Teaching Children

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Teaching Children Teens to be Emotionally
Healthy

• Presented by
• Avril Z Daley
• JTA Conference 2008

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Multiple Intelligence

• In 1983 by Dr. Howard Gardner reported that
  Instead of having one intelligence we have
  several different intelligences.
• Linguistic intelligence ("word smart")
• Logical-mathematical intelligence
  ("number/reasoning smart")
• Spatial intelligence ("picture smart")
• Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence ("body smart")
• Musical intelligence ("music smart")
• Interpersonal intelligence ("people smart")
• Intrapersonal intelligence ("self smart")
• Naturalist intelligence ("nature smart")

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Emotional Intelligence

• This one of the newest type of intelligence

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Emotional Intelligence (EI)

• Author Daniel Goleman popularized the term
  "emotional intelligence" in his landmark 1995
  best-selling book of the same name.

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What is Emotional Intelligence?
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Emotional Intelligence (EQ/EI)

• The capacity for recognizing our own feelings
  and those of others, for motivating ourselves,
  for managing emotions well in ourselves and in
  our relationships.

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Emotional Intelligence

• The teacher's level of EQ is by far the single
  most important variable in creating a classroom
  where EI can be developed healthily.
• And the single most important variable in the
  teacher's EQ is how they handle their own
  emotions, especially their negative emotions.
• An effective, successful teacher is largely one
  who can handle his or her negative feelings in an
  authentic, real and healthy way.

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EI in Schools

• Is school the right place to teach EI?
• The formation of emotional skills is much easier
  in the "formative" years from birth to the late
  teens.
• School is the major activity in that age group.
• However, teaching emotions rarely have a place in
  schools. Beyond infants school and early primary
  school, almost all efforts are concentrated on
  cognitive skills (reading, writing,
  mathematics,...).
• What's more, there is little or nothing in the
  standard training of teachers that prepares them
  from such a task. Yet there is no subject where
  the quality and ability of teachers would be more
  crucial.
• All Teachers have the opportunity to teach EI!
• EI is part of the formal and informal curriculum.

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Benefits of Emotional Smarts

• Manage emotions
• Learn better 
• Pay attention
• Take in information
• Remember more
• Better self image, and
• Sense of integrity

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• Teachers have to be emotionally intelligent to be
  able to assist their students to be become
  emotionally intelligent.

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Emotional Intelligence - the five domains

• Goleman identified the five 'domains' of EI as
• Self-awareness.
• Mood management.
• Self-motivation.
• Empathy.
• Managing relationships.
• These skills are critical for emotional
  well-being and life success.

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1. Self-Awareness

• Is being able to recognize feelings and put a
  name on them.
• It is also important to be aware of the
  relationship between thoughts, feelings and
  actions.

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CYLCE OF COGNITION
What thought sparked off that feeling?
What feeling was behind that action?
What action did we take?
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Developing Self awareness

• Labeling feelings How am I feelings?
• Help them label their feelings.
• Introduce with their language then give more
  choices for feelings dissed red, feel a
  way, and bringle
• Teach them a wide range of feeling words -
  Embarrassed, angry, ashamed, disgusted,
  misunderstood
• Start expressing your feelings - Start talking
  about feelings
• Start using simple, three word sentences such as
  these
• I feel sad. I feel motivated. I feel offended. I
  feel appreciated. I feel hurt. I feel
  disrespected. I feel ecstatic.

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How To foster Self-Awareness

• Spending time explaining to students the effects
  of their behaviour on others and to model the
  appropriate behaviour
• Teach children to express their emotions and to
  identify such emotions in others so as to be able
  to build good emotional rapport.
• Use stories or song to identify the feelings

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• Label your feelings rather than your students
• I am feeling disgusted not You are disgusting

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• Respect their feelings
• Ask them how they feel
• Ask them how they would feel before taking action
  
• Think about how you want them to feel
• Key aptitude identifying feelings in self and
  others

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2. Managing emotions

• Managing your own emotions, handling feelings so
  they're relevant to the current situation and you
  react appropriately.
• It is important to realise what is behind
  feelings.
• Beliefs have a fundamental effect on the ability
  to act and on how things are done. (thoughts
  feelings action)
• Many people continually give themselves negative
  messages.

