Husband and wife jokes

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Husband wife jokes
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Short Husband Wife Jokes

• 1. Nothing makes a little knowledge so dangerous
  as thinking your wife doesnt have it.
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• 2. Overheard an auction sale Sold to the lady
  with her husbands hand over her mouth.
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• 3. When the man displays the strength of
  character in his home, its called stubbornness.
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• 4. Many men disappear because they know they are
  not wanted. And others because they know they
  are.
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• 5. Husband (to his wife trying on a new hat) Of
  course, you can buy it, dear. I like that
  middle-aged look it gives you.
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Long Husband Wife Jokes

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• 1. How can you talk to me like that, she
  wailed, after Ive given you the best years of
  my life? Yeah? returned the husband. And who
  made them the best years of your life?
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• 2. Maid Your husband maam is lying unconscious
  in the hall with a piece of paper in his hand and
  a large box by his side!
• Mrs. Green (joyfully) Oh, then my new hat has
  arrived!
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• 3. A woman tourist in Greece rented a car and
  drove out to one of the ancient temples crumbling
  under the centuries. Posing near one huge fallen
  column, she asked a fellow tourist to take a
  snapshot. Dont get the car in the picture, she
  said, or my husband will think I knocked this
  place down.
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• 4. A man appeared in a newspaper office to place
  an ad offering 100 for the return of his wifes
  cat. Thats an awfully high price for a cat,
  the clerk suggested.
• Not for this one, said the man, I drowned it.
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More Husband and wife Jokes
1. Getting married is very much like going to a
restaurant with friends. You order what you want,
and when you see what the other fellow has, you
wish you had ordered that.   2. A husband is a
living proof that a wife can take a joke.   3. My
wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it
took four policemen and a dog. 4. Wife I
mended that hole in your pocket last night after
youd gone to bed, dear. Now, I ask you, am I not
a thoughtful little wife? Husband Well, yes,
youre thoughtful enough, but, tell me, dear, how
did you discover there was a hole in my pocket?
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Conversation between husband and wife
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed
reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks
the question....WIFE "What would you do if I
died? Would you get married again?"HUSBAND
"Definitely not!"WIFE "Why not? Don't you like
being married?"HUSBAND "Of course I
do."WIFE "Then why wouldn't you
remarry?"HUSBAND "Okay, okay, I'd get married
again. "WIFE "You would?" (with a hurt
look)HUSBAND (makes audible groan)WIFE
"Would you live in our house?"HUSBAND "Sure,
it's a great house."WIFE "Would you sleep with
her in our bed?"HUSBAND "Where else would we
sleep?"WIFE "Would you let her drive my
car?"HUSBAND "Probably, it is almost
new."WIFE "Would you replace my pictures with
hers?"HUSBAND "That would seem like the proper
thing to do."WIFE "Would you give her my
jewelry?"HUSBAND "No, I'm sure she'd want her
own."WIFE "Would she use my golf
clubs?"HUSBAND "No, she's left-handed.
"WIFE -- silence --HUSBAND "sheet.."
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(No Transcript)
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List of Husband Tag Questions

• What is your favorite time spending habit?
• What is my least favorite food?
• What is my least favorite drink?
• Am I good at any sport?
• Am I good in video games?
• Is there any unique talent that I possess?
• Do I have a best friend?
• Who is my favorite music artist?
• What shoe size do I wear?
• What would be 1 meal I could eat every day?
• If I am watching TV, what am I most likely
  watching?

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Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years....
then we met.
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CONCLUSION
After spending time with my Father on sunday
today, Ive come to the conclusion that I need a
day to myself. Ill call it sonday.
Thanks and Regards Husband and Wife Jokes
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THANK YOU