BLAH

1
Christina McCord
Professor McFarland
English 1101
19 November 2007
2
EyesConnection to the soul!
Sandra Cisneros The House on Mango Street

• Essay One
• Introductory Paragraph
• Professor Feedback
• Peer Feedback
• My Revisions

to
3
Rough Intro

• Cisneros emits truth in the statement Eyes are
  like windows to the soul by continuously
  pointing out many of the characters eyes. In her
  novel, The House on Mango Street, Cisneros uses
  different sets of eyes to convey sexuality,
  judgment, beauty, and pain. As ordinary people,
  our eyes have an effect on how we view things,
  which shape and mold our own personalities,
  characteristics, and uniqueness

4
Peer Comments
1.3.Cisneros emits truth in the statement Eyes
are like windows to the soul by continuously
pointing out many of the characters eyes.
1
2
3
1. Cite Authors full name
2. In her novel, The House on Mango Street,
Cisneros uses different sets of eyes to convey
sexuality, judgment, beauty, and pain..  
3. Expand to consider greater complexities of
meaning
2. Topic the what
3. As ordinary people, our eyes have an effect on
how we view things, which shape and mold our own
personalities, characteristics, and uniqueness
3. Expand to consider greater complexities of
meaning
5
Peer comments continued
Authors full name
I am not sure if you are talking about how the
eyes make the person or how we view things
be clear in your statements and make sure they
are in good sequence. I feel like you have 2
thesis statements which confused me.
Your paper does not have the following
I think it is a wonderful start to a great
paper. Just make sure your thesis is easy to
spot.
I think the intro is a great beginning but maybe
needs to be a bit more enthusiastic
A clear thesis
Comments by Betsi Beam
6
My Revision proceeding peer comments

• Eyes are like windows to the soul, is a very
  powerful statement and Sandra Cisneros emits
  truth from this proclamation by continuously
  acknowledging the reader of the eyes of many
  characters. She uses character's eyes allowing
  the reader to feel as if they were right next to
  Esperanza as she gives great detail to each set
  of eyes she comes in contact with. In her novel,
  The House on Mango Street, Cisneros uses
  different sets of eyes to convey sexuality,
  judgment, beauty, and pain.

7
Professor Comments

• 1.She uses character's eyes allowing the reader
  to feel as if they were right next to Esperanza
  as she gives great detail to each set of eyes she
  comes in contact with.

Slow down and unpack this. This sentence could
easily be broken up into three distinct
sentences, so that your thoughts would read more
distinctly and with greater emphasis.
COMMENT
8
Final Draft

• Eyes... Connection to the Soul 
• To a majority of the world, a set of eyes are
  exceedingly valuable to a person. The power to
  see beauty and corruptness in our surroundings is
  given to us by our eyes. They permit other sets
  of eyes the opportunity to see deeper - as if
  glancing into one's soul - than just the
  appearance of another human, occasionally
  uncovering a possible hidden secret. Sandra
  Cisneros creates a passageway to many of her
  character's souls and feelings by initiating
  their eyes to the reader. In The House on Mango
  Street, Esperanza, the narrator, makes mention-
  in great detail- of the character's eyes. She
  uses their eyes as an individualistic feature to
  create a portion of their personality. Sexuality,
  judgment, and pain are brought to the readers
  attention when Cisneros gives us an opening to
  the souls of the characters through their eyes.  

Final Comments
1. Delete quotation marks
2. Nice introductory set up so far
3. unclear