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Elaboration Writing Unit English 9 ~20-day unit including the District Writing Assessment~

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Title: Elaboration Writing Unit English 9 ~20-day unit including the District Writing Assessment~


1
Elaboration Writing UnitEnglish 920-day unit
including the District Writing Assessment
  • Common Core Standards
  • 2013-2014 Edition

2
Common Core State StandardsWriting English 9
  • 9.W.1 Write arguments to support claims in an
    analysis of substantive topics or texts, using
    valid reasoning and relevant and sufficient
    evidence. To develop claims and counter claims
    fairly.
  • 9.W.4 Produce clear and coherent writing in which
    the development, organization, and style are
    appropriate to task, purpose, and audience.
  • 9.W.5 Develop and strengthen writing as needed by
    planning, revising, editing, rewriting, or trying
    a new approach, focusing on addressing what is
    most significant for a specific purpose and
    audience.
  • 9.W.6 Use technology, including the Internet, to
    produce, publish, and update individual or shared
    writing products.
  • 9.W.10 Write routinely over extended time frames
    (time for research, reflection, and revision) and
    shorter time frames (a single sitting or a day or
    two) for a range of tasks, purposes, and
    audiences.

3
Common Core State StandardsLanguage English 9
  • 9.L.1 Demonstrate command of the conventions of
    standard English grammar and usage when writing
    or speaking. (particularly parallelism and
    sentence fluency)
  • 9.L.2 Demonstrate command of the conventions of
    standard English capitalization, punctuation, and
    spelling when writing. (particularly the colon,
    semi-colon, and spelling)
  • 9.L.3 Apply knowledge of language to understand
    how language functions in different contexts, to
    make effective choices for meaning or style, and
    to comprehend more fully when reading or
    listening. (particularly to edit)

4
Common Core State StandardsLanguage English 9
  • 9.L.4 Determine or clarify the meaning of unknown
    and multiple-meanings words and phrases choosing
    flexibly from a range of strategies.
    (particularly to consult specialized reference
    tools such as thesaurus and visual thesaurus or
    Grammar Girls blog and podcasts)
  • 9.L.5 Demonstrate understanding of figurative
    language, word relationships, and nuances in word
    meanings
  • 9.L.6 Acquire and use accurately general academic
    and domain-specific words and phrases, sufficient
    for reading, writing, speaking, and listening at
    the college and career readiness level
    demonstrate independence in gathering vocabulary
    knowledge when considering a word or phrase
    important to comprehension or expression.

5
Goals Day 1
  • Content Goals
  • Discuss Topic-Audience-Purpose (10.W.4)
  • Practice lateral thinking puzzles
  • Practice pre-writing strategies with two prompts
  • Write an essay to use as a baseline for the unit
  • Language Goals
  • To narrow a topic while including thorough
    supporting details.

6
Lateral Thinking
  • Lateral thinking is trying to solve a problem by
    thinking broadly instead of being determined you
    can solve it with your initial ideas.
  • Lateral thinking is a skill that helps writers
    think of various ideas related to a single topic.

7
Mind Sweep Activity
  • At the top of your paper, write Writing is
  • Number down the left side of the paper 110.
  • For the next few minutes, complete the sentence
    ten times. You may write positive or negative
    ideas about what writing means to you.
  • Whip around! We will share some of your responses
    now.

8
Mind Sweep Activity Finale
  • Think about all the ideas that have been shared.
  • Choose one negative thought about writing.
  • How you could turn it into something positive?
    (Turn that frown upside down.)

9
Pre-write Models Built for Mass
10
Outline for Mass Elaboration
11
T.A.P. determines what you pre-write
  • Topic
  • Audience
  • Purpose
  • CCSS 10.W.4 Produce clear and coherent writing in
    which the development, organization, and style
    are appropriate to task, purpose, and audience.

12
A Word on ScoringThis is an incentive to write
and practice your skills.
  • The essays are worth 40 points each (unless
    theyre scored according to the rubric which
    will not be mentioned in advance)
  • 6 points for the pre-write
  • 5 points for the introductory and concluding
    paragraphs (with five or more sentences in each
    paragraph)
  • 8 points for each body paragraph (with eight or
    more sentences in each)
  • The truth is, the more you write, the better you
    will do. Quantity matters.

13
Analyze the prompt
  • To begin any approach to a prompt, it helps to
    identify topic, audience, and purpose (TAPs).
  • What is your greatest fear? Write a
    multiple-paragraph essay for your teacher
    explaining your details about your fear.
  • What is the prompts topic?
  • Who is the intended audience?
  • What is the purpose of your essay?
  • Pre-write this prompt.

14
Whole-class Think Aloud
  • Look at the pre-write you wrote about fear.
  • How many different ways did the class respond to
    the fear prompt?
  • fear of physical elements
  • fear of supernatural elements
  • phobias
  • Now, what are some other ways to connect to this
    topic? What are other fears you could have
    written about?
  • Keep in mind its important to choose a topic you
    can write a lot about even if its not a topic
    you think you prefer.

15
Pre-write this prompt
  • Take this to heart, these prompts are incredibly
    vague so that you personalize the topic. If you
    cant personalize it enough to care about the
    topic, you need to reconsider your pre-write
    planning.
  • School is not the only place to learn. Write a
    multiple-paragraph letter to a teacher in which
    you identify something you remember learning
    outside of school and explain why this has been
    important to you.

16
Day 1- Review Self-Evaluation
  • Ticket out the door finish your pre-write on a
    topic you learned outside of school.
  • Self-evaluation on pre-write
  • What was the most difficult task this period? Be
    specific and use details.
  • What is getting easier for you? Be specific and
    use details.
  • Homework fear pre-write and learning outside
    school pre-write

17
Goals Day 2
  • Write to the following prompt as a baseline for
    this unit
  • School is not the only place to learn. Write a
    multiple-paragraph letter to a teacher in which
    you identify something you remember learning
    outside of school and explain why this has been
    important to you.
  • Remember to write at least 5 sentences in the
    introduction and conclusion.
  • Write at least 8 sentences in each of your body
    paragraphs.
  • Use your pre-write, a dictionary, and a thesaurus
    to write your best.

