What to say to get out of the Drama Triangle

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What to say to get out of the Drama Triangle
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Roles Review

• Persecutor
• Criticizer creates emotional walls in
  relationships
• Aggressor (passively, too)
• Base fear being hurt
• Victim
• Feels attacked
• Blames
• Base fear being unloved
• Rescuer
• Helping others more than themselves
• Causes dependency from others (victims)
• Base fear being alone
• NOTE
• Keep in mind that just as someone else can
  Persecute, Victimize, or Rescue you, you can
  ALSO Persecute, Victimize, or Rescue yourSELF!

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Getting out of the Rescuer role

• Dont give advice!
• Remember Their choices for themselves are
  equally valid to what you would choose for them.
  Their choices may actually be even more valid as
  they are the ones who must directly live with
  them.
• Tell them something specific and positive about
  their skills and abilities to handle the
  situation on their own.
• It should be related to the issue at hand.
• Ask them open-ended questions
• Encourage them to find their own answer
• Example ?

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Getting out of the Rescuer role

• Example
• Remember when you were trying to decide what
  college to attend, and you were able to make the
  decision to come to Mt. SAC? You are a capable
  person I know you will make the decision that is
  right for you.

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Getting out of the Victim role

• Internal (to yourself)
• Tell yourself you can do it!
• Set DAPPS Goals
• Dated, Achievable, Personal, Positive, Specific
• Example
• I can do this! I will get an A in my STDY 100
  class before the end of the Spring semester!

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Getting out of the Victim role

• External (to others)
• Thank them for their concern
• Let them know you can handle it on your own
• Example
• I appreciate your concern. Actually, I have
  already made a decision about how to go about
  choosing my major.

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Getting out of the Persecutor role

• Be positive!
• Tell them something specific and positive about
  their skills and abilities to handle the
  situation on their own (and it should be related
  to the issue at hand)
• Challenge them to move forward, for example, You
  can do it!
• Example
• You are a strong person! Remember when you were
  struggling in high school, and you came up with a
  plan to succeed and graduate on time? And you did
  that all on your own! I know you can use that
  same strength that is within you to accomplish
  this next step in your life.

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FOR ALL POSITIONS, REMEMBER

• Watch your body language
• Watch the words you use
• Avoid the following words
• But
• If
• Should
• Try
• Have to
• Need
• Must
• Might

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Now you try it!

• Think about a time when you have been in the
  position of the
• Rescuer
• Victim
• Persecutor
• Talk about your experiences with your teammates.
• Discuss, then write down on chart paper, what you
  could have said to get out of each of the
  situations.
• Check the guidelines to make sure your
  solutions are appropriate.