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Title: HEALING%20THE%20BROKENHEARTED


1
HEALING THE BROKENHEARTED
  • Jim Gardner, Ph.D.
  • 918-649-0406
  • jim_at_tradingpain.com

2
SESSION 1
  • HELPING THE
  • BEREAVED DIVORCED

3
Background Information
  • Background A strong Bible-believing church
  • The Bible has the answers.
  • 2 Cor. 517 He is a new creature
  • Witnessing emotional problems in the church.
  • Bible College and Four College degrees
  • 25 years of professional experience.
  • Frustration Nothing was effective with people
    with abuse histories, traumas, grief, and intense
    anger, and it was very difficult to help couples.

4
2002-New Prayer-based Approach
  • Seminar by a Pastoral Counselor
  • Initial skepticism led to Excitement
  • Amazement People were being set free in ways
    that I thought were impossible, through prayer!
  • No Advice-giving or sharing my insights
  • I am going to share a portion of what I learned,
    but this could be life-changing!
  • Every believer needs to know this to experience
    Gods peace!

5
Revolutionary Changes
  • I had given it my best for 25 years and I fell
    short. I knew that I was incapable of causing
    the kind of changes I was seeing.
  • This change was coming from the Lord.
  • Gave up my job as the Director of CCUSO to begin
    private practice so I could use this exciting new
    prayer-based approach full-time.
  • Like finding the cure for cancer!
  • This was revolutionary in my life and in my
    practice and could revolutionize churches!

6
Case Study Grieving Adolescent
  • 17-year-old boy lost his best friend and was seen
    three weeks afterwards.
  • Belief You can never really overcome grief. It
    just lessens with time.
  • Belief Grieving people need several months to
    grieve, as a minimum.

7
The Outcome of the Session
  • Immediate termination of the emotional pain.
  • Inability to stir up the pain afterwards.
  • Slept well the following night.
  • Ability to talk about the loss and remember the
    lost person without any emotional pain.
  • Long-term peace and resolution.
  • Complete peace regarding the loss (100).

8
Steps to Freedom from Grief
  1. Be completely honest with God about the reasons
    for your feelings by making a list of what you
    miss about the deceased.
  2. Give your feelings to the Lord by saying a simple
    prayer and asking Him to carry your grief for you.

9
Revolution in my Practice
  • This was just the beginning I have seen hundreds
    of similar cases since then.
  • It works not only for those who have recently
    lost someone but for those who lost someone many
    years earlier.
  • It is not just the immature who need help with
    this, but spiritually mature believers.

10
Mature Christian Woman in Grief
  • An elderly Christian woman lost her son/pastor
    six weeks earlier.
  • She had prayed fervently and still felt such pain
    that she finally sought help.
  • After praying she felt peace and calm, but had
    some sadness for her daughter-in-law and her
    children.
  • She left with a smile and saying, He can do
    anything!

11
The Woman who hated Christmas
  • She disliked Christmas and had not celebrated it
    for 16 years.
  • Her mother was her best friend and died on
    Christmas.
  • She went out and bought a Christmas tree.
  • She said she had her life back and her husband
    was happy to have his wife back.
  • A month later she wouldnt let her husband take
    down the Christmas lights.

12
Another Christian Woman
  • Her husband died recently, leaving her with two
    young children to raise on her own.
  • She was handling things well but still had some
    sadness and crying spells
  • I told her what to do
  • She said she wrote out her list and then prayed,
    and was crying..her crying stopped suddenly.
  • She said it was like turning off a faucet.

13
Basic Grief Fact No. 1
  • GRIEF IS NORMAL
  • Symptoms may include deep sadness, intense
    longings, sleep difficulties, moodiness,
    depression, feeling like you are going crazy...
  • Grief is not considered a psychological disorder
    but can lead to depression, behavior problems,
    etc
  • Intense feelings will typically last for 6-12
    months.

14
Basic Grief Fact No. 2
  • GRIEF CAN BE DEEPLY PAINFUL.
  • Mother-in-law
  • A tornado inside
  • He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled
    (John 1133)
  • David wept inconsolably (2 Sam. 194)
  • Joseph wept over his father and kissed him and
    the Egyptians wept for him seventy days.
  • Young couple lost their infant child.

