Overcoming Perfectionism

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• Overcoming Perfectionism
• This powerpoint is designed for students who
  need advice on managing perfectionism. The format
  of the Workshop held on 27.1.09 is different to
  this powerpoint.
• Susan Kendal and Adam Sandelson
• LSE Student Counselling Service

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Aims

• Examine difficulties with perfectionism
• Identify the causes and how it develops
• Explore common myths and thinking errors
• Identify strategies to overcome it
• Review sources of help

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Introduction

• What is perfectionism?

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Are you a perfectionist?

• Do you feel like what you accomplish is never
  quite good enough?
• Do you often put off handing in papers or
  projects, waiting to get them just right?
• Do you feel you must give more than 100 on
  everything you do or else you will be mediocre or
  even a failure?
• Are you working toward success or trying to be
  perfect - too perfect!

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What is perfectionism?

• Self-defeating thoughts and behaviours associated
  with high ideals, not realistic goals.
• Often mistakenly seen as desirable or even
  necessary for success.
• Recent studies show that perfectionist attitudes
  actually interfere with success.
• The desire to be perfect can deny you a sense of
  satisfaction and cause you to achieve far less
  than people with more realistic goals.

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Key Elements

• Your expectations of yourself
• Your expectations of others
• Others expectations of you

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Causes of perfectionism

• If you are a perfectionist, it is likely that you
  learned early in life that you were mainly valued
  for your achievements.
• You may have learned to value yourself only on
  the basis of other people's approval.
• Your self-esteem may be based primarily on
  external standards.
• This can leave you vulnerable and sensitive to
  the opinions and criticism of others.
• To protect yourself you may decide that being
  perfect is your only defence.

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Negative thoughts and feelings

• Fear of failure.
• Fear of making mistakes.
• Fear of disapproval.
• All-or-nothing thinking.
• Over-emphasis on should, must and ought.
• Never being good enough.

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How does it develop?

• Early experiences
• parents expectations
• rewards and reinforcements
• punishments
• modelling behaviour and information
• Assessment of worth I am stupid
• Strategies to manage it I must achieve the
  highest standards or be a complete failure

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How is it maintained?

• Current triggers eg exams, presentations
• Negative predictions I may not do it well/
  others will think I am stupid
• Unhelpful behaviours,
• eg avoidance of writing, constant checking
• Confirming our negative beliefs
• Self Critical thoughts Ive failed again
• Depression and low mood

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Vicious circle

• Set an unreachable goal.
• Fail, as the goal was impossible to begin with.
• Constant pressure to achieve perfection and
  inevitable chronic failure reduces your
  effectiveness.
• This leads you to be self critical and
  self-blaming, which can lead to low self-esteem,
  anxiety and depression.
• At this point you may give up completely on your
  original goal and set yourself another
  unrealistic goal, thinking "This time if only I
  try harder I will succeed".

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4 common myths with perfectionism

• You cant succeed without it
• It gets you the best results
• It enables you to overcome obstacles
• It helps you achieve and please others

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Myth 1 I wouldnt be the success I am if I
weren't such a perfectionist

• REALITY
• There is no evidence that perfectionists are more
  successful
• There is evidence that given similar levels of
  intellect and talent perfectionists perform less
  successfully.
• Perfectionism does not lead to success and
  fulfillment.
• Success may be achieved despite compulsive
  striving.

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Myth 2 Perfectionists get things done and they
do things right.

• REALITY
• Perfectionists often have problems with
  procrastination, missed deadlines, and low
  productivity
• They tend to be "all-or-nothing" thinkers, and
  see events as good or bad, with nothing in
  between.
• Seeking flawless work can make even small tasks
  overwhelming, leading to perfectionism.
• If it can't be done perfectly, it's not worth
  doing.
• Such beliefs often lead to undesired results.
  Work is handed in late or not at all, with
  agonizing over non-critical details.

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Myth 3 Perfectionists are determined to overcome
all obstacles to success

• REALITY
• Instead of concentrating on the process of
  getting the task done, perfectionists focus
  exclusively on the outcome of their efforts. Far
  from an asset, this relentless pursuit of the
  ultimate goal becomes a liability
• Perfectionists may be vulnerable to writers
  block, depression, and social and performance
  anxiety.

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Myth 4 Perfectionists just have this enormous
desire to please others and to be the very best
they can

• REALITY
• Their tendencies may begin as an attempt to win
  love, acceptance and approval.
• They can be driven by low self-esteem, and find
  it harder to see the needs and wishes of others.
• Relationships may be complicated not enhanced.
• Great achievers are willing to make mistakes and
  risk failure. They recognize that mistakes,
  failure, and imperfection are part of the reality
  of being human.

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What can I do about it?

• Realize that perfectionism is undesirable
• perfection is an illusion that is unattainable.
• Challenge self-defeating thoughts and behaviours
  that fuel perfectionism.
• Cost benefit analysis of keeping high standards
• Identify goals general and specific to be
  less perfectionistic

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Challenging Perfectionism - I

• Identify negative/ faulty thoughts
• List possible alternatives
• Consider the positive and negative of the
  original and alternative thoughts
• Choose a more realistic way to view the situation
  or that fuel perfectionism.

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Recording thoughts and feelings
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Challenging Perfectionism - II

• Exposure based strategies
• Hierarchy rank and practice
• Stopping negative actions (eg constant checking,
  rewriting)
• Communication
• Being assertive
• Listening and paying attention to non verbal
  communication
• Effective Prioritising
• Overcoming Procrastination

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Strategies to move forward I

• Set realistic and reachable goals
• Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner
• Experiment with your standards for success. Try
  for 80 or even 60
• Focus on the process of doing an activity not
  just the end result.
• Evaluate success in terms of what you
  accomplished and whether you enjoyed the task.

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Strategies to move forward - II

• Check your feelings. Monitor feelings of anxiety
  and depression.
• "Have I set up impossible expectations for myself
  in this situation?"
• Face your fears that may be behind your
  perfectionism by asking yourself
• "What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing
  that could happen?"
• Celebrate your mistakes
• "What can I learn from this experience?"

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Conclusions

• Look after yourself (diet, sleep)
• Keep a supportive structure for
• your daily life have relaxation time
• See writing as a time of discovery
• Recall past achievements
• Challenge negative thoughts
• Imagine looking back at the task in
• 3 or 6 months time

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Sources of Help

• TLC Study skills advisors
• Disability Office
• LSE Learning world http//learning.lse.ac.uk/
• Speak to other students
• Tutor or Departmental Tutor
• Mental Health and Wellbeing Advisor

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LSE Student Counselling Service

• Free and confidential
• Groups and Workshops programme
• Self Esteem Group Thursday 26 February. 3 week
  group, meets 2.30 4.30. Places available.
• Stress Management Group Summer term
• Further workshops on procrastination, exams
• Website has information about the Service
• Stress management handout
• Relaxation tape MP3s
• Links to self help resources