18
Goals- Day 3
  • Content Goals
  • Discuss benefits of pre-writing
  • 6-traits focus ideas content
  • Practice some lateral thinking puzzles
  • Practice narrowing two broad topics
  • Language Goals
  • To understand how careful editing teaches
    convention skills in context of real writing.

19
Peer Editing Pre-writing
  • Peer editing and pre-writing are two of three
    best ways to improve your writing dramatically.
    The third best way is to elaborate as much as
    possible.
  • Pre-writing improves your ideas and organization
    scores plus it takes time in advance but allows
    you to produce text more quickly overall.
  • Peer Editing improves your self-editing skills to
    improve your conventions score. All our essays
    after this one will be peer edited by classmates
    or in the fishbowl.

20
Pre-writing Ideas Contentfocus on main idea
provide strong supporting detailsWhen you do
the pre-write, the essay writes itself.
4 Maintains consistent focus on topic and has selected relevant details
3 Maintains adequate focus on the topic and has adequate supporting details
2 Demonstrates an inconsistent focus and includes some supporting details, but may include extraneous or loosely related material
1 Demonstrates little or no focus and few supporting details which may be inconsistent or interfere with the meaning of the text
21
Narrow the topic.
  • Today, we are going to make sure that your topic
    isnt too broad.
  • Well start with a very broad topic
  • Global Issues
  • By the way, issues are not necessarily problems.
  • Think. How can you tell that Global Issues is too
    broad?

22
Narrow the topic- Step One
  • List 10 different Global Issues
  • Economy
  • ?
  • ?

23
Narrow the topic - Step 2
  • Select one of those issues then list subtopics
    for the selected issue
  • Poverty
  • 1- malnutrition
  • 2-
  • 3-

24
Narrow the topic - Step 3
  • Select one of those issues then list subtopics
    for the selected issue
  • Malnutrition
  • 1-
  • 2-
  • 3-
  • Now you have a narrowed topic malnutrition

25
Narrow the topic- again
  • Now practice again, with a different topic.
  • Well start with a broad topic
  • Sports or activities
  • How can you tell that Sports or Activities is too
    big?

26
Narrow the topic- Step 1
  • List 10 different sports or activities.
  • volleyball
  • checkers
  • ?

27
Narrow the topic- Step 2
  • Select one of those sports or activities.
  • List subtopics for the selected sport or
    activity.
  • Volleyball
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3

28
Narrowing Your Topic- Step 3
  • Select one of those subtopics. List subtopics for
    that issue.
  • Serving volleyballs
  • 1
  • A
  • B
  • C
  • 2
  • A
  • B
  • C
  • 3
  • A
  • B
  • C

29
Day 3- Review Assessment
  • What is the connection between full pre-writes
    and your Ideas Content score?
  • What can you assume the connection between
    thoughtful peer editing and self-editing will be
    on your Conventions score?
  • Homework world issues and sport/activity
    pre-writes

30
Goals Day 4
  • Content Goals
  • Practice two lateral thinking puzzles
  • Focus on organization
  • Organize narrowed topics in several ways to
    evaluate best organizational impact
  • Language Goals
  • To practice narrowing topics and to set personal
    goals for improving my own writing.

31
Pre-writing Organizationstrong introduction,
conclusion, concluding sentences for each body
paragraph, sequenceWhen you do the pre-write,
the essay writes itself.
4 Has a logical organizational pattern and conveys a sense of completeness and wholeness
3 Has a logical organizational pattern and conveys a sense of wholeness and completeness, although some lapses occur
2 Shows an attempt at an organizational pattern, but exhibits little sense of wholeness and completeness
1 Has little evidence of an organizational pattern or any sense of wholeness and completeness
32
Practice choosing a topic.
  • You learned different ways to choose a topic. Now
    practice!
  • Brainstorm 10 different topics for this prompt.
  • Imagine that you had the chance to meet anyone in
    the world. Write a multiple paragraph letter to
    your teacher explaining why you would like to
    meet that person.

33
Sharing
  • Who chose famous people?
  • Examples
  • Who chose fictional people?
  • Examples
  • Who chose supernatural people?
  • Examples
  • Who chose normal people?
  • Examples

34
Practice narrowing that topic.
  • Pick two people you know the most about and list
    reasons and details to support choosing to meet
    these people (remember that hot, cute, and
    gorgeous are the same reason).

Person 1
Person 2
1. 2. 3.
1. 2. 3.
35
Narrow the topic
  • In your quad, choose one person you can agree to
    continue brainstorming about. This may be a
    compromise.
  • Brainstorm ten or more diverse reasons to meet
    this person. Being specific instead of vague can
    help you with the quantity of ideas.
  • One member of the group will need to sacrifice a
    clean sheet of paper. Rip it into twelve fairly
    rectangular pieces. Write one reason you want to
    meet this person on each (cheap post-it note).

36
Two Ways to Organize
  • Now youll learn two ways to organize all those
    ideas.
  • List, group, label
  • Order of importance

37
List, Group, Label Listing words
  • Quad-up.
  • In your group, tell each other the names of the
    people you thought youd like to meet. Choose
    one topic per group- one that everyone knows and
    agrees to brainstorm about.
  • Start with that students list and add more words
    or phrases that relate to the topic.
  • Use sticky notes/scrap paper and write reason per
    note. The goal is to have sixteen reasons to meet
    this person, so continue brainstorming reasons.

38
Grouping the words (categorize)
  • 5. Group the words you have listed by looking for
    those that have something in common.
  • 6. Notice the groups make subtopics for body
    paragraphs and some post-it notes make great
    details

39
Fish Bowl
  • We need one groups ideas under the document
    camera
  • How should we arrange these into groups so we can
    label them?

