Title: Assertiveness and Conflict Management: Background and Techniques How to be assertive and manage conflict on the HCHC campus.
1Assertiveness and Conflict Management
Background and TechniquesHow to be assertive
and manage conflict on the HCHC campus.
- Athina-Eleni G. Mavroudhis, M.S.
2Introduction
- Thank the group for inviting me back and giving
me the opportunity to present on Assertiveness
and Conflict Management. - Important for females to be assertive and be able
manage conflict especially in a pre-dominantly
male campus such as HCHC. - Can you think of a situation, either on or
off-campus, where being more assertive would have
helped you in better managing a conflict?
3 Asserting Yourself
- Definition What is Assertiveness and what does
being Assertive mean? - expressing personal rights and feelings.
- an attitude and a way of acting in any situation
where you need to - express your feelings
- ask for what you want
- say no to something you dont want
- Why is it important to be assertive?
- how you interact with others can be a source of
considerable stress in your life. - Can alleviate stress and make you feel more
relaxed. - Develop self-respect and self-worth.
4 Lacking Assertiveness
- What causes a lack in Assertiveness?
- If you are phobic or anxiety-prone you might have
difficulty making requests or saying no to family
members or close friends. - Growing up in a family where you felt the need to
be perfect and please your parents, youve
remained a People Pleaser as an adult. - What does lacking Assertiveness cause
- Doing things you dont want to do creates
RESENTMENT, which in turn produces tension which
is the source of conflict in your relationships.
5Mistaken Traditional Assumptions
- Distribute Mistaken Traditional Assumptions
Handout and discuss certain items. - How you were taught to deal with conflict by
teachers, parents, grown ups while growing up.
Have you ever encountered any of these before? - It is selfish to put your needs before others
needs. - It is shameful to make mistakes. You should have
the appropriate response for every occasion. - If you cant convince others that your feelings
are reasonable, then they must be wrong, or maybe
youre going crazy!
6What can I do to become more assertive?
- Assertiveness Training (AT)
- Learning to be Assertive
7Assertiveness Training
- What is it?
- The goal of assertiveness training is to increase
the number and variety of situations in which
assertive behavior is possible, and decrease
occasions of passive collapse or hostile blowup. - AT is found to be effective in dealing with
- Depression
- Anger
- Resentment
- Interpersonal Anxiety
8Assertiveness Training Examples
- You are assertive when
- You stand up for your rights in such a way that
the rights of others are not violated. - Beyond just demanding your rights, you can
express your personal likes and interests
spontaneously. - You can talk about yourself without being
self-conscious. - You can accept compliments comfortably.
- You can disagree with someone openly.
- You can ask for clarification.
- You can say No!
- You can be more relaxed in interpersonal
situations.
9Assertiveness Training (AT) Process
- The first step in AT is to identify the 3 basic
styles of interpersonal behavior. - Aggressive Style
- Passive Style
- Assertive Style
- Distribute Whats Your Style Handout
101) Aggressive Style
- Typical examples of aggressive behavior
fighting, accusing, threatening, and generally
stepping on people without regard for their
feelings. - The advantage of this kind of behavior is that
people do not push the aggressive person around. - The disadvantage is that people do not want to be
around him or her.
112) Passive Style
- A person is behaving passively when he lets
others push him around, when he does not stand up
for himself, and when he does what he is told,
regardless of how he feels about it. - The advantage of being passive is that you rarely
experience direct rejection or conflict with
others. - The disadvantage is that you are taken advantage
of, and you store up a heavy burden which could
lead to internal conflict that could manifest
itself in resentment and anger.
123) Assertive Style
- A person is behaving assertively when she stands
up for herself, expresses her true feelings, and
does not let others take advantage of her. At the
same time, she is considerate of others
feelings. - The advantage of being assertive is that you get
what you want, usually without making others mad.
- If you are assertive, you can act in your own
best interest and not feel guilty or wrong about
it. - Meekness and withdrawal, attack and blame are no
longer needed with the mastery of assertive
behavior. - They are seen for what they are sadly
inadequate strategies of escape that create more
pain and stress that they prevent. Before you can
achieve assertive behavior you must face the fact
that the passive and aggressive styles have often
failed to get you what you want.
13Learning to be Assertive
- Learning to be Assertive involves working on
yourself, in 6 distinct areas - Developing Non-Verbal Assertive Behaviors
- Recognizing and being willing to exercise your
basic rights as a human being - Becoming aware of your own unique feelings, needs
and wants. - Practicing assertive responses first through
writing and role-playing and then in real life. - Assertiveness on the Spot
- Learning to say NO!
141. Developing Nonverbal Assertive Behaviors
- Looking directly at another person when
addressing them. - Looking away conveys the message that youre not
quite sure about asking for what you want. - Maintaining an open rather than closed posture.
