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John Barkai University of Hawaii School of Law

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Title: John Barkai University of Hawaii School of Law


1
John BarkaiUniversity of Hawaii School of Law
Communication Across Cultures
2
Communication Skills Techniques Cross Cultural
Differences in the Security Cooperation Context
3
Inside the Heads of my Communication Students
By John Barkai
4
www2.hawaii.edu/barkai
Todays Presentation
Google John Barkai
5


6
Handling of Problems Communication
Asian, African, Middle Eastern
Western - American
designed by Yang Liu (Young) Born China Germany
since 14
7
Conflict is inevitable but combat is not
8
Perspective
  • View

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Even a sheet of paper has two sides
  • Japanese Proverb

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Lain padang lain belalang lain orang lain ragam
  • Different fields have different grasshoppers
  • different people have different attitudes or
    styles
  • People see things differently

Malaysian
19
  • People
  • see
  • things differently

20
  • They also
  • hear
  • things differently

21
  • They also
  • think about
  • things differently

22
  • They also
  • decide
  • things differently

23
  • They also
  • say
  • things differently

24
Basic Communication Loop
CODE
DECODE
SPEAKER
LISTENER
LISTENER
SPEAKER
CODE
DECODE
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The Communication Samurai
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The easiest way to improve your communication
skills is to A__ M___ Q________!
36
Ask More Questions! To improve communications
37
Open Ended Questions
38
What do you think is one of the most important
issues facing your country in the next 10 years?
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Thai
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Japanese
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Dhivehi Maldives
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French
56
What do you think is one of the most important
issues facing your country in the next 10 years?
57
What do you think is one of the most important
issues facing your country in the next 10 years?
Do it in your Native language
58
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he
who does not ask remains a fool forever
  • - Chinese Proverb

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      Speaker (Instructor)   Active Listener (Student)   Speaker Continues       Comments
  1   I had a terrible day today.   What I hear you saying is you had a terrible day today.   Yeah, that's what I said. Are you feeling OK today?       Classic active listening. Uses introductory phrase. Repeats exact words.
  2   I had a terrible day today.   ... a terrible day?   Yeah, nothing went right, and then there was that thing with my boss.       Skips introductory phrase. Repeats a few of the exact words.
  3   The boss screamed at me about some assignment.   ... blamed by the boss?       Yeah, he was going on and on about it.       Paraphrased, but still not a complete sentence.
  4   He was being unfair. I didn't even know what he was talking about.   ... unfairly blaming you?   No, actually it did turn out to be my fault. But he shouldn't have acted like that with my co-workers around.       Speaker corrects inaccurate active listener.
  5   How do you think you would feel if that happened to you?   ... you are very disturbed about this.   Of course I am. No one should have to go through something like that.       Active listening used instead of answering the question.
  6   if they go on and on and on and on and on   Wait a minute! Let me see if I understand you correctly.           Active listening is used to interrupt without offending.

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Communication Techniques
Speaker Listener Technique
1. What do you think is one of the most important skills for negotiators? Open-ended Question
2. Ah, I'd say communication skills. 3. Tell me more about that. Open-ended, Follow-up Question
4. Sure. Negotiators need to be able to collect information and to persuade people. Of course they need to communicate to do that. 5. What do you mean by "collect information?" Clarifying
6. Negotiators need to learn information from other people. So negotiators "collect" this information by asking appropriate questions and using other communication techniques. 7. Humm, hum. Passive Listening
8. After they have collected the information they then use it in some way. 9. Can you be more specific? Narrowing
10. Sure. When negotiators learn about the other side's interest, they can use that information during the negotiation. 11. That's helpful, keep going. Facilitator
12. They use techniques like open-ended questions, follow-up questions, clarifying questions, and active listening. 13. How so? Open-ended
14. They use these techniques to gather information from their opponent. 15. They collect the information by using these techniques? Summarization Active Listening
16. Yes, the good communicators collect the information which is an important foundation for the negotiation. 17. How do you feel about that? Open-ended Question Probe for Feelings
18. I think it is one of the most important things that negotiators do, and unfortunately, many negotiators neglect these skills. 19. So you think communication is important, but many negotiators neglect it? Summarization Active Listening
20. Right. Negotiators should realize that good communication techniques can help them to be successful, and they should pay attention to, and practice good communication techniques. 21. Thanks. You have helped me to better understand your views about communication. And, I hope I have helped you demonstrate some of the techniques that you have talked about.
63
CROSS CULTURAL
But first, magic
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I will make it disappear
66
Its gone!
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and how does it impact communication and
security cooperation?
69
Ideals, values, and assumptions about life that
are widely shared and that guide specific
behaviors. (Richard Brislin 1993)
Culture is the collective programming of the mind
distinguishing the members of one group from
others. (Geert Hofstede)
70
What we grow up with, is normal to us.
71
Humuhumunukunukuapuaa Water to the
fish Hawaii State Fish
72
New Yorkers View of the World
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Whats this?
75
Australian View of the World
76
Tel Aviv Israel
77
A Rhinos View of the World
78
  • Strangers in a new culture
  • see only what they already know
  • - anonymous

