The Wonder of Boys What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do To Shape Boys Into Exceptional Men by: Michael Gurian

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The Wonder of BoysWhat Parents, Mentors, and
Educators Can Do To Shape Boys Into Exceptional
Menby Michael Gurian
The Wonder of Boys is filled with information and
insight on the biology, culture, and unique needs
of boys. Michael Gurian stresses the importance
of teaching boys spirituality, values,
discipline, sexuality, love, and manhood.
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Boys Culture

• Boys need to compete and perform well to feel
  worthy.
• - A boy must be taught skills, shown how to
  compete successfully, and given praise.
• Boys prefer to socialize in larger groups than
  girls.
• - large groups create a larger circle for energy
  through which a boy can exercise his need for
  more space and more physical activity.
• 3. Boys search for independence.
• - to keep from feeling threatened, boys need
  space (a comfort zone).

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• Boys are ready, at any moment, to sacrifice
  themselves for a principle they believe in.
• - boys sacrifice of themselves helps them find
  themselves.
• Male Role Models
• - Without male role models, boy culture feels
  lost, and human culture in general is put in
  danger (p. 44)
• - Role models help boys develop healthy
  boundaries.
• 6. Male sports systems can be one of the most
  useful socializing forces in boys lives.
• - Sports activities provide a place for
  emotional development and meeting friends.

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Boys Need A Tribe

• Boys need a tribe consisting of three families
  to raise a boy to healthy manhood. (p.59)
• Family one is made up of birth/adoptive parents,
  or grandparents who raise kids.
• Family two is made up of extended families
  blood relatives or nonblood friends, daycare
  providers, teachers, peers, and mentors.
• 3. Family three includes culture and community
  media, church groups, government,other
  institutions and influential community figures.

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Boys and Mothers Mom is most often the most
influential person in a boys life. (p.86) A boy
separates from dependence on mother in his early
years to emotional independence during
adolescence and early adulthood. A boy must
separate from his mother to discover his own
psychological boundaries and independence. Boys
and Fathers A boy needs a father who is
confident as a man, feels that he belongs in the
society around him, models male spiritual growth,
and brings to the sons life a lot of healthy
influences. (p.117) A father must teach his son
compassion, wisdom, and responsibility.
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Techniques for Healthy Discipline

• Show the boy the effect of his inappropriate
  action. (make him pick up the broken plant, show
  the bruise)
• Redirect the boys aggressive energy. ( give him
  a place and object to hit - punching bag)
• Use a stern tone of voice to show them you are
  serious.
• Give the boy a time-out when necessary.
• Choose diversion and distraction first.
• Ignore his refusal, and give him one minute to do
  the task. (avoid a power struggle)

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• Negotiate and provide choices. (give and take)
• Take away privileges.
• Use positive expectations. (You can do it.)
• Make things into games whenever possible. (this
  sometimes makes the boy want to do what he
  previously did not want to do)
• 11. Focus boys on the specific challenge of
  tasks. (task-focus)
• 12. Teach through mistakes and failures. (Boys
  must learn by experiment and be allowed to make
  mistakes.)

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• Spirituality is an important part of moral
  development.
• Teach boys what life is made of. Boys need to be
  engaged in activities that teach how to discover
  the basic elements of being alive.
• Teach boys a sacred sense of place. When we
  focus our boys attention on the surroundings of
  their own space, and point out the pleasures of
  that place, we help them grow up with a sense of
  belonging.
• 3. Teach boys to live in the now. Nothing is
  more important than the present moment.
• 4. Teach boys to be creative and search for
  meaning. As important as it is to be creative,
  boys must learn to set goals and find ways to
  achieve them.

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Conclusion The Wonder of Boys, by Michael
Gurian, is a wonderful resource I would highly
recommend to families, teachers, or mentors who
are raising boys.
Gurian, Michael (1996). The Wonder of Boys.
New York, NY Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam.