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Assertiveness and Conflict Management: Background and Techniques How to be assertive and manage conflict on the HCHC campus.

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Title: Assertiveness and Conflict Management: Background and Techniques How to be assertive and manage conflict on the HCHC campus.


1
Assertiveness and Conflict Management
Background and TechniquesHow to be assertive
and manage conflict on the HCHC campus.
  • Athina-Eleni G. Mavroudhis, M.S.

2
Introduction
  • Thank the group for inviting me back and giving
    me the opportunity to present on Assertiveness
    and Conflict Management.
  • Important for females to be assertive and be able
    manage conflict especially in a pre-dominantly
    male campus such as HCHC.
  • Can you think of a situation, either on or
    off-campus, where being more assertive would have
    helped you in better managing a conflict?

3
Asserting Yourself
  • Definition What is Assertiveness and what does
    being Assertive mean?
  • expressing personal rights and feelings.
  • an attitude and a way of acting in any situation
    where you need to
  • express your feelings
  • ask for what you want
  • say no to something you dont want
  • Why is it important to be assertive?
  • how you interact with others can be a source of
    considerable stress in your life.
  • Can alleviate stress and make you feel more
    relaxed.
  • Develop self-respect and self-worth.

4
Lacking Assertiveness
  • What causes a lack in Assertiveness?
  • If you are phobic or anxiety-prone you might have
    difficulty making requests or saying no to family
    members or close friends.
  • Growing up in a family where you felt the need to
    be perfect and please your parents, youve
    remained a People Pleaser as an adult.
  • What does lacking Assertiveness cause
  • Doing things you dont want to do creates
    RESENTMENT, which in turn produces tension which
    is the source of conflict in your relationships.

5
Mistaken Traditional Assumptions
  • Distribute Mistaken Traditional Assumptions
    Handout and discuss certain items.
  • How you were taught to deal with conflict by
    teachers, parents, grown ups while growing up.
    Have you ever encountered any of these before?
  • It is selfish to put your needs before others
    needs.
  • It is shameful to make mistakes. You should have
    the appropriate response for every occasion.
  • If you cant convince others that your feelings
    are reasonable, then they must be wrong, or maybe
    youre going crazy!

6
What can I do to become more assertive?
  • Assertiveness Training (AT)
  • Learning to be Assertive

7
Assertiveness Training
  • What is it?
  • The goal of assertiveness training is to increase
    the number and variety of situations in which
    assertive behavior is possible, and decrease
    occasions of passive collapse or hostile blowup.
  • AT is found to be effective in dealing with
  • Depression
  • Anger
  • Resentment
  • Interpersonal Anxiety

8
Assertiveness Training Examples
  • You are assertive when
  • You stand up for your rights in such a way that
    the rights of others are not violated.
  • Beyond just demanding your rights, you can
    express your personal likes and interests
    spontaneously.
  • You can talk about yourself without being
    self-conscious.
  • You can accept compliments comfortably.
  • You can disagree with someone openly.
  • You can ask for clarification.
  • You can say No!
  • You can be more relaxed in interpersonal
    situations.

9
Assertiveness Training (AT) Process
  • The first step in AT is to identify the 3 basic
    styles of interpersonal behavior.
  • Aggressive Style
  • Passive Style
  • Assertive Style
  • Distribute Whats Your Style Handout

10
1) Aggressive Style
  • Typical examples of aggressive behavior
    fighting, accusing, threatening, and generally
    stepping on people without regard for their
    feelings.
  • The advantage of this kind of behavior is that
    people do not push the aggressive person around.
  • The disadvantage is that people do not want to be
    around him or her.

11
2) Passive Style
  • A person is behaving passively when he lets
    others push him around, when he does not stand up
    for himself, and when he does what he is told,
    regardless of how he feels about it.
  • The advantage of being passive is that you rarely
    experience direct rejection or conflict with
    others.
  • The disadvantage is that you are taken advantage
    of, and you store up a heavy burden which could
    lead to internal conflict that could manifest
    itself in resentment and anger.

12
3) Assertive Style
  • A person is behaving assertively when she stands
    up for herself, expresses her true feelings, and
    does not let others take advantage of her. At the
    same time, she is considerate of others
    feelings.
  • The advantage of being assertive is that you get
    what you want, usually without making others mad.
  • If you are assertive, you can act in your own
    best interest and not feel guilty or wrong about
    it.
  • Meekness and withdrawal, attack and blame are no
    longer needed with the mastery of assertive
    behavior.
  • They are seen for what they are sadly
    inadequate strategies of escape that create more
    pain and stress that they prevent. Before you can
    achieve assertive behavior you must face the fact
    that the passive and aggressive styles have often
    failed to get you what you want.

13
Learning to be Assertive
  • Learning to be Assertive involves working on
    yourself, in 6 distinct areas
  • Developing Non-Verbal Assertive Behaviors
  • Recognizing and being willing to exercise your
    basic rights as a human being
  • Becoming aware of your own unique feelings, needs
    and wants.
  • Practicing assertive responses first through
    writing and role-playing and then in real life.
  • Assertiveness on the Spot
  • Learning to say NO!

14
1. Developing Nonverbal Assertive Behaviors
  • Looking directly at another person when
    addressing them.
  • Looking away conveys the message that youre not
    quite sure about asking for what you want.
  • Maintaining an open rather than closed posture.
  • Uncross legs and arms.
  • Do not back off or move away from the other
    person while in dialogue.
  • The expression Standing your ground. really
    applies here.
  • Stay calm.
  • Avoid angry outbursts.

15
2. Recognizing and Exercising Your Basic Rights
  • Distribute Personal Bill of Rights Handout.
  • Developing assertiveness involves recognizing
    that you, just as much as anyone else, have a
    right to all of the things listed under the
    Personal Bill of Rights.
  • Read through the PBR and reflect on your
    willingness to believe in and exercise each one.

16
3. Becoming Aware of Your Own Unique Feelings,
Needs, and Wants
  • Need to be clear about
  • 1) What it is youre feeling.
  • 2) What it is you want or dont want.
  • If your feeling confused or ambivalent about your
    wants or needs, take time to clarify them first
    by writing them out or talking them out with a
    supportive friend and/or counselor.
  • Need to make your needs known. Other people are
    not mind readers.

17
4. Practicing Assertive Responses
  • Describe your problem situation.
  • Specify the who, when, what, how, the
    fear, and the goal.
  • Develop an Assertive Response
  • Evaluate your rights within the situation.
  • Refer back to the Bill of Rights
  • Designate a time for discussing what you want.
  • Find a mutually convenient time to discuss the
    problem with the other person involved.
  • Address the main person involved, state the
    problem in terms of its consequences for you.
  • Dont expect others to be mind readers. Clearly
    outline your point of view objectively.

18
4. Practicing Assertive Responses continued
  • 4) Express your feelings about the particular
    situation.
  • First person statements (I felt sad.)
    acknowledge your responsibility for your feelings
    while second person statements (You said.)
    generally accuse or judge.
  • 5) Make your request for changing the situation.
  • Use assertive nonverbal behavior.
  • Establish eye contact, maintain open posture,
    stay calm.
  • Keep request simple.
  • Avoid asking for multiple things.
  • Be specific.
  • Dont apologize for your request.
  • Make requests, not demands or commands.
  • 6) Tell this person the consequences of gaining
    (or not gaining) his or her cooperation.

19
5. Assertiveness on the Spot
  • Many daily situations arise that challenge you to
    be assertive spontaneously.
  • Assertive on the Spot Steps
  • Evaluate your rights.
  • Make your requests.
  • I would like.
  • Statement needs to be
  • -Firm
  • -Simple and to the point
  • -Without apology
  • -Nonjudgmental, non-blaming
  • -Always a request, not a demand
  • -Use a monotonous, non-aggressive tone if
    dealing with a stranger and/or adult.
  • State the problem in terms of its consequences.
  • Express your feelings.
  • State the consequences of gaining (or not
    gaining) cooperation.
  • Distribute On-the-Spot Assertiveness Exercise

20
6. Learning to Say NO
  • Saying no means that you set limits on other
    peoples demands for your time and energy when
    such demands conflict with your own needs and
    desires. It also means you can do this without
    feeling guilty.
  • Saying No to aggressive individuals requires
    making statement stronger and more emphatic
  • Look directly in the eyes
  • Raise the level of your voice slightly
  • Assert your position I said no thank you.

21
6. Learning to Say No continued...
  • Dealing with acquaintances, friends, and family
    sometimes requires us to give an explanation
  • Acknowledge the other persons request by
    repeating it.
  • Explain your reason for declining.
  • Say no.
  • If appropriate, suggest an alternative proposal
    where both your and the other persons needs will
    be met.
  • Watch out for guilt.
  • Might be tough at first.

22
Conflict Management
  • What is Conflict?
  • Conflict is a creative opportunity
  • a chance to reexamine a problem and come up with
    a novel solution.
  • Conflict is a natural part of the college life
    process, especially when people are living in
    close quarters.

23
Ways to Manage Conflict
  • Expect conflicts to happen and dont be
    overwhelmed by them.
  • Recognize perspectives are not right or wrong,
    but they definitely can be different.
  • Chill out.
  • Before you confront someone about a conflict,
    make sure youre calm enough to have an
    intelligent conversation.
  • Figure out what you want, then consider your
    options.
  • Is it realistic and practical?
  • Make time and space for conversation.
  • Tell your full side, then listen to other person.
  • Brainstorm Solutions.
  • Write down many ideas to resolves the conflict.

24
Ways to Manage Conflict continued
  • Go for a win-win and then check in.
  • Look for ways that both people can benefit from a
    resolution.
  • After coming up with a solution, set up a time to
    check in with the other person to make sure that
    things are working out for both or you.
  • Recognize that electronic communication is
    tricky.
  • E-mail or IM may be misinterpreted or insulting
    to send to someone living in close quarters.
  • 10) Watch out for the Conflict Triangle.
  • Make sure the friend you talk to wont
    spread rumors or make the situation worse.
  • 11) Ask for help.
  • Mediation Services offered by OSL and SF/CS.
  • 12) Recognize that the only person you can
    change is yourself.
  • As much as youd like to fix your friends
    annoying habits, the only person you can control
    is YOU.
  • Improve your communication skills.
  • Do your best to stand up for your needs while
    being kind and respectful (Assertiveness).

25
The End
  • Thank you!!
  • Questions and Answers??
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