Nonviolent Communication NVC as a method for conflict resolution and social change

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Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a method for
conflict resolution and social change
International Fellowship of Reconciliation
German branch
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Project experience Constructive Conflict
managment in Communes and Boroughs (CCC)2001 -
2005
supported by
the Ministry of
Integration and Family
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Nonviolent Communiation
Words can be walls or windows

• What I want in life is compassion, a flow
  between myself and others based on mutual giving
  from the heart.
• And on this ground acting for peace and social
  change
• Marshall Rosenberg

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NVC is ...

• a language of compassion
• a tool for social change and peace work
• a way to connect with oneself and others
• transforming conflicts
• acting out of authonomy and free will
• understanding on level of needs and
• feelings

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Wolf and Giraffe
Words can be walls or windows
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Communication
Disconnecting Connecting

• Evaluation, Interpretation
• Devaluation
• Position
• Order
• Conflict Danger
• War-tradition
• Feelingsign of failing
• Win-loose strategy
• Judge, Guilt, blame
• Analysis

• Observation
• Appreciation
• Needs, Interestes
• Request, Free will
• Conflict Chance
• Tradition of comprehension
• Feelingsignpost for
• understanding
• Win-Win strategy, synergy
• Mediation
• Compassionate listening

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Diconnecting Communication

• Impact on personal
• and interpersonal development
• Regarding oneself (self worth) and otheres
• Punish, demand, compare, analyze, criticize,
  praise, blame, evaluate
• Reactivity, Defensiveness, Dependence, Fixation
  on outcome

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Connecting Communication

• Impact on personal
• and interpersonal development
• Regarding oneself (inherent self worth) and
  others
• Request, connect, understand, compassion, needs,
  feelings, protect, appreciate, listen
• Concious responses, Autonomy, Focus on
  connection, Interdependence

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The four components of NVC

• Observation
• Feelings
• Needs
• Request
• Distinguishing them from judegments,
  interpretations and demands
• Fostering of understanding, connection and
  authonomy

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• 1. Observation
• Description of what is seen/heard.
• 2. Feelings
• Our inner experience rather than reaction to
  what other people are doing.
• 3. Needs
• The cause of our feelings. That what we need
  (universal).
• 4. Request
• Doable, immediate and positive action.
• Empathy
• Listening to what is going on in me and the
  other person.

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Feelings show weather needs are met or
not met

• Feelings we have when needs are not met
• Afraid, concerned,
• nervous, over-whelmed, shocked
• frustrated, irritated
• bored, depressed, exhausted, hurt
• hopeless, sad, tired

• Feelings we have when needs are met
• Amazed, alive, calm
• confident, encouraged, glad, grateful
• hopeful, loving, peaceful, relaxed
• touched, stimulated
• joyful, eager

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Needs

• Subsistence
• Food / Rest / Shelter / Clear Air and Water /
  Intimity
• Freedom
• Autonomy / Choice / To speak ones mind
• Celebrating / mourning
• Creativity / learning / inspiration
• Security
• Openness / Order / Safety / Honesty / Trust
• Participation
• Belonging / Community / Harmony / Recognition /
  Support / Respect / To enrich life /
• Learning
• Understanding
• Consideration / Empathy / Peace of mind / Love
  / Peace / Beauty / Meaning

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Four Steps (expression)

• Observation
• When I see/hear ...
• Feeling
• I feel ...
• Need
• Because I need ...
• Request
• Would you be willing ...?

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Four Steps (empathy)

• Observation
• When I you see/hear ...
• Feeling
• Do you feel ...?
• Need
• Because you need ... ?
• Request
• Would you like ...?

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The class is out of control. The teaching seems
to be a mass...

• Observation When I see, how unhappy my daughter
  is, when she comes home and tells what has
  happened at school...
• Feeling Im feeling alarmed and concerned...
• Need ...because I need clarity about whats
  going on for my daughter. I need to know that she
  is safe and supported.
• Request Would you be willing to share with me
  what you see happening and the steps youre
  taking to foster harmony among the children?

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Fields of applicating NVC

• Intercultural dialogue
• Administration
• NGOs
• Local authority
• University
• Team, Networks

• School, Kinder garden
• Neighbourhood, Family
• Company
• Government, Politics

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Example SCHOOL PROJECT
Preperation and planing
School conference
Teacher training
Parents training
Project week
Evaluation
Request
Need
Feeling
Supervision and Ongoing practice
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Exercise

• Think of a non-NVC reaction/response you made
  __________________________
• Now transform into NVC
• What was your observation?____
• How did you feel?_____________
• What did you need?___________
• What could be a request?______

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Optionen im Konflikt

• Quelle Schule für Mediation und Verständigung,
  Steyerberg

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Gefühle bei unerfüllten Bedürfnissen

• angespannt, ängstlich, aggressiv, aufgeregt,
  bedrückt, beschämt, besorgt,
• betroffen, deprimiert, einsam, elend, entsetzt,
  erschöpft, erschrocken,
• frustriert, gehemmt, geladen, gelangweilt,
  gleichgültig, hilflos, müde,
• nervös, sauer, skeptisch, traurig, ungeduldig,
  unzufrieden, unter Druck,
• verspannt, verschlossen,wütend, verzweifelt,
  zornig

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Gefühle bei erfüllten Bedürfnissen

• angeregt, ausgeglichen, beflügelt, befreit,
  begeistert, berührt, dankbar, energetisch,
• engagiert, entschlossen, entspannt, erfüllt,
  ermutigt, frei, froh, geborgen,
• gelassen, heiter, interessiert, kraftvoll,
  lebendig, liebevoll, offen, selbstsicher,
• still, unternehmungslustig, verliebt, wachsam,
  zufrieden, zärtlich,
• zuversichtlich

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Der Wolf

• Meine Lieblingsbeschäftigung ist, mich ärgern
• Wenn ich angegriffen werde, muß ich zurückbeißen
• Ich mache oft Schuldzuweisungen
• Ich stelle Forderungen statt Bittend
• Ich denke Mit Dir ist etwas nicht in Ordnung
• Ich sehe besonders, was jemand nicht kann
• Man kann anderen nicht trauen

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Die Giraffe

• Ich habe das größte Herz aller Landtiere
• Ich stehe für Austausch und Klarheit
• Ich sage, was ich brauche
• Ich kann Gefühle und Bedürfnisse anderer
  rausfinden
• Ich bin fähig, um Hilfe zu bitten
• Weil ich mich selbst wertschätze, kann ich auch
  andere wertschätzen
• Mein Blick richtig sich auf Möglichkeiten, statt
  auf Defizite

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Giraffen-Detektiv werden

• Was hat die Person gesagt oder getan?
• Worauf hat die Person reagiert?
• Was hat die Person gedacht?
• Was hat die Person gefühlt?
• Was hat die Person gewollt oder gebraucht?