDARIES What are Boundaries? A boundary is a
personal space that you keep between yourself and
others. It defines where I end and you begin.
Boundaries work in two ways They allow things
in, and they keep things out. Boundaries are
important because they define areas of privacy.
Initially, parents help you begin setting your
boundaries. Later, you take a more active role in
setting your boundaries.
External Boundaries
  • Protect your body, keeping it safe and healthy.
  • PhysicalProtect your body.
  • SexualProtect your sexual body parts and your

Internal Boundaries
  • Protect your thoughts and emotions.
  • EmotionalProtect your feelings.
  • SpiritualProtect the deepest part of who you
    areyour sense of hope, trust, mystery, security,
    and spirituality.

The purpose of a relationship determines its
  • Examples of relationships include
  • Parent/Child
  • Brother/Sister
  • Husband/Wife

Anyone charged with the care, education, and
protection of a child, youth, or other vulnerable
person is acting in loco parentis. (Defined by
Websters Dictionary as, in the place of a
parent, orof a parents authority.)
  • Examples of such relationships include
  • Teacher/Student
  • Coach/Athlete
  • Youth Minister/Youth
  • Adult Volunteer/Youth

Some responsibilities of those acting in loco
parentis include
  • Safety
  • Education
  • Guidance
  • Nurturing
  • Consequences
  • Security
  • Final Decision Making

Your Boundary Circle
It is important for people to know what you stand
for. It is equally important that they know what
you wont stand for. Everyone you encounter fits
somewhere in your boundary circle. Strangers are
the farthest outside, with casual acquaintances
next, friends next, good friends and than family
closest to you. Where do the various people in
your life fit within your Boundary circle? Write
their names in the appropriate places.
Our world today likes to show everything in
grayscale when the truth be known everything is
black and white When teens ages 13 to 19 were
asked if the liked having structure and
boundaries in their lives 79 of them said yes
What is Sex Webster's - sex \seks\ n (ME, fr. L
sexus) 1 either of two divisions of organisms
distinguished respectively as male or female 2
The sum of structural, functional, and behavioral
peculiarities of living beings that serve
reproduction by two interacting parents and
distinguish males and females 3. a Sexually
motivated phenomena or behavior b SEXUAL
Sexuality affects all aspects of the human
person, body and soul.
  • It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity
    to love and to procreate, and in a more general
    way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion
    with others.
  • The sexual act must take place exclusively within
  • Source Catechism of the Catholic Church,
  • Second Edition, 1997.

The Different types of Child Abuse Physical
Abuse Sexual Abuse Emotional Abuse Spiritual
Considerations in the definition of child sexual
  • Child sexual abuse must be considered in the
    context of the great discrepancies between
    victims and offenders in regard to
  • Power
  • Physical - strength and size (real or implicit)
    of offender compared to the victim.
  • Emotional - withdrawal of affection and approval
    from valued adult is powerful for child.

Other discrepancies include
  • Resources - the child is dependent on the adult
    for food, shelter, education, etc. These
    resources are controlled by adults. In addition,
    child may have few alternative people resources
    to get emotional and physical needs met.
  • Knowledge - adult has knowledge of what sexual
    activity is, a child does not. Child does not
    understand the meaning or significance of the act
    . The adult does.

Emotional Grooming
  • When someone manipulates anothers emotions to
    skillfully gain control of that person.
  • Emotional grooming is used
  • to seduce, coerce, or con
  • others into sexual
  • activity.

Key Elements of the Emotional Grooming Process
  • False sense of trusta groomer convinces the
    victim that s/he is the only person in the world
    to trust.
  • Secrecygroomers persuade
  • their victims to keep our little
  • secret hidden from others.

Language Cons
  • Words and phrases or lines that groomers
    use to trick and manipulate their targets.
  • Sometimes lines make a target feel special or
    desired other times they make a target feel
    guilty or threatened.
  • Lines may seem genuine or sincere at first, but
    their real purpose is to control the target.
  • Language cons are used to convince targets to do
    things they shouldnt do.

The Nine Grooming Tactics
  • Flattery
  • Bribery
  • Status
  • Jealousy and Possessiveness
  • Insecurity
  • Accusations
  • Intimidation
  • Anger
  • Control

  • Exaggerated and insincere comments said in order
    to get something in return.
  • Is often sexually suggestive or graphic.
  • Is not the same as a compliment.

