Committed Romantic Relationships

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Committed Romantic Relationships

• Definition
• Relationship between individuals who assume that
  they will be primary and continuing parts of each
  others lives.

• Key Points
• Voluntary (Western Culture)
• Involve romantic/sexual feelings
• Primary and Permanent

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Dimensions of Romantic Relationships

• Believed to consist of (3) dimensions
• Intimacy
• Commitment
• Passion

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Dimensions of a Romantic RelationshipPassion

• Definition
• Describes intensely positive feelings and fervent
  desire for another person.
• Examples of feeling
• Butterflies
• Sparks
• Being head over heals

• Not restricted to sexual feelings
• May involve emotional, spiritual and
  intellectual attraction
• Not primary foundation for most enduring
  romantic relationships
• Not the glue that holds romantic relationships
  together

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Dimensions of a Romantic RelationshipCommitment

• Definition
• Intention/decision to remain involved with a
  relationship.
• B) Determination to stay together despite
  troubles, disappointments, sporadic restlessness
  and lulls in passion.

• Not the same as love
• Love is a feeling based on the reward of our
  involvement with a person.
• Strong relationship between commitment and
  investment
• More investment more commitment.
• Involves accepting responsibility for maintaining
  a relationship
• Act of will

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Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship
CommitmentCont.

• Two broad categories as to why people commit
• 1. Comfortable and Pleasing
• Value Companionship
• Emotional Support
• Financial Assistance
• 2. Avoid Negative Consequences of Ending
• Violating religious values
• Family disapproval
• Financial hardship

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Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship Intimacy

• Definition
• A) Feelings of closeness, connections and
  tenderness.
• B) Abiding affection and warm feelings for
  another person.

• Related to passion equals feelings
• Link between intimacy and passion with commitment
• Joins partners now into the future

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Styles of love are like primary and secondary
colors!
Styles of Love

• Primary
• Eros
• Storge
• Ludus

• Secondary
• Pragma
• Mania
• Agape

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Styles of LovePrimary Color Eros

• Eros Powerful, passionate style of love that
  blazes to life suddenly and dramatically.
• Intense
• Most intuitive and spontaneous
• Fastest moving
• May include
• Sexual, spiritual, intellectual or emotional
  attraction or all of the above.

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Styles of LovePrimary Color Storge

• Storge (STORE-gay) Comfortable even keeled kind
  of love based on friendship and compatibility.
• Storge love
• Tends to develop gradually, peaceful and stable
• Most cases grows out of common interests, values
  and life goals.

Storge
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Styles of LovePrimary Color Ludus

• Ludus Playful love
• Ludus Lovers
• See love as a game
• Like to play the field
• Enjoy falling in love
• Enjoy romance but not the settling

LUDUS
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Styles of LoveSecondary Color Pragma

• Pragma Pragmatic or practical love
• Between Primary Colors
• Ludus (stable) Storge (Secure Love)
• Clear criteria for lovers
• Religious affiliation
• Career
• Family background
• Not necessarily unfeeling/unloving
• See practicality as foundation to tall in love

Pragma
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Styles of LoveSecondary Color Mania
Mania

• Mania derives from Greek term theia mania, or
  Madness from Gods.
• Between Primary Colors
• Eros (Passion) Ludic (Play Rules)
• May devise tests and games to evaluate commitment
• Typically unsure of others love
• Often experiences emotional extremes
• May be obsessed about relationships

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Styles of LoveSecondary Color Agape

• Agape Love others without expectation of
  personal gain or return.
• Between Primary Colors
• Storge (Constancy) Eros (Passion)
• Generous
• Selfless
• Put loved ones first without expectations of
  reciprocation
• Loving and giving is rewarding
• No one is purely agapic, but may have agapic
  tendencies.

Agape
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Rules for figuring out your love style

1. Most have a combination style
2. A primary and a secondary
3. Love styles are not permanent
4. We learn to love
5. Changes occur with more experiences in loving
6. Part of an overall interpersonal system
7. Affected by relationship aspects
8. Your partners will influence your own love style
9. Individual styles of love are not good or bad.
   What is important is the partners styles fitting
   together. ?

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The Development of Romantic Relationships

• Three broad phases (Western Culture)
• Growth
• Navigation
• Deterioration

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The Development of Romantic RelationshipGrowth

• There are six GROWTH stages
• Individuality
• Invitational Communication
• Explorational Communication
• Intensifying Communication
• Revising Communication
• Commitment

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Growth Stage 1

• Individuality
• Needs, goals, love styles, perceptual tendencies
  and qualities that affect what we ask for in
  relationships
• People we choose may be influenced by aspect of
  ourselves

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Growth Stage 2

• Invitational Communication
• Three great influences
• Self-concept
• Men Physical characteristics
• Women Qualities of personality
• Proximity
• Close in location or access (internet)
• Similarities
• Seeks partners with similar values, attitudes and
  lifestyles.

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Growth Stage 3

• Explorational Communication
• Exchanging information
• People fish for common ground/interest
• Typically done with a pick-up line

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Growth Stage 4

• Intensifying Communication
• Intensifying (euphoria) and happiness
• Cant be together enough
• Learning the other person
• Agree on dating/going steady (official)
• Couple Communication language/nicknames
• Overlooking/downplaying perfection

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Growth Stage 5 6

• 5. Revising Communication
• Evaluation stage
• Realization
• not always a step in the process
• 6. Commitment

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The Development of Romantic RelationshipNavigatio
n

• Navigation the ongoing process of staying
  together despite obstacles.
• Preventative maintenance and repair (auto
  terminology)
• Continuously adjust, work through old and new
  problems

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Navigation Continued

• Relational Culture
• Private world rules, understandings, meanings and
  patterns of acting and interpreting that partners
  create for their relationship.
• Couples develop rules and rituals as to how to
  communicate anger, sexual interests or how to
  celebrate special occasions, birthdays and
  holidays.
• Placemaking
• Process of creating a comfortable personal
  environment that reflects the values, experiences
  and taste of the couple as one.

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The Development of Romantic RelationshipDeteriora
tion

• 5 stage sequence
• Intrapsychic Processes
• Dissatisfaction of relationship
• Dyadic Process
• Breakdown of established patterns, rules and
  rituals that make the relational culture
• Social Support
• Phase of looking for support through friends and
  family
• Grave-dressing Process
• Burying the relationship and accepting the end
• Resurrection Process
• Moving on with other intimate relationships

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Guidelines for Communicating in a Romantic
Relationship

1. Engage in dual perspective
2. Getting to know the other person well and using
   that knowledge to guide the communication choices
3. Practice Safe Sex
4. Manage Conflict Constructively
5. Romantic relationships require special attentions
6. If not mastered, could lead to domestic violence
7. Adapt Communication to Maintain long-distance
   relationships
8. Three reasons they fail
9. Lack of daily sharing
10. Unrealistic amounts of time together. (every
    moment should be perfect)
11. Unequal effort invested