15
Basic Grief Fact No. 3
  • GRIEF CAN RESULT FROM FOUR KINDS OF LOSSES
  • 1. Loss of Life
  • 2. Loss of Health
  • 3. Loss of Job
  • 4. Loss of Relationships/ Divorce

16
Basic Grief Fact No. 4
  • GRIEF CAN BECOME DEBILITATING.
  • Complicated Grief Intense and persistent
    longings for the deceased, intrusive and
    troubling thoughts regarding the death, a sense
    of inner emptiness and hopelessness about the
    future, trouble accepting the reality of the
    loss, daily struggles for more than 6 months.
  • 15 of those who experience a loss will develop
    Complicated Grief/Traumatic Grief/Prolonged
    Grief.
  • Illustration Man whose 36-year-old daughter
    died.

17
Basic Grief Fact No. 5
  • THE LORD DOES NOT WANT US TO REMAIN IN GRIEF.
  • Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of
    joy comes in the morning. Psalms 305
  • That you may not grieve as those who have no
    hope.
  • 1 Thessalonians 413
  • You will grieve, but your grief will be turned
    into joy. Whenever a woman is in labor she has
    painbut when she gives birth to a child, she no
    longer remembers the anguish because of the joy
    that a child has been born. John 1620

18
Basic Grief Fact No. 6
  • JESUS UNDERSTANDS OUR GRIEF WANTS TO REPLACE
    IT WITH PEACE
  • Surely He has borne our griefs. Isaiah 534
  • Jesus wept. John 1135
  • We do not have a high priest who cannot
    sympathize with our weaknesses. Hebrews 415
  • Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden,
    and I will give you rest. Matthew 1128
  • Peace in all circumstances. 2 Thess. 316

19
MYTHS ABOUT GRIEF
  • You can never really overcome grief it will
    just lessen with time.
  • You need to go through the five stages of grief
    (Kubler-Ross)
  • You need to work through the four tasks of
    grieving.
  • If it lasts more than six months you should see
    a professional. Recently I sat in a meeting
    with mental health professionals

20
Grief Counseling Outcome Research
  • 2003 Report on Bereavement Grief Research
  • 23 of the top researchers in the field concluded
  • For participants experiencing uncomplicated
    bereavement normal grief, there was essentially
    no measurable positive effect on any variable and
    nearly one in two clients suffered as a result of
    treatment.
  • Normal Grief vs. Complicated, Traumatic, or
    Prolonged Grief.

21
2009 Research Update
  • Grief Therapy Evidence of Efficacy and Emerging
    Directions, by Robert Neimeyer and Joseph Currier
    (Current Directions in Psychological Science,
    Vol. 18, No. 6, Dec. 2009, p. 352-365).
  • Meta-analysis of 61 outcome studies, making it
    the most comprehensive summary of research.
  • Consistent with the majority of smaller-scale
    reviews, our test of overall effectiveness failed
    to yield an overly encouraging picture of grief
    therapies.

22
Complicated Grief Therapy-2005
  • A break-through treatment approach was reported
    by researchers in 2005.
  • The technique involves 16 weeks of therapy
    involving repeated recall of painful memories.
  • 25 of the participants dropped out.
  • About half of the remaining 75 reported feeling
    much better after 16 weeks of treatment (37).
  • In contrast, I am seeing clients with complicated
    and normal grief being released from their pain
    after a single session usually.

23
The Church and Grief
  • You have the ability to help people in a way that
    no doctor or professional counselor can!
  • This is very easy to learn it is easier than
    learning to share the gospel.
  • Most pastors do not have time to counsel people
    extensively.
  • Every believer has the Holy Spirit and the
    privilege of prayer and can help those with
    unresolved grief.

24
Essential for Every Believer
  • Focus Grief and anger. Every believer needs to
    know how to deal with grief.
  • Everyone faces death and loss and grief robs many
    believers of joy and peace.
  • Every church needs to teach their members how to
    deal with grief so that their message is relevant
    to their daily needs.
  • Churches must teach these principles regularly so
    that believers can experience the reality of
    Gods peace and joy.

