Kathy Smith, UMW President Central UMC Doug Smith, Central UMC Stockton, CA

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Kathy Smith, UMW President Central UMCDoug
Smith, Central UMC Stockton, CA
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Compassionate Listening

• "If we can change ourselves, we can change the
  world. We're not the victims of the world we
  see,we're the victims of the way we see the
  world. This is the essence of Compassionate
  Listeningseeing the person next to you as a
  part of yourself."- Dennis Kucinich, U.S.
  Congressman

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Sound Familiar

• Observe the interaction between these two women
  that occurs in a UMW setting.
• Have you had a situation like this? How did you
  feel during or after your experience?
• Who was the listener?
• In what ways was non-listening demonstrated.
• LETS TRY THIS AGAIN

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What behaviors would demonstrated effective and
compassionate listening?

• Reflect
• Acknowledge
• Support and encourage
• Clarify
• Positive Body Language
• Others

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Compassionate Listening Training, January 2009
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The Exercise

• In each group of four identify who will assume
  each of the following roles.
• Speaker
• Listener for Facts
• Listener for Feelings
• Listener for Values
• Listen to the Speaker in Silence
• Listeners share what they heard in their
  respective area Facts, Feelings, or Values
• Speaker verifies/clarifies or denies the
  listeners perceptions

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Listening for Facts, Values, and Feelings
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An enemy is someone, whose story we havent
heard.
Gene Knudsen Hoffman, International Peacemaker
If I go into the world to win, to control, to
make peace through coercion, or to prove the
righteousness of my position --- there is no way
I can come to reconciliation. For
reconciliation to occur, I need to have a respect
for the divine in the opposition and enough
humility to know that I don't have all truth on
my side." - Gene Knudsen Hoffman   An Interview
with Gene Knudsen HoffmanJanuary 2002
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Principles of Compassionate Listening

• Listening is accepting but not necessarily
  agreeing.
• Compassionate Listening is not about
  satisfying curiosity or problem solving.
• Its about being present to another.
• The opposing view is always valuable.
• Look for underlying commonalties to build
  solutions of mutual benefit.

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The Truth Box
Everyone has a partial truth we must listen,
discern, acknowledge this partial truth in
everyoneparticularly those with whom we
disagree.
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Listener Behaviors that promoteCompasionate
Listening

• Paraphrasing
• So I hear you saying . Is that right?
• You are telling me that
• Reflecting
• I sense that you are feeling ..
• I sense that you are angry, frustrated. Is that
  it?
• Questioning
• Tell me more about that (TO HELP SPEAKER!!)
• Tell me more about your feelings regarding ..

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Conflict Exercise

• Form groups of two
• One of you think of a UMW issue you feel
  passionate about --- or any other issue.
• The other will start a debate, countering and
  confronting the speaker
• At the signal or before, one of you will switch
  to Compassionate Listening.
• Be aware of your triggers and the ebb and flow of
  energy within you and your partner.

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Triggers Resolution

• What triggered you?
• How did your body respond if a trigger was hit?
• Who started the Compassionate Listening first?
• How did it feel to you when the switch to CL
  occurred?

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Compassionate Listening A First Step
Toward Reconciliation Gene Knudsen Hoffman

• Her overarching principle is that hearing each
  others story
• reveals unhealed wounds and
• allows for mutual compassion and understanding.
• In this way Compassionate Listening helps to
  build bridges between individuals and communities
  in conflict and can ultimately lead
• to reconciliation.