Gossip

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Gossip

• HIF2O Unit One

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Opening Activity

• -People devote less than a fifth of their daily
  conversation to gossip.-Men gossip less than
  women.-People usually pass on gossip only to one
  other person.
• Assess whether you think each of these three
  statements is true or false, and briefly explain
  your answers.

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A Folktale A young man spread a false rumor about
an old man who lived at the end of his street.
Overcome with guilt, he worked up the courage to
apologize. He humbly walked to the old mans door
and said he was sorry. The wise old man looked at
him. He said that he would forgive him, but first
he must take a feather pillow to the top of a
hill and pop it so that all the feathers spread
in the wind. The young man thought it a strange
request, but he did as the old man asked.
Afterward, he went to report this to the old man
and asked for forgiveness again. The old man said
that when the young man collected all of the
feathers, then he would be forgiven. Our words,
like feathers, get scattered everywhere. The next
time you are tempted to pass gossip along,
remember that once your words are spoken, they
can never be taken back. Lead a discussion about
rumors with the students.
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What do you think these proverbs mean? What you
don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your
mouth.  Jewish Proverb? Whoever gossips to you
will gossip about you.  Spanish Proverb Who
brings a tale takes two away.  Irish Proverb
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Gossip and Rumours Did you hear?

• You hear a juicy tidbit from a friend, who heard
  it from another friend, who heard it from a
  person in the hall, who read it on a note passed
  in math class, which was written by somebody who
  probably just made it up.

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So what ARE rumors, exactly? Is there a
difference between a rumor and a piece of gossip?
Well, this is what characterizes a rumor

• A rumor is a piece of information or a story that
  has not been verified, meaning that the person
  telling it doesn't know if it's true or false.
• Rumors spread from person to person, or can
  spread from one person to a whole bunch of people
  at once.
• Rumors can change slightly each time they're
  told, so they get more exaggerated over time.
• Most people who spread rumors don't care if the
  story is true of not, and don't bother to check
  it out.
• A rumor might be true, it might be partially true
  and partially made up, or it might be totally
  made up. Unless somebody can definitely say that
  a story is real or fake, it will stay a rumor.
• Here's a good example of a rumor "I heard that
  anybody who fails the next history test is going
  to have to repeat the course over the summer."

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Gossip, on the other hand, is a little different

• Gossip is talk that is somehow "juicy," meaning
  it deals with subjects that are shocking or
  personal.
• Gossip is usually about things like love and
  relationships, or private things that people
  don't talk openly about.
• Gossip about a person is usually spread behind
  that person's back.
• Gossip can be true, false, or a rumor.
• When a piece of gossip is known to be false, it's
  a lie, plain and simple.
• Someone who spreads a lot of gossip can be called
  "a gossip."
• If a piece of gossip about somebody is true, it
  can still be very hurtful because that
  information may be private and personal.
• Here's an example of gossip "Jane told me that
  when she tried to ask Craig out to a movie, he
  got so nervous that he almost fainted!"

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Slander

• Slander is when people spread rumors or lies
  about a person in order to purposely cause pain
  or damage. Maybe they want to see this person
  humiliated or turn others against him or her.
  They make up lies or pass on embarrassing rumors
  that probably aren't true.
• Most of the time, we only hear the word "slander"
  associated with adult conflicts, but it applies
  to young people as well.
• When slander is in written form, it's called
  libel. You've probably heard lots of stories
  about celebs suing tabloid newspapers because the
  papers have published libel against them. The
  celebs usually win!
• Slander is one of the most dangerous types of
  rumors, because the whole point is to hurt
  somebody.
• An example "Teresa is a big cheat. She cheats
  off anyone she sits next to, so don't ever sit
  near her." This is hurtful to Teresa because not
  only is she being accused of doing something
  against the rules, her friends may stop sitting
  with her in class.

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Dishing

• You may hear people say, "Give me the dish!" or
  "Let's dish the dirt!" Dishing is another word
  for gossiping, and a kind of general spreading of
  rumors and gossip that people don't usually think
  twice about.
• It's a little different than slander, because
  most of the time, people don't dish with the aim
  of causing someone pain and humiliation. However,
  sometimes it does just that.
• An example "I asked Jenny what it was like to
  hold Andrew's hand, and she said it was all
  clammy and sweaty." This was probably an innocent
  question and answer driven by curiosity, but if
  it gets back to Andrew, he'll feel totally
  embarrassed!

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Fears or Concerns

• Many rumors tap into people's common fears, and
  this makes them sound true even though they
  usually are not.
• These are often rumors that involve the threat of
  physical danger, the unknown and unfamiliar, and
  things that are gross or way-out weird.
• An example "I hear that the cafeteria meatloaf
  is made from rats they catch in the school
  basement."