- Uncross legs and arms.
- Do not back off or move away from the other
person while in dialogue. - The expression Standing your ground. really
applies here. - Stay calm.
- Avoid angry outbursts.
152. Recognizing and Exercising Your Basic Rights
- Distribute Personal Bill of Rights Handout.
- Developing assertiveness involves recognizing
that you, just as much as anyone else, have a
right to all of the things listed under the
Personal Bill of Rights. - Read through the PBR and reflect on your
willingness to believe in and exercise each one.
163. Becoming Aware of Your Own Unique Feelings,
Needs, and Wants
- Need to be clear about
- 1) What it is youre feeling.
- 2) What it is you want or dont want.
- If your feeling confused or ambivalent about your
wants or needs, take time to clarify them first
by writing them out or talking them out with a
supportive friend and/or counselor. - Need to make your needs known. Other people are
not mind readers.
174. Practicing Assertive Responses
- Describe your problem situation.
- Specify the who, when, what, how, the
fear, and the goal. - Develop an Assertive Response
- Evaluate your rights within the situation.
- Refer back to the Bill of Rights
- Designate a time for discussing what you want.
- Find a mutually convenient time to discuss the
problem with the other person involved. - Address the main person involved, state the
problem in terms of its consequences for you. - Dont expect others to be mind readers. Clearly
outline your point of view objectively.
184. Practicing Assertive Responses continued
- 4) Express your feelings about the particular
situation. - First person statements (I felt sad.)
acknowledge your responsibility for your feelings
while second person statements (You said.)
generally accuse or judge. - 5) Make your request for changing the situation.
- Use assertive nonverbal behavior.
- Establish eye contact, maintain open posture,
stay calm. - Keep request simple.
- Avoid asking for multiple things.
- Be specific.
- Dont apologize for your request.
- Make requests, not demands or commands.
- 6) Tell this person the consequences of gaining
(or not gaining) his or her cooperation.
195. Assertiveness on the Spot
- Many daily situations arise that challenge you to
be assertive spontaneously. - Assertive on the Spot Steps
- Evaluate your rights.
- Make your requests.
- I would like.
- Statement needs to be
- -Firm
- -Simple and to the point
- -Without apology
- -Nonjudgmental, non-blaming
- -Always a request, not a demand
- -Use a monotonous, non-aggressive tone if
dealing with a stranger and/or adult. - State the problem in terms of its consequences.
- Express your feelings.
- State the consequences of gaining (or not
gaining) cooperation. - Distribute On-the-Spot Assertiveness Exercise
206. Learning to Say NO
- Saying no means that you set limits on other
peoples demands for your time and energy when
such demands conflict with your own needs and
desires. It also means you can do this without
feeling guilty. - Saying No to aggressive individuals requires
making statement stronger and more emphatic - Look directly in the eyes
- Raise the level of your voice slightly
- Assert your position I said no thank you.
216. Learning to Say No continued...
- Dealing with acquaintances, friends, and family
sometimes requires us to give an explanation - Acknowledge the other persons request by
repeating it. - Explain your reason for declining.
- Say no.
- If appropriate, suggest an alternative proposal
where both your and the other persons needs will
be met. - Watch out for guilt.
- Might be tough at first.
22Conflict Management
- What is Conflict?
- Conflict is a creative opportunity
- a chance to reexamine a problem and come up with
a novel solution. - Conflict is a natural part of the college life
process, especially when people are living in
close quarters.
23Ways to Manage Conflict
- Expect conflicts to happen and dont be
overwhelmed by them. - Recognize perspectives are not right or wrong,
but they definitely can be different. - Chill out.
- Before you confront someone about a conflict,
make sure youre calm enough to have an
intelligent conversation. - Figure out what you want, then consider your
options. - Is it realistic and practical?
- Make time and space for conversation.
- Tell your full side, then listen to other person.
- Brainstorm Solutions.
- Write down many ideas to resolves the conflict.
24Ways to Manage Conflict continued
- Go for a win-win and then check in.
- Look for ways that both people can benefit from a
resolution. - After coming up with a solution, set up a time to
check in with the other person to make sure that
things are working out for both or you. - Recognize that electronic communication is
tricky. - E-mail or IM may be misinterpreted or insulting
to send to someone living in close quarters. - 10) Watch out for the Conflict Triangle.
- Make sure the friend you talk to wont
spread rumors or make the situation worse. - 11) Ask for help.
- Mediation Services offered by OSL and SF/CS.
- 12) Recognize that the only person you can
change is yourself. - As much as youd like to fix your friends
annoying habits, the only person you can control
is YOU. - Improve your communication skills.
- Do your best to stand up for your needs while
being kind and respectful (Assertiveness).
25The End
- Thank you!!
- Questions and Answers??