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Title: Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time


1
Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and
Resentmentone thought at a time
2
Beth
Jamie
Daniel
Heather
David
3
Pastor Doug Carbondale
Mayor Ray Nagin New Orleans
4
Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and
Resentmentone thought at a time
5
Life ReconstructionOne thought at a time
  • Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
    world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
    mind. Then you will be able to test and approve
    what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect
    will.
  • Romans 122
  • and we take captive every thought to make it
    obedient to Christ.
  • 2 Corinthians 105-6

6
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
No one gets in my way!
A
(B )
C
resistance
Anger
stimulus
perception
Fear
Significance
Shes so stupid She cant treat me that way!
D
issue
thoughts
Original offense 9 units hurt
D
x per replay 12 units rage, indignation
24 x 12 9 297
mind movies replays of incident
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful,
revengeful
x per replay 15 units malice, revenge 24 x
15 297 657
E
feelings
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
x per replay 20 units self-pity, bummed out
24 x 20 657 1137
F
talk, behavior
The Pits!!
7
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
Im being rejected!
A
(B )
C
Not invited
Anger
stimulus
perception
Fear
Self-worth
That dirty so and so They cant treat me that
way!
D
issue
thoughts
Original offense 9 units hurt
D
x per replay 12 units rage, indignation
24 x 12 9 297
mind movies replays of incident
Perturbed, bitter, distraught,
resentful revengeful
x per replay 15 units malice, revenge 24 x
15 297 657
E
feelings
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
x per replay 20 units self-pity, bummed out
24 x 20 657 1137
F
talk, behavior
The Pits!!
8
A
B
D
C
Activating event
Perception
Feelings
Behavior
Avoid, Snub friend Complain Gossip
Hurt Irritated Incensed Self-pity Bummed
People dont Like me. Something is Wrong with
me. Theyre mean.
Not invited To party
Subconscious Message Im worthless unlovable
Experienced Neglect Rejection
9
A
B
D
C
Activating event
Perception
Feelings
Behavior
Gracious Engaging Ask about it
Hurt Puzzled No big deal Peaceful
People dont Like me. Something is Wrong with
me. Theyre mean.
Theyre having a party. I wasnt Invited.
Not invited To party
Subconscious Message My worth is in Christ, I
am beloved!
Experienced Neglect Rejection
10
A
B
D
C
Activating event
Perception
Feelings
Behavior
Avoid, Snub friend Complain Gossip
Hurt Irritated Incensed Self-pity Bummed
People dont Like me. Something is Wrong with
me. Theyre mean.
Not invited To party
Subconscious Message Im worthless unlovable
Experienced Neglect Rejection
11
A
B
D
C
Activating event
Perception
Feelings
Behavior
Gracious Engaging Ask about it
Hurt Puzzled No big deal Peaceful
Theyre having a party. I wasnt Invited.
Not invited To party
Subconscious Message My worth is in Christ, I
am beloved!
  • A life transforming relationship with
  • Jesus provides your four basic needs
  • Love
  • Worth
  • Security
  • Significance

Experienced Neglect Rejection
12
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
Im being rejected!
A
(B )
C
Not invited
Anger
stimulus
perception
Fear
Self-worth
That dirty so and so They cant treat me that
way!
D
issue
thoughts
Original offense 9 units hurt
D
x per replay 9 units rage, indignation
24 x 9 9 216
mind movies replays of incident
Bitter Grudge
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful
E
x per replay 12 units malice, revenge 24 x
12 216 504
feelings
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
x per replay 15 units self-pity, bummed out
24 x 15 504 864
F
talk, behavior
The Pits!!
13
Ephesians 431-32
  • Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger,
    brawling and slander, along with every form of
    malice.
  • Be kind and compassionate to one another,
    forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
    forgave you.

14
Antidote to Bitterness Forgiveness
  • Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how
    many times shall I forgive my brother when he
    sins against me? Up to seven times?"
  • Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times,
    but seventy-seven times.
  • Matthew 1821-22
  • The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our
    faith! Luke 173-5

15
Antidote to Bitterness Forgiveness
  • Forgiveness originates with God
  • Is a judicial operation, not emotional
  • Means you take the pain and pay the debt
  • Doesnt necessitate interaction with offender
  • Doesnt expose you to further mistreatment by
    offender
  • Gives best chance to confront offender
    effectively and sensitively.
  • Releases the person from any penalty owed to you
    only, not to God or others offended.

16
F
Reconciliation
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
talk, behavior
E
Regret, Peace, Love
feelings
D
Refuse to replay incident
mind movies
D
God show me . . .
I forgive . . .
prayer
thoughts
No one gets in my way!
Whats going on here?
(B )
Peace Significance Security
A
C
Resistance
Anger
stimulus
perception
That dirty so and so They cant treat me that
way!
Fear
Significance
D
issue
thoughts
D
mind movies replays of incident
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful
E
feelings
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
F
talk, behavior
17
F
Friendly
The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment
talk, behavior
E
Peaceful, secure
feelings
D
Refuse to replay
mind movies
D
God show me . . .
I forgive . . .
I wasnt invited
prayer
thoughts
Im being rejected!
Not invited
(B )
Peace Worth Security
A
C
Anger
stimulus
perception
That dirty so and so They cant treat me that
way!
Fear
Self-worth
D
issue
thoughts
D
mind movies replays of incident
Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful
E
feelings
Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive
F
talk, behavior
18
What to expect when you forgive
  • You may not feel like you have forgiven.
  • Expect to still feel hurt and pain.
  • Take that pain to God for consolation.
  • Seek to understand situation from offenders
    point of view.
  • Analyze incident for personal responsibility.
  • Expect to experience inner resistance to
    forgiving.
  • Expect a flood of replays of the incident.
  • Expect excuses not to forgive.

19
Ultimate Purpose His Glory!
  • Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's
    mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices,
    holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual
    act of worship.
  • Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
    world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
    mind. Then you will be able to test and approve
    what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect
    will.
  • Romans 121-2

20
Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and
Resentmentone thought at a time
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