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Jokes or Wild Stories

• Sometimes rumors start out as silly jokes, then
  get spread around and changed over and over
  again. When lots of people are telling the same
  tale, it makes it seem more like the truth. You
  might think, "How can all these people be wrong?"
  
• When these rumors last long enough and spread far
  enough, they actually become part of our culture,
  often called "Urban Legends," "Modern Legends,"
  or "Urban Myths."
• An example "Did you hear that when it's halftime
  at the Super Bowl, water supplies across the U.S.
  get used up? It's because of all the people going
  to the bathroom at the same time!"

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Misinformation

• Many rumors are just about people getting things
  wrong, or believing in exaggerations. Often
  people will swear up and down that they know
  something to be true when, in reality, they're
  just passing on a rumor they've heard from
  someone.
• An example of a rumor that's just misinformation
  "I heard that it's okay to drive five miles an
  hour above the speed limit. The police can't give
  you a ticket unless you go faster than that." For
  the record, this is not true. The speed limit is
  the speed limit, but this rumor is so widespread
  that people often use it as an excuse with police
  officers who are writing them speeding tickets!

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Cyber-Gossip

• If you've ever heard something juicy in an online
  chat room or in an IM from a friend, you know
  that the Internet has made it easy to spread a
  rumor to lots of people with lightning-fast
  speed. "Cyber-gossip" can involve any of the
  other types mentioned here.
• It's easy for people to feel less responsible
  when starting a rumor online, especially if
  they're able to do it anonymously. Remember that
  starting a rumor this way, or passing it on, can
  be even more damaging than if it's done in person
  because of how many eyes it can reach in a short
  period of time.
• A hurtful rumor that's spread through
  cyber-gossip should be taken just as seriously as
  any other kind of rumor.

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Let's say you've just heard a REALLY juicy rumor
about someone you know. It may not be true, but
it's too good to keep to yourself. Your first
instinct is to hop online and IM it to all your
friends. We've all had that kind of urge. But
why? Here are some possible reasons
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To Feel Superior

• When people are feeling bad about themselves,
  they sometimes think they'll feel better if there
  were someone worse off than they are. It's like,
  it's okay being near the bottom, as long as
  they're not actually on the bottom. The easiest
  way for them to make sure someone else is on the
  bottom is to make up a rumor that puts him or her
  there.

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To feel like part of the group

• If everybody else is gossiping or spreading
  rumors, you might feel you have to do the same
  thing in order to fit in. When you're "in on the
  secret," you're in the group. Unfortunately, the
  person who the gossip or rumor is about is
  usually left out of the group for the same reason
  that you're let into it.

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For Attention

• When you know a secret that nobody knows, or are
  the first person in your group to hear a rumor,
  it can make you the center of attention. A rumor
  or piece of gossip is sometimes like money
  telling it to people is like buying their
  attention, if only for a few minutes. You might
  even save up a really scandalous rumor, waiting
  for the right moment to blab so you get the
  maximum amount of attentionfor it.

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For control or power

• Certain people always want to be in control and
  at the top of the ladder. You probably know at
  least one person who needs to be the leader, say
  what goes, and make all the decisions. When
  people are at the top of the popularity scale, or
  are determined to climb higher, one way they do
  this is by reducing the "status" of another
  person. Spreading rumors and gossip is one of the
  main ways people reduce another person's status,
  especially among girls. It's like one caveman
  beating up another caveman for control of the
  tribe-only it's done with cruel whispers and
  petty remarks instead of fists.

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Out of jealousy or a need for revenge

• If you're jealous of someone's looks, popularity,
  or money, you might gossip about that person in
  order to hurt him or her. If you feel that
  someone's done something bad to you, or deserves
  to be hurt, making up a rumor might satisfy your
  sense of justice.

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Out of Boredom

• Did you know that in many studies, this was the
  1 reason why young people say they spread
  rumors? Sometimes, a period where everyone is
  happy and getting along just seems kind of-dull.
  Spreading juicy dish might shake things up a bit,
  or get two people to start a fight, and that
  would make life a little more exciting. All those
  tabloid newspapers and TV shows full of celebrity
  gossip are pure proof that rumors are a popular
  form of entertainment.

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Why it hurts, why its wrong...

• Let's say you have a piece of wood, a nail, and a
  hammer. Pretend the wood is a person, and the
  nail is a nasty rumor about that person. If you
  hammer in the nail, you're obviously hurting him
  or her. If you then pull out the nail-well,
  there's still a hole in the wood, and the damage
  has been done. There are many reasons why that
  nail of a rumor can be so harmful.......