40
List, Group, Label- Labeling words
  • 7. Once you have grouped your words, decide on a
    label or name for each group.
  • 8. Decide on a focus for your topic and write a
    sentence (thesis statement).
  • 9. Look at your groups and decide which groups
    fit with your thesis and which to throw out.
  • 10. Number the groups that fit in a logical order
    to create an organizational structure for writing.

41
Order of Importance
  • Think about another way you might organize your
    paper.
  • From most important to least important
  • From least important to most important
  • Which is the most effective?
  • The Greeks determined that its most effective to
    put your most important reason last.
  • Order of importance is another way to organize!

42
Reflection Day 4
  • What one or two parts of this lesson made you
    look at pre-writing and/or organizing
    differently?
  • Explain clearly using specific details.
  • How will you use these strategies to make your
    writing better in the future? (Guess what? This
    is asking you to write a goal for yourself.)
  • Homework a pre-write on your choice of a famous
    person to meet

43
Goals Day 5
  • Content Goals
  • Purpose and definition of elaboration
  • Show dont tell
  • Voice (rubric review) Elaboration is voice and
    ideas
  • Quick write (putting elaboration to work)
  • Identify elaboration strategies
  • take notes and write examples
  • Reflect
  • Language Goals
  • To practice these elaboration strategies to add
    more content to your writing.

44
Definition of Elaboration
  • Elaboration means telling the reader more using
  • Specific words
  • Extensions (phrases, clauses)
  • Onion-like layering of detail
  • Strategies such as anecdotes or scenario, lists
    for specificity, examples, definitions,
    descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts.
  • Elaboration adds to your ideas and content,
    voice, and sentence fluency. In short, its very
    important.

45
Show dont Tell
  • My breakfast was yucky. (telling)
  • -versus-
  • I opened the container to notice a light green
    film had spread over the top of the yogurt.
    (showing it was yucky!)

The Scream by Edvard Munch
46
Elaboration Voice
cares about topic reader (avoids being routine,
predictable, lifeless, or bored)
4 Allows the reader to sense the person behind the words
3 Provides the reader with some sense of the person behind the words
2 Attempts somewhat to give the reader a sense of the person behind the words
1 Provides the reader with little sense of the person behind the words
47
Quick Write (paragraph or list brainstorm)
  • Pretend someone just wrote you a note (or texted
    you) that said, Theres a new kid coming to our
    school.
  • What kind of details were left out?
  • What kind of details would you want to know?
  • What did they leave out? The elaboration!
  • Lets do a whip around to share some ideas.

48
What does elaboration look like?
Write the word anecdote on your paper.
  • ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative
    inserted into an essay that develops an idea or
    argument. This sounds like. . .

49
Develop your point with an anecdote.
  • I learned not to lie in second grade when I
    faked being sick to stay home from school. It
    seemed like an idea that always worked for kids
    on TV shows, so I tested it out. I played sick
    then watched TV all morning. Then my grandma came
    up to me, felt my forehead, and told me I was
    sick. Was this a joke? Of course, I was playing
    sick I should feel warm. It turned out that was
    when my first chicken pox sprouted, and I was
    home sick, in agony, for two weeks. Thats why
    Ive never played sick since then. My lie didnt
    pay.

50
Anecdotes - your turn
  • Think- On your own paper, write a short anecdote
    that might work in your invention essay.
  • Pair- Share this with your partner.
  • Discuss the images in the anecdote that are
    vivid.
  • Share- one anecdote with the whole class

51
What does elaboration look like?
Write the word scenario on your paper.
  • SCENARIOS -- A scenario is a situation people
    could find themselves in. Playing at a scenario
    lets you use the voice of someone with a vested
    interest in the scenario.

52
Develop your point with a scenario
  • As the parent of a 16 year old, I feel strongly
    about the initiative to increase the driving age
    to 18. First of all, my son is active in three
    sports soccer, hockey, and baseball in addition
    to working a part-time job. If he couldnt drive
    himself to work and practices, he couldnt
    participate. Its always a parents wish for her
    child to earn an athletic scholarship that pays
    for college, but I feel this is possible for my
    son, Ian. However, if he cannot drive himself
    home from practice, he wont have that chance.
    Would you take this opportunity from Ian and many
    others across this state? Please do not support
    this initiative.

53
Scenarios- your turn
  • Develop your point with a scenario
  • Pretend to be a citizen concerned about a school
    rule, new law, or proposed policy.
  • Think of your argument- write it down.
  • Pair- share your scenario with your partner.
  • Share one scenario with the whole class.

54
What does elaboration look like?
Write the word example on your paper.
  • EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information
    about an idea.
  • Introduce a list with a colon for some variety in
    sentence fluency.
  • This sounds like. . . We had a barrage of
    different weather last week hail, rain, snow,
    and sunshine.

My brothers always seem to pick on me. For
instance, they hide my tennis shoes before every
match.
The cats were all acting like they were crazy.
For example, one jumped at me
We had a barrage of different weather last week
hail, rain, snow, and sunshine.
55
Develop your point with an example.
  • The game of golf can be played for an entire
    lifetime and by yourself. People of any age can
    go out and play a round of golf whenever they
    want as opposed to team sports. For example,
    football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire
    team of people to play. How many times are you
    going to call up ten or more of your friends and
    go play sports?

56
Examples - your turn
  • Examples are an effective way to help the reader
    understand your ideas.
  • Think about a situation at school and write two
    examples.
  • Share them with your partner.
  • How do the examples help explain?

57
What does elaboration look like?
Write the word definition on your paper.
  • DEFINITIONS -- are a restatement of an unfamiliar
    word or phrase to tell the reader what it means.

The best part of our hot lunch program is the A
La Carte line. What I mean is the little
section at the cafeteria past the lunch line
where you can buy fries, sandwiches, and cookies
without buying the whole meal.
58
Develop your point with a definition.
  • One of the best programs at our school is
    something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an
    after-school program where kids go and do their
    homework. They even let you work on the computers
    there. I like it because the lady who runs the
    program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my
    house, I have six little brothers and sisters,
    and there is never a quiet place to work.

