Welcome Activity

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Dealing With Difficult Parents When Choking Is
Not An Option Creating Healthy Partnerships
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(No Transcript)
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How Many Years In Education Less Then 10
Years 10-20 Years 20-30 Years 30 Years
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Think of a particularly difficult encounter with
an angry parent that caught you off guard and
that you wished you had handled
differently. Share your encounter with your
table/group/partner.
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Parental InvolvementRules, Regulations, and Laws

• Title 1
• NCLB
• ACT 603
• Act 307
• ACSIP
• Do Right Rule

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Act 307 (Amended Act 603)

• Informational Packets (Formerly Family Kits)
• Materials in library for responsible parenting as
  funds are available
• Parent Center as funds are available
• Engage parents in other activities that promote
  responsible parenting as funds are available
• Parent Involvement Meetings (Formerly Parents
  Make a Difference Evenings)

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Act 307(Amended Act 603)

• Volunteer Resource Book- Survey is now in the
  Informational Packets and Encourage staff to use
  surveys
• Schools process for resolving parental concerns-
  Place in handbook instead of publish
• Alumni Advisory Committee- Consider recruiting
  Alumni Committee
• Parent Facilitator- Help organize training

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Act 307Addition

• Enable Formation of PTA or PTO

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Act 603Deleted Items

• Paycheck size cards with tips for parents
• 2 Scheduled Parent Teacher Conferences
• Policy about picking children up
• Printing statement of attesting to the schools
  commitment to Parental Involvement
• Newspaper recognition of parents attending Parent
  Teacher Conferences

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ACSIPAct 307 of 2007

• Informational Packets
• Parent Involvement Meetings
• Volunteer Resource Book
• Schools process for resolving parental concerns
  in handbook
• Seminars to inform parents of high school
  students about how to be involved in decisions
• Enable formation of PTA or PTO
• Parent Facilitator

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Staff Development Requirements

• 2 hours of staff development in Parental
  Involvement for teachers
• 3 hours of staff development in Parental
  Involvement for administrators

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Effects of Parent InvolvementAccording to the
Research

• Higher Student Achievement- higher test scores,
  better grades, better attendance, and complete
  more homework
• Higher Graduation Rates
• Students Have More Positive Attitudes
• Improved Teacher Morale

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No More House Calls

• Gone are the good ole days!

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What is a paradox?

• Definition A statement that seems
  contradictory, unbelievable, or absurd but that
  may actually be true in fact.

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The only thing that is constant is change.

• Marcus Welby - Derek McDreamy
• Ozzie Harriett - Desperate Housewives

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Dr. Marcus Welby

• Parent support mostly unquestioned
• If I get in trouble at school, Ill be in trouble
  at home
• Punish now, Ask questions later
• Teachers and school were revered and respected
  much like clergy and church

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Dr. Derek McDreamy

• Todays parents have different values.
• I was in school so I am an authority.
• Dont mess with my paycheck or my kid.
• Parents had a bad experience in school.
• Parents mistake rescuing as love.

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Ozzie Harriet

• Nuclear family
• Stay at home mother
• Language proficient
• Work ethic
• Respect for authority
• Value of education
• Wants the best for children

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Desperate Housewives

• Single parent home
• Questions authority
• Often feels threatened by professionals
• Feels unwelcome at school
• Language minority parents
• Cultural differences
• Wants the best for children

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Ageless Desire of Parents

• Ozzie Harriett Nelson want the best for their
  children.
• Lynette and Tom Scavo want the best for their
  children.

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Changing parent behavior may not be an option!
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Changing our approach is!
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Diagnosis and Treatment
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WHATS BEHIND THE EPIDEMIC?

• The mere formulation of a problem is often far
  more essential than its solution.
• Albert Einstein

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WHAT MAKES PARENTS SICK?

• Todays world is stressful, fast-paced, and
  fragmented
• Compressed time, communication overload, and
  disconnectedness

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WHAT MAKES PARENTS SICKER?

• Separation divorce
• Power seeking
• Troublemaking
• Abuse
• Addiction
• Dysfunctional

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HOW SCHOOLS MAKE PARENTS SICK

• Failure to meet expectations
• Failure to learn
• Erosion of values
• Incompetent teachers
• Questionable safety
• Second-rate schools

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HOW ADMINISTRATORS MAKE PARENTS SICK?

