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The Adult Years

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The Adult Years Singles and Sexuality #s almost tripled from 1970 2002 Former stigma is almost gone Varying sexual activity levels Serial monogamy a ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: The Adult Years


1
The Adult Years
2
Singles and Sexuality
  • s almost tripled from 1970 2002
  • Former stigma is almost gone
  • Varying sexual activity levels
  • Serial monogamy a succession of sexually
    exclusive relationships
  • But most choose long-term relationships

3
Cohabitation
  • Living together in a sexual relationship without
    marriage
  • Nearly 60 who married in the early 90s
    cohabited first
  • Domestic Partnership cohabiting in a committed
    relationship
  • Much more common, now with rights
  • Less traditional gender-roles

4
Domestic Partnership Advantages
  • Together because they want to be
  • Less traumatic to break up
  • Occasional legal advantages

5
Disadvantages
  • Not as faithful
  • Occasional stigma
  • Many legal hazards

6
More on Cohabitation
  • Usually the status doesnt last
  • 50 marry or bolt in 2 years
  • Only 10 last 5 years
  • Unhappiness increases as time goes on
  • Couples have high divorce rates

7
Marriage
  • Universal institution with familial, sexual,
    economic and legal aspects
  • A source of emotional and financial support
  • Usually healthier and happier
  • Recent study just holding your husbands hand
    quells apprehension for women in strong marriages

8
More Marriage
  • Two basic approaches
  • Collectivist
  • unites two families
  • often arranged
  • rational decisions can enhance long-term
    stability

9
The Individualistic View
  • Union is a realization of individual goals and
    desires
  • Feelings of love form basis

10
Expectations
  • We want much more than a stable unit to raise
    children
  • But can we really expect
  • happiness,
  • financial security,
  • sexual satisfaction,
  • spiritual and emotional growth, and
  • social status?

11
Modern-day Obstacles
  • Can we really expect all that when former support
    networks lack their past strength?
  • Many married couples live in big, sprawling
    cities, far from family, stressed for ,
    child-care help and emotional backing.

12
Marital Satisfaction
  • Gottman certain patterns predict unhappiness
    and divorce over 90 of the time!
  • The ratio of to comments and activities
  • Need a ratio of 5 to 1

13
What are they talking about?
  • Facial expressions of disgust, fear or misery
  • And especially,
  • Verbal expressions of contempt from wife,
  • And stonewalling from husband

14
More on the Magic Ratio
  • The 51 ratio trumps compatibility, whether or
    not they fight, etc., etc.
  • Women who initiate discussions diplomatically and
    men who listen have marriages that last

15
Furthermore
  • The ratio works regardless of the three common
    marital styles
  • Validating calm listeners who work out problems
    but can lack passion
  • Volatile passionate disagreements balanced with
    respect, but at risk for physical aggression

16
Another Style
  • Conflict Avoiding these couples avoid conflict
    at any price, but often leave problems unresolved

17
Sex Within Marriage
  • Increasing satisfaction
  • Post Kinsey
  • wider variety of behaviors
  • more enjoyment
  • more foreplay
  • happier sex-lives, better marriages

18
Quantity Quality
  • More sex corresponds with better sex
  • But the quality of sex often declines as the
    marriage endures

19
Limits
  • Men are more satisfied
  • Some marriages are sexless
  • Modern life can exhaust
  • Children invade privacy and limit spontaneity
  • The sameness of routine marital life

20
Extramarital Sex
  • Interaction between marital persons and someone
    besides their spouse
  • While some societies allow, most prohibit

21
Why Cheat?
  • Great variability in human behavior
  • To prove to themselves that they are still
    attractive
  • As an escape from an unhappy union
  • To end an undesired marriage
  • For sex when unavailable
  • For excitement or revenge (9!)

22
Who Cheats?
  • The young 18-30
  • The oversexed
  • Those who have more chances
  • Women are just as likely
  • It boils down to the person (cheater) not the
    relationship

23
How common?
  • Hard to tell
  • Kinsey 50 of men, 25 of women
  • NHSLS 25 of men, 15 of women
  • The Internet has caused more affairs

24
What Next?
  • Lying and secrecy avoid trust
  • Strong feelings of betrayal
  • But the end is not inevitable
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