PARENT FORUM NIGHT School Cliques: The REAL Survivor Series

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PARENT FORUM NIGHTSchool CliquesThe REAL
Survivor Series

• THE GMS PTO and Cheryl Curry, GMS Counselor,
  invite you to join us for a workshop and
  discussion on school clique culture among boys
  and girls, its make-up, pitfalls, and strategies
  for helping students survive the social jungle.
  
• WHEN Tuesday evening, Jan 14th
• Registration at 630 p.m.,
• program at 700 p.m.
• WHERE Geneva Middle School
• Choir Room

2
BEHIND A FAÇADE OF FEMALE INTIMACY LIES A
TERRAIN TRAVELED IN SECRET, MARKED WITH ANGUISH,
AND NOURISHED BY SILENCE. --Rachel
Simmons Author Odd Girl Out
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SCHOOL CLIQUES

• THE REAL
• SURVIVOR SERIES!
• Presented by
• Cheryl Curry, M.S.Ed.
• Professional School Counselor

4
WHAT IS A CLIQUE?

• AN EXCLUSIVE GROUP

5
CHARACTERISTICS OF CLIQUES

• Usually form between ages 10 15
• Stem from an overwhelming desire to fit in
• Revolve around interests w/ friends and peers
• Deal in social power
• Not everyone is welcome
• excluding becomes the primary activity

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CHARACTERISTICSCONTINUED

• Peers serve as a panel of judges who define each
  other based on identifiable traits (clothing,
  music, activities, inside jokes, rituals)
• Formed around 1 or 2 leaders
• Have strict rules
• Feed off a super-sensitivity to criticism and a
  need to belong

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TYPES OF CLIQUES
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THE POPULARS

• IM ALWAYS WORRIED
• 35 of population
• Beautiful, athletic, charming, affluent
• Set the tone for the entire class

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THE POPULARS

• Have the most friends exclusive
• Socialize earlier than others both in and out of
  school
• Appear to have cornered the market on fun
• Have prestige (via romances, scholastic
  achievements, athletic exploits) from teachers
  and classmates

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THE FRINGERS

• WHERES MY SELF RESPECT?
• 10 of population
• Hoverers
• Mimic the dress and the rules
• Believe that ½ a loaf is better than none
• Welcome temporary inclusion

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MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES

• IM FREE AND CONTENT
• 45 of population
• Non-exclusive
• Small groups of several friends apiece
• Tend to feel most content

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MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES

• Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction
• Can be labeled into subcategories
• Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even
  contempt for the popular group
• Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them
  unpopular

13
BEHIND A FAÇADE OF FEMALE INTIMACY LIES A
TERRAIN TRAVELED IN SECRET, MARKED WITH ANGUISH,
AND NOURISHED BY SILENCE. --Rachel
Simmons Author Odd Girl Out
14
SCHOOL CLIQUES

• THE REAL
• SURVIVOR SERIES!
• Presented by
• Cheryl Curry, M.S.Ed.
• Professional School Counselor

15
WHAT IS A CLIQUE?

• AN EXCLUSIVE GROUP

16
CHARACTERISTICS OF CLIQUES

• Usually form between ages 10 15
• Stem from an overwhelming desire to fit in
• Revolve around interests w/ friends and peers
• Deal in social power
• Not everyone is welcome
• excluding becomes the primary activity

17
CHARACTERISTICSCONTINUED

• Peers serve as a panel of judges who define each
  other based on identifiable traits (clothing,
  music, activities, inside jokes, rituals)
• Formed around 1 or 2 leaders
• Have strict rules
• Feed off a super-sensitivity to criticism and a
  need to belong

18
TYPES OF CLIQUES
19
THE POPULARS

• IM ALWAYS WORRIED
• 35 of population
• Beautiful, athletic, charming, affluent
• Set the tone for the entire class

20
MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES

• Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction
• Can be labeled into subcategories
• Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even
  contempt for the popular group
• Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them
  unpopular

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THE LONERS

• IM MAD AND I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
• 10 of population
• No friends
• Social hermits
• Envious
• Susceptible to adolescent depression, drug abuse,
  violent subcultures
• Often have hidden talent with time to hone that
  talent

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BULLY CHIC

• THE DARK SIDE OF CLIQUES

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CLIQUE BULLIES

• Occupy the power center of the group
• Manipulate cliques as a means to bully
• Are supported by media images

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FEMALE BULLIES

• Taught that nice is preferable
• Therefore, honesty and straight talk is avoided
• Use friendships as their weapon of choice
• Scapegoat, backstab, belittle, spread rumors,
  fights, sexually harass, exclude

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THE POPULARS

• Have the most friends exclusive
• Socialize earlier than others both in and out of
  school
• Appear to have cornered the market on fun
• Have prestige (via romances, scholastic
  achievements, athletic exploits) from teachers
  and classmates

