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Ways to Defuse Anger and Calm People Down

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Recognizing Different Types of Anger Lightning: strikes quickly, then is over ... Maintain confidence and assertiveness in managing the conflict and its effects. – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Ways to Defuse Anger and Calm People Down


1
Ways to Defuse Anger and Calm People Down
  • Training Session

2
Training Objectives
  • Learn how to stay calm in any situation
  • Learn how to deal constructively with other
    peoples anger
  • Learn how to eliminate your own behaviors that
    aggravate tense situations, and help create an
    environment where outbursts are less likely to
    occur

3
10 Myths About Anger
  1. Getting angry is the only way to get things done.
  2. Its only natural to respond that way.
  3. Strongly confronting an angry person will back
    them down.
  4. Intimidation wins respect.
  5. Verbal or physical venting will have lasting
    calming effects.
  • Anger is a bad emotion.
  • There is only one way to deal with anger.
  • Anger cant be helped (this is just the way I
    am).
  • Not getting angry means they got away with it.
  • Ignore it and it will go away.

4
Recognizing Different Types of Anger
  • Lightning strikes quickly, then is over.
  • Tornado thrives on chaos, whips itself and
    everything around it into a frenzy.
  • Flood builds up slowly as it surges it carries
    with it items built up over long periods of time.
  • Volcano slow to erupt and slow to cool down the
    aftermath is harder than the incident itself.

5
Key Guide to Interaction with an Anger Person
  • Stages 1 2 Allow the angry person as much
    control as possible encourage problem solving.
  • Stage 3 Take control and direct the angry
    persons behavior, give options and state
    consequences.
  • Stages 4 5 Restore order and set expectations
    for positive future interactions.

6
Stage 1 Set the Tone
  • Key Stay calm yourself.
  • Breathe
  • In through the nose out through the mouth
  • Pace
  • Depth
  • Relax
  • Jaws
  • Neck Muscles
  • Body
  • 3. Maintain a healthy attitude
  • Non-defensive
  • Confident, not arrogant
  • Dont take yourself so seriously
  • 4. Repeat coping statements to yourself.
  • I cant change this person.

7
Stage 1 Set the Tone
  • Key Defuse most situations quickly by allowing
    the angry person to
  • vent.
  • Dont interrupt or argue.
  • Dont tell the angry person to calm down.
  • Do set clear boundaries while allowing the other
    person to talk. You may choose to set boundaries
    by listening to angry feelings but not allowing
    aggressive behavior.

8
Stage 2 Understand the Elements of Empathy
  • Key Put yourself in their place to understand
    their outburst.
  • Understanding
  • Know-how
  • Assertiveness

9
Stage 2 Understand the Elements of Empathy
  • Dos
  • Allow ample time to respond.
  • Use short responses.
  • Tailor responses to the other person.
  • Use an even tone of voice.
  • Try to understand what needs theyre trying to
    meet.
  • Donts
  • Automatically give advice.
  • Pretend to understand.
  • Respond with a cliché.
  • Sound condescending.
  • Jump to conclusions.

10
Stage 2 Understand the Elements of Empathy
  • Words to Use
  • I can tell youve had a tough time.
  • I can see why youre discouraged.
  • I can tell youre disappointed.
  • Im sorry that happened.
  • I regret this happened.
  • I wasnt aware of that.
  • Thats a rough break.
  • Words to Avoid
  • Dont feel that way.
  • Youre wrong.
  • Where did you get that idea?
  • You dont understand.
  • You always
  • You never.
  • I told you this would happen.
  • No one said that.

11
Mastering the Art of Listening
  • Key Phrase questions so they encourage talk,
    and dont put the
  • other person on the defensive
  • Pay attention to what is going on beyond you.
  • Be curious with a purpose.
  • Eliminate the buts.
  • Avoid why questions.
  • Change the question from Why didnt you ask
    about this earlier? to What stopped/prevented
    you from checking on this earlier?
  • Repeat several words the angry person says to
    maintain focus and attention.
  • He was a complete jerk and has totally screwed
    up my file.
  • Screwed up your file? What happened?

12
Keep Quiet
  • Key Be silent to allow the angry person to
    take in what youre saying.
  • Ask open-ended questions and waitand wait.and
    wait
  • Cut the angry person off when he or she becomes
    verbally or physically abusive.

13
Focus on Issues vs. Actions
  • Key Address the substance, not the symptoms of
    anger
  • Typical Signs of Anger Include
  • Change in facial expression
  • Tendency to exaggerate
  • Sarcasm
  • Personal attacks
  • Physically acting out

14
Admit Mistakes
  • Key Apologize once and make corrections
    quickly.
  • Only when you or the office is responsible for
    some part of the problem.
  • Remember Apologies stop the bleeding, they do
    not heal the wound.
  • Genuine apologies
  • Acknowledge responsibility
  • Stimulate personal behavior change
  • Avoid excuse making

15
Map an Escape Route
  • Key Allow the other person to save face
    whenever possible.
  • Remember to address substance, not symptoms.
    Dont acknowledge stupid remarks.
  • Move from public setting to private.
  • You may be right. Lets sit down and discuss
    it.
  • Save face by redirecting.
  • Away from people problems
  • Toward solutions

16
Provide Guided Problem Solving
  • Key Give limited options.
  • Zero in on the key issues that are most important
    to the angry person. (Remember to use your
    questioning skills to get the angry person to be
    specific.)
  • Challenge blind spots inaccurate
    interpretations, distortions and help them
    examine the consequences of their behavior. Be
    specific.
  • Help the angry person choose from the available
    options to get his or her to buy in to the
    solution.
  • Heres a possibility.
  • One option you can try is..
  • Heres a couple of ways to handle it.
  • Turn possible solutions into an action plan. Get
    the angry person to commit to definite tasks,
    behaviors, etc. by specified deadlines.