59
Definition - your turn
  • Defining specific words shows an awareness of
    your audience--what they know and what they may
    not know.
  • Talk to your partner about some of the lingo
    you hear at school. Write a definition of one
    word for your parents and then write a definition
    of that same word for a third grader.
  • How did your definition change depending on the
    audience?

60
What does elaboration look like?
Write the word statistics on your paper.
  • STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data)
    and information that help support your idea or
    argument.

61
Develop your point with facts and statistics.
  • Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb
    diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the
    last holiday season that 67 of all Americans
    were low-carb dieting. Let me tell you the
    personal impact that has had on my familys wheat
    farm here in Washington.

62
Statistics and Facts - your turn
  • Statistics in a HSPE paper can be made up by you,
    the writer!
  • Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic
    for an issue at school, (e.g., number of football
    games won, number of friendly teachers).
  • Be creative and think of what statistics might
    convince the audience.
  • Share a creative idea with the whole group.

63
Statistics in Action
  • 9/10 90
  • 95 sounds a little better but exaggerated
  • 2 out of 3 67
  • realistic and somewhat impressive
  • 999/1000 99.9
  • too much exaggeration

64
What does elaboration look like?
Write the word quotations on your paper.
  • QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can
    help support your idea or argument. Expert
    testimony adds reliability and detail.

Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from our county
animal shelter, agreed when he said,
65
Develop your point with quotations.
  • Another reason to graduate from high school is
    that even technical jobs require a diploma.
    Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding
    magazine states, We wont even consider hiring a
    person without a high school diploma. Our
    workers need to read the job specs, monitor
    equipment performance, and write orders and
    reports. Turner went on to describe the many
    qualified applicants who compete for the
    positions in his busy firm. This seems to be
    different from the good old days and makes a
    decent point about staying in school.

66
Quotations
  • Quotations or simple dialogue can add information
    and credibility to your idea or argument.
  • On the HSPE, you can invent an important expert
    and have that person say something to bolster
    your position.
  • You can also quote someone you know.

67
Quotations - your turn
  • Talk to your partner about some possibilities of
    people you might quote regarding an issue at
    school.
  • Take the statistic in your last example and turn
    it into a quotation.
  • Share one example with the class.

68
Dialog
Write the word dialog on your paper.
  • Try adding a conversation between several
    characters to illustrate your point (and
    elaborate).
  • Write an example for yourself, and we will share
    one of them.

69
What does elaboration look like?
Write the word descriptions on your paper.
  • DESCRIPTIONSare a way to create vivid images for
    the reader- using several of the five senses.

The sound of my phone cut through the silent
class, and I anxiously dug into my backpack to
grab it before Mrs. Schuman, the writing
teacher, noticed. Pawing through Chapstick,
lipstick, gum wrappers and rubber hair wraps, my
hand darted around the deep pockets of my
backpack. Must shut off ringer, I thought.
70
Develop your point with description.
  • Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans
    Memorial. In her hands were two yellow daffodils
    that she had brought with her on the hour-long
    bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the
    patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.

71
Description - your turn
  • Description can take many forms and still be
    effective. Show, dont just tell, your reader.
    Be specific with your word choice. Try to create
    an image that appeals to your readers senses.
  • Work with your partner and write a paragraph that
    describes your schools cafeteria. Elaborate
    using sensory details.

72
Day 5 Review AssessmentWhich elaboration
strategies were used here?
  • The main reason I love Halloween is the candy.
    Oh my gosh, its like heaveneven for big kids.
    What Im trying to say is that my mom lets me
    collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity
    treats, and sour chewies that I can. Her only
    advice is, Dont take candy from strangers, and
    make sure you brush your teeth. Delicious
    Diamonds with their peanut butter, crispy rice,
    and caramel are my favorite. When I get to
    heaven, it will have all those kinds of candy.
    Last year, I was running out the door at 530,
    pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my
    neighborhood with my friend Steven. You might
    not believe it but I got 237 individual servings
    of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I
    figure at 20 pieces a day it took me 12 days to
    polish it all off. Theres nothing better than
    candy if youre a kid.

73
Day 5 Homework
  • Pre-write to the following topic with a plan to
    use at least six different elaboration
    strategies
  • You have been asked to choose one item that will
    represent you to put in the high school time
    capsule. Write a multiple-paragraph letter to
    your school board identifying the item and
    explaining why you have selected it.

74
Goals Day 6
  • Content Goals
  • 6-Traits focus Organization related to intros
    and conclusions
  • Improving Introductions
  • Purpose
  • Strategies take notes with examples
  • Identify strategies in introductions
  • Revise introduction examples for better
    elaboration
  • Language Goals
  • To revise introductions for excellent word
    choice, elaboration, and ideas.

75
Pre-writing Organization- strong introduction,
conclusion, concluding sentences for each
paragraph, logical sequence of ideas
4 Has a logical organizational pattern and conveys a sense of completeness and wholeness
3 Has a logical organizational pattern and conveys a sense of wholeness and completeness, although some lapses occur
2 Shows an attempt at an organizational pattern, but exhibits little sense of wholeness and completeness
1 Has little evidence of an organizational pattern or any sense of wholeness and completeness
76
Quick Quad Discussion
  • Why are openings / introductions to a piece of
    writing important?
  • Name a couple elaboration strategies that would
    work well in introductions.

77
Purposes for Introductions
  • The introduction
  • grabs the readers attention.
  • clearly implies an organizational structure of
    the paper.
  • is connected to the body of the writing and is a
    clear lead-in to the main idea or thesis.
  • includes a thesis that is stated or implied.