26
THE FRINGERS

• WHERES MY SELF RESPECT?
• 10 of population
• Hoverers
• Mimic the dress and the rules
• Believe that ½ a loaf is better than none
• Welcome temporary inclusion

27
MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES

• IM FREE AND CONTENT
• 45 of population
• Non-exclusive
• Small groups of several friends apiece
• Tend to feel most content

28
MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES

• Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction
• Can be labeled into subcategories
• Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even
  contempt for the popular group
• Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them
  unpopular

29
BEHIND A FAÇADE OF FEMALE INTIMACY LIES A
TERRAIN TRAVELED IN SECRET, MARKED WITH ANGUISH,
AND NOURISHED BY SILENCE. --Rachel
Simmons Author Odd Girl Out
30
SCHOOL CLIQUES

• THE REAL
• SURVIVOR SERIES!
• Presented by
• Cheryl Curry, M.S.Ed.
• Professional School Counselor

31
WHAT IS A CLIQUE?

• AN EXCLUSIVE GROUP

32
CHARACTERISTICS OF CLIQUES

• Usually form between ages 10 15
• Stem from an overwhelming desire to fit in
• Revolve around interests w/ friends and peers
• Deal in social power
• Not everyone is welcome
• excluding becomes the primary activity

33
CHARACTERISTICSCONTINUED

• Peers serve as a panel of judges who define each
  other based on identifiable traits (clothing,
  music, activities, inside jokes, rituals)
• Formed around 1 or 2 leaders
• Have strict rules
• Feed off a super-sensitivity to criticism and a
  need to belong

34
TYPES OF CLIQUES
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THE POPULARS

• IM ALWAYS WORRIED
• 35 of population
• Beautiful, athletic, charming, affluent
• Set the tone for the entire class

36
MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES

• Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction
• Can be labeled into subcategories
• Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even
  contempt for the popular group
• Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them
  unpopular

37
FEMALE BULLIES

• Taught that nice is preferable
• Therefore, honesty and straight talk is avoided
• Use friendships as their weapon of choice
• Scapegoat, backstab, belittle, spread rumors,
  fights, sexually harass, exclude

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MALE BULLIES

• Use less emotion and more action
• Broadcast strengths
• Spread rumors
• Fight
• Use weapons
• Deliberate humiliations
• Sexual harassment

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MEDIA IMAGES

• Shes All That
• Bring It On
• Popular
• The In-Crowd
• Beverly Hills 90210

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MEDIA IMAGES

• The Breakfast Club
• 10 Things I Hate About You
• American Pie
• Coverage of the Oscars
• People Magazines Most Beautiful People
• Fashion Magazines

41
BELIEF SYSTEMS

• BEING TEASED IS SOMETIMES BETTER THAN BEING
  IGNORED
• THE BIGGEST BULLIES ARE IN THE POPULAR CROWD, SO
  THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT
• CLOTHES AND LOOKS MATTER
• POPULAR DOES NOT EQUAL NICE

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THE VICTIMS

• PASSIVE VICTIM
• I dont know how
• to fight back.
• PROVACATIVE VICTIM
• People think I deserve it.
• ONE-DIMENSIONAL VICTIM
• If only I wasnt

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MIDDLE SCHOOLERS CRITERIA FOR BEING POPULAR

• BOYS
• 1. Athleticism
• 2. Stature
• 3. Sense of humor
• GIRLS
• 1. Looks
• 2. Clothes
• 3. Vivacious or bubbly personality

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HOW WE CAN HELP

• Diagram the cafeteria
• Play whatever happened to
• Have students identify the clique leaders
• Have students explain criteria for admission
• Identify emotions and their triggers
• Video and bibliotherapy
• Write a recipe for how to starve a bully

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HOW WE CAN HELP

• Role playing
• Humor
• Confounding the bully
• Positive self-talk
• Make the bully look stupid
• Help them conform in safe ways

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HOW WE CAN HELP

• Give them precise vocabulary to define moments of
  humiliation (theft, libel, etc.)
• Encourage the silent majority to speak up
• Teach tolerance
• Mentoring programs
• Avoid overprotectingit sends the message you
  are incompetent
• Form a school club (circle of friends, natural
  helpers, the respect club, the peace place)

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HOW WE CAN HELP

• Recruit the parents
• Survey the size of the problem
• Use performance drama
• Ask the librarian to use the display area
• Provide curriculum ideas to tie into lessons
• Invite the children to speak in groups

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HOW WE CAN HELP

• Lunch bag notes such as tips for practicing
  social skills or idea cards
• Help them distinguish between social acceptance
  and personal acceptance
• Identify other areas where belonging exists
  (family, home life, bedroom) and use them to
  balance the need for belonging and personal
  acceptance

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HOW WE CAN HELP

• Gather info., empathize, then use it to empower
  the child (e.g. what excellent powers of
  observation you have!)
• Process the childs belief system