Love and Relationships

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Love and Relationships
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Agenda

• Link to Gender Differences
• Factors influencing attraction
• Theories of Love
• Long term relationships
• Other issues

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Links to Gender Differences
Studies by Lefkowitz (2002)
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Link from Gender Differences
What women talk about more Sexual behavior,
Sexual feelings, Dating and romantic
relationships, Making out," The dangers of sex,
Abstinence, How attractive members of the other
sex were, How attractive they themselves were,
Date rape and Contraception What men talk about m
ore Masturbation
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Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
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Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
How acceptable is it it to sleep with a person if
youve known them
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Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
Men are considerably more likely to misinterpret
a females friendly behavior as indicating sexual
interest (Le Bouef, in press) Evolution and mat
e selection (Buss, 1995)
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Factors Influencing Attraction

• Proximity
• Physical Attractiveness
• Similarity
• Reciprocity
• Conditioning
• Courtship

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Proximity
Reasons why proximity plays a role in attraction
1) Mere exposure 2) More opportunities to m
eet, interact 3) People are likely to live nea
r people of similar economic, social backgrounds
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Proximity
Mere exposure (Zajonc, 1966 Moreland Beach
1992)
Ratings of attraction.
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Proximity
More opportunities to meet, interact
Homes for elderly, college campuses distance
between rooms predicts attraction (Nahemow
Lawton, 1975) Manipulating dorm assignments (Fes
tinger, 1950) Random (alphabetized) seating ass
ignments in class (Segal, 1974)
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Proximity
People are likely to live near people of similar
economic, social backgrounds Wealth, class, et
hnicity, and education levels tend to cluster by
neighborhood (U.S. Census Bureau, 1990).
People with similar backgrounds are inclined
to like each other more (Newcomb, 1956).
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Physical Attraction
People like beauty. Halo effects (Hatfield et
al, 1986) More attractive people get lower bail s
et, (Downs Lyons, 1991), more easily influence
others (Chaiken, 1979), earn more money
(Hamermesh Biddle, 1994). 1 predictor of dat
e satisfaction for males is the attractiveness of
the partner (Sprecher Duck, 1994)
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Physical Attraction

• Beauty is objective
• High level of agreement across cultures (Langlois
  et al, 2000)
  
• Certain features of faces are reliably associated
  with attractiveness (Cunningham, 1986)
  
• Babies prefer attractive faces (Cowley, 1996).

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Physical Attraction

• Beauty is subjective
• Different cultures improve beauty in different
  ways (Newman, 2000).
  
• Different body types are judged to be more
  attractive in different parts of the world
  (Anderson et. al 1992)
  
• Body type standards vary over time (Silverstein
  et al, 1986).

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Physical Attraction

• Things that people agree on
• Symmetrical faces are more attractive

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Physical Attraction
Things that people agree on 2) More average face
s are more attractive 3) Waist/hip ratio for wome
n is judged similarly across culture. Men prefer
waists 1/3 narrower than hips (Singh, 1993)
4) Across culture, women prefer men to have a
V-shaped physique (Singh, 1995)
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Physical Attraction
Things that people agree on 5) Women who have la
rge eyes, prominent cheekbones, small bones and a
wide smile are judged more attractive
(Cunningham, 1986) 6) Men with broad jaws and chi
seled features are judged more attractive
(Cunningham et al, 1990).
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Physical Attraction

• Situational influences on attraction
• Contrast effects (Kenrick et al, 1993)
• Opinions of same sex peers (for women) (Graziano
  et al, 1993)
  
• Girls all get prettier at closing time effect,
  (Gladue Delaney, 1990)
  
• Glasses (Terry Macy, 1991)