25
John 1427
  • Peace I leave with you My peace I give to you
    not as the world gives, do I give to you.
  • Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be
    fearful.
  • Troubled means agitated.
  • When our hearts are full of grief, anger,
    sadness, or shame we are not experiencing Gods
    peace.

26
2 Thessalonians 316
  • Now may the Lord of Peace Himself continually
    grant you peace in every circumstance.

27
SESSION 2
  • THE IMPACT OF GRIEF

28
The Importance of Grief
  • Why spend four hours in a seminar about grief?
  • It is pervasive, inevitable, and has profound
    impact.
  • 2.5 million die in the U.S.A. yearly and
    estimates suggest that each death affects an
    average of 5 people, leaving 12.5 million
    affected by grief/year.
  • It dramatically affects many people and leads to
    depression, anger, substance abuse, and marital
    problems and does not respond to medications or
    to traditional forms of psychotherapy.

29
Personal Experience of Grief
  • Have you ever lost someone important to you that
    left deep pain and sadness inside you?
  • Can you still feel this pain today?
  • Have you been told that you will always have this
    pain and it will never completely go away?
  • It leads to feelings of deep sadness and
    hopelessness, and leads many believers to doubt
    Gods word and seek refuge in medications.

30
The Impact of Grief on Mental Disorders
  • Grief plays a significant role in the
    development of many mental health problems
  • Adolescent Behavior Disorders
  • Substance Abuse
  • Depression
  • Anger and Marital Problems

31
The Urgency of this Message
  • Grief and anger destroy marriages.
  • Grief and anger lead to substance abuse.
  • Unresolved grief leads to depression.
  • Our churches are filled with people full of anger
    and unresolved grief and who take medications to
    control their emotions.
  • God has equipped you and me to help people with
    these problems in a way that mental health
    professionals cannot.

32
Grief Adolescent Behavior Problems
  • Conduct Disorder Disruptive, disorderly
    behavior involving behaviors that would be
    criminal if the child was an adult.
  • The most serious adolescent psychiatric problem
    affecting 9.5 of children.
  • I was shocked to discover that about 60-70 of
    cases of conduct disorders are caused by
    unresolved grief.
  • 17-year-old boy who began skipping school, using
    drugs, and getting drunk.

33
Causes of Conduct Disorders
  • Genes, Environment Psychopathology written by
    Kenneth S. Kendler and Carol A. Prescott.
  • The Virginia Twin Study 2006 Virginia Adult
    Twin Study of Psychiatric and Substance Use
    Disorders (VATSPSUD) included 9,000 twins.
  • Environmental factors such as parental death
    contributes significantly to the development of
    Conduct Disorders.
  • Parental divorce is more damaging to the mental
    stability of adolescents and contributes heavily
    to the development of mood anxiety disorders
    and drug abuse.

34
Grief and Substance Abuse
  • Virginia Twin Study found that 13 of people
    report abusing alcohol and 8 report abusing
    drugs at some time in their lifetime (21 total).
  • When I worked in a substance abuse program I
    collected data for a year and found that 68 of
    those admitted into the program had a history of
    traumatic loss that pre-dated their substance
    abuse.
  • One man in his 40s began drinking at age 17 after
    his father died from cirrhosis of the liver.

35
Grief and Depression
  • Depression the No. 1 disorder in adults with
    approximately 20 of females and 13 of males
    reporting a depressive episode at some time in
    their life.
  • Bereavement-related Depression
  • 50-year-old woman with depression after the loss
    of her mother, referred by a counselor.
  • 55-year-old woman with bereavement-related
    depression who was unemployed.