79
Anais Nin (1903-1977)
  • We dont see things as they are,
  • we see things
  • as we are.

80
CULTURAL MISTAKES often come from giving meaning
or motive to another persons behavior based
upon your own culture or experience
81
Cultural Lessonsfrom Craig Storti
  • Dont assume sameness
  • What you think of as normal behavior - may
    only be cultural.
  • Familiar behaviors - may have different meanings.
  • Dont assume what you meant - is what they
    understood.
  • Dont assume what you understood - is what they
    meant.
  • You dont have to like or accept different
    behavior, but you should try to understand where
    it comes from.
  • Most people do behave rationally - you just have
    to discover their rationale.

Cross-Cultural Dialogs 74 Brief Encounters with
Cultural Difference (1994)
82
What cultural factors are most likely to impact
communicationin security situations and how?
Small groups
83
You learned (almost) everything you ever needed
to know about cross cultural communication at
home before the age of 5
84
Patterns
85
Deborah Tannen Georgetown University Linguistics
Professor
How language affects relationships Patterns
Conversational Style
86

Gender CommunicationDo Women Men Talk
Differently?
87
Yo momma wears combat bootsYour sisters tell
secretsYour spouse can't communicate
88
Yo mama wears combat boots(establishing
hierarchy - competitiveness)Your sisters tell
secrets(closeness / building rapport)Your
spouse can't communicate(Direct/indirect
speech)(High / low context communication)
89
Complementary Schismogenesis
Schismogenesis is the creation of a division
  • different conversational styles can create a
    split in a mutually aggravating way
  • as people increase the use of their different
    styles, resulting in disagreements that do not
    come from actual difference of opinion.
  • E.g., louder person talks still louder, while the
    softer person talks still softer - each trying to
    lead the conversation towards their style's
    normal way of talking

simply
90
Complementary Schismogenesis
We become more extreme in our communication and
behavior during conflict
The louder person talks still louder, the softer
person talks still softer
91
High Context Low Context Communication
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High Context Communication
Native American words were used for with military
terms they resembled
95
Navajo Code Talk
Navajo Word English Word Military Term

