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Develop Your Emotional Intelligence


Emotional Intelligence Chapter 8 Emotional Intelligence According to Goleman, IQ contributes 20% to the factors leading to success in life The other 80% are due to ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Develop Your Emotional Intelligence

Develop Your Emotional Intelligence
  • Chapter 8

Emotional Intelligence
  • According to Goleman, IQ contributes 20 to the
    factors leading to success in life
  • The other 80 are due to attitudes, skills and
    behaviors known as emotional intelligence
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Emotional Intelligence Skills
  • Skills included in Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
  • Being able to motivate yourself
  • Persevering during frustration
  • Delaying gratification
  • Controlling emotions and impulses
  • Empathizing with others
  • Having a positive attitude

Golemans Five Domains of EQ
  • Self-awareness
  • Managing your emotions
  • Self-motivation
  • Perceptiveness
  • Handling relationships

  • Dependence
  • Independence
  • Co-Dependence (depending on each other because
    they feel they cant survive on their own)
  • Interdependence (two or more independent
    individuals decide to come together to achieve a
    common goal
  • Synergy as the energy between two for a common
    goal (eg, the musician and the audience)

Win-Win Frame
  • Finding a solution that pleases both

Prisoners Dilemna
  • Jose and Maria are arrested for armed robbery at
  • They are arrested and placed in separate jail
  • Both care most about their personal freedom than
    about the welfare of their accomplice

The prosecutor tells each
  • You may choose to confess or remain silent. If
    you confess and your accomplice remains silent, I
    will drop all charges against you and use your
    testimony to insure that your accomplice does
    serious time. Likewise, if your accomplice
    confesses while you remain silent, he will go
    free while you do the time. If you both confess,
    I will get two convictions, but I will see to it
    that you both get an early parole. If you both
    remain silent, Ill have to settle for token
    sentences on firearms possession charges. If you
    wish to confess, you must leave a note with the
    jailer before my return tomorrow morning.

The Dilemma
  • Each gains the most if one confesses and the
    other does not
  • The outcome obtained when both confess is worse
    for each than the outcome they would get if both
    remain silent
  • If both cooperate, they both end up winning
  • If they compete, both lose

Prisoners Dilemma
  • Three possible outcomes
  • One subject wins by betraying a partner
  • Both win by cooperating
  • Both lose by competing and betraying each other

Win-Lose or Lose-Win Outcomes
  • The concept of competition
  • Sports are based on win-lose
  • Board games, and card games as well
  • Our educational system, as well
  • Does this work, however, with relationships?

Lose-lose Outcomes
  • None of the participants can get what they want,
    and neither side is satisfied with the outcome.
  • Failing to resolve a conflict is an example of
    lose-lose outcomes (war)

Win-win Outcomes
  • Requires courage and consideration
  • Only one banana left, with three people wanting
    itwin-win, cut the banana into three equal
  • Barriers to win-win
  • We are socialized to be competitive
  • Anger or resentment
  • Requires cooperation of all involved

When not to go for a Win-Win
  • Consider giving in to the other person and
    accepting a lose-win outcome when
  • You discover you are in the wrong
  • The issue is very important to the other person
    and of minimal importance to you
  • Other people need to learn a valuable lesson by
    making a mistake
  • The long term cost of winning outweighs the short
    term gains of such

  • Consider a compromise when
  • Sufficient time does not exist to forge a win-win
  • The issue is not important enough to spend time
    in further negotiation
  • The other person is definitely not open to a
    win-win outcome

Compete for Win-Lose
  • Consider competing and going for a win-lose
    outcome when
  • The issue is very important to you, the other
    person is certain to take advantage of you if you
    approach the situation in a noncompetitive
    fashion, and you are really not concerned with
    establishing a long term relationship

Consider Win-Win
  • Consider cooperation and trying for a win-win
    outcome when
  • The issue is too vital to settle for a compromise
  • A long term relationship between you and the
    other is at stake or in jeopardy
  • The other person is willing to cooperate

Conflict Resolution
  • When conflict/disagreements exist between people
    who do not have emotional bonds with each other,
    the steps to effectively resolve the situation is
    through conflict resolution.

Steps to Handle Conflicts
  • Acknowledge/Identify the Problem
  • Agree on a Date and a Procedure
  • Describe Your Problem and Your Needs
  • Seriously consider the other partys point of
  • Explore possible solutions
  • Evaluate and negotiate
  • Enact the Solution and followup

  • Basic human emotion
  • Frustration-aggression hypothesis
  • Freud
  • Innate aggressive drive
  • Catharsis

  • Violence as a form of aggression found in
  • Previous history of violent behavior
  • Having been physically abused in childhood
  • Having witnessed violence in the home as a child
  • A history of harming animals as a child
  • Heavy exposure to violent tv or video games
  • Absences of remorse over hurting others
  • Family history of mental illness or violence
  • Brain damage

Road Rage
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Six Situations Likely to Trigger Road Rage
  • Hostile gestures from other drivers
  • Other drivers breaking traffic laws
  • The presence of a police car
  • Another driver driving too slowly
  • Driver discourtesy
  • Traffic jams or obstructions

Attribution Theory
  • Those we feel closest to are usually the ones we
    target our anger toward the most
  • How you label your emotion your physiological
    arousal determines what you feel
  • Emotion is much more than a physiological event
  • If humans are faced with physiological arousal of
    unknown origin, they will search their
    environment for an appropriate explanation or
    label for this arousal.

Schacter Singer (1962)
  • Injected subjects with adrenalin which can cause
    powerful arousal reactions. However, they told
    the subjects they were getting vitamin shots.
  • Next, they presented confederates who supposedly
    were given the same vitamin shot.
  • The confederates would either react with anger or
    with euphoria
  • Subjects exposed to the angry confederates also
    got angry those exposed to the euphorics also
    became euphoric
  • Those subjects injected with a placebo, however,
    did not have any strong emotional reactions

Emotions, therefore
  • Are created by your evaluation of your internal
    and external environment
  • Hence, we attribute our emotions to how we
    perceive the internal and external cues

Type A
  • Type A personality
  • Hard driving
  • Achievement oriented
  • Compulsive
  • Overly concerned with time pressure and easy to
  • Strong relationship between Type A and cardiac

Type B
  • Laid back
  • Easygoing
  • Less concerned with time

Vesuvius Effect
  • When you explode like a volcano

Zillman (1989)
  • Recommends two strategies to defuse your anger
  • Use cognitive restructuring and reframing
    technique to challenge anger provoking thoughts
    in order to facilitate a reevaluation of the
    original interpretation that trigged anger in the
    first place
  • Pursue a cooling off period to defuse anger and
    allow yourself to physiologically cool down.

Learning to Control Your Anger
  • Be aware of your anger
  • Interrupt angry thoughts
  • Cultivate empathy
  • Learn to laugh
  • Practice active relaxation techniques
  • Improve your listening skills
  • Take the risk to trust others
  • Practice the art of forgiving others

Reframing Anger
  • Look for Comedy
  • The Grand Drama viewpoint
  • A chapter in your life
  • Viewing Criticism as feedback
  • Develop your own plan to defuse anger
  • Forgive
  • Be assertive