• Failure to communicate
• Automatically backing teachers
• Labeling
• Acting defensive
• Breaking promises
• Lack of Respect
• Not taking their advice

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Preventing an Epidemic
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6 Quality Standards Types of Parent Involvement

• Communicating
• Parenting
• Student Learning/Learning at Home
• Volunteering
• School Decision Making and Advocacy
• Collaborating with Community

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Communicating

• Communication is
• Regular
• Two-Way
• Meaningful

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Parenting
Skills are promoted and supported
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Student Learning
Course of Study
Course of Treatments
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Volunteering
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School Decision Making
Treatment Options
Educational Options
Surgery Rehab
AP Courses Remediation
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Collaborating With Community
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Proactive Approach to Prevent an Epidemic

• Learning how to defuse negative emotions
• of parents with both real and imagined
• problems is a critical human relations skill.

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What is Anger?

• Anger is an experience that occurs when a goal,
  value, or expectation that (parents) have chosen
  has been blocked or when (their) sense of
  personal worth is threatened.

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First Steps to Healthy Relationships with Parents

• Creating a Wellness Approach

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Know Your Character Count

• Be trustworthy
• Be honest
• Be authentic
• Be respectful
• Be forgiving

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DIAGNOSING THE PROBLEMS

• Curriculum
• Books Materials
• Teachers
• Discipline
• Achievement
• Assessment Evaluation
• Extracurricular Activities
• BMI
• Laws
• Socialization

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Systematic Approach to Parent Concerns

• Three categories of strategies to concentrate on
• Responsive
• Exploratory
• Action

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Best Ways to Respond

• Manage by walking around
• Assume problems
• Dont delegate
• Welcome and accept
• Say something nice
• Self-neutralize
• Attend

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Best Ways to Respond

• Listen
• Be gentle
• Read between the lines
• Give wordless advice
• Convey serenity
• Be a mirror
• Backtrack
• Open your mind
• Dont react

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Best Ways to Respond

• Remain composed
• Be assertive
• Take the A train
• Apologize
• Empathize
• Welcome criticism
• Consider cultural differences
• End positively

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HEALTHY INTERVENTIONS

• Take your time
• Listen
• Ask questions
• Partner
• Stay focused
• Create an action plan

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CORRECTIVE PROCEDURE

• Name the issue
• Give an example
• Describe your emotions
• Clarify what is at stake
• Identify your contribution
• Express your desire to resolve
• Invite a response

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Example How to Deal with Parents Who Are Angry,
Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy, McEwan,
Elaine K.

• Issue
• Example
• Emotions
• Clarification

• Mrs. Martin, I want to talk with you about
  the effect that your verbal outbursts are having
  not only on your relationship with Miss Jones,
  Matthews teacher, but also on Matthew and his
  ability to concentrate on school
• Yesterday, outside the classroom, you
  confronted Miss Jones in a very hostile and
  accusatory tone of voice about Matthews science
  grade. A number of students, including Matthew,
  as well as parents and teachers heard you.
• Im distressed about this issue and how it
  reflects on the climate of our school and also
  how it has impacted Matthews feelings about his
  teacher and school. For the past three
  afternoons, he has been in the nurses office
  complaining of a stomach ache.
• I dont want your behavior to become grist
  for the gossip mill. I care about all of the
  parents in our school community, including you.

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Example

• Contribution
• Resolve
• Response

• I should have talked to you the first time
  it happened, but I ignored the situation hoping
  it would go away. Im sorry. I didnt help you
  the way I should have.
• I want to resolve this issue today. Id
  like to know that when we leave my office today,
  we wont ever have to discuss this kind of
  problem again.
• Mrs. Martin, I want to understand what is
  going on here from your perspective. Talk to me
  about this problem.

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EXAMINE YOUR MEDICAL HISTORY?

• Do you subtly discourage people from rocking the
  boat?
• Do you avoid open ended questions?
• Do you purposely stay too busy to handle
  problems?
• Do you delegate angry parents to others?
• Do you keep things so structured that you dont
  see the real problems?

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EXACERBATIONSWarning The Following Can Be
Hazardous To Your Health.

