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Good Morning!


GOOD MORNING! Please take out your notebook, writing assignment, and copy down the learning target! Learning Target: Apply targeted revision strategies to improve writing – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Good Morning!

Good Morning!

Please take out your notebook, writing
assignment, and copy down the learning target!
Learning Target Apply targeted revision
strategies to improve writing
  • There are times to stay put, and what you want
    will come to you, and there are times to go out
    into the world and find such a thing for
    yourself. ? Lemony Snicket

5 Dec. 2013
Agenda 12/5/13
  • Writing Fun Activity
  • Homework Remember, your notebook will be turned
    in tomorrow, reading for Chapters 6-7 due Monday,
    Dec. 9th
  • If you missed Tuesdays quiz, you need to make
    it up THIS WEEK for credit!

Time for our fun activity!
  • Focus for today specific word revision!
  • levels of diction
  • specific vs. general words
  • verb tense consistency
  • strong verbs!
  • change passive voice to active voice

levels of diction
  • Formal impersonal and more academic in tone,
    jargon, no 1st person. Can risk being too cold.
  • Formal isnt always better! (dont over
    thesaurus-ize! Clear writing is always better
    than muddled writing)
  • This is the optimum consequence we have the
    expectation of attaining.
  • or
  • This is the best result we can expect.
  • Informal friendly and personal in tone, may use
    1st or 2nd person, colloquial expressions. Can
    risk being too casual.

Apply it!
  • In your own writing
  • Label it on top of your paper-what is your level
    of diction? Select three words or short phrases
    that really illustrate that and write those next
    to your label.
  • What, if any, words or phrases do you find in
    your writing that seem inconsistent with your
    desired level of diction? How could you re-write
    to change the tone by changing the level of
  • Or, complete this mini-lesson Identify the level
    of diction present in these examples, and then
    re-write the sentence to change it to the other
    level of diction.
  • 1. It was observed that the children of
    differing races acted primarily equally while in
    the academic setting.
  • 2. It was totally dumb that the game was figured
    out by a cruddy call from a guy in stripes.

specific vs. general words
  • To make your writing effective, "show" something
    to readers that they can imaginatively
    experience don't just "tell" readers an abstract
  • For example
  • Abstract "Telling"Even a large male gorilla,
    unaccustomed to tourists, is frightened by
  • Concrete "Showing""A four-hundred-pound male
    gorilla, unaccustomed to tourists, will bolt
    into the forest trailing a stream of diarrhea, at
    the mere sight of a person."
  • (actually a sentence from a science journal)

Avoid generalities-be specific!
  • "Ralph and Jane have experienced difficulties in
    their lives, and both have developed bad
    attitudes because of these difficulties. They
    have now set goals to surmount these problems,
    although the unfortunate consequences of their
    experiences are still apparent in many everyday
  • Not really saying muchfeels surface

  • "Ralph and Jane have experienced challenges
    getting along with their parents, and both have
    developed coping strategies like avoiding being
    at home because of these difficulties. They have
    now set a goal to stay at home for a family
    night at least once a week to try to connect more
    with their families, although the unfortunate
    consequences of their experiences are that those
    nights can still feel tense and uncomfortable.

Avoid fluff words
  • very /really
  • stuff/thing
  • good/bad
  • You can do better!
  • Highlight any of these you find in your writing.
    Plan on re-writing as many of these as possible!

Apply it!
  • In your own writing
  • Look for areas that are too general, or that stay
    on the surface of what youre trying to say.
    Where could you add more specific details to help
    answer how, which, or why questions to
    support your ideas.
  • Highlight areas you are going to fix, and
    re-write one of those sentences to share.
  • Or, complete this mini-lesson
  • Make the following sentences more specific by
    adding concrete details
  • There were lots of reasons my grades were good.
  • The best part was that I was very happy about the

Use strong verbs!
  • Mary walked into the restaurant.
  • More entertaining and vivid!
  • Mary staggered into Denny's.
  • Mary paraded into Red Lobster.
  • Mary shuffled into McDonald's.
  • Mary limped into Burger King
  • Mary sauntered into Subway.
  • Mary marched into Kentucky Fried Chicken.
  • Mary tiptoed into Pizza Hut.
  • Mary pranced into Taco Bell.

Dont forget about boring helper verbs!
  • To be and to be able to verbs
  • Were, is, was, are, am, can, could, etc
  • Boring
  • The waves were high.
  • The air was so cold I could see my breath.
  • Better
  • The waves towered above the boat.
  • My breath was highlighted by the frigid air.

First- verb tense consistency
  • Challenge time!
  • Circle EVERY verb on the first page of your
    writing and label it as either P for past, N
    for now (present?), or F for future.
  • Dont forget the helper verbs! (to be or to be
    able to)
  • Do you shift tenses logically in time periods, or
    were you shifting in ways that clouded your
  • dont have your paper? Rewrite the above sentence
    to keep it all in one tense. ?

Now reallyApply it!
  • In your own writing
  • 1. Look at all those verbs you circled. Choose 5
    to re-write as stronger, more interesting verbs!
  • Or, complete this mini-lesson
  • Re-write the following sentences to make the
    verbs stronger.
  • The dog was happy about going to the park.
  • I want to drink a cup of hot chocolate right now.
  • I will remember to bring my assignment next time
    so I can avoid the lame sentences Mrs. Tomlinson
    makes up.

change passive voice to active voice
  • A passive verb creates a sentence structure in
    which the subject is acted on and therefore, is
    put in a passive position. The subject of an
    active verb performs the action.
  • Subject
  • Passive
  • A suggestion was made by the instructor that the
    plan should be revised.
  • Active
  • The instructor suggested that the plan should be

What harm can it do?
  • The rabbit was injected with a cancer-causing
  • Ack! Passive voice hides who did that to the poor
  • With years of experience, I performed that piano
    piece with amazing accuracy.
  • Hmmsort of hides you and your achievement at the
    end of the sentence? Feels a little less

Apply it!
  • In your own writing
  • 1. Phewwere getting tired. Just skim through
    and see if you find any examples of this. Write
    PV next to it, but dont do any revisions yet. ?
  • Or, complete this mini-lesson
  • Re-write these sentences to change them from
    passive voice to active voice!
  • The lectures were brilliant, but the students
    were still bored.
  • Being able to walk long distances, Mona went
    through tennis shoes very quickly.

Wrap Up
  • Record this answer in your journal
  • What was the most valuable strategy for you
  • Good news! No official, required re-write for
    this one!
  • BUT, this can be used as a portfolio piece later
    if you havent written a personal piece yet.
  • Want feedback from me? Do your revisions and turn
    them in to me by next Tuesday and Ill return it
    by Friday.
  • Just want to share the piece with me, but not
    looking for editing/revision help? Turn it in
    today, and Ill read and comment on it!