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The Best of Humour

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Title: The Best of Humour


1
THE BEST OF
HUMOR
LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE. ENJOY!
A property of www.sakohii.com
2
INTRODUCTION
This E-book is our gift to you oh dont mention
? Sakohii.com is a website that delivers weird,
funny, awesome content on a daily basis. Never
get bored! Disclaimer This E-book is a
compilation of humor and real life lessons
collected from various locations on the internet.
Attribution is given where available. However,
the internet is an ocean of information and truth
may get diluted making proper attribution
impossible. If you find your original work in
this book without proper attribution, please do
contact the author and the proper attribution
will be done in the next version. Compiled by
Billings John Tanaa
Sakohii.com
3
CHAPTER ONE
LAUGHT OUT HARD
4
FUNNIEST WIFE REPLY
  • A Husband working in UK wrote to his wife in
    India.Dear Sunita Darling,I can't send you my
    salary this month because the global market
    crisis has affected my Company's performance, so
    I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart,
    please understand and adjust with this
    situation.Your loving husband,
  • His wife repliedHey hubbyThanks for the 100
    kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid
    with the Kisses1. The Milk man agreed on 2
    kisses for one month's milk.2. The electricity
    man, agreed not to disconnect only after 7
    kisses.3. Your landlord comes every day to take
    2 or 3 kisses instead ofthe monthly rent.4.
    Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only,so I
    gave him other items, I hope you understand.5.
    Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don't
    worry about me, I still have a balance of 35
    kisses and I hope I can survive the month using
    this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next
    month?Your Sweet Heart

5
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Hospital.Please select from the following
options menuIf you are obsessive-compulsive,
press 1 repeatedly.If you are co-dependent,
please ask someone to press 2 for you.If you
have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5,
6.If you are paranoid, we know who you are and
what you want, stay on the line so we can trace
your call.If you are delusional, press 7 and
your call will be forwarded to the Mother
Ship.If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
and a little voice will tell you which number to
press.If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't
matter which number you press, nothing will make
you happy anyway.If you are dyslexic, press
9696969696969696.If you are bipolar, please
leave a message after the beep or before the beep
or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.If
you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.If you have low
self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too
busy to talk with you.If you are menopausal,
put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.If you
are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just
mess it up
6
THATS MEDIA
A King enrolled his donkey in a race
won.Local paper read King's ASS WON'The king
was so upset with this kind of publicity that he
gave the donkey to the queen.The local paper
then read "QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN"The
king fainted....Queen sold the donkey to a
farmer for 10.Next day paper read "QUEEN
SELLS HER ASS FOR 10"The queen fainted...The
next day king ordered the queen to buy back the
donkey and leave it in jungle.The Next
Headlines "QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS FREE
WILD"The king died...That's Media !
7
WHY WOMEN ARE SPECIAL
Husband Wife were watching TV when Wife said,
"I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll
go to bed."She went to the kitchen to make
sandwiches for the next day's lunches.Rinsed
out the bowls, took vegetable out of the freezer
for morning, checked the cereal box levels,
filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls
on the table and started the coffee pot for
brewing the next morning.She then ironed a
shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up
the game pieces left on the table, put the phone
back on the charger and put the telephone book
into the drawer. She emptied a waste basket and
hung up a towel to dry.She yawned and stretched
and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the
desk and wrote a note to the teacher and pulled a
text book out from hiding under the chair.She
signed a birthday card for a friend, Addressed
and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note
for the grocery store. She put both near her bag.
Then she washed her face, put on her moisturizer,
brushed her teeth.....Husband called out,"I
thought you were going to bed.""I'm on my way,"
she said.She put some water into the dog's dish,
then made sure the doors were locked.She looked
in on each of the kids and turned out their
bedside lamps and radios, and had a brief
conversation with one kid who is still up doing
homework.In her own room, she set the alarm
laid out clothing for the next day. Said her
prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her
goals. about that time, Husband turned off the TV
and announced to no one in particular."I'm
going to bed." And he did... without another
thought.Anything Extraordinary Here?