36
Causes of Depression
  • Perhaps youve heard that depression is caused by
    a chemical imbalance thats what the
    pharmaceutical industry wants us to believe.
  • Stressful Life Events cause depression, not
    chemical imbalances or brain disorders.
  • Virginia Twin Study revealed that 87.4 of all
    depression is caused by Stressful Life Events
    involving loss of a loved one, job, health, or
    other relationships.
  • Only 12.6 of all depressive episodes were not
    apparently precipitated by some type of loss.
  • Endogenous depression vs. Reactive Depression

37
The Road to Depression
  • The road to understanding depression runs
    through bereavement. Jonathan Rottenberg, Ph.D.
    (Psychology Today, 2010).
  • Bereavement-related depression can only be
    treated by healing the grief.
  • Believers who know this can help those with
    depression by helping them with their grief.
  • Try to help them with their grief, if they are
    receptive, and refer them if they are not.

38
Grief and Other Mental Health Disorders
  • Data collected from the same mental health clinic
    revealed that 51 of the clients had unresolved
    grief that contributed to their mental health
    issues.
  • This is a conservative figure because many people
    do not recognize their unresolved grief because
    they suppress it.
  • Unresolved grief leads to many mental health
    problems the world has no real solution.

39
Mans Solution to Mental Disorders
  • National Co-morbidity Study A 20-million study
    of U.S. adults estimated that 48 of all
    Americans will experience some form of mental
    illness in their lifetime and ¾ of them will do
    so by age 24, using their broad definition of
    mental disorders.
  • The solution recommended for these disorders is
    early screening and treatment (medication).
  • Some believe that the purpose of the study was
    to market psychiatric drugs for the
    pharmaceutical industry.

40
Medical vs. Spiritual Solutions
  • Thomas Insel, M.D. was disappointed to learn from
    the study that about 1/3 of people rely solely on
    nonprofessional sources and spiritual advisers.
  • You wouldnt rely on your priest for treatment
    if you had breast cancer. Why would you go to
    your priest for a major depressive disorder?
    These are real medical and brain disorders, and
    they need to be treated that way.

41
Peter Breggin, M.D.
  • Author of Medication Madness and
    Brain-Disabling Treatments in Psychiatry
    (2008).
  • He says that many psychiatric medications cause
    brain injury, depression, suicidality,
    hallucinations, delusions, panic attacks and
    severe mania.
  • He recommends that doctors never use these drugs.
  • He cites research that indicates that
    antidepressants do not work any better than
    placebos and often cause depression and other
    serious problems.
  • Illustration Woman with anxieties who took
    Lorazepam and became delusional.

42
Pharmaceutical Marketing Myths
  • Psychiatric drugs correct chemical imbalances.
  • Psychiatric drugs dont damage the brain.
  • Psychiatric drugs in small doses are harmless.
  • Psychiatric drugs are needed to prevent suicide.
  • Psychiatric disorders are diseases like diabetes.
  • Youll have to take them the rest of your life.
  • Your psychiatrist is a brain expert.
  • Your doctor knows whats best for you.

43
A Case of Debilitating Depression
  • Pastor became deeply depressed after his wife
    committed suicide.
  • His doctor medicated him and it did not help.
  • He was placed in a psychiatric hospital and given
    shock treatments (these treatments are now known
    to cause permanent brain damage).
  • He responded to prayer-based sessions and after a
    series of sessions he reported no depression.

44
Gods Way vs. Mans Way
  • Mark 524-34
  • She had this condition for 12 years.
  • She spent all that she had on treatment.
  • She was not helped at all.
  • She had grown worse.
  • Mans way is slow, partial, and temporary but
    Gods way is immediate, complete, permanent.
  • God wants to use the church to set people free
    and to bring glory to His name.

45
SESSION 3A
  • PRINCIPLES OF GRIEF RESOLUTION

46
The Simplicity of Gods Ways
  • Elisha and the Healing of Naaman 2 Kings 51-14
  • Then his servants came near and spoke to him and
    said, My father, had the prophet told you to do
    some great thing, would you not have done it?
    How much more then, when he says to you, Wash,
    and be clean?
  • Woman whose husband died three months earlier and
    left her with two grandchildren. She said later,
    I didnt really think it would work because it
    was so simple.

47
Case Study
  • Young woman whose friend died while she held her
    hand.
  • The woman who died was terrified and uncertain of
    her salvation. It was a traumatic experience.
  • She left behind a husband with two small
    children.
  • We focused first on her grief and prayed.
  • The grief was resolved but she still had sadness.
  • After the sadness was gone, she felt peace.
  • A year later she confirmed that she still had
    peace.