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Words hurt as much as a punch

• Sometimes more, because a punch may be painful,
  but at least it's over pretty fast. Rumors are,
  quite simply, a form of bullying that's sometimes
  referred to as "relational aggression." When a
  person or a group makes up a rumor about someone
  or decides to spread nasty gossip, it's usually
  to hurt someone, break up a friendship, or make
  someone less popular. It's the same thing as
  teasing, only it's done behind someone's back
  instead of to his or her face.

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Gossip and rumors can be a form of exclusion

• When you spread a rumor about someone, you're
  sending a signal that the person is outside of
  the group, and somehow less worthy of friendship
  than others. You're making fun of that person or
  pointing out negative things about him or her.
  This can let others think that it's okay to make
  the person feel inferior, and make him or her an
  outsider.

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Gossip and rumors can destroy trust

• We need to be able to trust our friends, and
  gossiping and rumors can break this trust. If you
  tell a personal secret to a friend, and he turns
  around and blabs it to someone else, you might
  feel like you'll get burned if you ever get close
  to him again.

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True or not, private is private

• Let's say your mother tells you that your friend
  Susannah's parents told her that they're getting
  a divorce. You don't feel bad about passing it
  around because, after all, it's a fact, right?
  Wrong! Perhaps Susannah isn't ready for people to
  know about her parents splitting up. It can be
  very painful and humiliating when other people
  know things about us that we want to keep
  private. It can make us feel like we've been
  violated, like something that is supposed to be
  just ours is now out in the open for all to
  see-and to judge.

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Believing rumors can lead to bad choices

• Letting a rumor influence your behavior is like
  letting someone else make a big decision for you.
  Let's say you hear that the Principal plans to
  call a Snow Day tomorrow because a blizzard's
  coming. Expecting a day off, you don't do your
  homework. The next morning, the blizzard turns
  out to be nothing more than a drizzle, and school
  isn't cancelled after all. Doh! You get zeroes on
  your assignments.

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Decide whether it's hurtful or harmless

• When you hear something about someone you know
  and have the urge to pass it on, don't think
  about whether it's true or not. Instead, ask
  yourself these questions
• Why do I want to pass this on?
• Would I want people to know this kind of
  informationabout me?
• How will this person feel if he or she knew this
  rumor was being spread?
• Will this rumor reduce this person's status or
  make him or her excluded from the group?
• Your answers will help you figure out the right
  thing to do.

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Make the rumor stop with you

• If you decide that the rumor is hurtful in some
  way, make a stand. Decide that you don't want to
  take part in spreading it. Others may continue to
  circulate the gossip, but you've made a personal
  choice to stay out of it. Chances are that the
  rumor will die out much more quickly than if you
  had joined the buzz.

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Don't be an audience

• When someone comes to you with a rumor, try not
  to be an audience. This person may want to hurt
  somebody, or may be after attention or power. It
  can be hard to resist hearing some juicy dish,
  especially if you're bored, but make an effort to
  say, "I'm not interested in hearing mean gossip,
  thanks."

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Be a Peacemaker

• If one of your friends wants to hurt someone else
  by spreading lies or rumors, speak up. Let your
  friend know that this isn't the right thing to
  do. If you need to, find another friend who feels
  the same way and talk to the others together. If
  rumors are getting out of control and someone is
  being made a real victim, get a counselor or
  teacher involved.

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Respect others' privacy

• If you don't want other people talking about the
  personal things in your life, don't do it to
  others. When you hear personal information about
  a classmate or friend, try to keep it to
  yourself, and don't worry about whether it's true
  or not. If you respect people's privacy, they'll
  be more likely to do the same for you.

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• From wordscanheal.org
• The Top Ten Tips for?Healing with Words
• Bite your tongue before you gossip your tongue
  will hurt, but your friends wont.
• Stop yourself from gossiping by changing the
  subject mid-sentence only you will notice.
• Never say derogatory things about yourself
  people might agree with you.
• Never use humor to put others down joking around
  usually comes around.
• Speak sweetly, so if you have to eat your words,
  they wont taste so bad.
• The gossip game always takes turns the only way
  to avoid being "it" is to stop playing.
• Trust makes a friendship gossip takes it away.
• You are the proud owner of a set of ears use
  them at your own discretion.
• To get friends who wont gossip about you, you
  must be a friend who wont gossip about them.
• Stamp out gossip by voting with your feet just
  walk away if someone gossips.

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Vocabulary

• Commentary
• Peccadilloes
• Blather
• Sullies
• Reputations
• Acquaintances
• Grapevine
• Scuttlebutt
• Derogatory
• Gripes

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• Your assignment can deal with the negative
  effects of gossip,
• a way to deal with it, encouraging against it, or
  how not
• participating is the right CHOICE.
• Create a collage (if magazines are available)
• Write a poem
• Create a cartoon
• Write a short story
• Create a poster
• Create a song
• Be sure to ask if you are unsure or your idea.