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Managing emotions

• In addition, finding ways to deal with anger,
  fear, anxiety and sadness
• It is essential learning how to soothe oneself
  when upset, for example is crucial.
• Understanding what happens when emotions get the
  upper hand and how to gain time to judge if what
  is about to be said or done in the heat of the
  moment is really the best thing to do.
• Key aptitude Being able to channel emotions to a
  positive end.

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• Learn to take responsibility for your own
  feelings rather than blame them on your students.
  
• I felt embarrassed when the principal was here,"
  rather than "You embarrassed me in front of the
  principal."

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• But remember that the children are not there to
  meet your needs, you are there to meet theirs.
• Thus, you must either get your needs met
  somewhere else, or you must "let go" of some of
  your needs, such as your need to have so much
  control, or to feel obeyed.
• REMEMBER that respect is something you earn, not
  demand.
• The easiest way to do this is to show respect for
  each individual childs feelings, and remember
  his negative feelings are indications of unmet
  emotional needs.
• The more you help the child identify and meet the
  needs, the happier everyone will be.

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Managing emotions

• State the feeling/emotion that is being
  expressed.
• Then give the student permission to have the
  feeling and state the limits (safety limits).
• Discuss the feelings later after the student has
  calmed down.

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FEEL WHAT YOU WANT, CONTROL WHAT YOU DO

• One of the most valuable skills you can teach
  your students is how to express strong emotions
  without hurting themselves, others, or damaging
  property.
• Students learn to feel what they want, but
  control what they do.
• Encourage your students to say his/her feelings
  out loud and to tell the other person how he/she
  feels.

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Managing Emotions

• Teach children to "control" their anger and
  refrain from taking "revenge" and to learn
  assertive behaviour e.g. when they're hit,
  refrain from "throwing punches" but tell the
  other person to stop because you don't like being
  hit.

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• Validation - Accept their feelings - Show
  understanding, empathy, caring and concern -
  Whenever there is a problem remember to always
  first validate the feelings
• I realize that you are upset. I would be upset
  too if that had happened to me.
• Dont Invalidate.
• Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease,
  judge, or diminish someone's feelings.

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Anger Management
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3. Self-motivation

• Motivating yourself , "gathering up" your
  feelings and
• directing yourself towards a goal,
• despite self-doubt, inertia, and impulsiveness.

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gt These contribute to healthy self-esteem,
openness to learn and willingness to cooperate

• When you feel good about yourself you are more
• accepting
• tolerant
• patient
• understanding
• predictable

• gt This helps your students feel
• Accepted
• Approved of
• Secure
• Relaxed
• Good about themselves

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Set Self Goals

• Give them real choices
• Honour their decisions
• Don't issue orders in disguise as requests
• Ask them to help you meet your needs don't
  demand it
• Key aptitude to be able to pick up yourself
  after disappointment

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Self-motivation

• Set self goals and accomplish them These goals
  don't have to be major one. Achieving goals
  builds confidence and improves mood.
• Goals should be clear, specific, positive and
  broken down into
  manageable steps.

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4. Empathy

• Empathy means recognizing emotions in others.
• It is the capacity to put yourself in another
  persons shoes and understand how they view their
  reality and how they feel about things.
• Empathy is more than just listening it is also
  responding
• Recognizing and understanding other people's
  emotions and tuning into their verbal and
  nonverbal cues
• Being able to size up a situation and then acting
  appropriately.

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Empathy

• Empathy" could be learned through reaching out
  to those who are in need, share experiences of
  hurt and bad times, help children put themselves
  in other "people's shoes" to increase feelings of
  sensitivity.
• Pay attention to your own feelings as you observe
  the other person.
• Put these feelings into words, keeping the focus
  on the other person.
• An empathic response concentrates on describing
  the other persons feelings.