• Dont interrupt
• Dont take over the conversation
• Dont change the subject
• Dont focus on things that cant be changed
• Dont get off on your own agenda
• Dont engage in silent combat
• Dont start to answer before you understand

• Dont advise unless youre asked
• Dont try to persuade
• Dont appear neutral
• Dont sound like a know- it- all
• Dont over explain
• Dont become intimidated
• Dont settle for a superficial resolution

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TO GOOD HEALTH

• The goal of problem solving is to find a way to
  help each child be successful in his/her
  academic, behavioral, and social life.
• If ignored, school problems can grow like an out
  of control weed, choking communication between
  home and school and cutting off trust and
  cooperation.
• Nothing should stand in the way of a childs
  education.

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Creating a Nurturing and Healthy School

• All parts work together to achieve balance.
  There is a sense of wholeness and soundness.

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Identify the Problem

• Eliminate unhealthy habits and diseased parts
• Maintain a healthy environment
• Practice preventive medicine

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Viruses

• Clandestine Operations
• When parents teachers go underground with
  secret meetings gossiping
• Honesty integrity are lost

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Viruses

• Fault Finding and Blame
• Parents teachers are unwilling to take
  responsibility for solving problems often blame
  everyone else.

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Viruses

• Backyard Gossip
• Parents school staff who spread rumors and half
  truths.
• Important way to deter backyard gossip is to
  provide adequate information.
• If people do not have information, they will make
  it up.

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Viruses

• Lies, Half Truths, and Slander
• Appear Righteous
• Undermine the trust level in a school
• Recognize them for what they are

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Viruses

• Triangulation
• When you find yourself in the middle of two
  people who should be talking to each other.
• They can shift their anxiety and the
  responsibility for solving the problem to you,
  then they feel terrific and the problem is yours!

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Viruses

• The Friendly Enemy
• They are most often gracious, supportive, and
  generous with compliments, at least to your face!
• As soon as you gain power or popularity the
  friendly enemy will begin to erode your support.

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The Dangerous Dozen

• Idiotic Illnesses
• Contagious and Infectious Diseases within the
  School

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Paralysis

• Symptoms
• Cannot get anything done
• Autocratic administrators
• Lack of creativity
• Inaction
• Uncertainty

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Diarrhea

• Symptoms
• Constant flow of aggressive and abusive words and
  actions
• Outbursts
• Passive or aggressive violence

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Chronic Fatigue

• Symptoms
• Overwork
• Burnout
• Lack of Leadership
• Lack of Motivation
• Unclear Vision
• Meaningless Mission

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Hypertension

• Symptoms
• Stress
• Tension
• Griping
• Complaining

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Heart Failure

• Symptoms
• Lack of empathy
• Lack of understanding
• Lack of caring

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Lockjaw

• Symptoms
• Inability to talk
• Informal Meetings
• Lack of Organization

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Circulatory Collapse

• Symptom
• Lack of Communication

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Muscle Tendon Inflammation

• Symptoms
• Hostile Communication
• Irritability
• Frustration
• Low Self-Esteem

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Irritable Bowel Syndrome

• Symptoms
• Chronic Complaining
• Criticism

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Calluses, Corns Bunions

• Symptom
• Inability to relent, soften, or give in

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Chicken Pox

• Symptom
• Lack of Leadership

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Malnutrition

• Symptoms
• Watered-Down Curriculum
• Low Expectations
• Low Achievement
• Low Teacher Morale
• Parental Dissatisfaction

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Identify and Treat!

• Virulent Viruses
• Clandestine Operations
• Faultfinding and Blame
• Backyard Gossip
• Lies, Half-Truths, and Slander
• Triangulation
• The Friendly Enemy

• Dangerous Dozen
• Paralysis
• Diarrhea
• Chronic Fatigue
• Hypertension
• Heart Failure
• Lockjaw
• Circulatory Collapse
• Muscle Tendon Inflammation
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome
• Calluses, Corns, Bunions
• Chicken Pox
• Malnutrition

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The Value of a Physical Exam

• Check up or Choke out

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Intensive Care Unit

• I.C.U. - I See You!
• My perception is my reality!

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The Healthy School ChecklistHow to Deal with
Parents Who Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just
Plain Crazy, McEwan, Elaine K.