  • Giving to get.
  • The groomer may give material things to his
    target, but these gifts always have a string
  • The target may believe that some sort of sexual
    behavior is due to pay back the groomer for the

  • The groomer uses what s/he has (possessions) or
    who s/he is (image, popularity, or position) to
    lure a target into a sexual relationship.
  • The target may like hanging around with the
    popular crowd and be convinced that sexual
    activity is owed in return.

Other Forms of Status
  • Groomer uses his/her age to lure a younger
  • Younger targets seek status by pursuing
    friendships with someone several years older.
  • Some people think sexual activity will give them

Jealousy and Possessiveness
  • A normal yet difficult human emotion.
  • Only a grooming tactic when used to control or
    manipulate someone else.
  • Examples of manipulative jealousy
  • Telling someone how to dress, who to talk to,
    where to go, etc.
  • Treating someone as an object to own rather than
    a person to relate to.

  • A normal human emotion.
  • Its a grooming tactic only when its used to
    manipulate someone else.
  • The groomer uses insecurity to manipulate
  • May act insecure and ask for reassurance of the
    targets love and loyalty.
  • May want pity and sympathy.
  • May threaten self-harm.

The other misuse of insecurity
  • When the groomer attempts to magnify the targets
    insecurities or create new insecurities.
  • The groomer hopes the target will feel so bad
    that s/he will stay in a relationship with the
    groomer and become more reluctant to open up to

  • The groomer creates false or exaggerated
    accusations to frighten, threaten, and ultimately
    control the target.
  • Frequently made in public places to humiliate or
    intimidate others.

Intimidationa powerful form of manipulation
  • Is not a normal human emotion and has no place in
    healthy relationships.
  • The groomer intimidates by frightening, coercing,
    or threatening others into submission.
  • Can be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of
  • Is always wrong and always manipulative.

Examples of verbal intimidation
  • The groomer may
  • Use vulgar sexual language in front of the
  • Make sexual noises or sounds.
  • Use specific, graphic sexual descriptions of what
    the groomer want to do to the target.
  • Ask questions that are too personal or sexual in

Intimidating Physical Actions
  • Looming over someone who is seated.
  • Standing too close.
  • Touching/grabbing self or others.
  • Using loud and controlling voice tones and
  • Staring at sexual body parts.
  • Hitting the palm of the hand forcefully.
  • Clothing that is too tight or too revealing.
  • Faking a punch.
  • Intimidating stances
  • Slouching over, holding their hands on their
    crotches, howling, whistling making catcalls.

  • Anger is a normal human emotion.
  • It is only a grooming tactic when used to
    manipulate others.

  • The ultimate goal of an
  • emotional groomer is to gain control of the
    target and of the relationship.
  • The groomer seeks to gain power or dominance in
    the relationship by using any or all of the
    grooming tactics.

Code of conduct for youth Within the diocese of
St. Petersburg, Florida
The first premise of this code is that children
and youth function best behaviors and
expectations are clearly defined. It is accepted
that parents are the first and foremost educators
of their children in all aspects of their
development. This experience aims at developing
upright citizens and good Christians, following a
new commandment Jesus gave His disciples,A new
commandment I give unto you that you love one
another. John 1334-35 In Timothy 412 we read
Let no one have contempt for your youth, but set
an example for those who believe, in speech,
conduct, love, faith, and purity.
Timothy is urged to rely on the gifts he has
received from God. This code urges our children
and youth to rely on Gods gift to them,
especially charity, chastity, and purity. This
calls the young person to acknowledge and promote
ones personal dignity and the rights that go
with it. It becomes important for children and
youth to know the difference between right and
not right relationships. Right relationships
foster personal, spiritual, and emotional
growth,e.g., the ability to communicate, to
forgive, to show affection, to be honest,
vulnerable, dependable, etc. Not right
relationships become harmful and hurtful, and
even abusive.
  • Abuse occurs when someone does not respect
    anothers boundaries, uses power, ticks, threats,
    or violence to cross or change anothers
    boundaries, or inflicts hurtful or unwanted
    behavior (physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual)
    on another person.
  • This Code is used in conjunction with existing
    local or diocesan policies, protocols or other
    codes and is not intended to supercede them.
  • When engaging in formal and informal activities,
    functions, and programs, children and youth are
    expected to behave appropriately At all times,
    respecting the rights of others

