BULLYING BEHAVIOUR AMONGST YOUNG PEOPLE: WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW Stephen James Minton School of Ed

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BULLYING BEHAVIOUR AMONGST YOUNG PEOPLE WHAT
PARENTS NEED TO KNOWStephen James
MintonSchool of EducationTrinity College Dublin
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Topics of Discussion

• 1 - What is School Bullying?
• 2 - Types of Bullying
• 3 - Why Parents are so Important
• 4 - Signs and Symptoms of Being Bullied
• 5 - What To Do If Your Child / Teenager Is Being
  Bullied
• 6 - What To Do If Your Child / Teenager Is
  Bullying Others
• 7A - Working With Your Childs / Teenagers
  School Against Bullying (1) What you and your
  child / teenager will want and need to know
• 7B - Working With Your Childs / Teenagers
  School Against Bullying (2) Parent-school
  collaboration against bullying behaviour
• 8 Questions and Answers

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1 - What is School Bullying?

• Bullying is a form of aggressive behaviour that
  is conducted by a young person or group of young
  people, on a systematic and ongoing basis,
  against a young person who is singled out, and is
  relatively unable to defend himself or herself.
  It is not bullying, for instance, when young
  people of around the same age and level of
  physical / social power have the occasional fight
  or quarrel.

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2 - Types of Bullying

• Direct Bullying
• Verbal Bullying
• Physical Bullying
• Gesture Bullying
• Extortion
• E-Bullying
• Indirect Bullying
• Girls and boys tend to be involved to differing
  extents in the various types of bullying
  behaviour.
• Labelling someone as a bully is not helpful.
  Instead of using the blame / punishment
  approach, we advocate challenging and changing
  the inappropriate behaviour.
• Young people who are involved in bullying,
  aggressive behaviour and harassment as either
  victims or perpetrators (or in some cases, both),
  need the help and intervention of both parents
  and school personnel.

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3 - Why Parents are so Important

• Parents are the biggest single influence on their
  childrens attitudes and behaviour.
• Every responsible parent is concerned for the
  protection, safety and well-being of his or her
  child / teenager.
• Along with school personnel, parents have a
  responsibility to ensure that their children /
  teenagers are not involved in bullying or
  harassing other school students.
• Research shows that bullied young people are
  reluctant to tell their parents or their teachers
  that they have been bullied at school. However,
  when they do tell someone, they are more likely
  to tell their parents than their teachers.

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4 - Signs and Symptoms of Being Bullied

• The young person looks distressed or anxious, and
  yet refuses to say what is wrong
• Unexplained cuts and bruises
• Damage to clothes, books, and school equipment
• Doing worse at school than before
• Requests for extra money
• Reluctance to go to school
• Changes in mood and behaviour
• Lacking in confidence or self-esteem
• Complaints of headaches and stomach aches
• Problems sleeping
• Unfortunately, this is not a fail-proof
  checklist. The presence of some of these things,
  or even all of them, doesnt necessarily mean
  that the young person is being bullied. However,
  if these signs and symptoms persist, parents
  should investigate the matter further.

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5 - What To Do If Your Child / Teenager Is Being
Bullied

• Finding out whats wrong
• It is not easy for young people to tell their
  parents that they have been victimised.
• Let the young person know that you are there for
  him or her
• Be prepared to both listen and talk, but to
  listen more!
• Reassure your child / teenager that the bully has
  the problem
• Tell them not to fight back physically!
• Teaching coping skills
• Explain to the bullied young person that bullies
  want an upset reaction Humour, silence, or an
  assertive response i.e., standing up for
  oneself in a non-aggressive way may well
  prevent a further attack
• Teaching coping skills at home
• The Importance of Self-Esteem
• the more often one is bullied, the lower will be
  the level of ones self-esteem
• Ideas for building self-esteem at home
• Reporting the Problem (see slide 7A)

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6 - What To Do If Your Child / Teenager Is
Bullying Others

• Awareness of what bullying is
• Be a good role model
• Finding out whats wrong
• The importance of self-esteem
• Perpetrators of bullying have lowered levels of
  self-esteem the more often one bullies others,
  the lower is ones level of self-esteem.
• Bullying others can, then, be seen as a misguided
  attempt to gain self-esteem (perhaps in the form
  of peer recognition)
• Some young people are involved in bullying
  behaviour as both perpetrators and victims
  (bully-victims) they have the lowest levels of
  self-esteem of all
• Teaching empathy at home
• Teaching respect for differences at home
• Letting off steam in a positive way

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7A - Working With Your Childs / Teenagers
School Against Bullying (1)

• What you and your child / teenager will want and
  need to know
• The young person may beg or plead with the parent
  not to tell
• Sometimes the young person needs to be
  over-ruled, but we have to be sure that what we
  are doing really is in his or her best interests
• We must be sure that the school can and will
  handle the matter in a sensitive and responsible
  way
• The incident will be treated in a sensitive
  manner, and that confidentiality will be kept as
  far as is possible
• Your child / teenager will be safeguarded, as far
  as it is possible, against further incidents of
  bullying behaviour
• You as a parent will be kept informed about the
  progress of this case
• Parents should of course be aware that
  investigating an allegation of bullying behaviour
  in a sensitive and thorough manner may well be
  time consuming

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7B - Working With Your Childs / Teenagers
School Against Bullying (2)

• Parent-school collaboration against bullying
  behaviour
• Many schools have a Parents Council, or
  Parents-Teachers Association
• Parents should be consulted on matters of school
  planning, and the drafting of new or revised
  school policy / codes
• Parents organisations can themselves fund and
  source guest speakers for information evenings,
  and co-fund or partake in ongoing preventative
  measures against bullying behaviour
  Anti-Bullying Weeks, and so on
• Parents can, and indeed should, organise
  themselves if necessary, to ensure that their
  local communities are bully-free.
• Teachers and parents should be on the same side
  of the fence an alliance of responsible, caring
  adults with the common aim of preventing and
  countering bullying, aggressive behaviour and
  harassment amongst young people in schools

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Book Available

• Written by Mona O Moore and Stephen James
  Minton
• - Published by Sage / Paul Chapman, London
• Available since October 2004
• Chapter 4 is written for parents, and chapter 5
  for young people
• Price 20 / circa 29

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THANKS FOR LISTENING!ANY QUESTIONS?
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• Stephen James Minton
• The Anti-Bullying Research and Resource Centre
• Department of Education
• Trinity College Dublin
• Tel [phone]
• E-mail mintonst_at_tcd.ie
• www.abc.tcd.ie