48
Assessing the Presence of Grief
  • Get them to talk about the loss and ask them how
    they feel.
  • Ask how often they think about the deceased.
  • Observe their reactions closely and watch for
    evidence of emotions.
  • Ask the person to rate their feelings on a
    10-point scale.
  • Test If they can talk about the person and
    think about them without any negative emotions,
    then it is resolved.

49
Preparing the Individual
  • Normalize their grief Tell them it is normal.
  • Assess their willingness Ask if theyd want to
    get rid of those feelings if they could (See John
    56).
  • Instill hope Share personal experiences or give
    examples of how others have found healing of
    their grief. Challenge the myths they believe.
  • Explain the process to reduce anxiety.
  • Offer to pray with them in order to find peace.

50
Basic Steps to Freedom from Grief
  • Lead them in a prayer in which they do two
    things
  • 1) They must make a list and be completely
    honest with God about their feelings, telling Him
    what they miss about the deceased.
  • 2) They must give their feelings to God and ask
    Him to carry them.

51
Leading the Person in Prayer
  • Lord, when I think about ____________ it makes
    me sad and I miss them very much. It makes sad
    when I remember __________. But Lord, Im tired
    of feeling this grief and sadness and so I ask
    you now to take this grief and sadness from me
    and to carry it for me. I give it to you now and
    ask you to please take it from me and replace it
    with your peace. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

52
Praying for the Individual
  • Tell them you are going to say a brief prayer for
    them. The prayer allows them time to be quiet
    and listen to the Lord.
  • Sample Prayer Lord, I pray that you will,
    indeed, take her feelings of grief and loss right
    now and carry them for her, and replace them with
    your peace. And I ask if there is anything that
    you want her to know right now.
  • Tell her to be quiet and report to you any
    thoughts that come into her mind. Use your
    discernment to determine if the Lord speaks to
    her.

53
Assess their Feelings Again
  • Ask them how they feel now and to rate their
    grief on a 10-point scale.
  • If they report no grief, ask them to try to stir
    up the feelings they had by thinking about their
    loved one.
  • If they still have some grief, ask them to
    identify where it is coming from and pray again
    if there was some aspect of their loss that they
    failed to mention the first time.
  • Listen closely for other feelings like sadness.

54
Prayer Principle No. 1
  • Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth
    for you (1 Peter 57).
  • Cast thy burden upon the Lord and He will
    sustain you (Psalms 5522).
  • This simple principle is very effective for
    dealing with truth-based/ fact-based feelings
    including Grief, Sadness, Disappointment, and
    Legitimate Anger.

55
Other Emotions Connected to Grief
  • Other emotions commonly connected to grief
    Sadness, Anger, and Shame.
  • Dealing with the sadness of the young lady.
  • Grief, Sadness and Anger are Fact-based emotions
    that can be dealt with in the same way.
  • Pray about one emotion at a time until they are
    all resolved.
  • Shame is a belief-based emotion that we will look
    at which is sometimes connected to grief.

56
Overcoming Sadness
  • Sadness A feeling of compassion and empathy for
    individuals who suffer or who experience very
    difficult circumstances.
  • Jesus Experienced Sadness He wept over
    Jerusalem as He approached the city and thought
    about its coming destruction.
  • Examples Seeing a young person die, losing a
    child, a child losing a parent, violent death,
    slow painful death, never knowing parents

57
Emotions Connected to Divorce
  • Anger Anger is very common in divorce.
  • Grief Divorce is a loss of dreams and loss of a
    relationship.
  • Shame Divorcee often blames him/herself and
    feels like a failure.
  • Sadness It is sad when a child loses a parent.

58
Fact-based Emotions
  • Fact-based Emotions Grief, sadness, legitimate
    anger, disappointment guilt
  • Jesus felt these emotions (except guilt)
  • Emotions that are based upon factual events and
    not upon misinterpretations and distortions.
  • Cognitive Therapy does not recognize this
    distinction between fact-based emotions and
    belief-base emotions. But the example of Jesus
    proves that some emotions are fact-based.