8
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of you who are married, were married,
wish you were married or wish you were not
married, this is something to smile about the
next time you see a bottle of wine. Fred was
driving home from one of his business trips, in
Northern Arizona , when he saw an elderly Navajo
man walking on the side of the road. As the trip
was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and
asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride
.. With a silent nod of thanks, the Indian got
into the car. Resuming the journey, Fred tried -
in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the
Navajo man. The old man just sat silently,
looking intently at everything he saw, studying
every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag
on the seat next to Fred. "What in bag?" asked
the old man. Fred looked down at the brown bag
and said "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my
wife."  The Navajo man was silent for another
moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet
wisdom of an elder, he said"Good trade . .
..."
9
IN THE TRAIN
A HR Manager, His Assistant, An Old Woman And Her
Young Daughter Are Traveling In A Train And
During The Course Of Time Get Themselves
Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary
Friends...The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And
It Gets Completely Dark...Suddenly There Is A
Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!The Train Comes
Out Of The Tunnel...The Women And The Assistant
Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed...The
Manager Is Bending Over Holding His Face, Which
Is Red From An Apparent Slap.All Of Them Remain
Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything...The Old
Woman Is Thinking These Managers Are All Crazy
After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In
The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped
Him...The Young Girl Is Thinking The Manager
Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother
Instead And Got Slapped...The Manager Is
Thinking Damn It... My Assistant Must Have
Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought It
Was Me And Slapped Me...Now Guess What The
Assistant Is Thinking.....Now Hold Your
Breath And Read What The Assistant Is
Thinking...If This Train Goes Through Another
Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap
My Manager Again...The Bastard Keeps Harassing
Me In The Office...!!
10
DAD VS TEACHER
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an
attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he doesn't
recognize her. So he says, "Do you know me?" To
which she replies, "I think you're the father of
one of my kids."   Now his mind travels back to
the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from
my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool
table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"   She
looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm
your son's teacher." - unknown
ALMOST JAILED
A young woman who was several months pregnant
boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man
smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat
and he seemed more amused. She moved again and
then on her fourth move he burst out laughing.
She had him arrested.   The case came before the
court, and when asked why he acted in such a
manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded
the bus I could not help noticing she was
pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which
read, coming soon The Gold Dust Twins. Then
she moved under one that read, Sloan's Liniments
Remove Swelling.' I was even more amused when she
sat under a shaving advertisement which read,
William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then I could not
control myself any longer when on the fourth move
she sat under an advertisement which read, Dunlap
Rubber would have prevented this accident." He
won the case.
11
BIRTHDAY GIFT
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new
auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She
wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could
zip through traffic around town. He would
probably have settled on any beat up old truck,
but everything she seemed to like was way out of
their price range. "Look!" she said. "I want
something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or
less. And my birthday is coming up. You could
surprise me. So, for her birthday, he bought
her a brand new bathroom scale.
ALMOST JAILED
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining
his audience. He said The best years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woman who wasnt my
wife!   The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added And that woman was my
mother!   There was laughter and applause.   A
week later, a top manager trained by the
motivational speaker tried to crack this very
effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after
a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was
preparing dinner, The greatest years of my life
were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my
wife.   The wife went Aahhhh! with shock and
rage.   Standing there for 20 seconds trying to
recall the second half of the joke, the manager
finally blurted out and I cant remember who
she was.   By the time the manager regained his
consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing
burns from boiling water   MORAL The moral of
the story is dont copy if you cant paste! LOL
just share it with your loved ones
12
CHAPTER TWO
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
13
JUST TOO SHY
10th grade As I sat there in English class, I
stared at the girl next to me. She was my so
called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky
hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew it. After class,
she walked up to me and asked me for the notes
she had missed the day before and handed them to
her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the
cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends, I love her
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.11th
grade The phone rang. On the other end, it was
her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about
how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to
come over because she didn't want to be alone, so
I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared
at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2
hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags
of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked
at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the
cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends, I love her
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know
why. Senior year The day before prom she
walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said
he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date,
and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if
neither of us had dates, we would go together
just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night,
after everything was over, I was standing at her
front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at
me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want
her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like
that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the
best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the
cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends, I love her
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know
why. Graduation Day A day passed, then a week,
then a month. Before I could blink, it was
graduation day. I watched as her perfect body
floated like an angel up on stage to get her
diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew it. Before
everyone went home, she came to me in her smock
and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she
lifted her head from my shoulder and said,
"you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her
to know that I don't want to be just friends, I
love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know
why.
