Communicating Assertively

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Communicating Assertively

• Sue Duraikan

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2 minutes to share

• One key learning point from online module on
  Communicating Assertively
• One challenge you still face in communicating
  assertively

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Objectives

• Have a clearer idea of what it means to
  communicate assertively
• Be more confident to use assertive techniques in
  practice

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Assertiveness is.

• ..a form of behaviour which demonstrates your
  self-respect and your respect for others
• being able to stand up for your rights, wants,
  needs and opinions without denying those of
  others

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Assertiveness starts in your head
Trigger
Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviour
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Responding to aggression
That was a disaster. What were you thinking of?
Look. Were getting nowhere. Just let me talk to
your boss.
Youre wrong about that.
I hear what youre saying, but weve got more
important things to deal with right now..
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Rights and responsibilities

• Right
• To receive clear communication
• Responsibility
• To act on it appropriately
• Right
• To refuse certain requests
• Responsibility
• To communicate a clear reason for doing so

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7 types of assertion
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Making a request

• DO
• Be direct and concise
• Give reason for request
• Respect their right to refuse

• DONT
• Over- apologise
• Flatter and promise rewards
• Take refusal personally
• Try to wear them down!

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Making requests (DESO)

• Describe the situation
• The deadline for presenting the data is
  tomorrow.
• Express how you are feeling
• Im concerned that I havent seen your results
  yet.
• Specify what you would like to happen
• Can you send me your results by 3 oclock?
• Outcome
• Then we can be sure of getting the data
  collated in time.

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Refusing a request

• DO
• Be polite Thank you for...
• Ask for more info or time
• Keep it short but friendly
• Repeat refusal
• Speak slowly, steadily, warmly

• DONT
• Over- apologise
• Over-explain
• Ask permission to say no
• Hurt feelings

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Expressing your opinion

• DO
• Relax
• Plan
• Rehearse
• Own your message use I statements
• Be open

• DONT
• Undermine yourself
• Apologise
• Be dogmatic
• Bow to pressure

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Making an impact

• Verbal what you say 7
• Vocal how you sound 36
• Visual how you look 57

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Passive-aggressive is
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Handling passive-aggression

• DO
• Ask questions and listen
• Show you want to understand their perspective I
  seem to have upset you. Would you like to tell me
  whats going on?
• Communicate clearly
• Focus on what you need
• Be prepared for the long haul!

• DONT
• Be intimidated
• Focus on their behaviour
• Be impatient

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Handling aggression

• DO
• Use split-second self-talk Stay calm, I can
  handle this.
• Make time sit down
• Aim to defuse ask questions, listen, then
  communicate clearly
• Apologise if in error
• Seek help

• DONT
• Be intimidated
• Focus on their behaviour
• Be impatient
• Deflect questions
• Invade their space
• Feel you have to let it continue

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Handling passive behaviour

• Empathy
• Probing and listening
• Supportive/encouraging messages
• Relaxed posture
• Gentle tone of voice
• Supportive facial expression
• Firm, clear message repeated if necessary

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Your rights
Their rights
Self talk
Visualise success
Behaviour
Outcome achieved
Outcome avoided
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TED talks

• http//www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_langu
  age_shapes_who_you_are.html
• Fake it till you make it
• Fake it till you become it