78
Introduction Checklist - take notes
  • Grabs the readers attention
  • Clearly implies an organizational structure
  • Uses one or more of the following elaboration
  • brief overview or history
  • 5 Ws of issue or situation
  • rhetorical question
  • taking a stand or making an announcement
  • contrasting situation
  • Any of the other reliable elaboration strategies
  • Includes a clear, connected lead-in to papers
    thesis
  • Includes a thesis statement

Write your own examples
79
Expository 1 - Time CapsuleIdentify elaboration
strategies used then we will improve on the
paragraph
  • Dear School Board
  • My name is Andy Smith, and I represent the
    Students for Liberty Club at Taylor High School.
    I am submitting suggestions on behalf of the club
    for the time capsule that was proposed last fall.
    We would like to rescind our earlier suggestion
    of a piece of pizza. While it is doubtful that
    food from the school cafeteria will change much
    over the years, it does not give much insight
    into everyday life at THS. After lengthy
    deliberation, we have decided that the two things
    that would most accurately portray student life
    are a video of last years pep assembly and a
    statue of our school mascot, the Taylor Goose.

80
Expository 2 - Time Capsule Identify
elaboration strategies used then we will improve
on the paragraph
  • Dear School Board
  • A sudden rush of reality blew though my mind,
    and I found myself back into the classroom. I was
    upset to be awakened from my euphoric dream
    state. But my distress soared when the shadow of
    my teacher lurked into my vision. Immediately my
    eyes went wide to indicate I was attentive. As
    usual, the sixth sense all teachers hold knew
    otherwise, so she knew I was sleeping before I
    did. This was a typical experience for me at the
    grand building on the corner of 3rd and Pine.
    Dear Ol Ebersoll High School. The first idea
    that floats into my head when thinking for items
    to fill a time capsule would be without a doubt a
    pillow. Something I hoped and prayed for
    throughout those tedious hours. There is no
    other single object that is a better
    representation of a school year here. This
    couldnt be just any pillow. It would have to be
    a comfort better than the clouds of heaven

81
Persuasive 1 Identify elaboration strategies
used then we will improve on the paragraph
  • Dear Editor
  • A nine-year-old and his best friends are proudly
    walking down a dirt trail to the pond to catch
    tadpoles. Its a beautiful, quiet spring day.
    The woods are alive with birds, squirrels, and
    chipmunks. Theres hardly any crime, and
    everybody seems to be happy. You must think
    thats a perfect community for a teen to grow up
    in? Well, over 2,000 people must have thought
    that because they decided to move right in. The
    beautiful pond with frogs and tadpoles is now
    just a dried-up rock bed. The forest, alive with
    deer and animals, is now thousands of luxurious
    houses with a development name.

82
Persuasive 2 - School Rules Identify
elaboration strategies used then we will improve
on the paragraph
  • Dear School Board
  • As an appointed member of the recently
    established School Rule Review Committee, I have
    spent the past few days along with my colleague,
    Mr. C., looking over the rules and regulations of
    Smith High School concerning transportation and
    the housing of vehicles. In doing so, it has
    come to our attention that one in particular
    fails to support the needs and wishes of the
    student body. I am referring to Article III,
    Section IV of the Rules and Regulations handbook
    which states that The parking of motor vehicles
    in lot 3 is prohibited. Violators will be
    subject to immediate defenestration. Presently,
    the rule is more of a hindrance than help for the
    school.

83
Revising Our Own Intro
  • Revise your introductions for the new student
    expository essay making sure your improved
    introduction the best it can be by elaborating.
  • Share examples.
  • How are your two introductions different?

Assess it in one word, describe your revised
introductions- whip around.
84
Review/Assessment day 6
  • Whip around
  • Whats your favorite introduction strategy?
  • Homework write an introductory paragraph for
    the following prompt
  • Memories are an important part of what makes us
    human. Write a multiple-paragraph essay
    explaining your most important memory.

85
Day 7 Goals
  • Content Goals
  • 6-Trait focus on Word Choice
  • Weak Words to Avoid (see assignment calendar)
  • Reflection
  • Language Goals
  • To use vivid words to create skillful elaboration

86
Think it Out - Word Choice
  • The difference between the best word and a good
    word is the difference between lightning and a
    lightning bug.
  • -Mark Twain
  • What do you think Twain meant by this?

87
Optical Illusions
  • Take a look at this illustration.
  • What do you see?

88
Optical illusions pay on clarityWord choice
clarity
  • Without vivid word choice, your reader is free to
    imagine what s/he wants to.
  • Your reader might envision this

89
Word choice communication
  • When you want the reader to imagine this

90
Word Games Word Choice
  • In groups of four, change the underlined weak
    words with vivid word choice.
  • Use any resources you have dictionary,
    thesaurus, yourselves.

91
Word Games Word Choice
  • I wanna write to let you know its awesome that
    you make really good food. Its hard to find a
    product like yours. Like your competitors stupid
    products are really not cool. Its pretty tough
    to find big _____ most are too small. So what
    Im saying is thank you. It would be fun to work
    for you cause I like the things you make.

92
Word Games SampleSometimes whole phrases need to
be rewritten because replacing individual words
is too little too late.
  • I wanted to let you know that Sham-Wow is an
    amazing product. Its difficult to find a
    cleaning chamois that absorbs as well as yours.
    Your competition has nothing on you. Your
    Sham-Wow is huge compared to Bountys wimpy paper
    towels. It would be an honor to work at Sham-Wow
    Inc. because the Sham-Wow is such a unique
    product.

93
Weak Words to Avoid(uncool stuff)
nice good bad like hate fun
small big
awesome cool
stuff thing
so very really too pretty
a lot lots many
stupid sucks dumb hard
Vivid words create images.
94
Visual Thesaurus
  • www.visualthesaurus.com
  • Click on the link and try this website.
  • Like
  • Good
  • Bad
  • Common Core Standard 10.4.L.c consult general
    and specialized reference materials both print
    and digital. In other words, use any available
    tools!