"chay-da-gahi" Tortoise Tank
"gini" Chicken hawk Dive-bomber
"besh-lo" Iron fish Submarine
"ne-he-mah" Our mother America
96
High Context Communication Problems
In a blind approach for landing through clouds,
where the co-pilot is convinced that the plane is
heading against solid mountain rock, he only
says I am not sure if we have established our
gliding path with necessary precision.
Hierarchy
And other incidents of running out of fuel, but
not telling the captain
Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers
97
Friendly Fire Casualties
98
Cuban Missile Crisis 1962
Cross cultural non-verbal communication
99
Decoding Indirectness Is the statement accurate,
or are they saying something else? If so, what
else?
Assume you are at a meeting
That is a very interesting viewpoint.
The majority of the world talks like this
High Context Indirect Communication
http//wws.peacecorps.gov/wws/educators/enrichment
/culturematters/Ch3/decoding.html
100
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
That is a very interesting viewpoint I dont agree. We need to talk more about this. You are wrong.
101
The actual meaning of the words may be a poor
guide to what an indirect communicator is
saying.
102
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean?
This proposal deserves further consideration.
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Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
This proposal deserves further consideration. We dont like it. It needs work. Propose something else.
104
Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
We understand your proposal very well.
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Decoding Indirectness
What they say What they might mean
We understand your proposal very well. Do you have another one? We dont like it.
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Decoding Indirectness
I know very little about this, but.... Im something of an expert on this but am too polite to say so. What I think we should do is...
We will try our best. Dont expect much to happen.
I heard another story about that project. I dont agree with what you said about that project.
Can we move on to the next topic? We dont want to talk about this now. We need to consult with people not in the room before we can decide.
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Decoding Indirectness Is the statement accurate,
or are they saying something else? What else?
Assume you are at a meeting
That is a very interesting viewpoint. I dont agree. We need to talk more about this. You are wrong.
This proposal deserves further consideration. We dont like it. It needs work. Propose something else.
I know very little about this, but.... Im something of an expert on this but am too polite to say so. What I think we should do is...
We understand your proposal very well. Do you have another one? We dont like it.
We will try our best. Dont expect much to happen.
I heard another story about that project. I dont agree with what you said about that project.
Can we move on to the next topic? We dont want to talk about this now. We need to consult with people not in the room before we can decide.
108
Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
Lets try the opposite approach Be more indirect?
What you say What you could say?
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
I dont think thats such a good idea.
109
Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
What you say What you could say?
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
I dont think thats such a good idea. Do you think thats a good idea? Are there any other ideas? I like most parts of that idea.
110
Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
What you say What you could say?
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
That information is not accurate.
111
Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
That information is not accurate. I have some other information here. That information may be slightly old.
112
Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
I dont agree.
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Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
I dont agree. I have another idea. What do you think of this idea? May I make a suggestion?
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Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
I dont think thats such a good idea. Do you think thats a good idea? Are there any other ideas? I like most parts of that idea.
Thats not the point. Thats an interesting point. Thats another good point.
I think we should.... I have one possible suggestion. What do you think of this idea?
What do you think, Mr. Barkai? (Embarrassing Barkai?. How can you find out without directly asking him?) Does anyone else have any suggestions? Have we heard all the opinions?
Those figures are not accurate. I have some other figures here. Those figures may be slightly old.
Youre doing that wrong. I would do that like this. Have you tried doing that this way?
I dont agree. I have another idea. What do you think of this idea? May I make a suggestion?
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Practicing Indirectness Suggestions
Direct Can you be more Indirect?
Thats not the point. Thats an interesting point. Thats another good point.
I think we should.... I have one possible suggestion. What do you think of this idea?
What do you think, Mr. Barkai? (Embarrassing Barkai?. How can you find out without directly asking him?) Does anyone else have any suggestions? Have we heard all the opinions?
Youre doing that wrong. I would do that like this. Have you tried doing that this way?
116
Cross Cultural Communication
High - low context communication Monochronic or
Polychronic Time Body Space Edward T. Hall
Power distance (hierarchy) Individualism v.
collectivism Competitive v. Cooperative (Masc v
Fem) Uncertainty avoidance Long-term v. short
term orientation Geert Hofstedes Dimensions
117
Major Cross Cultural Factors in
Communication Hall, Hofstede, Aperian
Individual

Collective
Equality

Hierarchy
Risk takers

Risk avoiders
Low context communicators
High context communicators
Universal

Situational
118
Common Asian Groupings
  • High context communication
  • Collective
  • High Power Distance
  • Long-Term Orientation

Africa, Middle East, and Latin America are also
high context - some power distance - less
collective than Asians - seldom long-term
orientation
119
American Stereotype
  • Low context communication
  • Individualist
  • Low Power Distance
  • Short-Term Orientation

