Conflict and Confrontation Skills

1
Conflict and Confrontation Skills
Ab Jackson CEO Chino Valley Area Chamber of
Commerce
2
TOP 8 REASONS RELATIONSHIPS FAIL

• 8. Negative outlook
• 7. Refusal to take responsibility
• 6. Contempt for each other
• 5. Defensive behavior
• 4. Criticism
• 3. Escalated arguments
• 2. Avoidance of each other
• 1. Avoidance of problems
• 
  John Gottman, USA Today

3
Answers to True/False

• True
• False
• False
• False
• True
• False
• True

4
4 Tips

• Take Notes
• Ask Questions
• Work With Others
• Make Application

5
Your Neighbors Dog You have a garden. Your
neighbor has a dog, which he lets run loose. Your
kids are afraid, the postmans scared and your
garden is demolished. You know you are going to
have to have a talk with your neighbor and you
will have two goals in the discussion. What are
the two goals? 1. 2.
6
I SHOULDA SEEN IT COMING

• I should have seen it coming. I should have, but
  I didnt.
• Robert Redford as Roy Hobbs
• The Natural, 1984

7
Why Customers Leave

• 2 DIED
• 6 MOVED AWAY
• 9 FRIEND
• 15 DIDNT LIKE PRODUCT/SERVICE
• 68 MISTREATED
• THE P.I.M. MARKETING
  GROUP

8
ANALYZING
WHEN CAN CONFLICT BE CONSTRUCTIVE?
9
YOU CAN GET EVERYTHING IN LIFE YOU WANT WHEN YOU
HELP THE OTHER PERSON GET WHAT THEY WANT.
Zig Ziglar
10
CONFLICT DEFINED

• WHEN INTERESTS ARE DIFFERENT
• (ALL CONFLICTS ARE CONFLICTS OF INTEREST)

11
DEFINING CONFRONTATION
THE PROCESS THROUGH WHICH CONFLICT IS RESOLVED.
12
EXPERIENCE

• Forrest, Lifes Like a Box of ____________.
• When they say youre stupid, say_________
• _____________________.
• If at first you dont succeed _____________.
• A penny saved is___________________.

13
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
AGUA FRIA CASA BLANCA DOS CABAZES
14
LENGTH OF EXPOSURE
FINISH THESE SENTENCES Winston tastes good
_______________. Id walk a mile for a
__________________. Pepsi Cola hits
_____________________. When it rains
_______________________.
15
POSITION / INTEREST
position what I say/do. Interest why I say or
do it.
16
TWO PRIMARY REASONS FOR CONFLICT
1. WE HAVE DIFFERENT INTERESTS. 2. WE HAVE THE
SAME INTERESTS WHICH ARE IN CONFLICT.
17
POSITION VERSUS INTEREST

• Ballplayers Position
  Management
• Money
  1. No Money
• Show Us
  2. No
• Strike
  3. Lock out
• Interest
• Free Agency
  1. Control
• Money
  2. Money
• Ego
  3. Ego

18
LETS TRY ONE

• JERRY- SUP. C.S.REPS
• PERKINS-SHIPPING MGR
• JERRY POSITION?
• PERKINS POSITION?
• JERRYS INTEREST
• PERKINS INTEREST
• SOLUTION?

19
MY STORY-HOW I GOT STARTED

• 4H, FFA,TOASTMASTERS
• VIDEO TO PRYOR
• MINNEAPOLIS/CHICAGO- 5 DAYS
• OAKBROOK
• 100 PEOPLE, ROOM SEATED 50

20
BEHAVIORAL STYLE SUMMARY

• RELATORS
• SEEK APPROVAL. GET ALONG
• WANT YOU TO INTERESTED.
• IRRITATED BY RUDENESS, IMPATIENCE.
• I NEED YOUR HELP.
• EXPRESSIVES
• 1, SEEK ATTENTION. GET APPRECIATED
• 2. WANT YOU TO BE INTERESTING.
• 3. IRRITATED BY ROUTINE, DETAIL.
• 4. I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK.

21
BEHAVIORAL STYLE SUMMARY

• ANALYTICALS
• SEEK PERFECTION. GET IT RIGHT
• WANT YOU TO BE PRECISE/EXACT/THOROUGH.
• IRRITATED BY BROAD STATEMENTS/ BLUFFING.
• I NEED YOUR INPUT.
• DIRECTORS
• 1.SEEK CONTROL. GET IT DONE
• 2. WANT YOU TO BE PROMPT/BRIEF/DISCIPLINED.
• 3. IRRITATED BY WASTE/INDECIVENESS/GULLIBILITY.
• 4. I NEED YOUR BEST IDEA(S).

22
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES

• TANKS
• HOLD YOUR GROUND
• AIM AT THE BOTTOM LINE.
• INTERRUPT THEIR INTERRUPTION.
• MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.
• KNOW IT ALLS
• ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR EXPERTISE
• BE VERY SPECIFIC
• KNOW YOUR STUFF
• PRESENT WHAT IFS?

23
DEALING CONTINUED

• SNIPERS
• Ignore the sniping
• Focus on behavior, not person
• Be firm
• Ask for their ideas/re-involve them
• CLAMS
• Open-ended questions
• Smile, relax
• Ask about others
• Appeal to the team

24
MIKEY
MICHIGAN LINE SUPERVISOR LAY-OFFS WRENCH HOMECOMIN
G
25
ESCALATION

• On The Verge
• Shifting moods abruptly.
• Changing voice tone and vocabulary.
• Pacing and physically acting out.
• Tightening neck and facial features.
• Clenching teeth and facial flush.

26
ESCALATION

• DONTS
• Try to solve the problem or reason with them.
• Use threatening words or body language.
• Criticize or argue with the customer.
• Take it personally.
• DOS
• Move to a neutral corner.
• Stay out of the customers space.
• Respect their perceptions as their reality.
• Develop a corporate policy.
• Pay attention!

27
A MODEL FOR CONFRONTING

• MR. JOHNSON, WHEN YOU (BEHAVIOR)
• I FEEL.. (RESPONSE)
• 3. I NEED YOU TO..I WOULD APPRECIATE
  (DESIRED)
• 4. CAN YOUWILL YOU.. (COMMITMENT)
• 5. (EXTRA) THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING

28
SAYING NO

• Normally I can do that
• And I can see it is important to you
• However I cant do it now
• And the reason/reasons is/are
• Who else, when would,

29
And of course- practice, practice, practice. I
hear, I forget I see, I remember I do, I
understand I practice, I master I master, I
understand
30
Thank you!!!