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Physical Attraction
Good male names Alexander, Joshua, Mark, Henry,
Scott, Taylor. Good female names Elizabeth, Mary
, Jessica, Ann, Brittany, Isabella
Bad male names Otis, Roscoe, Norbert, Ogden,
Willard, Eugene Bad female names Mildred, Frieda
, Agatha, Harriet, Rosalyn, Tracy
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Similarity
Schuster Elderton (1906) Married couples rep
ort significant agreement about politics and
religion. Friends were more similar in attitud
es, beliefs, values, and interests.
Correlation does not imply causation.
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Similarity
Demonstrating that similarity is responsible for
attraction (Newcomb, 1956) Gave students free
rent in a dorm in exchange for being study
participants. Took measures of attitudes on di
fferent topics before students arrived on
campus. Over the course of the year, students
with similar attitudes reported more attraction
to each other
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Similarity
Proportion of similar attitudes scale (Byrne
Nelson, 1965)
Attraction Ratings
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Similarity
Rosenbaums (1986) repulsion hypothesis
Smeaten et. al (1989) proportion hypothesis
After a decade of argument, it appears that the
proportion hypothesis is correct.
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Similarity
Matching Hypothesis We like those who are like
ourselves (Galton, 1870). Romantic pairs are
similar in physical attractiveness (Zajonc et
al, 1987) Even college roommates, prefer to be
of similar attractiveness (Carlie et al. 1991)
Sense of humor particularly important (Cann et
al., 1995)
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Reciprocity
People like positive feedback (Coleman, Jussim,
Abraham, 1987). Even obvious attempts at flatter
y increase liking (Drachman et. al. 1978).
Being liked leads to positive interpersonal
behavior (1986).
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Reciprocity
Over time, people prefer increasing affinity
rather than decreasing affinity (Aronson et al,
1965). This has been referred to as the couples
curse.
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Reciprocity
Playing hard to get Very hard to get empirical
data supporting this strategy (Walster et al,
1973) Although people prefer moderately select
ive mates to those with no selectivity, lack of
perceived interest is typically perceived as a
turn off (Wright Contrada, 1986).
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Conditioning
Association with positive or negative stimulus
influences attractiveness ratings.
Negative mood leads to lower attractiveness
ratings (Byrne Clore, 1970).
Unpleasant background music when meeting a
person leads to subsequent lower attractiveness
ratings (May Hamilton, 1980)
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Courtship

• Opening Lines
• Female Courtship Rituals
• Male Courtship Rituals

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Introductions
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Introductions

• Kleinke et al, 1986
• Investigated what people say when trying to
  meet somebody they dont know (pick up lines)
  
• Typical Answers
• Hi, Im easy, are you?
• Where are you from
• Hi. Im a little embarrassed about this, but
  Id like to get to know you.

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Introductions
Kleinke et al, 1990 Cunningham, 1989
Looked at the effectiveness of different types
of opening lines in laboratory, and then real
life settings
Likeability
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Introductions
Kleinke et al, 1990 Cunningham, 1989
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Female Courtship Rituals

• Womens flirting behavior Eibl-Eibesfeldt
  (1989)
  
• Smile
• Lift Eyebrows in fast jerky motion
• Open their eyes wide
• Lower their eyelids
• Tilt heads down and to the side
• Look away

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Female Courtship Rituals
Moore (1985 1989) Female courtship behaviors we
re defined as that specific subset of nonverbal
behavior that consistently resulted in male
attention 52 items identified Courtship found t
o be more important that physical attraction for
garnering male interest.
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Female Courtship Rituals
Type I, II, III glances, Eyebrow flash, head
toss, hair flip, face to face, lipstick
application, lip lick, lip pout, smiling, laugh,
giggling, kissing, whisper, arm flexion, tapping,
palming, gesticulation, hand hold, primp, skirt
hike, object caress, caress (hair, leg, buttock,
arm, torso, back), lean, brush, breast touch,
thigh tough, foot to foot, placement, Lateral
body contact, parade, approach, promenade,
pinching, tickling.
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Male Courtship Rituals
Male courtship rituals Submissive displays
Palms up, shoulder shrug, tilt head.
Dominance displays Entering personal space,
putting arm around shoulder, swagger.
Resources displays Paying for food, drink.
Wearing expensive clothes. Bragging.
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Male Courtship Rituals
Male rituals harder to chronicle (Taflinger,
1996) The less ritualized and more original
his approach is, the more likely a woman is to
accept it This leads to ad hoc courtship by
human males.
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Theories of Love

• Love Styles
• Triarchic Model of Love
• Equity Theory

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Love Styles
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Love Styles
Hendrick Hendrick (1993) Had subjects write
personal account or story of a romantic
relationship. Did a factor analysis on prev
alence of different themes/adjectives
Found 6 love styles romantic partners tend
to have similar love styles (Morrow et al, 1995)
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Love Styles

• Eros Passionate Love
• Love at first sight
• 34 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Men typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question My lover and I were attracted
  to each other immediately after we first met.