120
16 ways Japanese avoid saying No
  • 1. Vague no
  • 2. Vague and ambiguous yes or no
  • 3. Silence
  • 4. Counter question
  • 5. Lateral responses
  • 6. Exiting (leaving)
  • 7. Lying (equivocation or making an excuse
  • sickness, previous obligation, etc.)
  • 8. Criticizing the question itself
  • 9. Refusing the question
  • 10. Conditional no
  • 11. Yes, but . . .
  • 12. Delaying answer (e.g., We will write you a
    letter.)
  • 13. Internally yes, externally no
  • 14. Internally no, externally yes
  • 15. Apology
  • 16. The equivalent of the English no
  • primarily used in filling out forms, not in
    conversation

121
No Maybe Game
To evade a direct answer to any question that you
are asked.
Sample questions (make up your own) What is
your name? Where do you live? Where do you work
or go to school? Where did you get that shirt you
are wearing? Where did you go on your last
vacation? How much money do you have saved? Do
you like to eat Chinese food? - make up other
questions
122
No Maybe Game
Examples.
Possible answers / ways of saying "no" without
saying "no. - vague and ambiguous answer - ask
a question back rather than answering their
question - say something that is not on point -
criticize the question - active listen,
paraphrase, or summarize the question - make the
"no" conditional - saying "yes, but ..." -
delaying the answer - making an apology -
silence - tell a lie or make an excuse - walking
away
123
Kung Fu
Chinese martial art emphasizing internal
development to defuse, disarm and deflect
physical attack.
124
Tongue Fu
Martial art of Verbal self-protection Communica
tion to prevent conflicts and resentment when
you have good intentions.
125
Words to Lose Words to Use
The System
126
Words to Lose Fighting phrases Words to
UseFriendly phrases
Avoid trigger words, creating resentment -gt
Rapport
127
"Mono ha ii you" "Smooth words make smooth
ways"
  • Japanese Proverb

128
A wound caused by fire does heal, but a wound
caused by tongue does not heal
  • Tamil Proverb, Tamil Nadu, India

129
But out
130
I am sure you are all really smart, but
131
No Buts about itBut Out! Lose
Use
  • And
  • Acknowledges
  • Connects
  • Advances
  • But
  • Cancels
  • Hurtful word
  • Anchors an argument

132
AND instead of BUT
You did a good job, but you get defensive when
someone gives you constructive criticism.
133
AND instead of BUT
BUT You did a good job, but you get defensive
when someone gives you constructive criticism.
AND You did a good job, and, when you can learn
to accept some help, youll do even better and be
an even more valuable team member.
134
But someone near you
2-3x each
Thats a pretty good idea you had, but . I know
you have thought about it for a long time,
but You probably think you are working very
hard, but
135
Never say No or Cant Words to Lose
Words to Use
  • No
  • You cant
  • You cant because
  • Sure, as soon as
  • Yes, right after

Shuts the verbal door in the face Dead-end
words Shifts the responsibility for getting what
they want to you not them
136
Dont say No to their request
137
Dont say no to their request
2-3x each
Dad, can I borrow the car tonight? Can I have
the weekend off?
Can I have a raise?
138
You Should Have
139
Dont SHOULD on themLose Use
  • You should have
  • You need to
  • Cant change past
  • Shames
  • Lose face
  • Resentment
  • Next time
  • From now on
  • In the future
  • Coaches
  • Respectful
  • Shapes

Coach instead of criticize
140
NEXT TIME instead of SHOULD
SHOULD You should have had that document
reviewed before distributing it to everyone.
NEXT TIME .
141
NEXT TIME instead of SHOULD
SHOULD You should have had that document
reviewed before distributing it to everyone.
NEXT TIME Next time, please have another pair
of eyes review the document before sending it out
to everyone.
142
Should on someone near you
You should have come to me earlier with this
You should have gotten my approval before
acting alone You should have
Then rephrase it with Tongue Fu
143
Avoid EXTREMES be SPECIFIC
SPECIFICS
EXTREMES NEVER, ALWAYS, NO ONE You never
attend my meetings. You always tell me youll
be done on time, and you never are.
Extremes universals get the discussion off
target
144
Avoid EXTREMES be SPECIFIC
SPECIFICS This is the second time this month
youve missed. Is there a problem? We need your
area to be represented. Your work was late last
week too. Please let me know in advance if
youre going to miss the estimates.
EXTREMES NEVER, ALWAYS, NO ONE You never
attend my meetings. You always tell me youll
be done on time, and you never are.
145
Stop Defending Yourself
146
You obviously dont care much about
me anyone other than yourself Anyone other than
your own kind the little guys
147
Dont know what to say when you are accused?
Dont really say anything. Draw out the real
issue with questions
148
Answer Accusations with QuestionsLose
Use
  • Defending or denying
  • Clarify first
  • discover the issue

