Counseling Grieving Children Louisiana Counseling Association Conference Baton Rouge, LA October 10,

1
Counseling Grieving ChildrenLouisiana
Counseling Association ConferenceBaton Rouge, LA
October 10, 2007

• June Williams, Ph.D., LPC
• Barbara Hebert, Ph.D., LPC
• Kelli Leidenheimer, B.S., Counseling Masters
  Student
• Molly Menke, B.A., Counseling Masters Student

2
Session Objectives

• Part I
• Identify various losses faced by children
• Recognize how childrens concepts of death and
  loss are related to age, experience, and
  developmental level
• Understand how children grieve (emotions and
  behaviors)
• Part 2
• Implement appropriate counseling
  techniques/interventions
• Use creativity in working with grieving children

3
Types of LossesChildren Experience

• Brainstorming Activity
• Besides losses related to death, what other
  losses might children experience?

4
Children as Disenfranchised Grievers(Doka, 2002)

• the grief that persons experience when they
  incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly
  acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially
  supported (Doka, 1989 cited in Doka, 2002, p.
  293).
• Relationship not recognized
• Loss not recognized
• Griever not recognized
• Type of death may be disenfranchised

5
Myths about Children and Grief

• Children dont grieve
• Children dont hurt as much because they
  understand less.
• Children experience few losses
• Grief follows a predictable and orderly
  stage-like progression.
• The goal in helping bereaved children is to get
  them over grief and mourning.

6
More myths

• The grief and mourning of adults surrounding
  bereaved children doesn't have any impact on
  them.
• Speaking of the deceased will reopen a childs
  grief wounds.
• Its best to keep grieving children busy with
  lots of activities.
• Children are better off if they dont attend
  funerals.

7
Tasks of Mourning for Children(Trozzi, 1999)

• Task of Understanding
• Task of Grieving
• Task of Commemorating
• Task of Moving Forward

8
Factors Affecting a Childs Grief

• Type of death
• Physical/Emotional functioning of adults
• Demographics
• Personality and temperament
• Pre-existing risk factors
• Family relationships
• Quality of relationship with deceased
• Life stressors
• Support
• Previous experience with death

9
Ages 0-2

• Beliefs
• No comprehension of death
• Changes in family emotions
• Behaviors
• Crying
• Indigestion
• Sucking, Biting
• Sleeplessness

• How to Help
• Physical Contact
• Routines
• Physical Needs
• Childs Mourning
• Patience!

10
Ages 2-6

• Beliefs
• Death and finality
• Reversible? Temporary?
• Magical Thinking
• Details, specifics please!
• Sadness to Playtime to Sadness (to playtime)
• Death punishment
• Behaviors
• Regressive in nature
• Questions
• Withdrawing
• Interested in dead things
• Death? What death??
• Nightmares
• Acting out/ Crying

• How to Help
• Regression? Okay
• A warm hand, a tight hug..
• Its time to grab the baseball mitt!
• Keep it truthful, Keep it simple
• More how, where, what and why
• Needing to cry? Thats okay!
• Open mouth, OPEN EARS!

11
Ages 6-9

• Beliefs
• Finality of death
• Everyone doesnt die
• Am I responsible??
• Frightened.. Yet- Curious..
• Death.. Still equals punishment
• Ponders life without loved one
• Behaviors
• Still Regressive
• Curiosity interest in death
• Leave me alone!
• Concentration, grades, acting out at school
• Protective. Overly Protective..
• Interested in dead things
• Nightmares / Sleep problems

• How to Help
• Regression? Okay
• A warm hand, a tight hug..
• Its time to grab the baseball mitt!
• Keep it truthful, Keep it simple
• More how, where, what and why
• Needing to cry? Thats okay!
• Open mouth, OPEN EARS!

12
Ages 9-12

• Beliefs
• Guilt and Responsibility
• Awareness along with Denial
• Who?? Me?? Never!
• How will my graduation or wedding day be now?
• Behaviors
• Grief rollercoaster
• Regression
• Moodiness / No Expression
• Physical Aspects of death
• It still never happened..
• Possible academic / concentration declines
• Nightmares
• Acting Out at home/school

• How to Help
• Yep, all that regression is still okay..
• Moods can swing! Expectations..
• Hidden Feelings/ Expression Encouragement
• Importance of Peer Support
• Availability for Communication with Children
• Physical Contact
• Giving children the their own mourning process
  choices

13
Teens

• Beliefs
• Death and finality
• Internalized Grief
• Awareness of death
• Behaviors
• Regression is occasional
• Moody/hides feelings
• Control Issues
• Rebellion /Withdrawal
• Physically acting out
• Sleep Disturbances
• Academic Declines
• Role Confusion
• Impulsive, Risky Behavior
• Peer group changes
• Eating Habits

• How to Help
• Self disclosure
• Supporting adult
• relationships
• Monitoring high-risk
• behavior
• Communication Availability
• for teens
• Offering support/ Physical Contact
• Encouraging Expression/ HONESTY!
• Peer Support Groups
• Mood Swings/ Regression

14
Task of Commemorating

• Formal commemorative services
• Funerals, wakes, memorial services
• Childrens understanding of formal commemorative
  services
• Informal commemorative services
• Rituals to assist children with commemoration

15
Attending the Funeral

• The Childs Intentions
• Providing Specifics
• Attendance/ Feelings
• Dialogue about Death
• Participating in their own way
• Realizations for the Adult

16
Not Attending the Funeral

• Children not wanting to attend
• Expression / Mourning
• Other Options
• Children as Helpers
• Talking to children about death

17
Task of Moving Forward

• Assisting the child with moving forward
• We never get over a significant loss