17
Stage 3 At the Height of the Crisis Heed the
Warning Signs
  • Key Intervene Immediately
  • Visible Signs of Anger
  • Change in vocabulary
  • Abrupt mood shifts
  • Tightness in facial or neck muscles
  • Teeth clenching
  • Change in tone of voice
  • Pacing
  • Facial flush
  • Physically or verbally acting out threats

18
Stage 3 At the Height of the Crisis Heed the
Warning Signs
  • De-escalate Immediately
  • Move the angry person to neutral environment.
  • Create a cooling-off period.
  • Stay out of the persons physical space.
  • Use non-threatening words, tone of voice and body
    language.
  • Respect angry persons perceptions as real to him
    or her.

19
Find Safer Ground
  • Key Dont try to resolve the crisis at this
    stage.
  • The angry person, at this state, is
  • Irrational
  • Volatile
  • Suffering from extremely poor judgment
  • Dont engage in problem solving at this time
    dont attempt to reason in fact, the less said
    the better.
  • Respect their feelings dont argue back or
    criticize. Use all your tools to remain calm
    yourself.
  • Identify consequences of continued behavior.

20
Deal with Threats
  • Key Take all threats seriously.
  • Myth People who make threats are all talk and
    no action.
  • Truth The people who talk about it are the ones
    who do it.
  • When threatened, always, always, always report a
    threat.
  • Provide a clear written outline of what occurred.
  • The staff member at the counter will be
    responsible for contacting public safety when a
    threat has been made.
  • Tell the angry person the consequences of making
    threats before following through with them.

21
Stage 4 After the Crisis Restore Order
  • Key Help the rest of the affected staff get
    back to normal as quickly
  • as possible.
  • C Continue normal work patterns
  • A Allow people to discuss the experience. (Not
    at the front
  • counter.)
  • L Listen and look for signs of escalation among
    staff.
  • M Maintain confidence and assertiveness in
    managing the conflict and its effects.

22
Set Expectations
  • Key Reinforce appropriate behavior.
  • Be open in reinforcing desired behavior.
  • Encourage them to be reasonable.

23
Stage 5 Maintain Daily Peace
  • Key You can fuel or reduce another persons
    anger by choosing how to behave. Choose
    behaviors that reduce anger.

24
Maintain Daily Peace
  • Behaviors that fuel anger
  • Lacking respect in tone or behavior
  • Not looking at the other person
  • Making unreasonable demands
  • Needing to be right
  • Passing judgment
  • Verbal abuse, including sarcasm, humiliation,
    attacks, threats
  • Touching or getting too close
  • Behaviors that reduce anger
  • Showing respect
  • Making eye contact
  • Focusing on practical solutions
  • Keeping an open mind
  • Suspending judgment
  • Use an even, calm, but firm tone of voice
  • Maintaining an appropriate distance

25
Maintain Daily Peace
  • Behaviors that fuel anger
  • Aggressive gestures such as pointing
  • Sending mixed messages
  • Showing favoritism
  • Showing impatience or acting bored
  • Being inflexible
  • Interrupting
  • Using negative words
  • Rejecting the person
  • Failing to follow through
  • Behaviors that reduce anger
  • Neutral, open gestures
  • Being consistent
  • Being fair
  • Using active listening skills
  • Being flexible
  • Allowing limited venting
  • Use positive phrases
  • Focus on behaviors
  • Following through on all promises

26
Practice 1
  • Scenario 1 A student is stomping towards the
    front counter. He catches you completely off
    guard and starts ranting and raving about his
    admissions and/or financial aid application not
    being processed. He claims he has submitted his
    transcripts several times and it has not been
    processed. He is starting to attack you
    personally. Listen to me, if you dont
    straighten this out right now, Im going to call
    the Provost/Presidents Office. This office is
    so incompetent. All of you should be fired.
    This is why students dont come to your school.
    You make the process so hard!

27
Practice 2
  • Scenario 2 A co-worker is whipped into a frenzy
    because she needs help with a n event later in
    the afternoon. Shes been making the rounds
    asking for help and is now shifting into
    demanding, whining, threatening to never help you
    again and to tell the boss that youre not a team
    player. You cant see beyond the end of your
    nose. Ill make sure the boss knows about your
    selfish attitude. Im always the one stuck doing
    all the work around here, and its about time the
    boss got wise.

28
Practice 3
  • Scenario 3 When a Student Interrupts a
    Discussion Between the Employee and Another
    Student You may face a situation where you are
    helping one student and a second student rushes
    up and interrupts your conversation. It may
    appear that you are caught between a rock and a
    hard place, since if you serve the first student,
    the second may become annoyed, and if you serve
    the second one, the first student, quite
    justifiably, may feel you are not treating him or
    her as important.
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