14
CONT JUST TOO SHY
A Few Years Later Now I sit in the pews of the
church. That girl is getting married now. I
watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new
life, married to another man. I wanted her to be
mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew
it. But before she drove away, she came to me and
said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me
on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to
know that I don't want to be just friends, I love
her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know
why.FuneralYears passed, I looked down at the
coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend".
At the service, they read a diary entry she had
wrote in her high school years. This is what it
read I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he
doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I
want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't
want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just
too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would
tell me he loved me! I wish I did too... I
thought to my self, and I cried.
ATHEIST AND A LIL GIRL
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on
an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do
you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger." The little girl, who had just started
to read her book, replied to the total stranger,
"What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't
know," said the atheist. "How about why there is
no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said.
"Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer
all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer
excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do
you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly
surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really
feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell,
or life after death, when you don't even know
shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.

15
MOUSE STORY
House Mouse by George ShuklinA mouse looked
through the crack in the wallTo see the farmer
and his wife open a package."What food might
this contain?" The mouse wondered.He was
devastated to discover it was a
mousetrap.Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse
proclaimed this warning "There is a mousetrap
in the house! There is a mousetrap in the
house!"The chicken clucked and scratched,
raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse,I can tell
this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no
consequence to me.I cannot be bothered by
it."The mouse turned to the pig and told him,
"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a
mousetrap in the house!"The pig sympathized,
but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but
there is nothing I can do about it. Be assured
you are in my prayers."The mouse turned to the
cow and said,"There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!"The cow
said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but
it's no skin off my nose."So, the mouse
returned to the house, head down and dejected, to
face the farmer's mousetrap... Alone...That
very night a sound was heard throughout the house
-- the sound of a mousetrap catching its
prey.The farmer's wife rushed to see what was
caught. In the darkness, she did not see it. It
was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the
trap. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer
rushed her to the hospital. When she returned
home she still had a fever. Everyone knows you
treat a fever with fresh chicken soup.So, the
farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the
soup's main ingredientBut his wife's sickness
continued. Friends and neighbors came to sit with
herAround the clock. To feed them, the farmer
butchered the pig.
16
MOUSE STORY
But, alas, the farmer's wife did not get
well...She died.So many people came for her
funeral that the farmer had the cow
slaughteredto provide enough meat for all of
them for the funeral luncheon.And the mouse
looked upon it all from his crack in the wall
with great sadness.So, the next time you hear
someone is facing a problem and you think it
doesn't concern you, remember ---When one of us
is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all
involved in this journey called life. We must
keep an eye out for one another and make an extra
effort to encourage one another.YOU MAY WANT TO
SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER HELPED YOU
OUT.AND LET THEM KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY
ARE..- REMEMBER -EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD
IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY.OUR LIVES ARE
WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.One of the best
things to hold onto in this world is a FRIEND.
FRIENDS FOREVER
"A stranger stabs you in the front a friend
stabs you in the back a boyfriend stabs you in
the heart, but best friends only poke each other
with straws."
17
STOP WORRYING
Worries at the start of the day means u r still
alive!!Clothes that dont fit means u have a
good appetite.Tears in ur eyes means there is
somebody u care for.The mess to clean after
party means u have friends around u.Roof that
needs fixing means u have got a house.Taxes to
pay means u r not unemployed.Lets be optimistic
in life because everything around u happens for a
reason
ESSAY ON HAPPINESS
One essential standard for living is being able
to be happy. Happiness can be found in many
different forms. It can be found with the
purchasing of inanimate objects that better our
living styles or it can be found with someone
else that you associate with. The latter is the
more imperative of the designs of happiness.In
order to be truly happy you need to be able to
understand that everything is good within your
own life and that you are able to be happy with
the people that are in your life and the people
that influence how you live your daily life. 