59
Four Fact-based Emotions of Jesus
  • Grief Isaiah 533-4 He was a man of sorrows
    and acquainted with grief. John 1133 Jesus
    wept.
  • Anger Mark 35 Looking around at them with
    angerHe said to the man stretch out your
    hand.
  • Sadness Luke 1334 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem
    Luke 1941 When he approached, He saw the city
    and wept over it.
  • Disappointment Mark 1614 He reproached them
    for their unbelief and hardness of heart.

60
Matthew 54
  • Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be
    comforted.

61
HEALING ANGER
  • SESSION 3B

62
Overcoming Anger
  • Legitimate anger is one of the fact-based
    emotions.
  • Anger can be removed by using Peters Principle
    of giving the emotions to God.
  • When there is both grief and anger from loss of a
    loved one, the anger can be dealt with directly.
  • Sometimes anger is rooted in past experiences so
    you must pray for the Lord to take the person to
    its source and origin.
  • 17-year-old boy abandoned by mother.

63
Anger Case Study
  • Middle-aged man who lost his job 5 years earlier.
  • He attended a Baptist church and taught a Sunday
    School class.
  • He said that he needed to get rid of his
    resentment and anger.
  • Others had told him to give it to God.
  • He was so excited afterwards that he immediately
    began telling others what had just happened.

64
UNDERSTANDING ANGER
  • Be angry and yet do not sin do not let sun go
    down on your anger, and do not give the devil an
    opportunity.
    Ephesians 426
  • Anger is not wrong most of the time. It is a
    normal response usually, and can be righteous
    as when Jesus became angry. Mark 35
  • Two Cautions Do not sin and do not let the sun
    go down on your anger.

65
Some Helpful Guidelines
  • Affirm their right to be angry You have a
    right to be angry. If I was in your place Id be
    angry too.
  • Validate their anger as okay There is nothing
    wrong with being angry. It is a normal reaction
    to wrong things that happen.
  • Warn them about the dangers of remaining angry
    The Bible says Be angry and yet do not sin and
    do not let the sun go down on your anger.
  • Ask them if you could get rid of your anger
    would you want to? If they want to release it,
    tell them you can show them how to do it.

66
When People do not Want to Release Their Anger
  • There is a reason why they want to hold onto it.
  • They believe the lie that they must hold onto it
    to avoid being hurt again, or it is their job to
    hold the person responsible.
  • Ask them if they would be willing to ask the Lord
    about that belief. If they ARE willing, pray for
    them, Lord, is that true that Joe needs to hold
    this person responsible, or that Sue will be hurt
    again if she releases her anger?

67
STEPS FOR RELEASING ANGER
  • Identify the original source of the anger.
  • Be completely honest with God about the reasons
    for your anger by making a list of your
    resentments toward a specific person.
  • Give your resentments to God and ask Him to carry
    them for you.

68
Helping Angry People
  • There is no such a thing as an angry person or
    someone whose anger is part of their personality.
  • Anger is rooted in past abuse, trauma, or loss.
  • Ask the person when was the first time that they
    can remember being angry.
  • Ask the person if they would like to get rid of
    their anger if that were possible.
  • If they give permission and say they are willing,
    pray and ask the Lord to take them to the source
    and origin of their anger.

69
Anger and Marital Problems
  • All couples get angry at times but overreactions
    lead to marital problems.
  • Overreactions by both partners lead to an
    escalation of conflicts.
  • Overreactions are caused by unresolved past
    experiences that are triggered off by the present
    conflict.
  • Once the individuals resolve their own past
    issues, they are able to get along and
    communicate well.

70
Hindrances to Healing
  • 1. Missed Details.
  • Important memories, losses or resentments were
    omitted.
  • 2. Additional Emotions.
  • When grief is removed there may still be anger,
    sadness or shame.
  • 3. Previous Losses or Anger
  • Ask about previous losses or pray and ask the
    Lord to take them to the source and origin.

