Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

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Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

Created by Rachael SheaStudent Services
AdvisorCounseling Services938-5353shea_at_siskiyou
s.edu
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• Learning Objectives
• Define domestic violence
• Identify key features of healthy and unhealthy
  relationships
• Describe the cycle of violence cycle of healthy
  relationships
• Explain why people are abusive and why people
  stay in abusive relationships
• Differentiate different types of abuse

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What is a relationship?

• A special bond between two people who share
  common interests and personality traits
• A bond between a parent and his/her child, a
  teacher and a student, a coach and an athlete, or
  two friends
• An intimacy shared by two consenting individuals
• How do YOU define a relationship?

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• This presentation will focus on the healthy and
  unhealthy characteristics of dating or marital
  relationships.

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Domestic Violence is

• A pattern of abusive and coercive behavior that
  infringes on the rights of an individual, which
  includes physical, emotional, verbal, and/or
  sexual attacks.
• Economic coercion (controlling money)
• A term that is used to describe abuse against one
  person in a current or past intimate
  relationship, a former cohabitant, or an adult
  family member.
• Sometimes called IPV (Intimate Partner Violence)

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California Arrests for DV
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Who are the victims?

• Women and men
• Teenagers and children
• Pets
• Heterosexual, gay and lesbian individuals
• How are these individuals affected by
• domestic violence?

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Statistics

• In 2001, intimate partner violence made up 20 of
  violent crimes against women. (1)
• Male violence against women does much more
  physical damage than female violence against
  men.(2)
• Approximately one in five female high school
  students reports being physically and/or sexually
  abused by a dating partner. (3)

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More stats

• Women age 16 to 24 experience the highest per
  capita rate of IPV. (4)
• 63 of boys ages 11-18 who are in prison for
  murder have killed the man who was abusing their
  mother.
• 100 of children who witness domestic violence
  are negatively affected.
• Each year, about 324,000 pregnant women in the
  U.S. are battered by the men in their lives. (5)

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Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

• Trust
• Understanding
• Open communication
• Respect
• Loyalty
• Accountability
• Mild arguments
• Fun

• Supportive
• Safe
• Encouraging
• Equality
• Faithful

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Characteristics of Unhealthy Relationships

• Jealousy
• Possessiveness
• Abusive
• Blaming
• Criticizing
• Intimidating
• Threatening
• Controlling

• Cheating
• Put downs
• No communication
• Pressure to have sex
• Mind games
• Alcohol/drug abuse
• Co-dependency

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The Cycle of Violence
Phase 1 Tension Building Tension increases,
breakdown of communication walking on egg
shells
Phase 2 Incident/Explosion Abuse, anger,
blaming, arguing, threats, intimidation
Phase 4 Calm Incident is forgotten, no abuse
is taking place
Phase 3 Reconciliation/Honeymoon Abuser
apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim,
denies the abuse occurred, or says it wasnt as
bad as the victim claims
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Cycle of Healthy Relationships
Loving Phase/Normal
Discussion, negotiation/compromise, solution
Pressure from family/friends miscommunication
Argument
Tension stress from school, work
Constructive Communication
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Why are some people abusive?

• Childhood experiences growing up in abusive
  homes and normalizing the behavior
• Insecurities violence is a sign of weakness, not
  strength!
• Belief in dominating over ones significant other
• Alcohol and drugs heighten aggression but do not
  cause abusive behaviors.

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• We are not born to be abusive. Being abusive is a
  CHOICE!

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Why dont you just leave?!

• Common reasons why women stay in abusive
  relationships
• Embarrassment
• Religious beliefs
• Guilt Its my fault, too
• I thought it was an accident
• No money
• Children
• Housing where will I stay?
• Fear of more violence

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Types of Abuse

• Physical
• Hitting, kicking, pinching, spitting on, throwing
  things
• Emotional
• Withholding affection, ignoring, targeting
  insecurities, public humiliation
• Verbal
• Name-calling, put-downs, criticism
• Sexual
• Forcing sex, making sex hurt, manipulating to
  have sex

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So now what?

• Early warning signs of an abusive relationship
  include jealousy, possessiveness, angry
  outbursts, and experiencing uncomfortable
  feelings.
• Seek help with a friend, instructor, counselor,
  or Siskiyou Domestic Violence Crisis Center if
  you are or someone you know is in an
  abusive/unhealthy relationship.
• SDVCCs Hotline [phone]

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SDVCCs Services

• Peer counseling
• Transportation assistance
• Safe housing
• Emergency housing
• Restraining order assistance (including custody)
• Clothing/Food

• Group counseling
• Support groups
• Violence prevention education
• Accompaniment
• Referrals
• Self-defense class
• 24-hour crisis hotline and response