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THE HAPPY RAINBOW FUN-TIME JOURNALISM REVISION SLIDE SHOW

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Title: Slide 1 Author: kristoficjr1 Last modified by: Kristofic, James Created Date: 3/25/2009 12:09:51 AM Document presentation format: On-screen Show (4:3) – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: THE HAPPY RAINBOW FUN-TIME JOURNALISM REVISION SLIDE SHOW


1
THE HAPPY RAINBOW FUN-TIME JOURNALISM REVISION
SLIDE SHOW
  • BING-BING-BANG

2
PRINT JOURNALISM
  • A
  • DANJOLELL
  • DESIDERIO
  • STRESS
  • SCHULTZ
  • SOBEL
  • MARKOWITZ
  • B
  • BENTON
  • BROOKS
  • HARI
  • BUKOWSKI
  • SIEGERT

C OBRIEN DARCANGELO MAHER CHAPMAN BARFOOT
D EMERY KORB McLAUGHLIN NEWMAN TARASIUK DUTROW
3
GREEN GO FOR IT! Excellent Structure, with
Short, Familiar, and Specific Language
  • Correct attribution (source citation)
  • An intriguing lead I actually wanted to keep
    reading!
  • Nut graph clearly and concisely tells the story
  • Descriptions are poetic, using imagery and
    metaphor

4
Yellow Slow Down and Revise Unbalanced,
Unproven Reportage with Unclear Language
  • Sources are unclear or are referred to
    incorrectly.
  • The lead feels off the cuff and doesnt take in
    the totality of the story.
  • Quotes could have been simply paraphrased and
    have little emotional content.
  • The action is spotty or unclear.
  • An alarming number of grammatical and formatting
    errors.

5
Red Stop and Rethink. Inadequate Reportage or
Failed Fact-Gathering
  • No clear sources.
  • Lead feels disengaging I actually wanted to
    stop reading by the end of the first sentence.
  • Appears rushed and unclear often.
  • Quotes were either absent or did not follow
    correct attribution format.
  • Action is too brief. The draft is under-length.
  • Contains multiple typos and mechanical errors.

6
  • C

7
CONCISE
  • MAKE TO BE YOUR ENEMY.
  • IS ARE WAS WERE
  • WRITING BECOMES CLEARER
  • LESS PASSIVE VOICE (PV)

8
CONCISE
  • On his way to the water park, James was
    rounding the corner of a parking lot, leading the
    pack of his mother, father, and brother behind
    him, when all of a sudden he realized that a
    speeding car was coming straight at him. 43
    words

9
CONCISE
  • On his way to the water park, James rounded
    the corner of a parking lot, leading the pack of
    his mother, father, and brother, when he saw a
    car speeding straight at him. 33 words

10
CONCISE
  • Brooks aunt was taking care of her grandmother
    along with the hospice nurse. 13 words

11
CONCISE
  • Brooks aunt was caring for her grandmother
    along with the hospice nurse. 12 words

12
CONCISE
  • I was most afraid of the pain that would come
    with appendicitis and the idea of surgery really
    scared me, Freeman says of waiting in an
    emergency room. 28 words

13
CONCISE
  • I was most afraid of the pain that would come
    with appendicitis and the idea of surgery really
    scared me, Freeman said. 22 words

14
CONCISE
  • When 17 year-old James DArcangelo, a senior at
    Council Rock High School North, was just 12
    years-old, his life almost came to a tragic end
    on a day that was intended to be a fun and
    enjoyable one. 38 words

15
CONCISE
  • When 17 year-old James DArcangelo, a senior at
    Council Rock High School North, was just 12
    years-old, his life almost ended on the day hed
    planned to have fun with his family. 32 words

16
CONCISE
  • James DArcangelo, a senior at Council Rock High
    School North, was on vacation with his family
    when he nearly died in a parking lot. 24 words

17
  • D

18
DICTION
  • She then realized the man was from a bug
    spraying company when she saw a receipt in the
    door.

19
DICTION
  • She then realized the man was from a pest
    control company when she saw that the pest
    control technician had left a small receipt just
    inside the screen door.

20
DICTION
  • At around 1 in the morning, Tina got bored and
    brought out the Ouija board a board game that
    supposedly predicts the future by spelling out
    letters to create phrases and began to play it
    without giving it a second thought.

21
DICTION
  • At around 1 a.m., Tina got bored and brought
    out the Ouija board a board game that
    supposedly predicts the future by spelling out
    letters to create phrases. She silently set up
    the board and Kristyn watched her other friends
    get into position across from Tina. Theyd
    played this game before.

22
DICTION
  • Im convinced I barely survived a shark
    attack, said Mac Emery.

23
DICTION
  • Im convinced I barely survived a shark
    attack, said Emery.

24
DICTION
  • In the morning, Jill had woken up to a big
    black and blue bruise on her left but cheek.

25
DICTION
  • In the morning, Jill had woken up to a big
    black and blue bruise on her left butt cheek.

26
DICTION
  • Andrew, the boyfriend of Jill and Carlie have
    decided to go to Jill house to hang out and enjoy
    time with each other.

27
DICTION
  • Jill, Jills boyfriend, Andrew, and Carlie
    decided to go to Jills house to hang out.

28
  • D

29
  • SVO

A
30
Subject Verb - Object
  • The funeral was on October 29, 2011. It was a
    very big funeral, taking up most of the church.
    19 words

31
Subject Verb - Object
  • The funeral on October 29, 2011, filled the
    First Methodist Church in Richboro. 13 words

32
Subject Verb - Object
  • Its 5 p.m. when a loud knock on the door was
    heard, and a police officer was the one behind
    it. 21 words

33
Subject Verb - Object
  • At 5 p.m., Chris Bukowski heard a loud knock
    on the door. When he looked out the window, he
    saw a police officer on his porch. 26 words

34
  • TAKE 4 DAYS AND MAKE YOUR FINAL STORY SPARKLE
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