71
The Superiority of Gods Ways
  • Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal on Mt.
    Carmel 1 Kings 1821-39.
  • Then the fire of the Lord fell, and consumed the
    burnt offering and the wood and the stones and
    the dust, and licked up the water that was in the
    trench. And when all the people saw it, they
    fell on their faces and they said, The Lord, He
    is God the Lord, He is God. 1 Kings 1838-39

72
SESSION 4A
  • HEALING SHAME

73
Six Basic Belief-based Emotions
  • Helplessness I am powerless, weak, and unable
    to do anything.
  • Hopelessness There is no way out of this, it
    will never change, it will never end, I am
    trapped.
  • Hurt I am unacceptable, unloved, unwanted, or I
    do not measure up.
  • Aloneness Im all alone, unprotected, abandoned.
  • Fear Something terrible is going to happen.
  • Shame It is my fault, I failed, Im a bad
    person.

74
Dealing with Belief-based Emotions
  • James 15 Principle No. 2
  • If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God,
    who gives to all men generously and without
    reproach, and it will be given to him.
  • Wisdom Insight into the true nature of things
    (W.E. Vine, The Expository Dictionary of New
    Testament Words)
  • Pray for God to bring Truth to them ask Him what
    He wants them to know.

75
Dealing with Shame and Self-Blame
  • 17-year-old boy whose cousin died.
  • Asked if he had ever felt this way before.
  • He lived with his grandmother awhile and loved
    her. When his father was released from prison he
    went to live with him.
  • His grandmother died and his family blamed him.
  • I prayed Lord, is that true that it was
    Richards fault that his grandmother died. What
    do you want him to know about that?

76
Dealing with Genuine Guilt
  • Unbelievers Explain how to be forgiven for all
    their sins through Jesus (John 316).
  • Believers Explain 1John 19, If we confess
    our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us
    our sins, and to cleanse us from all
    unrighteousness.
  • Secular counselors have no way to help people
    find release from feelings of guilt.

77
A Believer with False Guilt/Shame
  • A sincere, new believer was reading his Bible
    every day and going to church.
  • He said that he felt badly about something he had
    done and he disclosed it to me.
  • I asked him if he had confessed this to God, and
    he said he had. He believed that God was a
    forgiving God and had forgiven him.
  • I asked him, Do you feel forgiven?

78
Freedom from Shame
  • I asked the Lord what he wanted this man to know
    about his belief that he was bad, dirty, and
    shameful.
  • He burst into tears at the following thoughts
  • You are my son everything is going to be
    alright.
  • I prayed again and asked the Lord if there was
    anything else He wanted him to know.
  • He burst into tears at the thought that You are
    already cleansed, whiter than snow.
  • Using your spiritual discernment, where do you
    think those thought came from?

79
The Spiritual Emotional Impact of Shame
  • Sexually abused children are devastated by shame.
  • Shame leads to self-abuse, anger, depression,
    substance abuse, and marital problems.
  • Man who burned down his house
  • Shame that is rooted in early-life experiences is
    difficult to remove, but through prayer the Lord
    is able to remove it easily and replace it with
    truth to set us free (John 832).

80
There is a Fountain
  • There is a fountain filled with blood,
  • Drawn from Immanuels veins,
  • And sinners plunged beneath that flood,
  • Lose all their guilty stains.
  • Lose all their guilty stains,
  • Lose all their guilty stains.
  • And sinners plunged beneath that flood,
  • Lose all their guilty stains.

81
Gods Cleansing
  • Come now, and let us reason together, saith the
    LORD though your sins be as scarlet, they shall
    be as white as snow though they be red like
    crimson, they shall be as wool.
    Isaiah 118

82
SESSION 4B.
  • LEARNING TO ENGAGE OTHERS IN HEALING
    CONVERSATIONS

83
Getting Started
  • Begin by praying about your own grief and loss
    issues.
  • Once you get resolution and peace, you can use
    this experience to share with others I always
    heard that you could never get rid of grief, but
    I found something recently that helped me get rid
    of my own grief.
  • Use it with family members also.