95
Day 7 Evaluation and Reflection
  • Have you ever used an online dictionary instead
    of a print one?
  • When youre at home and have a question about
    rules for English, ask Grammar Girl. A quick
    internet search will bring you to her free,
    searchable database of podcasts. She will explain
    the rule (whom versus who, for example) in two or
    three minutes.
  • Homework write a paragraph to a friend
    explaining how your morning has gone, but do not
    use any weak words. Elaborate too!

96
Day 8 Goals
  • Content Goals
  • Word Choice (rubric review)
  • Continue working on word choice
  • Showing vs. telling
  • Sentence Fluency (semi-colons, sentence
    structure, transition words)
  • Write to a prompt new kid expository
  • Language Goals
  • To improve our writing by adding elaboration for
    improved voice and word choice

97
Elaboration Word Choice
colorful, vivid, specific words, strong images
(avoid ordinary, vague, colorless wording)
4 Uses language effectively by exhibiting word choices that are engaging and appropriate for intended audience
3 Uses adequate language and appropriate word choices for intended audience and purpose
2 Has a limited and predictable vocabulary which may not be appropriate for the intended audience and purpose
1 Has a limited or inappropriate vocabulary for the intended audience and purpose
98
More Word Choice
  • Explain the difference between these two
    sentences. Be specific.
  • The room was a mess.
  • Rumpled bedspread, piled up clothes, and a
    jumbled dresser greeted me as I pushed my way
    into the room.

99
Definition of telling and showing
  • Telling is the use of broad generalizations.
  • Showing is the use of details, facts, statistics,
    examples, anecdotes, quotations, description
    elaboration to develop, persuade, explain, or
    to enliven a story.

100
Telling vs. Showing 1
  • There is a lot of interesting stuff at the
    farmers market.
  • or
  • There are many fascinating things to see at the
    Farmers Market, which has been around for a long
    time. Rows of tangerines, crisp red apples, long
    purple eggplants, and succulent strawberries
    invite the shopper to stop at every farmers
    stand. Many of the farmers in the Farmers
    Market have sold their home-grown vegetables and
    fruits since the early 1900s when the market was
    the only place to buy fresh food in the city. Now
    the market has expanded to include bakeries,
    funky antique stores, and a comic book vendor.
    The market is a visual feast for tourists and a
    keepsake for our town.

101
Telling vs. Showing 2
  • According to my grandma, the Beatles were a
    really big deal. or
  • The Beatles started a new trend in music in the
    mid-sixties. For many Americans the evening of
    February 9,1964, was a turning point in musical
    history. On this evening the Beatles made their
    debut in America on the Ed Sullivan television
    show. Kathi Anderson, then sixteen in Chicago,
    remembers, My friends and I sat shaking and
    hugging each other on the couch in my living room
    as the Fab Four bounced out onto the stage.
    Their shaggy hair shook as they sang I Want to
    Hold Your Hand and She Loves You with an
    energy and sound wed never heard before. We
    were instantly and forever in love. That night
    the British Invasion, as it was called, began.

102
Telling vs. Showing 3
  • We really need a new soccer field. Ours sucks.
  • or
  • Mt. Pilchuck Field is a dangerous field. Mt.
    Pilchuck Soccer Field has caused more injuries to
    players than any other in the valley according to
    Tony Smitherson, the director of the North Valley
    Soccer Association. The field is nothing more
    than sand and hard clay clouds of dust explode
    into the air when players kick the ball. My
    players say its hard to see and breathe. When
    they fall, they end up with bloody knees.
    Smitherson called upon the North Valley Parks
    Department to spend its money on fixing fields
    rather than on useless advertising.

103
General vs. Specific

104
Showing Sentences - your turn
  • Choose one of the following sentences and add
    elaboration show it shows rather than tells.
  • The pumpkin rolled down the hill.
  • The man in the car was angry.
  • You should have been at the concert.
  • The blue car won the race.
  • The pizza was delicious.

105
Sentence Fluencytransition words and sentence
structure
Sentence Fluency transitions, variety of sentence lengths, sentence flow (avoid awkward wording)
4 Provides transitions which clearly serve to connect ideas Includes sentences, or phrases where appropriate, of varied length and structure
3 Provides adequate transitions in an attempt to connect ideas Includes sentences, or phrases where appropriate, that are somewhat varied in length and structure
2 Provides transitions which are weak or inconsistent Shows limited variety in sentence length and structure
1 Provides transitions which are poorly utilized, or fails to provide transitions Has little or no variety in sentence length and structure
106
Sentence Fluency 9.L.1
  • Use parallel structure
  • Use various types of phrases
  • Noun
  • Verb
  • Adjectival
  • Adverbial
  • Participial
  • Prepositional
  • Absolut
  • Clauses

Find models create models of each peer
teach/present
107
Transition Words
  • Show chronological order
  • Aid layering details and elaboration
  • Allow your ideas to flow together (sentence
    fluency)
  • Heres a list of the 100 most useful transition
    words and phrases.
  • You can add transitional phrases without using
    any of these suggestions layer your
    elaboration.
  • Transition words help which part of your writing
    score?

108
Sentence Structure for Fluency
  • Writing more complex sentences, by combining
    smaller sentences and ideas, is one way of adding
    variety to your sentences.
  • For example, the sentence above uses an
    appositive. The information between commas could
    be removed and leave a complete sentence.
  • Conjunction Junction! If you want to combine two
    simple sentences, use a comma plus
    and/but/or/nor.

109
Semi-Colons for Sentence Fluency
  • Semi-Colons (Super Commas with the commas
    superpowers)
  • Use semicolons to replace the conjunctions and,
    or, or but to connect the main clauses in a
    compound sentence.
  • Similarly to the colon, a semicolon can connect
    two independent clauses. Often, the semicolon
    will take the place of the word because. (Note
    Remember, it is up to the author to decide how
    strong the connection needs to be. A colon will
    provide the strongest connection between two
    independent clauses.)
  • Use a semicolon to separate items in a list when
    they are irregular or too long to be separated by
    commas.
  • Try writing a sentence or two with the
    semi-colon. What do you notice about the flow of
    those sentences?

