The UC Personal Statement:

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The UC Personal Statement
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The Personal Statement

• Adds clarity, depth and meaning to information
  collected in other parts of the UC application
• Is part of the comprehensive review process.

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Purpose of the Personal Statement

• The UC personal statement is your chance to tell
  the University who you are and what is important
  to you.
• View this as an opportunity. It is an opportunity
  to introduce yourself in your own words.
• Take Your Time!!
• Be open. Be reflective. Find your individual
  voice and express it honestly.
• UCs are looking for evidence of your
  intellectual curiosity and your interest in
  personal development.

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A Message From UC Faculty

• While it is acceptable to receive feedback or
  helpful suggestions, applicants personal
  statements should reflect their own ideas and be
  written by them alone.
• Dont let a parent write it for you!
• We can tell if its not student work

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Instructions

• There are two prompts. Students must respond to
  BOTH.
• Students respond to both questions.
• A maximum of 1,000 words total
• Students choose length of each response.
• If students choose to respond to one prompt at
  greater length, the shorter answer should be no
  less than 250 words.

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Prompt 1

• Describe the world you come from for example,
  your family, community or school and tell us
  how your world has shaped your dreams and
  aspirations.  
• This is about you, so focus on the dreams and
  aspirations. Dont get caught up describing
  Rocklin.
• This prompt could read - What are your dreams
  and aspirations and what is one thing that
  influenced them?

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Prompt 1 Tips

• World" is a versatile term. What really makes up
  your "world"? Is it your team? The local animal
  shelter? Your grandmother's kitchen table? Your
  church? The pages of a book? Someplace where your
  imagination likes to wander?
• Focus on "how." How has your world shaped you?
  How do you connect your environment to your
  identity. Then project forward and imagine your
  future.
• Focus on you. You may have a brother with a
  disability who perseveres through life and is an
  inspiration to you, but remember this is your
  application, not his.
• Avoid the obvious. Thousands of students could
  write an essay about how their supportive parents
  helped them succeed. Make sure your essay is
  about you and isn't something that thousands of
  other students could have written.

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Prompt 2

• Tell us about a personal quality, talent,
  accomplishment, contribution or experience that
  is important to you. What about this quality or
  accomplishment makes you proud and how does it
  relate to the person you are?
• This prompt could read Who are you, and what
  one thing are you most proud of that exemplifies
  who you are today?

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Prompt 2 Tips

• Consider what makes you proud. Then determine the
  experience, quality, accomplishment, etc. That
  lead to this.
• How has what you are writing about shaped you as
  an individual?
• Negative experience is okay as long as it is not
  a complaint or excuse and that something positive
  was gained that you are proud of.
• Write about something that is personally
  significant to you, not just what you think
  sounds impressive.

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Additional Comments

• Use Additional Comments box for clarification,
  expansion on important details
• Additional names/schools/transcript irregularity
• Visa issue
• Additional exams taken or certificates earned
• This is NOT an extension of the Personal
  Statement.

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Important Strategies

• Answer the prompt!!
• Avoid the list.
• Balance pride and humility. Dont make excuses.
• Reveal your character.
• Get good feedback.

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Be Persuasive

• Present your information and ideas in a focused,
  deliberate and meaningful manner. Provide
  specific, concrete examples to support your
  point.
• Your job is to persuade the reader that you are a
  creative, ambitious, and unique individual who
  will contribute to the intellectual vitality and
  cultural life on campus.

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Think Like an Admissions Reader

• Readers are friendly professionals who want to
  admit you.
• Readers are looking for answers to questions they
  have regarding the application.
• Readers are seasoned professionals who can spot
  baloney.
• Readers know nothing about you except whats on
  your application.
• Remember you do not know your readers, so steer
  clear of divisive issues such as social issues,
  religion and politics.

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Tips

• Dont try to impress. Be sincere and write in
  your voice.
• Write to create and share the emotions of your
  passion
• Embrace this opportunity for the readers to
  meet you. You want them to feel as though they
  know you.

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Caution

• No sarcasm
• Dont use offensive language
• Be careful with humor
• Avoid being cute or perky
• Dont write about another person!
• Remember humility is much more pleasant that
  hubris.

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Common Pitfalls
FLUFF
Better
I have to admit that theater did not come
naturally to me, and I remember that felt
remarkably self-conscious and nervous the first
few times I set foot on stage. The first time I
was on stage was in the eighth grade when my best
friend talked me into auditioning for our
schools performance of the play Romeo and Juliet
by William Shakespeare.
Theater did not come naturally to me, and I felt
remarkably self-conscious and nervous the first
few times I set foot on stage in the eighth
grade. My best friend had talked me into
auditioning for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
The length of your essay is limited and you want
your words to be impactful, not filler.
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Common Pitfalls
Vague
Better
Not only do I find basketball fun, but the sport
has helped me develop my leadership and
communication skills, as well as my ability to
work with a team. As a result, my love of
basketball will make me a better business major.
I like a lot of things about basketball. For one,
the activity allows me to develop abilities that
will help me in my future endeavors.
Avoid words like stuff, things, aspects,
society, etc.. They leave the reader guessing.
Your essay should answer questions, not create
them.
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Common Pitfalls
Clichés
Better
Throughout high school, I have tried to emulate
my brother. He takes his responsibilities
seriously, yet he is generous when dealing with
the shortcomings of others. This combination of
reliability and graciousness makes others turn to
him for leadership. My own successes in high
school are due largely to my brother's example.
My brother is one in a million. If given a
responsibility, he never falls asleep at the
wheel. When others fail, he is not one to make a
mountain out of a molehill. To make a long story
short, throughout high school I have tried to
emulate my older brother and I credit him with
many of my own successes.
Clichés diminish the essay's message and reveal
the author's lack of creativity.
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Common Pitfalls
Verbose
Better
The game was close. I won't receive credit for
our win, but I did pass the ball to my teammate
who scored the winning goal. He shot the ball
through the narrow space between the goalie's
hands and the upper corner of the goal post.
The game was spectacularly wonderful. I didnt
score the defining goal, but I did manage
dexterously to pass the ball to my amazingly
talented teammate who adroitly kicked it between
the goalies desperately reaching fingers and the
rigid frame of the right-hand corner of the goal.
Strong verbs, not adjectives and adverbs, make
your essay come to life. Two or three adjectives
or adverbs in every sentence, are indications of
an immature writer who is trying too hard to
impress the reader.
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Did you answer questions or create questions?

• Review your application
• Read your statement
• Did you create more questions?
• Did you answer questions?
• Did you show a theme?
• Did you demonstrate an ability to contribute to
  the vitality of a campus?

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Always keep in mind

• The readers will know nothing about you except
  what they will get from your application and your
  personal statement.
• It is critical that you read, and reread, your
  own writing then ask multiple people for
  feedback.
• DO NOT attempt to write a story intended to make
  the reader feel bad for you. Your goal should not
  be to try and gain admissions through pity.
  Mainly because it will not work. Your goal is to
  give the application reviewer concrete reasons
  for why they should accept you into their
  university.

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Last Thing (from UCI)

• Don't stress out trying to write the ultimate
  personal statement. There is no single right way
  to write a personal statement that will guarantee
  your acceptance into a university. There is only
  the best personal statement you can write for
  yourself. As long as your personal statement
  gives a clear and accurate representation of who
  you are as a person, then you've accomplished
  your task. That is the best personal statement
  you can write.

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Questions?

• atillery_at_rocklin.k12.ca.us
• twirth_at_rocklin.k12.ca.us