84
Engaging in Healing Conversations
  • Look for opportunities to speak with others and
    be genuinely interested in their feelings.
  • Avoid being intrusive but be willing to listen.
  • Probe deeper, if they are receptive, to identify
    the emotional reasons for their distress.
  • Remember that there are many lonely, hurting
    people that need peace in their lives.
  • Give them a tract or book if their needs are
    beyond your abilities or time limitations.

85
Engaging People in Airports
  • Airport conversation with a UN peacekeeper.
  • Soldier from Philippines returning home because
    his father had died.
  • I asked him how he was handling it and if it was
    painful to think about.
  • I asked him if he would like to get rid of the
    pain, if he could.
  • We prayed and he said that a load was lifted from
    him afterwards and he felt peaceful.

86
Engaging People in Restaurants
  • Sitting in a restaurant reading my Bible when a
    man approached me and shared a poem he had
    written about Christmas.
  • I asked him where he was from and he said he was
    from California and left after his mother died.
  • I asked him if it still bothered him to think
    about his mother and if he would like to get rid
    of the pain.
  • We prayed and he reported that the pain was gone.
  • He was able to talk about her without any tears.

87
Engaging People at Work
  • I spoke with a housekeeper from Taiwan and asked
    about her Thanksgiving.
  • She said she had a good Thanksgiving but was not
    looking forward to Christmas.
  • I asked why and she stated that her mother died
    18 years earlier just before Christmas and it
    still upsets her to think about her.
  • I asked her if she would like to get rid of that
    pain if she could

88
Engaging People Everywhere
  • I was at a seminar in Dallas recently when I met
    this woman who casually mentioned that her
    husband had died recently
  • Rather than ignore her comment I told her that I
    was sorry to hear that and asked her when it
    happened and how she was doing.
  • I was able to pray with her after lunch and saw
    her face light up with a newfound peace.
  • I gave her a copy of my book to read.

89
CONCLUDING COMMENTS
  • The Lord wants to use you and me to show people
    how they can be set free.
  • You now have the ability to help people get rid
    of their destructive feelings of anger, grief,
    and shame.
  • The last time I taught this workshop, one of the
    participants called me in the evening It
    works!
  • The Lord wants us to teach others these simple
    truths so that believers will be set free,
    unbelievers will see the power of God, and so
    that He will be glorified!

90
Benefits of Emotional Healing Prayer
  • Undeniable evidence of the power of God and a new
    openness to the Lord (drug abusers).
  • Increased confidence in prayer (1 Kings
    1837-39).
  • Increased love for the Lord by believers as they
    experience His loving healing.
  • Increased unity and love for other believers as
    they begin bearing one anothers burdens
    (Galatians 62) and praying for one another
    (James 516).
  • Increased boldness in sharing the gospel as the
    Lord removes our fears.

91
More Benefits of Healing Prayer
  • Emotional healing of believers so that they will
    be more fruitful (unemployed woman).
  • Deliverance from sins that give temporary relief
    from painful emotions.
  • Drawing others to the Lord as they see evidence
    of His love for them its a great evangelistic
    tool (the Lord is willing to heal unbelievers).
  • The church will become relevant to peoples
    emotional needs.
  • Excitement about the Lord and Church growth!

92
Vision for Churches
  • Imagine how it would impact your church
    fellowship and the marriages in your church if
    everyone in your church released their anger and
    their grief!
  • Imagine what would happen if the word got out
    that people in your church know how to help
    others resolve their grief, release their anger
    and recover from a divorce!

93
Final Thought
  • If you have been touched by the Lord today and
    feel that He has been speaking to you, please
    commit yourself to doing two things
  • Let the Lord carry your grief and anger.
  • Purpose to become a Peacemaker and begin
    showing others how to release their grief and
    anger.
  • You can do an unspeakable amount of good for
    others if you will share what youve learned
    today with others.

94
2 Thessalonians 316
  • Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually
    grant you peace in every circumstance.

95
What a Friend we have in Jesus
  • What a friend we have in Jesus,
  • All our sins and griefs to bear,
  • What a privilege to carry,
  • Everything to God in prayer.
  • Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
  • Oh, what needless pain we bear,
  • All because we do not carry,
  • Everything to God in prayer.
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