• All students are treated with respect by all
  staff members (principals, teachers, secretary,
  custodial staff, bus drivers, cafeteria workers,
  etc.)
• The principal and staff establish high
  expectations for student achievement which are
  directly communicated to students and parents.

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• Principal and staff members serve as advocates of
  students and communicate with them regarding
  aspects of their school life.
• Principal encourages open communication among
  staff members and parents and maintains respect
  for differences of opinion.
• Principal demonstrates concern and openness in
  the consideration of teacher, parent, or student
  problems and participates in the resolution of
  such problems where appropriate.

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• Principal models appropriate human relation
  skills.
• Principal develops and maintains high morale.
• Principal systematically collects and responds to
  staff, parent, and student concerns.
• Principal appropriately acknowledges the earned
  achievements of others.

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• All staff members (classified and certified) are
  able to communicate openly with one another and
  say what they feel.
• The individual abilities, knowledge, and
  experience of all staff members are fully used.
• Conflict between various individuals (teachers,
  parents, students) is resolved openly and
  effectively, and there is a genuine respect for
  one another among these groups.

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• The entire school community can articulate and is
  committed to the vision and mission of the
  school.
• Staff members can express their views openly
  without fear of ridicule or retaliation and let
  others do the same.
• Staff members can get help from one another and
  give help without being concerned about hidden
  agendas.
• The school climate is one of openness and respect
  for individual differences.

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Healthy School Checklist Rating Scale

• 71 80 Superior Health Continue to do all of
  the effective things you are doing, and
  regularly monitor the vital signs of your
  school.
• 61 - 70 Excellent Health Even though your
  school is in great shape, there are a number of
  actions and behaviors that could notch up its
  health to Superior.
• 51 60 Good Health With some fine-tuning in
  several areas, your school could be much
  healthier than it is.
• 41 50 Poor Health One more crisis and your
  schools health will be failing. Change your
  lifestyle.
• 40 - below Intensive care! No visitors until
  further notice!

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CDCCenter for Disease Control

• Communication
• Determination
• Cooperation

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Creating Healthy Partnerships

• What does research say about parent
  involvement?
• What are some things that you can do to be
  proactive in building parental support for your
  school?
• Identify those things that you are doing well.
• What are some areas that you need to work on?

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Prevention is the best medicine Firefighters
spend more time preventing fires then fighting
them.

• Welcome genuinely
• Listen - intently
• Value - validate
• Diagnose before prescribing dont try to fix
  everything.
• Avoid pushing their buttons
• Try not to put them in a no win situation

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Parents are sending us the best kids they have.

• They are not keeping the good ones at home!

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Public Schools are for the Public

• Every citizen has a guaranteed, constitutional
  right to attend

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Whether we like them or not!
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Bibliography
Henderson, A.T., Mapp, K.L., and Averett, A.
(2002). A new wave of evidence The Impact of
school, family, and community connections on
student achievement. TX National Center for
Family Community Connections with
Schools. Jaksec III, C.M. (2005) The difficult
parent. CA Corwin Press McEwan, E.K. (2005) How
to deal with parents who are angry, troubled,
afraid, or just plain crazy. CA Corwin
Press National Center for Education Statistics.
(2003) Violence in U.S, public schools 2000
school survey of crime and safety. Statistical
analysis report. Washington, D.C U.S. Department
of Education. Institute of Education
Sciences. National PTA. (2004) National
standards for Parent/Family Involvement
Programs. Payne, R.K., PH.D. (2005) Working with
parents- building relationships for student
success. TXaha! Process, Inc. Tingley, S.C.
(2006) How to handle difficult parents- a
teachers survival guide. CO Cottonwood
Press Wherry, J.H. (2007). Is Parent Involvement
Still Important?, Principal,56(4),. 6
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Module Development Committee

• Laura L. Baber, Assistant Principal, Malvern
  Elementary School
• Carolyn Doyle, Teacher Center Coordinator, Arch
  Ford Educational Services Cooperative
• Larry Russell, Ed.D, Technical Assistance
  Liaison, Mid-Continent Comprehensive Center in
  Partnership with the Arkansas Department of
  Education
• Sandi Jordan, Parent Center Coordinator, Lake
  Hamilton School District