110
Edited Rough is Good Enough
  • Draft this essay edited rough is good enough
  • Means edit your rough draft but dont write a
    beautiful final draft
  • No typing!
  • Reasoning our goal is to practice pre-writing,
    drafting, and revising essays. Our goal is not to
    publish these, so rewriting or typing them
    doesnt further our cause.
  • The rough drafts will be used for revision and
    peer editing activities.

111
Write to a prompt.
  • You just learned that a new student is moving to
    your school for the new semester. Write a
    multiple-paragraph letter to this new student
    explaining what it is like to live in your
    community.
  • Remember to
  • Select and narrow a topic.
  • Plan the organization of your ideas.
  • Use several elaboration strategies and be
    creative turning vagaries into your details.
  • Show, dont tell and edit your conventions.

112
Day 8- Review Assessment
  • How do you assess whether you elaborate enough in
    your paragraphs?
  • Counting sentences?
  • Tallying elaboration strategies used per
    paragraph?
  • Ballpark size of paragraph?
  • Other ways?
  • Homework new student expository essay (with an
    edited rough draft, not a final draft)

113
Goals- Day 9
  • Content Goals
  • Power Peer Editing new student expository with
    fishbowl
  • Self-scoring and evaluation
  • Concluding sentences (organization of paragraphs)
    mini-lesson (unless embedded in peer editing)
  • Homophones/homonyms and quick-write on candy
  • Language Goals
  • To refine our paragraphs for maximum
    organizational structure by adding/revising
    concluding sentences.

114
Power Peer Editing
  • Step-by-Step Program
  • ltopen Power Peer Editing documentgt

115
Score your own paper.
  • Put a number in the margin next to each paragraph
    noting the quantity of elaborations you used
    there.
  • Score yourself on
  • Ideas Content
  • Organization (add a concluding sentence to each
    body paragraph that is missing one)
  • Word Choice
  • Sentence Fluency
  • Voice
  • Conventions
  • Explain how you tried to improve your writing.
  • Make a new goal for yourself to accomplish on the
    next essay.

116
Concluding sentences ?
  • You feel like concluding sentences are boring,
    repetitive, and your readers arent stupid.
    Right?
  • Take your introductory sentence. Re-write your
    introductory sentence with different word choice
    and give it some elaboration flair.
  • Lets share an example.

117
Effective concluding sentence?
  • It make sense to only deserve a super power if
    youre responsible enough to have one. I think
    Id join the police squad and put my power to
    good. For example, I would pursue criminals with
    flight instead of climbing fences and potentially
    tripping over obstacles. I could rescue cats
    stuck in trees or people who are afraid of
    heights. Id be a town hero because of my flying
    ability sounds pretty responsible to me.

118
Write a concluding sentence
  • There is also so much to do in the Seattle
    region. Every year there are parades and events
    to attend. Seattle is a historical city with
    places such as the Pike Place Market and the
    Space needle. When I went to the Pike Place
    Market with my grandma, the fishmongers from the
    Flying Fish threw a salmon at me, and I was
    frightened to catch it. Surprisingly, it was a
    plastic salmon that was all lathered up to look
    realistic. After leaving the market, you can
    Duck Ride on a tour of downtown Seattle until you
    reach the Space Needle. If you want to ride the
    elevator to the top of this 681 foot building,
    you can double tall nonfat latte with one pump of
    caramel. Seattle is also a big music scene
    supporting many grunge bands such as Nirvana,
    Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Alice in Chains. If
    I had been born in time, I would have gone to see
    Nirvana at the Showbox Sodo on July 11, 1991
    because that was their last local show before
    Smells Like Teen Spirit made them famous.
    Concluding sentence _____________________.

119
A subtle concluding sentence
  • Before you arrive in Lakewood, you should know a
    little about the Community Transit bus route so
    you can take this bus to school. The C.T. as we
    call it, has stops every half mile along Lakewood
    Road. From your new house, you will walk a
    quarter mile to get the bus near the Country
    Burger stop. Ill meet you there at around
    645am to ride with you to school. This bus is
    great because school busses only take you to
    school, but the C.T. has connections to
    everywhere in Snohomish County. The more you know
    about the bus route, the more places you can go
    in Lakewood and around the county.

120
Homophones/Homonyms
  • Either way, they confuse writers and confuse your
    readers even more. Watch for these words when you
    read for conventions. These mistakes cost you
    dearly on you CON score.
  • Homophones- words that are spelled differently
    but sound the same. (right, write)
  • Homonyms- words that are spelled the same and
    have different meanings. (right, right)

121
Frequent Homophone Errorstake note on the memory
tricks (not typed)
  • their (possession) theyre (contraction they are)
    there (location)
  • two (2) too (also) to (destination)
  • then (next) than (comparison)
  • a lot (many) allot (to give/allow)
  • your (possessive pronoun) youre (contraction)
  • its (his, her possessive pronoun) its
    (contraction it is)

122
Frequent Homophone Errorstake note on the memory
tricks (not typed)
  • allowed (able) aloud (with sound)
  • principal (the boss) principle (morals)
  • ferry (boat) fairy (winged creature)
  • accept (allow) except (not according to the rule)
  • are (verb) our (possessive pronoun)
  • lose (not win/gain) loose (large)
  • a part (a piece, a member) apart (as in ripped
    apart)

123
Frequent Similar Errors
  • sweat (wet body) sweet (candies)
  • definitely (certainly) defiantly (rebelliously)
  • meat (eat) meet (and greet)
  • herd ( of animals) heard (listened)

Dont you just love memory tricks? These will
help you spell these words correctly every time!
124
Possession
  • Ms. Daviss class and Mr. Sowards desk
  • Its Noahs pencil.
  • It is its

125
Fix-it! Fix the homophone errors
  • I was walking down the isle in the grocery
    store because I eight all the olives. Wear are
    the vegetables? I said.
  • Their theyre, a kind employee answered. Its
    amazing I can find anything! Ive been lost too
    times already, and I have allot of shopping to
    do. I have to catch the 210 fairy.