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Love Styles

• Storge Friendship Love
• Very close friendship becomes love
• 66 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Women typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question Love is really a deep
  friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion.

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Love Styles

• Ludus Game-Playing Love
• Flirtatious and not committed
• 2 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Men typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question I have sometimes had to keep my
  two lovers from finding out about each other.

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Love Styles

• Mania Possessive Love
• Feeling of ownership over lover
• 2 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Women typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question I cannot relax if I suspect
  that my lover is with somebody else.

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Love Styles

• Pragma Logical Love
• Cognitive appreciation for others quality
• 17 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Women typically have higher ratings
• Sample Question It is best to love somebody
  with a similar background.

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Love Styles

• Agape Selfless Love
• Putting ones lover above ones self
• 2 of subjects rate high on this scale
• Highly correlated with religiosity
• Sample Question I would rather suffer than let
  my lover suffer.

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Triarchic Model of Love
Three aspects of love (Sternberg, 1986)
Intimacy Closeness two people feel
psychologically, how well partners understand
each other. Passion The amount of physical/sexua
l attraction and romance. Commitment The cogniti
ve factors such as the decision to maintain the
relationship.
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Triarchic Model of Love
Intimacy Liking
I P Romantic Love
I C Companionate Love
Consummate Love
Passion Infatuation
Commitment Empty Love
P C Fatuous Love
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Equity Theory

• Homans, 1969 Messick Cook, 1983
• Economic model of love
• Rewards include love, companionship,
  consolation, sexual gratification, social
  acceptance
  
• Costs include work to maintain relationship,
  conflict, compromise, sacrifice of other
  opportunities for relationships

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Equity Theory
Your Benefits Partners Benefits
Your Contributions Partners Contributions
Comparison Level average expected outcome of t
he relationship Comparisons for alternatives ex
pectation of what could be received in a
different relationship Investment what must be
put into a relationship that can not be recovered
if the relationship ends.

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Successful Relationships
Terman et al (1935) Investigated hundreds of co
uples, and looked at the 100 happiest, 100 least
happy (but still married) and 100 divorced
couples. 500 item psychological scale
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Remaining Agenda

• Successful Relationships
• Unsuccessful Relationships
• Other Things
• Homework

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Successful Relationships
Items on which happy couples were more similar
1) Avoiding arguments (yes dear)
2) Contributing to charity 3) Reaction to ill
ness 4) Being alone vs. being with friends duri
ng stressful times.
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Successful Relationships
Attitudes about others on which happy couples
were more similar 1) Energetic People 2) De
ntists 3) Conservatives and Liberals 4) Life
Insurance
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Successful Relationships
Over the long haul, things that happier marriages
tend to have 1) The woman maintains passionate
love (Alexander Higgins, 1993).
2) More joint activities and projects
3) Laughing together 4) Satisfaction with child
ren (if there are kids)
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Unsuccessful Relationships
Over the long haul, things that lead to divorce
1) Infidelity/Jealousy 2) Failure to compromis
e 3) Failure to express emotions/communicate 4
) Dissimilarity emerging over time (or being
discovered over time). 5 ) Sexual dissatisfaction

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Other Issues
Misattribution of Arousal Loneliness Internet Da
ting Soul mate vs. Work it out theorists Breakin
g up
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Homework

• Watch When Harry Met Sally
• Dating for Dummies, Chapters 7 8
• 3) Quiz on what women want
• 4) The Rules
• 5) The system
• 6) Pickup lines
• 7) Commercials (will email URLs)

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The End