18
ESSAY ON HAPPINESS
Happiness is all of the good that someone
experiences combined into one emotion. This
emotion can, and usually does, bring out the best
in people. For someone to be happy they need to
know that everything that has happened in their
past has happened for a reason and that it has
happened in order for them to become a better
person. Not only does it make them a better
person but it also makes them realize how good
they have it or can possibly have it.Although
things might be hard to deal with at the moment,
people need to realize that they will be able to
learn from their experiences and that they will
learn to take the good from them all.In the
end, the hard times will help people strive for
happiness. Happiness isn't free. You have to earn
it and work to keep it. The price for happiness
is having to suffer and having to question events
that occur during one's life. People need to be
able to adapt to their surroundings so that they
can get the best out of them.You can't live
your life in fear of what can go wrong. You just
need to go out and live your life to the fullest
and know that you'll be happy, even if something
doesn't go the way that you had planned it
to.The best kind of happiness is when you know
that you are able to care for someone and that
they may care about you. They may just be your
friends but you care about them enough that you
want what is best for them and in return they
want the same for you.This kind of happiness is
of the purest form. It is an unspoken agreement
between people that says that each of you will do
whatever they can to make the other person happy
and that in this process you, yourself, will be
able to be happy and enjoy the moment.Happiness
may come and go like the seasons but in the end,
every moment that you have that is filled with
happiness will be well worth the sad or unnerving
ones that you have had to endure. Taylor-James
Gilard
19
ESSAY ON HAPPINESS
Happiness is all of the good that someone
experiences combined into one emotion. This
emotion can, and usually does, bring out the best
in people. For someone to be happy they need to
know that everything that has happened in their
past has happened for a reason and that it has
happened in order for them to become a better
person. Not only does it make them a better
person but it also makes them realize how good
they have it or can possibly have it.Although
things might be hard to deal with at the moment,
people need to realize that they will be able to
learn from their experiences and that they will
learn to take the good from them all.In the
end, the hard times will help people strive for
happiness. Happiness isn't free. You have to earn
it and work to keep it. The price for happiness
is having to suffer and having to question events
that occur during one's life. People need to be
able to adapt to their surroundings so that they
can get the best out of them.You can't live
your life in fear of what can go wrong. You just
need to go out and live your life to the fullest
and know that you'll be happy, even if something
doesn't go the way that you had planned it
to.The best kind of happiness is when you know
that you are able to care for someone and that
they may care about you. They may just be your
friends but you care about them enough that you
want what is best for them and in return they
want the same for you.This kind of happiness is
of the purest form. It is an unspoken agreement
between people that says that each of you will do
whatever they can to make the other person happy
and that in this process you, yourself, will be
able to be happy and enjoy the moment.Happiness
may come and go like the seasons but in the end,
every moment that you have that is filled with
happiness will be well worth the sad or unnerving
ones that you have had to endure. Taylor-James
Gilard
20
LIFE
"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me
that happiness was the key to life. When I went
to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when
I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me I
didn't understand the assignment, and I told them
they didn't understand life."     "Once you've
made the decision to move on, don't look back.
You will never find your future in the rear view
mirror."
ASS AND MULE
A Muleteer set forth on a journey, driving before
him an Ass and a Mule, both well laden. The Ass,
as long as he traveled along the plain, carried
his load with ease, but when he began to ascend
the steep path of the mountain, felt his load to
be more than he could bear. He entreated his
companion to relieve him of a small portion, that
he might carry home the rest but the Mule paid
no attention to the request. The Ass shortly
afterwards fell down dead under his burden. Not
knowing what else to do in so wild a region, the
Muleteer placed upon the Mule the load carried by
the Ass in addition to his own, and at the top of
all placed the hide of the Ass, after he had
skinned him. The Mule, groaning beneath his heavy
burden, said to himself "I am treated according
to my deserts. If I had only been willing to
assist the Ass a little in his need, I should not
now be bearing, together with his burden, himself
as well."
21
MESSAGE FROM WIFE
Once I had to walk on a bridge. It was very high
and I got scared. I saw my better half on the
other side, and called him for help, but he
didn't come. He said he was busy with something
more important and I should learn to manage my
way.I felt bad but with tears somehow I managed
and crossed the bridge.There...I saw him
holding the end of the broken bridge..!Sometimes
you think why your husband is keeping quiet. He
may not help you to cross the bridge... But he
might be holding the broken bridge for you when
you lost trust on ur strength ..!!
THE PENCIL MAKER
A pencil maker told the pencil 5 important
lessons just before putting it in the box 1.
everything you do will always leave a mark.2.
you can always correct the mistakes you make.3.
what is important is what is inside of you.4. in
life, you will undergo painful sharpenings which
will only make you better.5. to be the best
pencil, you must allow yourself to be held and
guided by the hand that holds you.
22
THE ELEPHANT ROPE
As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly
stopped, confused by the fact that these huge
creatures were being held by only a small rope
tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It
was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime,
break away from their bonds but for some reason,
they did not.He saw a trainer nearby and asked
why these animals just stood there and made no
attempt to get away. "Well," trainer said, "when
they are very young and much smaller we use the
same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's
enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are
conditioned to believe they cannot break away.
They believe the rope can still hold them, so
they never try to break free."The man was
amazed. These animals could at any time break
free from their bonds but because they believed
they couldn't, they were stuck right where they
were.Like the elephants, how many of us go
through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot
do something, simply because we failed at it once
before?Failure is part of learning we should
never give up the struggle in life
DEALING WITH DIFFICULTY
"When you run into someone who discredits you,
disrespects you and treats you poorly for no
apparent reason at all, dont consume yourself
with trying to change them or win their approval.
And be sure not to leave any space in your heart
to hate them. Simply walk away and let karma deal
with the things they say and do, because any bit
of time you spend on these people will be wasted,
and any bit of hate and aggravation in your heart
will only hurt you in the end.   There are two
ways of meeting difficulties. You alter the
difficulties or you alter yourself to meet
them.
23
BURNED BISCUITS
When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast
food for dinner every now and then. I remember
one night in particular when she had made
breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that
evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of
eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in
front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if
anyone noticed!All my dad did was reach for his
biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day
was at school. I don't remember what I told him
that night, but I do remember watching him smear
butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He
ate every bite of that thing...never made a face
nor uttered a word about it!When I got up from
the table that evening, I remember hearing my Mom
apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And
I'll never forget what he said, "Honey, I love
burned biscuits every now and then."Later that
night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I
asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.
He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Mom put
in a hard day at work today and she's real tired.
And besides--a little burned biscuit never hurt
anyone!"As I've grown older, I've thought about
that many times. Life is full of imperfect things
and imperfect people.I'm not the best at hardly
anything, and I forget birthdays and
anniversaries just like everyone else. But what
I've learned over the years is that learning to
accept each other's faults and choosing to
celebrate each others differences is one of the
most important keys to creating a healthy,
growing, and lasting relationship.And that's my
prayer for you today...that you will learn to
take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of
your life and lay them at the feet of God.
Because in the end, He's the only One who will be
able to give you a relationship where a burnt
biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!We could extend
this to any relationship. In fact, understanding
is the base of any relationship, be it a
husband-wife or parent-child or
friendship!"Don't put the key to your happiness
in someone else's pocket--keep it in your
own."So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the
burned one will do just fine.
24
PROOF THAT GOD EXISTS
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut
and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to
work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various
subjects. When they eventually touched on the
subject of God, the barber said 'I don't believe
that God exists.''Why do you say that?' asked
the customer. 'Well, you just have to go out
in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many
sick people? Would there be abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering
nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would
allow all of these things.'The customer thought
for a moment, but didn't respond because he
didn't want to start an argument.The barber
finished his job and the customer left the
shop.Just after he left the barbershop, he saw
a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty
hair and an untrimmed beard.He looked dirty and
unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the
barber shop again and he said to the
barber'You know what? Barbers do not
exist.''How can you say that?' asked the
surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber.
And I just worked on you!''No!' the customer
exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they
did, there would be no people with dirty long
hair and untrimmed beards, like that man
outside.''Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what
happens when people do not come to
me.''Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's
the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what
happens when people do not go to Him and don't
look to Him for help. That's why there's so much
pain and suffering in the world.'
25
FAILURE ISNT AT FAULT
"Failure separates those who think they want
success from those who are determined to win.
Failure narrows the playing field. The first
people out are those that blame others, next out
are those who lost interest. The weak go first.
The strong learn to hang in there and keep
bouncing back until they win." The thin-skinned
rarely win due to brittle egos and apprehensive
attitudes. Thick skin comes from falling and
failing. The falls produce wounds that heal and
reveal a connection between resiliency and a
peculiar resolve which accepts failure as a
temporary condition. They accept both good and
bad so not to forfeit the blessing of learning
from both.The thick-skinned prepare to win by
increasingly expanding their willingness to
endure pain in affirming the degree of true
desire. They allow every challenge as opportunity
in changes for better. They continue to learn
that bitterness is poison and quickly purge its
deadly influence on both their endurance and
desire. They see a prize in every problem and
potential in every person. They see their faults
but never focus on them. They know that whatever
is on the mind will eventually get in the mind.
The power of positive word choice determines each
choice of the next deed. Wasting time talking
about everything that cannot change and about
nothing that can is pointless. They don't get
mad they get glad.They don't deny their
feelings nor recklessly rely on their feelings.
They acknowledge their fears yet have learned to
take action in spite of them. They don't deny an
awful diagnosis but do reject the verdict of a
bad prognosis. Quitting isn't part of their
vocabulary and thus they find winning a natural
offspring of the power they choose to give words.
They know they must master their emotions rather
than allow rude and raw emotions to master
them.Failure has yet to kill them and success
has never defined them. They've been given the
gift of get up, get over, and get on with
whatever or whoever even hints at hindering them.
There can be no real loss for them as they love
to learn from each loss experienced. Isn't this a
win-win way of referencing a world they've
already begun to better? Whether a race is won or
lost, they understand that their response to
either outcome reveals their character, which is
the best way to continue to build it. They don't
let what will one day rot rule the winning Spirit
in them that cannot.
26
CONT FAILURE ISNT AT FAULT
They don't allow pride to drive them away nor
shame to keep them away from the next opportunity
or opposition. Failure drives the fear out and
frees the winner inside to fully reside. They
move forward by faith and don't need to see
goodness to believe it's already come to
pass.Which one will you become?It's a choice
and no one can make it for you. You are a winner
whether you accept it as truth or not. Gnawing on
your not all that bad past is a sorrowful manner
in which to pass your time. Time will deaden the
measure of your regret. Yet, only the proper view
of what God's victorious vision has always been
for your future may be belated. We don't fear
failure but we do use it as the excuse as to why
we may never win. Such silly thinking helps the
thin-skinned justify their active involvement in
doing nothing. Criticism isn't the culprit and
yesteryear isn't the enemy. Waiting around for
something good to happen could happen but it
won't and that's what's worrying you.What's
happening to you while you wait for nothing to
beget nothing? I'll tell you The enemy within
you dims the light you'd like to lose. But,
you're scared to death you actually might be
forced to become part of this living. And with
living, there will be your own higher
expectations you will want to meet but maybe
you're still stuck in "Have To" land. Allow me to
forewarn you, it's a desert full of
discouragement not brought about by circumstances
gone awry, but a lie that your expectations will
probably be at the level of your limitations.
Acknowledge your real fear and you will take
action in spite of it.Guess what? You are
"It"... or are you? 
27
LIVE LIFE WHILST YOU CAN
And then it is Winter...You know... time has a
way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of
the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I
was young, just married and embarking on my new
life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like
eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went.
I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of
how it was back then and of all my hopes and
dreams.But, here it is... the winter of my life
and it catches me by surprise...How did I get
here so fast? Where did the years go and where
did my youth go? I remember well seeing older
people through the years and thinking that those
older people were years away from me and that
winter was so far off that I could not fathom it
or imagine fully what it would be like.But,
here it is...my friends are retired and getting
grey...they move slower and I see an older person
now. Some are in better and some worse shape than
me...but, I see the great change...Not like the
ones that I remember who were young and
vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to
show and we are now those older folks that we
used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day
now, I find that just getting a shower is a real
target for the day! And taking a nap is not a
treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't
on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I
sit!And so...now I enter into this new season
of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains
and the loss of strength and ability to go and do
things that I wish I had done but never did!!
But, at least I know, that though the winter has
come, and I'm not sure how long it will
last...this I know, that when it's over on this
earth...its over. A new adventure will
begin!Yes, I have regrets. There are things I
wish I hadn't done...things I should have done,
but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to
have done. It's all in a lifetime.So, if you're
not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that
it will be here faster than you think. So,
whatever you would like to accomplish in your
life please do it quickly! Don't put things off
too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you
can today, as you can never be sure whether this
is your winter or not! You have no promise that
you will see all the seasons of your life...so,
live for today and say all the things that you
want your loved ones to remember...and hope that
they appreciate and love you for all the things
that you have done for them in all the years
past!!
28
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