Aspie living: story of past, vision for future

1
Aspie living story of past, vision for future

• Mircea-Valer Pauca, Romania
• mircea.pauca_at_gmail.com

2
My early childhood

• Parents aged 41, intellectual 3-5 generations
• Early differences masked by heart defect (VSD)
• Slow growth, clumsiness, walking late
• Speech normal, reading early, special interests
• Food intolerances, allergies
• Heart surgery (at 6 years) gt explosive growth

3
Schools

• Regular kindergarten, school
• - dedicated teachers, common-sense adaptations
• - structured environment, less distractors
• - social shocks, bullying
• - advanced academically, competitions
  (math,physics)
• Elite high school computer science
• - no bullying, prestige Magister
• 17 years old first psychological crisis
• absurd to struggle to gain the privilege to
  struggle more

4
Job

• Higher studies (license BA, MA)
• Academy of Economic Studies, Bucharest
• Special interests optimization, applied math
  modelling
• Worked for 6.5 years
• Preparator, Teaching Assistant
• mismatch with social environment, between anvil
  and hammer, contradictions official/facts
• enthusiasm gt interrupted routines gt daily torture
  gt blocking, giving up (avoid explosive reaction)

5
Diagnoses

• 17 yrs intellectual overexertion
• No medication, no therapy gt Walk more -)
  still good!
• 19 yrs (Army recruitment) immature personality
• During job anxious-avoidant personality
• autistic personality
• reactive depression
• gt medications little help, side-effects,
  expense
• At 31 yrs Aspergers disorder better
  explanation
• - pressure to get better, no meaningful support
• Found Autism Romania NGO

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How I perceive the differences

• Knowing, analysis ABOUT systems easy, natural,
  rewarding
• Being INSIDE complex situations, with people
  difficult, aversive, exhausting
• Shortcuts (special abilities?)
• Long-cuts, very frustrating (lack of some
  foundation?)
• - Both transparent to self, hard to explain to
  others
• The normal-hard-working path between the two
• gt Use shortcuts, replace long-cuts with hard
  work
• The 3 can coexist/interfere

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Continuing problems

• Limited self-organization, multitasking
• being own master, slave and secretary
• Stress reactions (PTSD?)
• - flash-backs, associations, rumination, body
  activation (stomach, nausea, heart, sweat)
• Social anti/motivation (weak , strong -)
• Punished by rewards
• Slow regeneration, chronic fatigue
• Fluctuations in ability (with situations,
  demands)
• Anxiety, depression only secondary effects
• gt Heal the situation first !! before any
  medications

8
What is improvement?

• Max. Reserve
• Possibilities Internal cost Demands
• (in military strategy sense forces free to react
  to control)
• There are extra reserves for emergencies but
• - one CANNOT live a life in emergency mode !
• (Events like this are happy emergencies)
• Lupus patients Theory of Spoons
• limited resource even for assumed daily
  living

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The Invisible Disability

• Assumptions of normal (or better) from others
• gt misunderstandings, blame, exploitation
• Ugly Dilemma whats usually to choose from
• I. assumed normal, no support, blame for all
• II. Label, stigma help (others rigid
  perspective)
• gt desired real help with own objectives
• Recognize the effort to adapt both exhausting
  AND insufficient for others
• gt Economize and concentrate it on objectives of
  best importance vs difficulty

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Then how well live ?

• Context world economy expected to continue
  contracting! Increased social aggressiveness
• Peak oil 2005 gt Peak net energy gt Peak
  Everything
• Blame NTs -) Greed, arrogance, status seeking
• gt Private, small-scale self-administered living
• hermits / monasteries - not necessarily
  religious
• (grouping mostly to economize resources privacy,
  freedom of objectives up to not bothering others)
• Minimal, intermittent support under OUR control
• Work as option when meaningful, NOT imposed
• HIKIKOMORI in Japan

11

• Use it up
• and wear it out,
• Make it do
• Or do without ! (World War 2 British slogan)
• Status with authorities not even unemployed !
• No disability degree degrading process
• Need better alternatives than State agencies

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My greatest wish

• to live a livable life
• (AS I CAN, not as others dream on my costs)
• long enough to see and understand more of the
• Absurd Theatre of the world and laugh at it !
• Knowledge and control !
• Use special interests and abilities