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Validation

• - Accept their feelings - Show understanding,
  empathy, caring and concern - Whenever there is a
  problem remember to always first validate the
  feelings

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Empathy

• Empower them - Ask them how they feel and "What
  would help you feel better" - Teach them to solve
  their own problems using empathy, compassion and
  mutual respect for each other's feelings
• Key aptitude putting yourself in the other
  persons place

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5. Managing relationships-

• Handling interpersonal interaction,
• Conflict resolution,
• Managing the emotions of others, and
• Negotiations.

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Avoid Labels and Judgment

• Avoid "shoulds"
• Avoid subjective labels (good/bad nice/rude,
  etc.)  

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Managing relationships-

• Resolving conflicts
• People in conflict are generally locked into a
  self-perpetuating emotional spiral in which the
  declared subject of conflict is rarely the key
  issue.
• Much of the resolution of conflicts calls on
  using the other emotional skills mentioned
  before.

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Managing relationships-

• Communicating
• Developing quality relationships has a very
  positive effect on all involved.
• What feelings are being communicated to others?
• Enthusiasm and optimism are contagious as are
  pessimism and negativity.
• Being able to express personal concerns without
  anger or passivity is a key asset.

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Managing relationships-

• Co-operation
• Knowing how and when to take the lead and when to
  follow is essential for effective co-operation.
• Effective leadership is not built on domination
  but the art of helping people work together on
  common goals.
• Recognising the value of the contribution of
  others and encouraging their participation can
  often do more good than giving orders or
  complaining.
• At the same time, there is a need to take
  responsibilities and recognise the consequences
  of decisions and acts and follow through on
  commitments.
• Key aptitude Being able to agree to disagree,
  and express yourself in without aggression and
  condescension

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Assertiveness

• Assertiveness is standing up for your rights and
  not being taken advantage of.
• It is an honest and appropriate expression of
  one's feelings, opinions, and needs.
• Being assertive allow us to express negative
  emotion without violating our rights or the
  rights of others. React assertively and not
  passively or aggressively.

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Simple Assertiveness

• We use "I statements" - This allows us to learn
  to communicate our needs, conflicts or problems
  rather that act them out.
• A statement would sound like " I feel___________
  when you ____________ because _______ and I
  want________."

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3-Step Problem Solving

• 1. Stop and think of how you feel. 2. Decide
  what it is you are feeling. 3. Think about your
  choices
• a. Say Stop in your mind or aloud, then think
  what am I feeling,
• b. then say to the person, " I feel". c. Act out
  your best choice Walk away for now is also a
  choice. 

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2 qualities for Emotionally Healthy

• Self-love, the quiet, inner sense that a person
  has about herself that she is a competent,
  valuable person who is worthy of giving and
  receiving love.
• Self-love is absolutely essential for mental
  health and the best insurance against mental
  illness.
• With it, a person can face and handle most, if
  not all, of the shocks and setbacks she will
  receive in life. Without it, she may have
  emotional problems with both herself and others.

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2 qualities for Emotionally Healthy

• A sense of responsibility for one's own
  behaviour.
• Although we start out using external rewards and
  punishments to raise children, we want them
  eventually to develop their own internal
  controls.
• We want them as adults to be aware of how their
  actions can infringe on the rights of others, and
  so be able to prevent themselves from behaving in
  ways that would hurt others.

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Remember

• Enthusiasm and optimism are contagious as are
  pessimism and negativity.
• Emotions are Contagious, Manage them wisely!

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• Emotional Intelligence
• Good emotional health

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WHAT IT MEANS TO BE EMOTIONALLY SMART

• You are Emotionally Smart when you are able to
• 1. accurately identify feelings 2. use feelings
  to help you think 3. understand what causes
  feelings , and  4 stay in tune of your feelings
  in order to make wise choice for your life.

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The End

• Emotionally Smart Children Become Healthy and
  Responsible Adults!