Growing Together in the Marriage

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Growing Together in the Marriage

• Presented at the
• Trans-European Divisions Pastors Council
• de Bron Conference Centre, Netherlands
• by
• Willie Elaine Oliver
• Department of Family Ministries
• North American Division of the
• Seventh-day Adventist Church
• www.adventistfamilyministries.com
• September 15, 2007

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The Paradox of Marriage

• Getting married is easy. Staying married is more
  difficult. Staying happily married for a
  lifetime would be considered among the fine
  arts.
• Author Unknown

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The Reality of Marriage

• Your marriage will naturally move toward a state
  of alienation.

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A Probability in Marriage

• Husbands and wives can become intimate allies!

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Factors Associated with Future Divorce and/or
Marital Distress
Static Factors
Dynamic Factors

• Some personality factors.
• Parental divorce.
• Cohabitation history.
• Previous divorce.
• Religious dissimilarity.
• Young age at marriage.
• Economic status.

• Interactive process / danger signs.
• Communication ability.
• Conflict management.
• Physical aggression.
• Dysfunctional attitudes.
• Commitment motivation.

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Gods Design for Marriage

• So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
• Matthew 196 (NASBU)

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Barriers to Growing Together

• Self-protection and the fear of rejection
• Sin and selfishness
• Lack of knowledge

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How To Grow in Marriage

• Be committed to knocking down and keeping down
  barriers. Serve one another in love.
  Galatians 513.
• Be committed to focusing on what you can do to be
  a better spouse. Everyone should be quick to
  listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
  James 119.
• Be committed to knowing your spouse deeply. Love
  is patient, love is kindIt always protects,
  always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
  1 Corinthians 134,7.

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Growing in Marriage

• Anticipate problems--its unrealistic not to
  expect conflict.
• Take responsibility for your behavior.
• If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,
  live at peace with everyone. Romans 1218 (NIV)
• Reinforce your partner's efforts to communicate
  well.
• Therefore encourage one another and build each
  other up, just as in fact you are doing.
  1Thessalonians 511 (NIV)

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Commitment to Growing Together

• Determine to be all that is possible to be to
  each other. Continue the early attentions. In
  every way encourage each other in fighting the
  battles of life. . . Let there be mutual love,
  mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of
  being the end of love, will be as it were the
  very beginning of love.
• Ellen G. White, Happiness Homemade, p. 24.

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The Imperative of Unity

• There should exist in the ministers family a
  unity that will preach an effectual sermon on
  practical godliness.
• Ellen G White, Gospel Workers, pp. 204-5.

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The Necessity of Growing Together

• By this all will know that you are My disciples,
  if you have love for one another.
  John 1335 (NKJV)