Blinded With Science!

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BLINDED With Science!

• A Choose Your Own Adventure Story
• by Zach Koenig

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YOU are a distinguished chemist. The best in your
field, the government has entrusted YOU to create
the ELIXIR OF LIFE. That was a couple of years
ago, and all of your calculations are complete!
The only thing left to do is add the final
ingredient. According to your research, you
should add CHEMICAL X, but a colleague that you
trust suggested using CHEMICAL Y. Do you take his
advice?
i
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Trusting your research, you add CHEMICAL X.
Unfortunately, the X stands for X-plosive,
You DIIIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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Your colleague was right! The ELIXIR OF LIFE is
complete!... you think. It still needs to be
tested. Do you DRINK IT YOURSELF or TEST IT ON
THE INTERN?
i
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It turns it out that the potion was only
calculated for your blood type, O negative. The
intern was B positive andwellyou are banned
from your laboratory. While walking home, you get
hit by a bus.
YOU DIIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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Make a monster!
Find a cure!
Build a doomsday device!
Oops, the potion turned you EVIL. Whats your
first scheme?
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Someone forgot about the Patriot Act The feds
shut you down , and you went to jail.
YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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You decide to take the cliché route. After months
of evil conniving and grave digging, your monster
is complete! The only thing left to do is power
your monstrosity. You see a PLUG, but youre not
sure if that will be enough power. It is
currently storming though, and your lab has a
SUNROOF
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In your fit of maniacal inventing, you forgot to
hire an Igor, so you must crank the table up
yourself. Unfortunately, it was quite windy, and
you didnt properly secure your monster YOU
DIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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ITS ALIVE! The outlet did the trick. You have
now taught your monster, named FREDENSTEIN, to
walk and talk. Hes proven to be quite the avid
learner. What now?
Terrorize the city!
Send Fred to school!
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You set Fred on the world! Too bad that
meanwhile, the National Pitchfork and Torch
Appreciation Club was in town, and they chased
your monster to your lab. Then they burned down
the building. YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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Fred proved himself to be a quick learner. He
excelled in all of his classes, but he found a
particular interest in DRAMA. 20 years in the
future, he receives an ACADEMY AWARD for his lead
performance in URG THE MOVIE. In his acceptance
speech, he forgot to mention you after you told
all of your friends he would! YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
of embarrassment
TRY AGAIN?
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Way to be a good person! You work tirelessly on a
GOOD POTION, pausing only to kick a puppy when
the urges get too strong. You are successful
though. As you pour the potion down your throat,
you feel compelled to give a hobo some money. It
worked! Unfortunately, the potion also gave you
SUPER CANCER. You have 10 HOURS to live. What do
you do?
Find the antidote!
Live the best day ever!
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Honestly, its like youre not even trying YOU
DIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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It takes 5 hours, but you finally hammer out the
formula for the ELIXIR OF LIFE. Youve calculated
that you were missing an important ingredient,
the SMAPAPAPANOKOLULU FLOWER. Its indigenous to
a nearby FOREST. You dont have much time but you
want to protect yourself. Do you take the time to
buy a GUN?
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Deciding you wouldnt need protection, you
venture out of your lab. You can see the FOREST
in the distance, but you need a CAR to make it in
time, and a TAXI would take some time Do you
Hijack a car!
Call a taxi
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You walk into the road and scream at a car.
However, since you dont have a GUN, the car just
runs you over. YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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After 30 MINUTES of driving, you come upon a used
HELICOPTER STORE. The owner stumbles out, looking
disheveled and shady. Oh hey there, you sir (or
madam) look like you could use yourself a
helicopter. Im willing to set you up with the
T9-864, the best wooden helicopter on the market,
all for 7 easy payments of 4,999.99! Whaddya
say?
Keep going!
Buy it!
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You climb into your new helicopter and take off.
However when you reach 5,000 feet attitude, the
wood falls apart and you fall to your death. YOU
DIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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RUN!
You reach the forest in 4 HOURS. As soon as you
step out a BEAR attacks the taxi! The cabbie is
unconscious. Do you
FIGHT!
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TRY AGAIN?
You go 5 rounds with the BEAR. Trading hooks and
uppercuts in a flash of bear-on-chemist combat as
all the forest critters watch! As the grizzly
tires however, he resorts to cheating and
ROUNDHOUSES you between the thighs. You fall
down, and all of the animals laugh at you until
you die. YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
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TRY AGAIN?
You jump back in the taxi for shelter. Youre
safe, but the bear doesnt leave for 30 MINUTES.
YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
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The gun store took longer than expected. A senile
grandmother walked in, thinking she was in a
grocery store. After an hour of explaining a
shotgun was not a pack of tapioca pudding, you
have a GUN. It took 1 HOUR, but at least you feel
safe. Now for a ride
Hijack a car!
Call a taxi!
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TRY AGAIN?
You climb into a taxi cab. When you step in
though, the ex-marine cabbie sees your gun and
pulls his own. He shoots you. YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
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You use your GUN to hijack a CAR. The driver runs
away, and with no time wasted, youre on your
way. You come upon a HELICOPTER STORE. The owner
amble out and gives his shady pitch. Oh hey
there, you sir (or madam) look like you could use
yourself a helicopter. Im willing to set you up
with the T9-864, the best wooden helicopter on
the market, all for 7 easy payments of 4,999.99!
Whaddya say?
Keep going!
Buy it!
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TRY AGAIN?
You reach the forest, but it takes 4 HOURS. YOU
DIIIIIIIEEEE!
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RUN!
You use your GUN to get a discount on the
HELICOPTER. You also get better glue, so it
doesnt break in the air. You reach the forest in
3 HOURS. A BEAR attacks you!
FIGHT!
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You draw your GUN and shoot the BEAR in the knee.
He ambles off, crying about never becoming an
adventurer. A nearby PETA member overhears this,
and runs out and kills you. YOU DIIIIIIIEEEE!
TRY AGAIN?
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You hide in the TAXI. The BEAR goes away after 30
MINUTES. You run through the forest, find the
FLOWER and create the ELIXIR OF LIFE! You save
yourself and the world!