Improving Communication Climates

1
Improving Communication Climates

• Chapter Summary

• Communication Climate The Key to Positive
  Relationships
• Defensiveness Causes and Remedies
• Saving Face The Clear Message Format
• Responding Nondefensively to Criticism

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
2
Communication Climates The Key to Positive
Relationships

• Communication Climate

• Communication climate refers to the emotional
  tone.
• Positive communication climates are important.
• Satisfied couples communicate at a 5 to 1 ratio.
• Confirming messages are just as important in
  families.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
3
Communication Climates The Key to Positive
Relationships

• Confirming and Disconfirming

• Confirming Communication
• Describes messages that convey value
• Disconfirming Communication
• Describes messages that show a lack of regard

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
4
Communication Climates The Key to Positive
Relationships

• Confirming and Disconfirming

• Types of Confirming Messages
• Recognition
• The most fundamental act of confirmation is to
  recognize.
• Acknowledgement
• Listening is the most common form of
  acknowledgement.
• Endorsement
• You agree with the ideas of the speaker.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
5
Communication Climates The Key to Positive
Relationships

• Confirming and Disconfirming

• Type of Disconfirming Messages
• Impervious Response
• Ignoring another person
• Verbal Abuse
• Communication that appears to be designed to
  create pain
• Generalized Complaining
• Disconfirming because it implies character fault

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
6
Communication Climates The Key to Positive
Relationships

• Confirming and Disconfirming

• Type of Disconfirming Messages
• Interrupting
• Irrelevant Response
• A comment unrelated to what the person has just
  said
• Tangential Response
• Instead of ignoring the other party, using the
  remarks to start a new conversation

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
7
Communication Climates The Key to Positive
Relationships

• Confirming and Disconfirming

• Type of Disconfirming Messages
• Impersonal Responses
• Loaded with clichés
• Ambiguous Responses
• Containing messages with more than one meaning
• Incongruous Responses
• Two messages that seem to contradict each other

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
8
Communication Climates The Key to Positive
Relationships

• Climates Develop

• When two people start to communicate, a climate
  develops.
• After a climate is developed, it can take on a
  life of its own.
• Spirals are defined as a reciprocating
  communication pattern.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
9
Defensiveness Causes and Remedies

• Types of Defensive Reactions

• Cognitive Dissonance
• Inconsistency between two conflicting pieces of
  information, attitudes, or behavior
• Attacking the Critic
• Verbal aggression
• Sarcasm

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
10
Defensiveness Causes and Remedies

• Types of Defensive Reactions

• Distorting Critical Information
• Rationalization
• Compensation
• Regression
• Avoiding Dissonant Information
• Repression
• Apathy
• Displacement

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
11
Defensiveness Causes and Remedies

• Preventing Defensiveness

Two-dimensional nature of communication
Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
12
Defensiveness Causes and Remedies

• Preventing Defensiveness

• Evaluation vs. Description
• Evaluation You dont know what youre talking
  about!
• Description I dont understand how you came up
  with that idea.
• Control vs. Problem Orientation
• Controlling You need to stay off the phone for
  the next two hours.
• Problem Orientation Im expecting some
  important calls. Can we work out a way to keep
  the line open?

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
13
Defensiveness Causes and Remedies

• Preventing Defensiveness

• Strategy vs. Spontaneity
• Strategy What are you doing Friday after work?
• Spontaneity I have a piano I need to move
  Friday after work. Can you give me a hand?
• Neutrality vs. Empathy
• Neutrality Thats what happens when you dont
  plan.
• Empathetic Looks like this didn't turn out the
  way you expected.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
14
Defensiveness Causes and Remedies

• Preventing Defensiveness

• Superiority vs. Equality
• Superior You dont know what youre talking
  about.
• Equality I see it a different way.
• Certainty vs. Provisionalism
• Certain That will never work.
• Provisional I think youll run into problems
  with that approach.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
15
Saving Face The Clear Message Format

• Behavior

• Behavioral descriptions describe the raw material
  to which you react.
• Satisfied partners offer behavioral complaints.
• You always throw socks on the floor.
• Unsatisfied partners make attacking complaints.
• Youre a slob.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
16
Saving Face The Clear Message Format

• Interpretation

• Interpretation statements describe the meaning
  youve attached to the other persons behavior.
• Youre a tightwad! (no behavioral description)
• When you never offer to pay me back for the
  coffee and snacks I often buy you, I think youre
  a tightwad. (behavior plus interpretation)

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
17
Saving Face The Clear Message Format

• Feeling

• Consider the difference
• When you laugh at me (behavior), I think you
  find my comments foolish (interpretation), and I
  feel embarrassed.
• When you laugh at me, I think you find my
  comments foolish, and I feel angry.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
18
Saving Face The Clear Message Format

• Consequence

• Consequence statements explain the result.
• Valuable for two reasons
• They help you to realize why you are pleased or
  bothered by anothers behavior.
• Telling the others of the consequences of their
  actions can help to clarify the problem and avoid
  future conflict.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
19
Saving Face The Clear Message Format

• Intention

• Intention statements form the final element in
  the clear message format.
• They communicate three kinds of messages
• Where you stand on an issue
• Requests of others
• Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
20
Saving Face The Clear Message Format

• Using the Clear Message Format

• The elements may be delivered in mixed order.
• Word the message to suit your personal style.
• If you can, combine two elements in a single
  phrase.
• Take your time delivering the message.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
21
Responding Nondefensively to Criticism

• Seek More Information

• Ask for specifics.
• Guess about specifics.
• Paraphrase the speakers ideas.
• Ask what the critic wants.
• Ask about the consequences of your behavior.
• Ask what else is wrong.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
22
Responding Nondefensively to Criticism

• Agree with the Critic

• Agree with the facts
• Youre right, I am angry.
• I suppose I was being defensive.
• Agree with the critics perception
• I know Im late. There was an accident downtown,
  and the streets are jammed.

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition
23
Improving Communication Climates

• Chapter Summary

• Communication Climate The Key to Positive
  Relationships
• Defensiveness Causes and Remedies
• Saving Face The Clear Message Format
• Responding Nondefensively to Criticism

Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition