5 Reasons Our Playing Nice Is Not Nice

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5 Reasons Our Playing
Nice Is Not Nice
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Its nice to be nice. In fact, we should be nice.
The world definitely needs a huge dose of
niceness. But there are instances when playing
nice is counterproductive. For instance, Lois P.
Frankel, PhD, in her book Nice Girls Dont Get
Rich underscored the many reasons playing nice
does not help women (and I believe even men) in
achieving financial independence. Playing too
nice in life in general can be detrimental to our
well-being, like in the following instances
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• We Want To Please Everybody
• It is human nature to want approval, so we try to
  be agreeable with everyone around us. But when we
  keep this attitude undiscerningly, we end up as
  pathetic people-pleasers. People-pleasers do not
  have a life of their own. They do not have real
  friends. They have no time to pursue what they
  really want in life and in their careers. The
  result for them is bitterness and misery, and
  they can only get past this if they stop being
  doormats and accept that pleasing everybody is an
  impossible task for any one person.

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2) We End Up Rewarding Bad Behavior Clifford
Lazarus, in his article1 on psychologytoday.com,
spoke about the Law of Effect. He related a
case where, despite the husbands abusive
behavior, the wife continued to treat him nicely,
hoping he will soon reform but she was
disappointed. This is because of the Law of
Effect. The husband continues with his type of
behavior because he thinks that is what gets his
wife to submit and serve him. Children use this
law effectively as well. If a boy wants something
and mom will not do it, he throws a tantrum and
mom gives in, and it does seem like the bad
behavior is being rewarded. Dr. Lazarus stressed
that if we are treated badly, we should speak up
and not smile and pretend its okay.
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3) It Puts Our Reputation on the Line If we play
nice even when people treat us like garbage, we
either have a vow of some sort that we are trying
to fulfill or we have some serious problems with
our self-esteem. When we overdo niceness, were
regarded as desperate, lacking a backbone, or as
a coward, and we will not get any respect for it.
It is even highly possible we will be taken
advantaged of and used by others because of this.
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• 4) We Neglect Our Own Needs
• Our quest to be nice and make other people happy
  can leave us feeling left out. The even sadder
  thing is when the people we are trying to please
  are unworthy. We have to understand that our
  first duty is to ourselves. When we are happy and
  content with our life, we will be able to help
  others be happy as well. We cannot give what we
  dont have.

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• 5) We Compromise Our Dignity
• Compromise is good. It is good when makes us
  better people or improves our relationships, but
  it is bad when we compromise the values or
  principles that make us upright persons. We are
  exposed to situations that challenge our values
  daily, and it is tempting to compromise just a
  little bit so as not to offend those around us.
  If we are not strong enough to resist, we will
  one day find ourselves in deep trouble and
  sadly, the people we did that for cannot help us.

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