149
What do you mean?Why do you say
that?What makes you think that?
Careful about your tone of voice when you say
these things
150
4 Magic Phrases To Get Out of Any Jam
  • Thats interesting tell me more.
  • Thats interesting why would you ask that?
  • Thats interesting why would you say that?
  • Thats interesting why would you do that?

Dan OConnor
151
Accuse someone near youthen let themdraw
you outby asking questions
152
  • Who makes you mad?

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No one can make you angry without your consent
  • - story of the employee and boss
  • - 9 am incident
  • - fuming all day
  • - told spouse that night
  • - who is making you mad?
  • - who did you give a ride home to?
  • - who did you set a place for at the table?

154
Graciously Exit No-win Disputes
What to say
  • Lets agree to disagree on this one.
  • You know what, we are both right.
  • Hey, we need to remember that we are on the same
    side.
  • Just because we dont see eye to eye doesnt mean
    we have to be enemies.
  • This is a no-win. Next subject.

Have some stock phrases ready
155
Tongue Glue
156
This is important with kids. Adults hold their
anger longer.
157
Its 5 p.m. now
158
Talk to the wall
159
GROUND RULES
160
  • Ground Rules are standards for meeting behavior
    that are agreed to by the whole group at the
    beginning of the meeting
  • The facilitator asks the group for the power to
    enforce the ground rules during the meeting

161
Ground Rules
  • Courteous
  • Its ok to disagree
  • Listen as a friend
  • Everyone participates, no one person dominates
  • No one talks 1st, 3rd, 5th, etc.
  • The first to raise a hand will not always be
    first to speak
  • Honor time limits

162
What major cultural differences impact
communication in your country? Small
Groups What should someone know who is going to
your country?
163
Small Groups What should someone know who is
going to your country know about the
communication patterns?
164
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A book aboutConflicts inour closest
relationships Spouses FamilyFriends
Co-workers Significant Others
166
At times,we treat family, friends, and people we
live with much worse than total strangers
167
You simply say
  • Im sorry Im late.

168
They have something more to say
  • You are always late.

169
You feel the need to answer back.
  • Im not always late.

170
They respond to your response
  • You are always late.

171
You respond again, and so do they
  • You Youre exaggerating.
  • They No. What about last Thursday? What about
    when you said youd

Long memory for your prior bad deeds
172
  • Guidelines
  • Think Stop talking if there is nothing to be
    gained (and lots to be lost).
  • Don't repeat yourself. Make your point once (and
    sit down / shut up).
  • Don't take their bait. Dont get sidetracked.
    Ignore it. "You're just like your father" or
    "You always say that!"
  • Or, if you are giving advice, give your advice
    just once and move on. Don't require them to
    recognize it as the most brilliant suggestion
    ever.

173
The most you can ever do with advice is to give
it. You cant be sure its taken.
174
So, simplyShut Up!Disengage. Stop. Leave it
alone
175
  • The result?
  • Peace. Positive dialogue, and happier
    relationships all around
  • even if, deep down, you know

176
  • You are right!

177
  • If you must get the last word
  • Do it the way introverts do,

178
  • in Your Own Head!

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181
What has been most useful for you in todays
class?
182
Bush
183
Friendly alien helped President Negotiate with
the attackers.
Bush
184
Professor Barkai, may I be excused? My brain is
full.
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