Both learn to Care and Protect each other in practical ways

1
(No Transcript)
2

• Both learn to Care and Protect each other in
  practical ways!

3
Thesis

• Biblical principles to guide us
• How to keep your passion and love alive! (Love
  Bank).
• The Importance of learning the right habits.
• How to protect your love by avoiding making
  withdrawals.
• (Love Busters).

4
Key Biblical Principles

• Husbands are to love their wives even as Christ
  loved the church. (Eph 5 25-28)
• Wives are to love their husbands (Titus 2 4)
  and be in submission to their own husbands even
  as unto the Lord. (Eph 522 33)
• Both practice the golden rule. (Matt 712)
• Marriage is designed to meet needs! (Gen
  220-25). Vs 20. Helper suitable

5
Key Biblical Principles

• Husbands are to honor their wives and be
  understanding . . . (I Peter 37)
• Wives are to honor, even reverence their
  husbands (Eph 533).
• Both are to be tenderly affectionate one to
  another in honor preferring one another. (Rm
  1210, Phil 2 3-5).
• Eph 5 21 Subjecting ourselves one to another in
  the fear of Christ.

6
I Cor 13 4-8
7
How do I keep it alive?
8
KEY THE LOVE BANK!
9
The Love Bank

• Positive exchanges deposit of love units.
• Negative exchanges withdrawal of love units.
• Once our account with opposite sex reaches a
  threshold romantic love!
• Your instinct to please the other person comes
  naturally!

10
The Love Bank

• Great communication tool.
• Sadly, romantic love is fragile. Love deposits
  must be made continually.
• Love bank empty NO FEELING!
• Love bank overdrawn ANGER!

11
The Romantic Myth

• Once you possess romantic love, you think you
  can never lose it!
• And once you lose it, you think it can never be
  regained.
• Romantic love can be reborn!
• The key is to stop making withdrawals and start
  making deposits!

12
There is HOPE

• Jesus said All things are possible with God.
  Mk 1027
• Paul said I can do all things through Christ
  who strengthens me. Phil 413
• Remember We serve a God who specializes in the
  resurrection of the dead!!

13
Two Sides to Marital Conflict

• Couples fail to make each other happy
• (Failure to care make deposits)
• Couples make each other unhappy
• (Failure to protect make withdrawals)

14
Who Am I?

• I AM HABIT!

15
WHAT IS A HABIT?

• Habit is a cable . . .
• We weave a thread of it every day and . . .
• At last it cant be broken.

16
Concept of Habit is Biblical

• I Tim 47 Exercise (disciple) yourself.. unto
  Godliness
• Prov 163 Commit they works unto Jehovah and
  your purposes will be established.
• Good habits are the key to making deposits and
  avoiding withdrawals! (See pg 25-26)

17
What is the key?

• Both must communicate clearly what their needs
  are without being defensive!
• Each spouse must be willing to really listen and
  be determined to develop new habits!
• Focus on the love bank and your spouses needs,
  instead of just reacting!
• Follow this process toward becoming irresistible
  to each other!

18
Learn how to habitually meet each others needs

• FOUR STAGES!
• Unconsciously incompetent
• Consciously incompetent
• Consciously competent
• Unconsciously competent

19
Which do I work on first?

• If you are doing things that make the other
  person unhappyit must be communicated,
  identified and stopped!
• Love busters offend and create walls of
  resentment which creates emotional divorce
  withdrawal.

20
Same principle with Parenting

• Eph 64
• 1st Provoke not your children to wrath
• 2nd but nurture them in the discipline and
  admonition of the Lord.

Dont' offend
21
Understanding Love Busters

• Define A destructive marital habit which is a
  repeated behavior of a spouse that causes the
  other to be unhappy (withdraw love units!)

22
5 Typical Love Busters

• ANGRY OUTBURSTS!
• Who wants to live with a Time bomb?
• Used as a way to punish or get back at the other
  party.
• Dangerous Harshness creates disrespect.

23
5 Typical Love Busters

• ANGRY OUTBURSTS!
• Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
  Jas 119-20
• He who is quick-tempered acts foolishly. Prov
  1417
• There is one who speaks like the piercing of a
  sword. Prov 1218

24
5 Typical Love Busters

• DISRESPECTFUL JUDGMENTS!
• No one likes a caustic critic!
• Impose a system of values on the other person in
  a way that does not value their opinion.
• Viewed as rude, arrogant, disrespectful

25
5 Typical Love Busters

• DISRESPECTFUL JUDGMENTS!
• James 411-12 Do not speak evil of one another
  brethren. Who are you to judge another?

26
5 Typical Love Busters

• WHAT IS UNDER CONSIDERATION?
• We are not saying dont make judgments. (Jn 724)
• Judgments that discredit the other person by
  impugning motives or forcing our opinion. (I Cor
  135)

27
5 Typical Love Busters

• DISRESPECTFUL JUDGMENTS!
• Love does not behave unseemly. I Cor 134-5

28
5 Typical Love Busters

• DISRESPECTFUL JUDGMENTS!
• Solution Express your conflicting opinion with
  respect understanding
• Work on respectful persuasion and not put downs!

29
5 Typical Love Busters

• ANNOYING BEHAVIOR!
• Doing something that irritates the other party
  consistently.
• Women tend to find men more annoying then men
  find women!
• Make a commitment to be considerate.

30
5 Typical Love Busters

• SELFISH DEMANDS.
• Who wants to live with a dictator?
• Demands choke the feelings of love.
• You can have a slave or a lover, but you cant
  have both!
• Threats, lectures, and manipulation which builds
  resentment and causes the other party discomfort.
  

31
5 Typical Love Busters

• SELFISH DEMANDS.
• Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or
  conceit. Let each of you look out not only for
  your own interests, but also for the interests of
  others. (Phil 23-4).
• Ask how the other party would feel before moving
  forward.

32
5 Typical Love Busters

• DISHONESTY breaks down trust.
• Who wants to live with a liar?
• KEY Reveal to your spouse your thoughts,
  feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal
  history, daily activities, and plans for the
  future.

33
5 Typical Love Busters

• DISHONESTY
• Therefore, putting away lying, each one speak
  truth with his neighbor. Eph 525
• Do not lie to one another .. Col 3 9-10
• All liars shall have their part in the lake of
  fire. Rev 218.

34
5 Typical Love Busters

• DISHONESTY
• Therefore, putting away lying, each one speak
  truth with his neighbor. Eph 525
• Do not lie to one another .. Col 3 9-10
• All liars shall have their part in the lake of
  fire. Rev 218.

35
5 Typical Love Busters

• Angry outbursts
• Disrespectful judgments
• Annoying behaviors
• Selfish demands
• Dishonesty

36
5 Typical Love Busters

• Romantic love is the victim of unchecked love
  busters.
• A few major withdrawals can withdraw scores of
  deposits.
• Forgiveness must be asked and granted before wall
  will come down!

37
6 Tips to Overcoming Love Busters
Pg 28

• Be committed and yet have patience.
• Do one at a time. . .
• Identify the why. Avoid triggers.
• Develop alternative behaviors.
• As your mate for evaluation weekly.
• Pray both privately and together.

38
What is the key?

• Both must communicate clearly what their needs
  are without being defensive!
• The form on page 29 is designed to enable you to
  do this!
• Each spouse must be willing to really listen and
  be determined to develop new habits!

39
(No Transcript)
40
(No Transcript)