  • Code of conduct
  • for children and youth
  • Christian behavior is
  • Expected at all times
  • 2. Respect for individuals,
  • the community and facilities being
  • used is required

3. Cooperation and self-control are necessary
when participating In programs and
activities. 4. Dress must be in accord with the
activity and appropriate for a Christian
environment ( Strike Zone) cover it!
  • 5. Unacceptable behavior
  • and lack of cooperation will not be
  • tolerated, but will be
  • addressed appropriately.
  • Examples of unacceptable behavior
  • are as follows, though not limited to
  • Disrespect for adults and peers
  • Use of vulgar language or gesture,
  • use of racial slurs.

c. Damaging of property d. Fighting or intent to
injure others e. Constant disturbance of others
at work or in an activity f. cheating
6. Possession of weapons, possession, sale or
use of alcohol or drugs are forbidden 7. No
child or youth has the right to treat another in
any manner that Will cause physical or
emotional pain, Therefore harassment of any
kind is Un-Christian and unacceptable
8. Coercion or threats to do Something
physically hurtful or for the purpose of
exposing someone or something about another is
Unacceptable behavior 9a. Chastity is a virtue
to be held in High esteem and promoted in
practice. Sexual abuse of any sort, coercing A
person to engage in sexual acts Against her or
his will, physically Touching the sexual parts of
anothers body, treating a person like a sexual
object are unacceptable and Abusive behaviors.
9b. Consensual sex Between students or
initiated by minors to adults must never occur
The Three Rs of Youth Protection
  • Adults should teach youth how to
  • Recognize situations that place him or her at
    risk of being molested, how child molesters
    operate, and that anyone could be a molester.
  • Resist unwanted and inappropriate attention.
    Resistance will stop most attempts at
  • Report attempted or actual molestation to a
    parent or other trusted adult. This prevents
    further abuse and helps protect other children.
    Let the child know that he or she will not be
    blamed for what occurred.
  • Source Youth Protection Guidelines, from The Boy
    Scouts of America

Suggestions for parents
  • Sexual assault of children is much more common
    than most of us realize. It may be preventable
    if children have good preparation. To provide
    protection and preparation as parents, we can
  • Pay careful attention to who is around our
  • (Unwanted touch may come from someone we like
    and trust.)
  • Back up a childs right to say No.
  • Encourage communication by taking seriously what
    our children say.
  • Take a second look at signals of potential
  • Refuse to leave our children in the company of
    those we do not trust.
  • Include information about sexual assault when
    teaching about safety.
  • Provide specific definitions and examples of
    sexual assault.

NO ! !
More Suggestions for Parents
  • Remind children that even nice people sometimes
    do mean things.
  • Urge children to tell us about anybody who causes
    them to be uncomfortable.
  • Prepare children to deal with bribes and threats,
    as well as possible physical force.
  • Virtually eliminate secrets between us and our
  • Teach children how to say No, ask for help, and
    control who touches them and how.
  • Model self-protective and limit-setting behavior
    for our children.

24 Hour Hotline Number
  • Girls and Boys Town
  • National Hotline
  • 1-800-448-3000
  • Call your local Child Protection Agency
  • 1-800-96ABUSE (800-962-2873)

In Gratitude
  • Bishop Robert N. Lynch, Bishop of St. Petersburg,
    Br. John Cummings, FMSSuperintendent of Catholic
    Schools, Mr. Brian Lemoi, Director of Faith
    Formation and Br. Jerry Meegan, Director for
    Youth Ministry gratefully acknowledge the work of
    the following professional staff member of the
    Pastoral Center and Parishes and Schools of the
    Diocese of St. Petersburg who developed this Safe
    Environment Education Program.

In Gratitude
  • Eileen Daly
  • Kathy Filippelli
  • Elizabeth Fulham
  • Ralph Higginbotham
  • Dr. Stuart Miller
  • Dr. Jo Ann Quinn
  • Kay Rizzo
  • Sara Stranz
  • Anna Marie Wright
  • Cindy Yevich

Creating a Safe Environment