126
Fix Some More Homophones
  • Their are some pares, Ill by for. Than Ill
    head over to the candy. I may be on a diet, but
    I have no principals about cheating. They
    shouldnt be aloud to sell chocolate at the
    register. I love staring at those sweats while
    the cashier totals the bill.
  • Oh, no! Theyre arent any of my favorite
    chocolate bars! Wheres my diet ferry?

127
Quick Homophone Quiz
  1. In ____________ of wills, people leave
    2.)_____________ money to family members.
  2. He is a better speller _______________ his
    brother is.
  3. I want to go to the store ________________
    (also).
  4. __________________ sitting at the bus stop.
  5. Im going to do my math homework _____________ my
    Spanish.
  6. Im sending a letter ____________ my grandma.
  7. Id like to visit ____________________.
  8. There are ________ sets of twins in the class.
  9. ______________ clothes are dirty, so they should
    wash them.

128
Day 9- Review Assessment
  • Do a quick write explaining why you like candy or
    some other food.
  • Be sure to elaborate and be careful of that sweat
    problem.
  • Homework write a paragraph layered with detail
    (you decide the topic) and make certain there is
    a clear introductory sentence and a
    non-repetitive concluding sentence.

129
Goals- Day 10
  • Content Goals
  • Layering vs. listing elaboration mini-lesson
  • Rewrite body paragraphs from new student essay
    with layered details
  • Review pre-writing, elaborating, layering
  • 6-Trait review conventions
  • Discuss non-negotiable convention errors
  • Language Goals
  • To use transitions, layered details, and solid
    conventions in the elaboration while also
    improving on your personal goals.

130
Layering Elaboration
  • A thoughtful writer
  • Layers one sentence after another.
  • Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought
    like layers of an onion

Use transitions to layer your details closely
with the previous details.
131
Lists vs. Layers
  • Dont add boring, list-like sentences just to
    make the paragraph longer.
  • REMEMBER length doesnt always mean quality
    elaboration.
  • List-like example -
  • Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat
    at school. I love nachos. I like the pizza at
    school. Sometimes I order salad when I am
    feeling full. I have some favorite vegetables.

132
Layering sounds like sentence fluency!
  • Having various food choices is the reason why I
    like my schools lunchroom. I can select my
    favorite foods for lunch everyday. I sometimes
    pick cheesy nachos with the melted cheese sauce
    smothered over the hot crispy chips. If I dont
    want anything that greasy, like nachos or pizza,
    I can choose a made-for-me salad. This means I
    get to choose what goes on it and my favorite
    veggies, including olives, peppers, and tomatoes.
    The best part is I can pick a food that fits my
    attitude that day.

133
Another Layering Example
  • Skiing down a black diamond run gives a rush
    like no other. What appears like a peaceful
    sport is really a contrast with the feel of the
    wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave
    through while your thighs scream, Stop! With a
    wind-chill of minus 10, you have sweat dripping
    as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You
    cant wait to get to the bottom of the run and do
    it again.

134
Layering - your turn
  • Choose one of the following two topics. Then
    write a paragraph practicing elaboration by
    layering each sentence and developing the main
    idea.
  • 1. I couldnt live without ____________.
  • 2. _______ is what I live for on the weekends.

135
Remember Elaboration
  • Use what youve already learned about
  • elaboration,
  • showing vs. telling,
  • layering details with transitions and sentence
    fluency
  • using specific details.

136
Editing ConventionsConventions are one third
of your essays score. Dont ignore the impact
editing has on your score.
10 (HSPE 2) Consistently follows the rules of Standard English for usage spelling of commonly used words capitalization punctuation Exhibits the use of complete sentences Indicates paragraphs consistently
5 (HSPE 1) Generally follows the rules of Standard English.
0 (HSPE 0) Mostly does not follow the rules of Standard English.
137
Non-negotiable Spelling
  • Correctly spell grade level words
  • Use syllabification, word patterns, and letter
    patterns to spell unusual words (we can still
    figure out what this word is)
  • Dont abbreviate except Mr. Mrs. Ms. Dr. NASA
  • Dont abbreviate with symbols etc. w/ _at_
  • Advice its better to misspell educated word
    choice than to spell simple words correctly.

138
Non-negotiable Capitalization
  • Start a sentence
  • Pronoun I
  • Proper nouns including
  • cities
  • states
  • titles
  • your own name

139
Non-negotiable Punctuation
  • Uses periods, exclamation points, and question
    marks where needed.
  • Period after an abbreviation or initials.
  • Apostrophe in contractions and possessives.

140
Nonnegotiable Sentences Paragraphs
  • These errors are avoided if you edit, especially
    if you read aloud in your head to check for
    sentence fluency.
  • Avoids run-ons
  • Avoids comma splices
  • Avoids fragments (that are not purposeful)
  • Designates paragraphs (indent or full line)

141
Non-negotiable Usage
  • Singular/plural nouns
  • Correct forms including collective nouns (men,
    herd)
  • Correct homophone word choice (its vs. its)
  • Consistent verb tense (always present, etc.)
  • Standard verb forms in past tenses (We went...)
  • Subject-verb agreement (I go not I goes)
  • Pronoun-referent agreement (Imy, hehis)

142
Panda eats, shoots, and leaves
  • Lets eat, grandma!
  • Lets eat grandma!
  • What is that thing called, honey?
  • What is that thing called honey?
  • Those smelly things are my brothers.
  • Those smelly things are my brothers.
  • Thats my boyfriends coat.
  • Thats my boyfriends coat.

143
More Punctuation Information
  • Punctuation rules hand-out for colons,
    semi-colons, commas, ellipse
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