The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander

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The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander

• By
• Barbara Coloroso
• http//www.dfes.gov.uk/bullying/video.shtml

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The BullyWhy bully? Bullying is about
contempt a powerful feeling of dislike toward
somebody considered to be worthless, inferior,
and undeserving of respect

• Four Markers of a Bully
• Imbalance of power
• Intent to harm
• Threat of further aggression
• Terror

• The Ways and Means of Bullying
• Verbal bullying
• Physical bullying
• Relational bullying

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The Bullied

• One thing in common- All were targeted by a bully
• Targets can be just about anybody
• If a child succumbs to the attack, gives them
  what they want, they become victim
• If your child is a target of a bully dont count
  on him telling you
• Warning signs

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The BystandersNo innocent bystanders

• The four reasons most often given for not
  intervening (see pg. 67)
• Bystander is afraid of getting hurt himself.
• Bystander is afraid of becoming a new target of
  the bully.
• Bystander is afraid of doing something that will
  only make the situation worse.
• Bystander does not know what to do.

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It Runs In The Family

• 3 Family Structures
• Brick wall
• Jelly fish
• Backbone - - - - - - - - - - - ?

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If There Is A Bully In The House?

• What to do
• Intervene immediately
• Create opportunities to do good
• Nurture empathy
• Teach friendship skills-assertive, respectful,
  and peaceful ways to relate to others
• Closely monitor your childs TV viewing, video
  game playing, computer activities, and music
• Teach your child to will good

• What NOT to do
• Do not punish your child it will only teach him
  to be more aggressive and hurtful
• Instead child should be given an opportunity to
  understand the consequences of their actions, to
  fix what they have done, or to emphasize with the
  child that was harmed

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Is There A Bullied Kid In The House

• Antidotes for bullying
• Strong sense of self
• Being a friend
• Having at least one good friend who is always
  there for you
• Being able to successfully get into a group

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From Bystander To Witness

• Four reasons kids may not help
• Afraid of getting hurt
• Afraid of becoming a new target of the bully
• Afraid of doing something that will make
  situation worse
• Does not know what to do

• Three principles that foster moral independence
• Teach your child that he and only he is
  responsible for the consequences for his actions.
• Build your childs confidence in his/her ability
  to make good decisions
• Teach your child how to evaluate reasons on
  his/her own

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Caring Schools, Involved Communities

• The 4 principles to ensure students safety at
  school
• Warmth, positive interest, and involvement from
  adults
• Firm limits as to unacceptable behavior
• Discipline as opposed to punishment
• Authoritative not authoritarian parenting

• Improving parental awareness of and involvement
  in working on the problem
• Modeling positive respective and supportive
  behavior
• Strong sense of self
• Make friends
• Be part of a group
• Stand up and speak out against injustices

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Some books to use in your classroom!

• Primary Grades
• How Do I Feel About Bullies and Gangs By Julie
  Johnson
• The Ant Bully By John Nickle
• King of the Playground By Phyllis Reynolds
  Naylor
• Preschool K
• The Recess Queen By Alexis ONeill
• When Sophie Gets Angry- Really, Really Angry By
  Molly Bang

• Middle and Up
• No More Bullies For Those Who Wound or are
  Wounded By Frank Peretti
• Hit Squad By James Heneghan